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Can you tell the colour of my heart?

2012-01-14T23:27:00.001+08:00

Keeping this lil black heart shiny and dandy has been no easy feat. I've been polishing, although I know u won't believe so.

BUT I'm sure it's not shiny enough for you yet because you are still trying to shove that cleaning rag down my throat, hoping it will reach straight to my heart.

I'm trying not to gag. I'm trying to breathe so that I can get some oxygen and think with a clear head.

But i have this to say. I think I'm giving up now. I am sorry.

I'm really very very very tired from all that polishing.

But what's more tiring is living with the fact that you think I have a heart as black as coal.

To you, I always fall short.

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2012-01-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

The first week of school was tiring but exciting!! It's amazing how just doing something different can uplift your level of enthusiasm. It was like a breath of fresh air, seated at a new, extremely clean n tidy table, surrounded by a group of colleagues that shares, gossips and JOKEs! I'm relieved to be out from the sterile environment. Well maybe it wasn't that bad to begin with, but getting to mingle with a different group of people is indeed a welcoming change.

The highlight though, will be starting the year with a whole load of planning, monitoring of dept stuff totally off my chest! I didn't have to start the year, making sure plans are in store. Cracking my brains on how to mobilize my dept. Last year, i knew i was at the deep end, when i realized i wasnt cracking my brains anymore. I was merely going through the motion and i knew that it wasn't a good sign.

I used the time i have now to put a lot of thought into my lessons. Getting to know the 8 year olds were nerve wrecking for me, believe it or not but honestly, there are just too cute to be badly scolded. Each pupil is unique and with a class of only thirty lil people, I plan to get to know them inside out by the end of the year.:) I felt like a beginning teacher, relearning everything again, all excited abt a new beginning.

And then, there's that lil student I call my son. He said the first week has been great for him. Everytime he spots me, he will give me a smile and a lil wave. At first, I used to glare at him but after a while I figured, he will get sick of it at his own accord. No kid can be too happy that his mum is in the same sch for too long, right?!:) He's just excited to be in the same school as me- for now at least.

But honestly, it's not too bad being able to see your son in school, catch glimpses of him eating, playing or just interacting with his peers. But the best thing for me is being able to share the same experiences with him. In a way I'm getting to know my
son better.

And being in the afternoon session also means I get to spend a good amount of time with Alisha n irfan in the morning, at the start of the day when I'm
fresh and energetic.:)

So all in all, things have been great. Looking forward to another day:)

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The teacher and her son-student

2012-01-02T23:37:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow, I will start school. In the afternoon session. I seriously don't know what to expect. I am still not asleep yet so I suppose being in the afternoon session is a good thing? I sure hope so.

Downside; there will be no afternoon dates or movie with alim. I will see him at 7 in the morning and then 7 in the evening:( it might be common to most but it will be completely new for us and just the thought if it makes me sad.:(:( boo hoo.

Tomorrow, the boy sleeping in my bed now will be a student in my school. I wonder how that will work out? How does it feel to bring a student home, u think? Honestly, I'm still in two minds abt the idea but a decision has been made and we'll just see if I can be professional abt it. During recess later, will I help my students or my son? Hmm dilemma dilemma.. But I've told irfan, Alim and myself that I will not be his mummy at all when I am in school, which means as much as I want to stand there and take a picture of my firstborn buying food or lining up, I will not.
In school, I shall be a teacher to my students, u think can? Haiz, maybe it's just me, complicating things. But seriously, I shouldn't even take one single photo of my son on his first day of school, u think? Oklah will try to do it discreetly if possible. Of course, the idea of asking him to pose will be out and I definitely can't get him to pose with me and get someone else to take for us!! Haha! That one dah melampau kan! Haiz so tempting.

Alamak, seriously i dunno how to play dual role at the moment. As you can see I'm an excited mummy of a P1 boy but still must maintain cool coz I'm also a teacher in the sch! Haiya!

Hoping for the best! Wish us luck!

Goodnite!!!!:)

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Poor lil girl

2011-12-13T23:57:00.001+08:00

Poor girl, been sick for three days. It all started out with endless vomitting, more than 10 times at least. Must be so painful on the gut. It was horrible and painful to even watch.

The next day, fever struck and she has been soo weak eversince. Have not seen her so sickly before.

Fortunately the vomitting has stopped completely and the fever has subsided but she is just so weak.

She started out the day with so much zest today with a "hello eveybody!!!" but barely 20 minutes later, she's slumped on the sofa just looking at irfan and qistina (she's sleeping over) play. If she's standing, she needs to lean. She's constantly in and out of sleep. She wants to join them but always ends up seated looking at them or resting her head on the table. She said she's very tired and we can definitely tell from her eyes.

Today, she spent most of the day sleeping. During her waking hours, her eyes were glazed and sleepy. I worry that she is dehydrated coz she is so lethargic n not eating. But her nappy was quite wet ( we got her to wear diapers again coz she's always in and out of slumber) And we fed her ice and glucose. She did manage to drink about a 180 mls of milk today. Not much but progressing.

Hope she gets better soon and starts playing. I know she wants to badly but her body is just not up to it yet. The doctor said she has stomach flu, I suppose it's a pretty nasty one.

Get well soon, lil girl. We miss u lots!

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Down and out

2011-11-21T19:40:00.001+08:00

After a week or so of self medication and silent battle with the flu bug, I finally succumbed today to a merciless, full blown bout of headache, bodyache, runny nose, cough and finally, fever. Had to finally give in and spend 40 bucks on some zyrtec and antibiotics. Urghh, 30 something year old body finding it difficult to win these days without the extra help from a course of antibiotics. Like a champion in denial, I went to school today and survived! But every few minutes, was wondering why didn't I just call in sick and rested. My head was heavy and aching all over, every 3 minutes, I wished I had been at home, on my bed. After what seemed like eternity, 4.30pm came and I went to the doctor, admitting that my antibodies were just not strong enough.
I took my medication and slept for a bit just now. I had a lil dream of sorts, of one moment, having a colleague say how often I'm taking mc, and then another blurred scene of my principal sitting in my meeting and shaking her head because someone said I was on mc. It's not too difficult to guess what my subconscious was thinking.
My head is throbbing as I'm typing this. The doc said I'm having a nasty flu and gave me 2 days mc. I can't afford both but I know I need a day to completely recover.
Whether my dream is actually a premonition, I will probably find out soon. But honestly, with the state I'm in now, I seriously can't be bothered!

Oh wow, look at that. Such a super long entry just to say I'm sick! I'm done now. Need to continue with my slumber and let the antibiotics work it's magic.

At ten tonite, I have to muster my strength to make my way to the airport. Alim is going to China with his kids. And I'm very sure, the next ten days will feel like forever.

I'm starting to feel depressed already. And I suspect it's not so much from the flu:(

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2011-11-17T20:01:00.001+08:00

Irfan during P1 orientation. "abang is your student, ibu," adik commented upon seeing irfan seated in the classroom in my school.

It will be time for serious work come 2012!

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2011-11-12T17:03:00.001+08:00

Today is irfan's p1 orientation and next week is his year end concert. I must have said this a thousand times but time flies and next year he will be entering formal education.
I dread the year when he will be sitting for his PSLE. A child's worth is not and should not be how well he scores but we have no other way to think but that, because like it or not, how he does for PSLE has some part in his future.
Having a son in p1, I have now, a new found perspective of being a teacher. I now understand better how big a parent's hope for a child is. How they worry about how the child will fit into the new environment, how they hope the child will pick the right values and skills. I, as a teacher is the sole agent in the class who will shape these children's developments, whose parents' hopes are as big as mine.
Of course, I've always known that but never actually felt it as much I do now.
As much as I hope irfan gets a great teacher, I hope I can be that fantastic teacher who can impart nothing but wonderful values n skills on another parent's child.
I hope I will not let anyone down.

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The beginning of change:)

2011-11-01T20:32:00.001+08:00

Im so happy.
In the work front, things will be different compared to the past 6 years.
Im in need of change so Im excited because this change has just been confirmed!

Im not getting a promotion. It's just a lateral move from one position to another but Im already excited about embarking on this new journey. No fear at all.
Some say I'm 'depromoting' myself but I dont really bother because I know my heart is longer in there.
Im in this teaching business for the long haul so I need to constantly develop myself. I cant do something I dread every day of my 30 something remaining years in my profession.

I cleared the interview just now and im excited about my plans for next year. I will be doing something I like, something I have been wanting to do but shelving these ideas because of the lack of time. In my eyes, it's important, it's something I know I feel strongly about although it might not seem important to some.

Honestly, I dont know how many of my plans will actually materialise but I like this excitement Im feeling as compared to dragging my feet everyday, doing the same old thing.

The last business I have to complete before I clear my table is to submit the award application and then Im done!!!!!!! I cant wait to clear my table and move...I cant wait!! :)

To 2012, may it be a wonderful year, one with no less challenges but with greater satisfaction and excitement:)

2 piece band

2011-10-30T23:07:00.001+08:00

2 piece band. The drummer and the guitarist. You can't see the chopsticks in her hand as she was busy banging them away. As much as I want to scream Be Quiet, I stayed calm and took out the phone n capture the moment instead.

While they rock the house down, I had a good test run on my new found patience..
And realized I had to work harder at it.

I subtly moved to another room. But it didn't take long for them to realize that their one and only audience was gone. So they packed their set and moved to the next room too!

They set up their gadgets and started rockin again! Oh the noise, but of course I stayed calm and took a picture.

After all that heartfelt screaming shouting n banging, I just hope I won't fail my next hearing test!

Anyway, I know all these would be part of their childhood memories which they will remember fondly when they r older. So for that, even though I'm probably going deaf, I can't possibly take that away from them.

So rock on, babies!!!

Peace out!! (heh)

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Colourless and gone

2011-10-28T23:43:00.001+08:00

Should I be thankful?
Or keep looking and not settle?

The rain tonite is perfect company to my melancholy. It's just depressingly perfect.

No outward appearance can divulge the contents of a buried piece. Everyone sees a perfect life. Oh but how wrong can they be! The body is empty, void of colour and life. There's just silence and it's sad that no one can hear the silence.

No one sees what's beneath, no one bothers. It's frustrating to be walking beside the living dead. And so no one sieves the frustrations n sees the reason of the living being dead.

Until it's too late that is.
Until it's too late...

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Final escape

2011-10-28T20:11:00.001+08:00

I need an escape route. Just tell me where to go.
Tell me in what form so that I can recognize it.

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Of trials and tribulations

2011-10-25T17:21:00.009+08:00

By the way, here's the full story of the sweet lil 6 year old girl who succumbed to cancer.
ourfiestyprincess.blogspot
Painful.

Haiz, overall been a depressing past few weeks all around. Sometimes hope is the only thing you've got and what do u do when it is not enough anymore? When hope lets u down again n again. Do u give up believing or trudge on and put yourself out there again for another disappointment?

As a person born and raised with a religious faith, we believe HE knows best, that HE knows what is in store no matter how dire or depressing the situation may be. No matter how painful the situation you are facing. You are raised to believe that everything happens for a reason and never to question the reason for only HE has the answers.

But when bad things start happening to me or people around me, I am ashamed to admit that at times, this belief and faith are somewhat shaken. I hate it when there's nothing i can do except to just stand around. And try to make things better with nothing more than mere words. It's not enough.

Sometimes, at my lowest low, I wonder, I question and then I feel guilty. The rational mind has been trained that things should be fair, that good things happen to good people, that a good deed will be met with another, that a prayer will be answered, that if u just try hard enough, you will get what u want.

But alas, thats not true all the time. And when that doesn't happen, the human mind starts to question, wonder and draws all sorts of emotions. When emotions get into the picture, the mind becomes irrational.

Although I feel guilty for all my doubts in my brink of depression, I am also aware that I am only human with a mind that has limited comprehension, that is myopic, that can only see the here and now. For that brief moment when I doubt, I m thankful to always find deep in me, a strong sense of faith still there, still intact. I suppose it's always there for all of us to reach deep into when we reach a certain threshold of emotional pain that the rational mind cant grapple with.

And no matter what the outcome may be, how painful and undeserving the situation may seem, the strong sense of faith helps to "teach" the human mind to rationalise, to understand and "teach" the heart to let go and free the pain.

And one thing ive learnt again again is that when things go out of control, falls through a carefully laid out plan, it only serves as a reminder, that as humans we cannot control everything. And that there's just things we cannot do no matter how much we want them. We have the power to do so many things and yet we are powerless.

For those who believe that there is greater power who commands "Be! and It is!, then it's perhaps easier to reach out to the faith deep within, for we believe that what we can't see does not mean it's not there.

Hoping tomorrow will be better, for all of us who are down in the pits, who have lost someone we love, no matter how lil that being may be. Come what may, trials n tribulations, we will trudge on for the human spirit is made stronger than we think.

But hey, who am I to say, I have not even gone through half of what these brave souls have.

HOPE, pls don't let us down.

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Not for keeps

2011-10-22T22:19:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, a 6 year old girl I didn't know passed on after battling mean neuroblastoma for 2 and a half years.

It was a painful journey for her tiny body and an unimaginable emotional torture for her mummy.
She has an older brother who is also coping with the loss of his beloved sister.

I cannot even begin to imagine or understand the pain of chemotherapy, the pain of watching your lil girl go through chemotherapy and then after fighting so hard, having to cope with her loss.

I cannot even begin to imagine without almost shedding a tear myself.

And she is definitely not the only one. Yes, there's a silver lining in everything, yes, everything happens for a reason, yes, she is at a better place, yes, god loves her more, yes everyone dies. But knowing that doesn't stop one from the emotional torture of longing for your lil daughter, knowing that you can never see her smile, hear her voice or hug her ever again.

It's an emotional turmoil of an unimaginable level. For this one,
one has probably no choice but to muster all the strength to continue living each day at a time. To all those strong souls out there, I admire you for not giving up living because I'm sure dying might seem like a better choice than missing your lil child's sweet smile.

Rest in peace, lil one.
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Just the 3 of us

2011-10-22T14:15:00.001+08:00

Lazy lazy Saturday. Alim is away taking his pupils on a camp to Bintan till Tuesday..it's raining so beautifully outside, Alisha is taking her afternoon nap and I'm under the sheets since an hour ago. Lovely Saturday.

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If only u tried to understand.

2011-10-18T18:12:00.001+08:00

First point-
When there's no clarification, explanation, there will be assumptions.
And that is NOT an assumption!

When there's assumptions, there will be misunderstandings.
When there's musunderstandings, there will be unhappiness.
If u are unhappy reading the statements above, then you have indeed misunderstood due to an assumption on your part.
Because this entry neither explains nor clarifies.

Comprehendo? No? Oh well, don't bother!

Second point. It's in your hands to make two parties you know get along with each other. If they don't, then it's totally poor effort from your part. You did not try hard enough to talk about one person to another. Instead, you keep mum about information from each other.

You withhold so much info, that in the end, these two pple just don't bother to get along with each other anymore!

Either that or point one will hold true.
Comprehendo? No?
Oh why bother! It has been going on forever!

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We will be ok

2011-10-13T21:15:00.004+08:00

Something that one take for granted,
can be another person's dream come true.

Like smooth, scar free pair of legs,
silky smooth hair,
a branded bag,
perfect health,
stash of cash,

a life partner,

Or

a little one to call your own.

I suppose it's the emotions that make us human,
emotions that can come in overwhelming waves..
Ride through them and trust that we will be ok.

We WILL be ok. We will be O.K.

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Precious saturday

2011-10-08T08:43:00.001+08:00

Bad start to a lovely sat morning. Some pple just have a way of making u "throw that roti prata against the wall" (inside story to be told at another time) 20 years on n some things still don't change.

I hope the rest of the day will be peaaachhhyyyyyy.

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Pink frenzy!

2011-10-07T23:00:00.001+08:00

If u dont already know, Currently she's obsessed with pink. From her insistence on wearing pink panties to secretly painting her nails with pink magic pen. Every day we will clean it off only to find her nails pink again the following day. I've told her it looks dirty and ugly, she insisted it was pretty and pink. But she never admitted to painting it with magic pen. So I hid the pink magic pen. She never asked.

Well basically it could be pink anything. When it coMes to food, she will always get strawberry flavoured stuff.. Doesn't take a genius to figure out why. So it's strawberry ice cream, strawberry flavoured sweet, strawberry milk etc. I sometimes wonder if she really likes strawberry flavour in the first place.

The fact that she has an older brother she is very close to doesn't seem to dilute her "pinkiness". In fact she kind of "girly-fied" everything boyish she learnt from irfan.

this morning was a fine example. irfan and I had a conversation abt cars when the pink obsessed lil makcik invited herself to the conversation.

Irfan: ibu, do you know that a Bugatti Veyron can go very fast?
Maybe faster than a Ferrari!

Ibu: is it? (although i seriously dunno how a Bugatti Veyron looks like!) My favourite car is still the mini

Alisha: ibu, do you know that my favourite car is a pink LAMBORGHINI!

Pink lamborghini???!!! My jaw dropped. Mana ajer dia dengar! My bet is irfan must have talked about the different kinds of cars with her. I don't really know how a lamborghini exactly looks like so I made her repeat it twice n then I googled 'pink lamborghini' and here's what I found:

Wah sey!!!!!! There is indeed a pink lamborghini! I oso want!!

The next time any 2 year old girl says her favourite car is a pink high speed sports car, most likely she has a big brother:)

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I wish upon a star

2011-10-05T18:55:00.000+08:00

I wish upon a star
That a sleeping giant will wake
to see the pleas of a tiny being
who has always encouraged his slumber

I wish upon a star
That a good deed be recognised
That a good moment be rejoiced
In the name of someone you love

I wish upon a star
That a sacrifice be made
For HIM, above anyone else
For a wife who has always been there

I wish upon a star
That one's dream may come true
For only if HE wills,
the hopeful can be there,
InsyaAllah

Learning not to regret, knowing that the paths are laid for reasons greater than our limited comprehension.

Irfan turns 6!

2011-09-20T01:02:00.001+08:00

Happy 6th birthday my dear boy. Words just cannot describe how much I love you.

Thank you for being easygoing, for always making me feel special, for trying to make me smile when I'm down, for listening to my every request, for making doa for me in your prayer. And for thinking the world of me even though i don't cook for you everyday, feed you like a mother is supposed to.

Thank you for teaching me to love sooo much till my heart aches when I c u unwell, upset or disappointed.

I hope I won't be of too much trouble when I'm old and senile. It has been nothing but joy, being your mummy.

May HE grant you a blessed life ahead of you.

I love you forever and ever...

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Social retreat

2011-09-18T20:36:00.000+08:00

Feeling emo. The playlist says it all. Listening to padi and it's indonesian likes, relishing the depressing tunes and the equally depressing lyrics.

Some days, i just have to retreat to my days of freedom. So free, that I could bask myself in depressing music and truly enjoy it. In a room, meant for me and only my thoughts, nothing stands in the way except probably a pile of readings and notes scattered around my room. Music filled my head, filled the emptiness of my room and set me straightaway to the mood I intend to be in. That was that. That was life when my only responsibility was to aim for that mortar board and an ugly oversized gown.

Now what's left is the playlist and I could almost feel how it was. But not quite. Never the same.

There is no rhyme or reason for a mood like this. At least not one Im am aware of. Perhaps it's just timely, a much needed retreat for me, from all the overwhelming social raya gatherings, coz I am perhaps more of an anti-social, more so than I think.

Now, excuse me while I bask in depressing music, accompanied by my anti-social mind. What I need now, is for it to rain. Then it will be a perfect night.

Riuh Raya 2011

2011-09-12T20:46:00.003+08:00

The baju mak nenek we bought at Geylang for $28. It's so much cheaper then having it tailor -made. It didnt fit perfectly but with that price, Im not complaining.

New bangs and baju mak nenek. She looks like a miniature makcik, I cannot tahan. In this picture, she looks like she has earrings but she doesnt. No hole, pun.

Makan kuih. Her favourite thing to do- take a small bite and put the kuih back inside.

Irfan's favourite boy cousin. Hopefully they can meet more often.

Alisha's favourite cousin, Qistina. She wakes up in the middle of the night and looks for Qistina.

Raya Hazard. He fell, cut his lips in 3 different ways, which resulted in 3 ulcers. His upper teeth became shaky and his gums became swollen and bled non-stop. Tapi Raya tetap Raya!

We jalan and jalan till I lost track of where we have gone. Alisha had a perpetual smile on her face the moment she spots a camera.

Poses arranged by boring adults. Sit, smile, snap!

Poses as intstructed by Irfan, gamely followed by his parents and the lil mak cik.

Poses as instructed by Irfan and Alisha. He wants to close his eyes, she chose to cover her ears. She was super excited about the photos and wanted to do all kinds of things.

Too excited that in the end she had to sit in the thinking chair! kehekeh. She started jumping on the sofa and pulling on her brother. Didnt want to stop when we told her so to the thinking chair she goes. I wonder what she is 'thinking'!

Brown bear

2011-09-11T23:03:00.001+08:00

Brown bears can be cute and cuddly, make you melt and yearn to give it a huge big hug.

But brown bears do have claws. When furious, will not have you spared. Once it stares at you with it's big brown eyes, the only chance you have is to play dead.

How do we handle a fiesty one with a mind of her own?

And how much of a character of a two year old child stays with her forever, u think?

Coz u see, I'm not so good at keeping quiet and playing dead..

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A dream of dreams

2011-09-10T11:00:00.007+08:00

I had a dream. To take this life to a different beat, to not conform to adulthood, to live the way I want.

To slack and slog when I feel like it, to have a completely different understanding of delayed gratification. I see a place in a different land where I can do all those, where winter, autumn, spring and summer conquer my memories and accompany my experiences.

Sometimes I'm reminded of that dream. Ive long forgotten them because my hands are full and my head is no longer floating in the clouds.

But perhaps I've forgotten them because now my dreams are made up of different images. Most of them, are these...the only pleasure I derive from a heavy responsibility such as this, a commitment entrusted into my hands, to love, nurture and provide.

So some days, I might escape to the dream I had forgotten,now replaced by a reality not so glamorous, enticing, very ordinary and conforming.

I have become the exact image of what my young mind had rejected. And now 3 days shy from my birthday, realized that dreams change and my reality now, is one I'm thankful for and blessed to have..

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Friday prayers for abang and a haircut for adik

2011-09-03T00:58:00.002+08:00

Brand new jubah for Friday prayers, courtesy of Atok and Nenek :)

My best buds from secondary school would probably remember how i frequently cut my own hair back in secondary school days. No hassle, no money wasted, all I had to do was hold on to the ends and cut them off! haha! so kental right? I know.

Of course those days are long over. Now with more purchasing power and hair that requires more attention other than cutting, I have to resort to the expert to ensure that my hair looks somewhat presentable.

But how can i let my talent and skill go to waste right? hurhur...so whose the lucky one to get a free haircut, u ask? The lil mak nenek, of course!

She trust me with her whole life, so what's a haircut rite? So she sat in the middle of the toilet, all still and put her trust in my rusty pair of hands.:)

And TADA!!

Haha! Nothing major lah, just cutting off her fringe. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can do:)

So this time, she got herself pretty bangs, looking much neater than her 'momok' look, as my daddy calls it. And now, I could choose not to let her wear hair clips which sickeningly keeps falling off anyway!

Im already itching to try trimming the back.

Maybe give her a short bob to go with the bangs, u think? ;)

Hari Raya 2011

2011-09-01T12:49:00.064+08:00

This year Raya was slightly different from previous years. Because my parents were not around, we had a glimpse of how life would probably be like if we were to stay on our own. I must say we did pretty ok, but honestly all credit has to go to the man of the house.

Im hopeless in the kitchen and my maid is no better, so Im truly blessed to have married someone with fantastic culinary skills. I reckon Raya would not feel like one if on the eve of raya, the kitchen isnt in a state of chaos and the house is not filled with aroma of something delicious brewing in the kitchen. So Im glad to report that even while my mum was not around, the man of the house managed to cook a feast. The outcome; delicious nasi tomato and lamb vindaloo!

Honestly, Im totally amazed at how he is able to do everything and anything. Nothing is too difficult or out of his league. No complains, no sulking although I can tell how tired and sleep deprived he was. The day before the eve, he went marketing at Geylang, while i stayed home and took care of the kids. So i really have no part in it at all. Im somewhat ashamed to admit that Im really not of much help, except to act as a reminder for him to do this and that! I'm sure I was irritating.

He never fail to amaze me and im truly grateful that despite my shortcomings, he still sees me as some kind of wonderful. I hope he will remain 'blind' forever. Haha! Its amazing all the things that he is capable of doing, Im forever awed by him. Indeed, to me, he is one in a million. :)

So yep, that's it. Here's some pictures taken on the first day.

I had to go pink to make that lil makcik happy.

My in-law's place.

My place and the customary family picture.

At the airport, waiting for my parent's arrival.

Mini Us

The boy who fasted for a whole month! He did it and caught all of us by surprise.
No complains, full of patience and perseverance. I see his daddy in this one. :)

A very happy makcik, clad in her favourite colour; pink!

A somewhat decent family picture, at last.

Have a wonderful Eid, everyone! :)

What I think about PE- part 1

2011-08-25T08:51:00.001+08:00

So come this sat, who would u vote? How would you exercise your power of choice? With the general elections so fresh in many people's minds, will that affect the upcoming presidential election?

We always pride ourselves over the fact that we are rational thinkers. Singaporeans are known to stick to the course, unlikely to move opposite the norm and always extra careful when making decisions.

But of late, with the changing political arena and senses from the ground, this might not be so true anymore. Change has become far less scary for many more singaporeans now. And many now see that change is indeed possible and we do have a choice, a voice to decide.

With this new found power to decide, I guess we have to take the responsibility to educate ourselves more about each individual candidate. Times of going with the flow has ended. Times of 'we live our lives, let the government do the rest,' is long gone.

I can't help but to see that the PE has turned into supporters either taking sides of the ruling party or against the ruling party. Of course this is the easiest thing to do. A voter does not have much research or reading up to know which candidates has PAP affiliations and which don't. It is the easiest and most obvious difference. But if this is the only difference voters know so far, then I hope we do realize that this is not enough for a decision to be made.

The candidates are also painfully trying to distance themselves from any connections with our ruling party. I guess this is their attempt to "connect" with the ground.

When it comes to the voting table, I hope people do realize that it's an individual we are voting and not a political party.

Despite their affiliations with any party, what kind of person is the person you are choosing, their experience, their views, and more importantly their ability to be diplomatic n to communicate exceptionally well with leaders of other countries. Inevitably we cannot deny that our strategic relations with other countries is one of the cornerstone of our success. And as president, being head of state must possess exceptional diplomatic abilities.

How about check and balance? With so much talk about that, how important is that? i'll probably start that on a fresh page later.

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2011-08-20T01:10:00.001+08:00

There's an anti government phenomenon spreading like wildfire across the world.

How strange would it be to have even the president of the country be suspicious of the governments decisions and hold a deep rooted view that the government makes decision not for the people and hence have to be constantly checked on?

A sense of distrust is definitely not a unifying factor.

Be rational. Be informed.

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Mak Nenek

2011-08-16T16:39:00.001+08:00

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R.E.S.P.E.C.T

2011-08-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

I just simply cannot stand rude people.
People who speak, write emails, messages in a very curt, rude manner.

Sometimes I feel like telling them off and say, "look, there are a million and one ways to say this, and you choose to be condescending."

I don't know whether it's me but sometimes I think politeness and respect is beginning to lose it's importance in society today.

I see it in adults, the same adults who try to inculcate values in children.. Emphasis on speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, seem to overshadow showing empathy, respect and patience.

Recently I just received an email from a fellow colleague. It sounds curt and it made my blood boil reading it. I can choose to write an equally irritating email back to the person, confront the person, ignore the person or tell it to someone else. I chose to reply the email in an equally curt manner. Curt by my standards. I'm not sure if the person knows how mad I felt reading the email. I'm not sure if I did the right thing.

But to this day, I just cannot let it go. It's something I will remember. WIll it affect our interaction? Probably.

But I'm not the sort who will show the person a black face forever. I will always try to remember that in the grand scheme of things, this is just a tiny bleep. An insignificant one. But keeping the anger and emotions down is a true test of my character.

I notice that there is a growing number of people who feels that letting things go is a sign of weakness in character. "I won't take it lying down!" I hear that phrase a lot these days. As if to imply that taking things lying down shows lack of courage to stand up for what is right. And people who take things lying down are seen as a softie or easily bullied. Although standing up for what is right is extremely important, but in certain scenarios, it'a totally uncalled for.

For me, i still believe that whatever goes around comes around. Experience has repeatedly shown me that a person who pisses me off will usually get into trouble somehow or other without me playing any part in it. Their true character will be obvious to everyone without even me squeaking a word.

Patience is indeed a virtue. Remembering that this life is just a pit stop makes me realize that there is really no point in insisting that you are right or investing in negative emotions just to prove that you are right and someone else is wrong. Because ultimately, the decision is not yours. And you can never get everyone in the entire planet to see your point of view anyway.

So basically your reaction of 'standing up for what is right' could probably be just a result of your overwhelming anger.

Seriously, what Im really worried about is that respect is totally lacking. No respect for authority, for others, nothing. One day, respect will probably be equated to cowardice! And patience to being a doormat! That will be an extremely sad future. :(

Day 4

2011-08-04T18:55:00.001+08:00

Irfan setting the table for buka. Was pleasantly surprised by his attitude towards fasting. We didn't even have to reward him with anything to motivate him. He didn't even once beg to eat. He didn't cry when asked to wake up for sahur. Didn't whine or keep asking what time it is! I'm veryyyyy surprised! Steady!!

It's not even a week. I'm hoping he can last a month. Since puasa, everytime he gets back from school, he will head to the kitchen and offer his help in the kitchen. I guess his mentality is; if I don't get to eat, at least, I get to be near food and enjoy the aroma! Hehe.

Press on, dear boy! You can do it!!!

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Ramadhan for a 6 year old

2011-08-02T22:30:00.001+08:00

2nd day of puasa for irfan! No complains, no whining. Full of patience and determination. I think the big challenge for him today was when his lil sister insisted on having ice cream and slurped it all up in front of him. But Alhamdullilah he persevered.

Hopefully he will continue for as long as he can!:)

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A blank canvas, a novice painter

2011-08-02T18:39:00.001+08:00

My hope, no different from most parents, is for my kids to be anak yang soleh dan solehah. But I am not sure how to get there. The responsibility of raising them, guiding them might be too huge for me.

Especially when I'm aware that I might not examplery most of the time.

But the moment your child is born, that is your hope, your lil prayer for them. Insyaallah, I'm guided the way.

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Another opportunity

2011-08-02T18:30:00.001+08:00

This Ramadhan, I hope i can learn to be more patient. To be patient towards people around me whose behaviour I can't comprehend or agree with.

To be more patient towards those who can't comprehend or agree with my actions.

To learn to spend my days wisely. In prayer, in good thoughts, in moderation.

Ramadhan, I'm thankful you are here.

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The Undercover Agent

2011-08-01T14:07:00.001+08:00

Spy siapa tak puasa!

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Night at the Bay

2011-07-31T09:47:00.001+08:00

Had a wonderful Saturday yesterday. Almost felt like a tourist right here on my own land.

Started out the day at the zoo. Haven't been there for ages. The kids were elated especially at the kidz area where they had their water play.

Headed to marina bay sands to watch the fireworks. Totally unplanned and parking was amazingly a breeze as they had opened up an exhibition hall and turned it into a lot due to the crowd.

The fireworks were lovely. We had a nice place in front of marina bay sands with not much of a crowd, overlooking the whole back drop of Fullerton hotel, and the lighted skyscrapers acrossthe Bay.

That much of the day was expected. We then had dinner in MBS at coffee bean bistro and we really didn't expect a full menu there. Everything looked good! They had an all day breakfast, lunch and dinner. irfan had his pancakes, I had steak and Alim had lasagna. I really didn't know that the coffee bean there had a full menu!

After the meal, we decided to take a walk by the bay. Honestly I have not walked along the bay at night. I must say the place was beautiful and if I was a tourist, I would probably say, this has got to be one of my favourite place in Singapore.

The lighted buildings across the Bay was very pretty, like a backdrop of a musical about to start. You can sit on the steps or at the edge of the platform overlooking the bay, with no barricades between you and the bay. Very nice night, it was.

To top it all, there was a water show like the song of the sea at sentosa right in front of the Bay. We didn't know this until last night. It was about 10pm by then. With the beautiful night and lighted backdrop, the fountain started, lighted, with intermittent fire explosions for impact. Reminded us of a show at Vegas. Towards the end, bubbles filled the air, floating from the sky, much to the kids' delight. The night could not have gotten more beautiful:)

No idea this was happening in front of the Bay. Nice!

Photos taken from my iPhone.
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Toilet training

2011-07-29T21:30:00.001+08:00

Second time peeing in the toilet! Well done, Alisha. We will practice again tomorrow!:)

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2011-07-24T00:38:00.001+08:00

It's 12.35 and I can't sleep. My stomach hurts. Luckily the vomitting has stopped. The diarheora is getting less frequent. But I'm still having a sharp pain on my stomach. Been taking medication faithfully. Hopefully tomorrow I will be better. Plenty of markg n work to do!

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Punishment that backfired?

2011-07-23T21:15:00.001+08:00

Alisha was being naughty again. So we told her to go in the room and sit on the thinking chair.
She said, "Ok. Bye ayah, I'm sitting on my thinking chair now. See you later!

Another time she was wailing away because of something. Before I could put her at the thinking chair, she cried, " I want my thinking chair! I want my thinking chair!"

Tak pernah nampak pulak budak macam gini.

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Run away thoughts

2011-07-18T22:32:00.001+08:00

I think July and august, are the two months when I think a lot about escaping to a foreign land. Sea, mountain, shopping, ancient ruins, museums... Pictures of them clutter my mind.

The end of the year will be excruciatingly hectic. I can't can't wait for everythg to be over.

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Future holds out an unopened box.

2011-07-17T13:14:00.001+08:00

In need of change. Looking forward to next year, many changes in store.

All for the better I hope.

For one, irfan will be in p1. I have decided to put him in my sch. Not an automatic, easy decision but finally made up my mind.
So I've decided to teach in the afternoon too, p2. Have never taught lower pri before and that's the main reason I'm doing it. After ten years, I just need to be doing somethg else to keep the spark going.

And the best part is, I won't be in exco anymore, focusing more on the teaching track now and I can't describe how much I'm looking forward to that!:)

Doing my studies, shifting, new addition, spiritual travel?? All in the cards but not sure when. If HE wills, sooner than later I hope.

So I'm just praying for one thing now, good health. It isn't that fantastic now, 3 monthly check up and hopefully no new symptom shows up.

Praying for the best.

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The girl

2011-07-16T10:03:00.002+08:00

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The girl in the red hat

2011-07-12T16:16:00.001+08:00

Santorini Landscape

2011-06-26T19:51:00.001+08:00

The balcony of our room in Oia

We stayed at Armeni Village, Oia (picture on the above right. Our room is right below the sign, with the steps leading down to the Jacuzzi.

The balcony of our room at Fira, the touristy, vibrant part of Santorini

This is the entrance to the rooms. Just got to follow the never ending steps!

The night sky at Santorini

Sunset

Jacuzzi at Fira

Our loft room at Fira

The big crowd gathering to watch what is reputed as the best sunset in the world at Oia.

Can you tell that we didnt do anything much, except relax at balconies, watch sunsets, take pictures, eat ice cream, play in the jacuzzi and just walked around the island? I think the most strenuous thing we did during the trip was take a hike on the volcano island (asleep but still active). Other than that, it's just spending quality time with the kids and Alim amidst a stunning, peaceful backdrop.

The bull is out to play!

2011-06-26T01:45:00.001+08:00

Having difficulty sleeping. Been a week now. The room is so silent and I'm still restless, fiddling with my phone.

First 3 days will be away on course and I've got a couple of things to settle before Monday. (which should have been settled like a month ago!)

The lil girl has been having terrible melt downs lately. At least once every other day. Today, twice. It can be over trivial matters and she would start crying and screaming at the top of her lungs non stop. Tried scolding her, cuddling her, psycho talk her but it takes forever for her to calm down.

She used to have these tantrums when she was younger but it got very much better. Now it's back again, much worst than ever. Her sleeping pattern has also changed quite a bit. Abang was a breeze, no tantrums so I'm a bit confused as to how to handle her screaming and wailing which
most of the time sounds like we mishandled her.

I do not want her to think that by throwing a tantrum she can get her way, but my insistence just drive her even crazier. Diverting her attention does not work at this point. Actually she will only calm down when she wants to calm down or when she gets her way, even a lil bit of it.

For example, she didn't want to bathe this morning and started screaming and wailing. We tried to talk to her but we were running late for a wedding. She then agreed to bathe but wanted to wear the same clothes which she wore to sleep, back again. Of coz she couldn't. I struggled to get her out of her clothes. She wailed her lungs out non stop, refused to let go of her clothes. Then after some time she let go of her Tshirt but insisted on bathing while holding on to her panties. I let her coz, I knew she had to have somethg go her way and it's no big deal if her panties get wet. She cooled down when I let her hold on to her panties and she was still holding on to it when I was changing her. After that she had her milk and calmed down.

She is after all a Taurus, it's symbol being a bull. And she was born in the year of the ox! I don't believe in any of this crap but it seems that it probably isn't all bullshit after all. She has got to have a lil bit of her way or else she will never be pacified. It is exhausting for us. The noise of a screaming child, her adamant nature and most of the time pressured by the fact that we are running late for something and have no time to play her "game".

It's still trial and error at the moment. I have a feeling one of the reasons might be she has been too attached to me over the hols. When we came back, I had to go back school( which resulted in one of the worst tantrum ever. I could hear her screaming for me from downstairs on the first day I had to leave her). Hopefully, when her old routine is back on again, things will be better. Insyaallah.

Hmm, or maybe she just wished she was back in santorini? She was so happy there, not a single huge melt down at all. Very manageable.

Hah, If I could, I would probably be wailing too having to go back to work and to the same routine! I would kick a fuss and throw a huge ass tantrum too! But I'm not 2 and I better not behave like one! Hehe.

Alisha, hope the temper throwing phase will end soon and you'll be your sweet self again.

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Greece Part 2- Santorini Drive

2011-06-21T00:36:00.005+08:00

Santorini is famous for its blue doors and white washed architecture. But beautiful beaches also outline the lil island. Because it went through massive volcano eruption centuries ago, there's no white sandy beaches, giving it a unique look. We drove to 3 beaches; the Black Beach, the Red Beach and Perissa Beach. Along the way, we spotted some cool views.

The cute lil white car which we rented

Found a great spot with superb view

Typical roads around Santorini, winding around the caldera.

Santorini is littered with unique, beautiful beaches. Red Beach is one of them.

Red cliffs lined the shore.

Black Beach- black pebbles and stones covered the shore.
We spent some time here for a swim.

Jumping off cliffs

Bought the cute, white dress in Fira, Santorini

Perissa Beach
We had early dinner at a cafe by this beach

The cafe by the beach

Clear waters of Amoudi Bay, Oia

Typical pictures of Santorini coming up soon; the blue domed churches, the white walls, the donkeys and the cobbled streets. :)

Greece Part 1 - Santorini Dream

2011-06-20T22:38:00.081+08:00

Our first stay at quiet, less touristy Immerovigli, Santorini. After which, we moved on to Fira and then Oia. This placed is called Absolute Bliss and it sure lived up to its name!

Here are some pics from our first stay at the villa on top of the cliff, at one of the higher points of the island.

View from our balcony

The balcony of our room

I saw a picture like this in Tripadvisor when I was googling for accomodation. This time, pictures don't lie.

Irfan enjoying the view for the upteenth time

The jacuzzi kept them occupied and contented

The birthday boy. Hope it was a memorable birthday, partner!

Scorching hot morning

Breakfast served in our balcony

Cereal, plain croissant, chocolate croisssant (my fav!), bread, boiled eggs, freshly squeezed juice, coffee, fruits, well worth it coz we could eat everything.

Conversation with the girl, over cliffs and the Aegean Sea

Around the villa

Oohh the steps

Beautiful lil details

Good company

She would probably kill me when she realizes that she has been to Greece but cant remember a single thing

Fortunate to have good little travellers

And the crystal clear sunset right at our balcony

Will like to think that he is jumping for joy and not attempting suicide over the cliffs coz of the kids and me :P

we sat at our balcony , engulfed by shades of orange, slowly disappearing into the horizon

Shot from the jacuzzi

We were perched so high up the cliff that we could see the clouds moving just above our heads. Trippy!

More pics soon!

Was it a dream?

2011-06-18T02:27:00.001+08:00

We are back!! Alhmadullillah.
Oh.My.God! It was crazy beautiful!
I knew Santorini was breathtaking, Ive seen the pictures, movies but I didint know it was THAT breathtaking till I stepped foot on it.
It felt like stepping into a postcard or a dream.

Yes the view as you would expect was crazy but it was the atmosphere, the feel of the place, the 'happy' mood of the people and the fact that we took time to just relax and soak in the peace and quiet that made it all beautiful.

Woke up to a heavenly balcony with a picture perfect view and a jacuzzi to relax in. To top that, breakfast served at our balcony every single morning.
And watching out of the world sunset right from our balcony in the evenings, watching the clear blue sky turned a hue of orange.
And to be enjoying all of that with the 2 kids and alim...I couldnt have asked for more!

Our routine for the few days there usually started off with a slow lazy morning, a hearty breakfast and a jacuzzi swim, followed by a walk around the streets and series of shops, ice cream or a drive around the island to the nearby beaches. Yes, we rented a car coz it was just hard to resist although we didnt even research on the routes or feasibility of driving before the trip. But Santorini wasnt too complicated to drive in and with a car we managed to enjoy and explore different angles of the view, from a top the cliff or lower to the sea level. All equally beautiful.
And we just have this weakness for beautiful drives, something about moving vehicle and incredible views accompanied by our choice of music playing in the car, that we just can never have enough of, no matter which counrtry we are in.

What we didnt expect was the sweltering heat (have to admit, there was a lack of research for this holiday) and the uncountable steps leading up to everywhere.

We came home many shades darker. And much fitter (I would like to think).

Luckily the girl loves steps and wanted to climb all of them, but most times we had to carry her cause she was often a road block to people behind who had to wait for her dainty feet to climb the cobbled steps. And plus, I don't know what's with her pausing at every step and reciting 'bismillah hirahman nir rahim' before she climbs on each step, which of course slowed her down even further.

And now that she is 2 plus and her character crystalising, she has a mind of her own and insisted on getting her way, which we have to battle with more often during this trip as compared to our previous trips when she was much younger.

And with her insistence, the sweltering heat and the steps, it did get quite challenging at times, which even the breathtaking view
could not save. Oh well, I knew Santorini was a honeymoon destination but I knew it would not be a honeymoon for us, with the kids in tow. :) But, but, but, when they were asleep, and we have that beautiful balcony all to ourselves, it almost felt like we were on honeymoon:):)

And one more thing we didn't expect was the 24 hour strike in Athens on 15th June. Though our hotel was not in the thick of the action at Syntagma Square but we were near enough to see the 24 000 people thronging the streets in front of the Parliament House. Uncountable tear gas was released, a lot of public property damaged as people got violent and started throwing stones and whatever else they could get their hands on at the line up of policemen and army, all geared up with shields and masks. Sounds of sirens filled the streets and shots of the tear gas continued till the night. Road blocks everywhere and the public transport came to a standstill except for some still running, mostly taxis. It was quite a sight considering, we have never seen such things in singapore. And the view from our hotel was great where we could watch the action but still remain safely far away. In fact, we had two BBC reporters in the room next to ours and they had their whole set up at their balcony beside ours, covering the story and getting some 'professor-looking' people on the balcony for interviews.

Thankfully, the strikes were quite contained in Syntagma Square. Other than Syntagma Square, other streets were pretty safe and we did go down in the evening for early dinner at this cafe which served superb nutella chocolate banana crepe. It was perfectly normal at other parts of Athens. Strikes are pretty common in Greece lately and it wasnt totally alarming.

Its 2.15am now and the girl is still up. Which is absolutely normal when we get back from different time zones. She will probably settle in, in a day or 2.

Pictures will be up soon..after I find the time to look through the gazillion pictures we've taken!

Now back to work in a week's time ! Oh well, that's the reality. These 2 weeks have been a dream :)

Greece, see you soon. Insyaallah!

2011-06-02T22:47:00.005+08:00

It's a place for honeymooners, cobbled narrow streets, white-washed structure with bright blue dome and doors, the breathtaking view of the caldera and out of the world sunsets.

As usual, Im apprehensive about trips with the kids and have a long endless list of worries, you wouldnt believe it! And i wouldnt state my worries here, cause it would just make me sound CRAZY!

Pray for us that our journey be a safe one, especially the kids' health and well being. It's not a place for 6 and 2 year olds, but we wouldn't be able to stand missing them so much if we were to leave them. And we know for sure that no amount of beauty can make up for not having them with us. That much we know.

Other than that, we really do not know what to expect. We've booked the jacuzzi suite above and kids below 13 are actually not allowed into the suite because it's sitting high up on the cliff of Santorini. But we managed to change the owner's mind somehow.

We are thinking of renting a car to get around. Honestly, it was a last minute destination and we have not done much research yet. All I had in mind when I booked the tickets was that I wanted a suite perched high up in any part of Santorini with fantastic view, incredible sunset and a jacuzzi. I have this mental picture in my head that I just cant shake off.

So, we have about 5 days to get everything together. Other than the room above, we have not booked our accomodation in Athens. We have not even decided what we want to do there (other than watch the view) and see the Acropolis and Parthenon. We are used to destinations that are packed with grounds to cover, places to visit and plenty of research to do. But we promised ourselves that this time we'll spend more time soaking in the hot tub, marvelling at the view.

Praying for a safe journey! Greece, see you soon, insyaallah!

P.S. Contrary to some people's perception that I have an overflowing stash in the bank (so much money ah, everytime travel?) , I actually do not.
I do have a comfortable sum (alhamdullilah) but I CHOOSE to use whatever (little or much) I have to travel instead of other things. I saved like crazy, why do you think I'm so skinny (save until never eat) and my clothes are repeated and extremely boring ?

Memories with Art

2011-05-28T10:36:00.002+08:00

I remembered many years ago when we were dating, music was one of the many things we shared. Now, listening to certain songs will still remind us of a shared memory, a particular place or an incident that would otherwise be long forgotten.

I remembered going to Tower Records at Pacific Plaza( now non existent anymore) with Alim and purchasing my first Art Fazil CD. By the way, I miss tower records. It used to be a place we frequent on our dates, oh u know,those days when we were young and dizzy with love...hahaha!!

At that period, there were only 2 Malay artists I liked, art fazil and m Nasir. And many years later, came the surge of Indonesian bands like Sheila on seven, padi etc.

But Art Fazil"s songs were one of the songs that accompanied us on many of our bus trips, sharing earphones over the bulky Cd player(which of course sound so very kental now!) and later played over the stereo in the car.

That was a decade ago. 10 years ago, the dawn of a new millenium.

So when Alim surprised me with these tixs last night, it pretty much made up for the entire week of "misery".

It was great listening to him again, although he played only one Malay song from the cd we purchased. But I had a great time, no less!:)

I can't thank u enough for the thoughtful surprise tickets, and more so for the pieces of shared memories from a decade ago.
Xoxo..

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2011-05-26T21:06:00.001+08:00

Been a difficult 2 weeks. Both at home and at work. :(((

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Alisha's 2nd birthday!!! (Part 2)

2011-05-26T19:22:00.001+08:00

Alisha's second birthday celebration at Nenek Jamaliah's house.
Barney move over, cause Dora is here!!

Here's the pics.

Happy Birthday, lil mak nenek!:)

Alisha's 2nd birthday!!! (Part 1)

2011-05-26T18:52:00.006+08:00

7th May was definitely an unforgettable one.
Other than the watershed election, it was also the day we celebrated Alisha's birthday.
I had a lot of fun and couldnt remember the last time I laughed that hard!

It was a small affair, celebrated among our close family members but was held at East Coast Chalet. It was disappointingly dirty but other than that, the people present (and some specially invited guests) pretty much made up for everything.

I knew the birthday girl had a wonderful time because she kept talking about how she celebrated her birthday even days after the celebration.

Here are some pics;)

The birthday girl!

The Barney Cake!

The barbeque crew!

The presents!

The little cousins (and 1 brother) whom she adores to bits!

The highlight of the party!

Special appearance by Barney and B.J!

Go figure who's inside. hehe.

Cacat Barney pun cacatlah!

Barney and Friends!

Barney and friends going for a walk at East Coast Beach!

Barney and Bj having a game of pool!

Barney and B.J meeting their fans.

Stopped by little kids. Crowd started to form! Hehe

Endless request for phototaking by passer-by. Barney and B.J feeling celebrity.

Alisha probably going, "What the heck is this pink thing?!! This is so NOT Barney!

Thank you for being present and making Alisha smile!

Will probably put the videos of Barney and Bj's walkabout around East Coast Park soon. It was hilarious especially went BJ fell splat on on her fours and her head rolled out!!!! Hahha.

And Barney look so cacat, all wrong right from the colour to the shape! It was funny:)

And the great night ended with all of us watching the election results and laughing at Yam Ah Mee. Soon a new day began, but the memories still made me smile!

Thank you everyone for the doa and pressies. You have definitely made Alisha's day and mine too, of course :):)

Hamson Boy

2011-05-23T18:45:00.001+08:00

Reached home from school and saw this note lying around the house. I knew it belongs to Irfan because Hanie and Tasnym are his friends.

Curious to find out what was written, I opened it. And found this.

Kwaakwakwa. Hamson sey!! And a huge heart shape. I guess girls mature faster than
boys. While boys at k2 couldn't care less about notes from girls and leave them lying on the floor for their kpo mothers to find and blog abt, the girls on the other hand, are probably talking about which boy is cute and "hamson" n startg to have crushes already! This wasn't the first note I've seen and probably not the last.

Which makes me start to wonder if Alisha will write notes to boys when she is in k2?
Hmmmm.. Dunno should scold or laugh.:)

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Armchair politicians

2011-05-14T13:35:00.001+08:00

I am compelled to write this because I'm very much saddened and sometimes disgusted by the comments I read through social media.

I am not totally pro PAP or hundred percent against them. I do strongly agree with many that they are very much autocratic behind a democratic front. I don't agree with some of the decisions they have made. They don't listen, mostly arrogant and it doesn't help that they are earning millions of dollars.

But on the other hand, I also respect and appreciate the fact that they have come up with some good policies that resulted in the country's progress.

But post election, whatever that comes out from them are seen as negative. Everything! Even if the PAP is trying to meet us halfway, it is seen as negative. Every remark made by MM lee or PM
Lee is seen with scorn and negativity. There's always 2 sides of looking at things and we can always choose to see it positively or otherwise.

Like it or not, pap is still the ruling party. If we expect them to change, we have to have an open mind and look for positive steps and encourage them. PM LHL has acknowledged the growing public resentment, and said he will look at ways to improve. Whether he does or not, we will see in time. But in the meantime, we should give him a chance to work with us, have an open mind and not condemn before there's concrete proof that this is just one of their many empty promises. Otherwise nothing they do will ever seem right. It's easy to
look for faults and we can find them anywhere. Listen to them with an open heart and mind and don't be too quick to disagree and condemn. It is not constructive at all.

It's amazing how their good policies are totally forgotten and policies that don't work are magnified so large that it is all that we see. Now that the election fever is over, lets cooperate and make Singapore a better place. We can maybe start by being gracious in airing our views and listening to others, staying away from rude, personal remarks.

As we reach a political awakening, and more people voicing their opinions, it would probably also take time for us to understand how to discuss constructively and to always understand both sides of the story before publicly condemning others. This is perhaps something new to us and will take time before we can reach a certain standard of quality debate.

If we look at all the exceptional individuals be it from the opposition party or the ruling party, we will see that they are those who refrain from condemning others but instead use their time to get on with their inspiring work of impacting peoples' lives positively. They inspire others to contribute and get involved instead of planting seeds of discontentment and fuelling more resentment.

As of now, I can't help feeling frustrated when I read comments made all over the web. How many people actually know how to run a country? Not many, me included. So let's not pretend that we are experts.

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Alisha turns 2

2011-05-09T15:34:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday Brown bear. May your path be filled with blessings and berkah.
We are fortunate to have you in our lives.:)

Love,
ibu and abang irfan

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This is home, truly

2011-05-03T00:00:00.001+08:00

The elections are heating up. It's exciting and I'm glad a lot more people are reading manifestos and making informed decisions. No matter what happens, it's great to know that singaporeans are beginning to ask questions, debate and getting involved. Much of it has to do with the cyber world and how people are "thinking aloud" through Twitter, fb. Opinions made public are infectious especially when it plays up on emotions. Its so powerful that it can topple any person or party. singaporeans are forming strong opinions about how the lil red dot should be run instead of just merely leaving it to the men in white. With all these opinions going public, it can be viral and inconvenient to parties whose underlying belief is to silence people and get on with the job. But what they fail to see is that in this election and age, singaporeans are no longer mere followers that can be silenced.

I cannot deny that the men in white has done an exceptional job in bringing the country to a comfortable position. It has done the impossible. It has done wonders. Policies are formed by people in white, carried out by them and intentionally or otherwise has benefitted them to a far greater extent. So they are getting disillusioned that their policies and decisions are the best.

I have understood their decisions from time to time, but one thing I really hope they will see is that different opinions should be welcomed and not undervalued with smugness and arrogance. I'm not comfortable with the term "opposition" and I hope they wld change it one day. The idea is not to oppose but to give an alternative voice, ideas and opinions so that policies can be implemented with singaporeans interest in mind and our ecoonomy at it's most stable. An alternative party should also be there to ask tough questions, not to expose ill intentions but more to get them to reconsider plans which were not fully thought through. Men in white can never accept this and it's making me more suspicious as to their underlying thoughts and long term intent.

As much as I applaud the increasing number of opposition but at times I am disappointed by some opposition parties that merely "oppose" but fail to "propose" credible alternative plans. They ride on emotions and harp on ministers large paycheck or the unfairness of trivial matters that are merely trying to magnify the ruling partys arrogance, knowing full well that this is exactly what people have strong feelings for.

What I want to hear is, how will the "opposition" ( again I do not like this word, the idea shld not be to oppose but to give a different perspective, an alternative voice)will do it differently? Some opposition parties hv spelled it out, some have made it sound too airy fairy and too good to be true. Some have said that opposition role is merely to ask tough questions and the ruling party is responsible in coming up with an alternative plan, given their obscene paycheck. If that is really the role of the opposition, then it doesn't take a credible intellect to be an elected opposition mp, coz we all know that every single person in Singapore has at one point in their lives questioned the ruling partys decisions with much dissatisfaction and disgust.

Save the analogies and banter, they can talk about the need of pilots and copilots, about slapping bus drivers to wake them up, about rojak government, till the cows come home. It's pretty entertaining actually and adds to the colour and excitement of the elections. Drama is always good and if that is what it takes to get singaporeans involved in political decisions, then we should relish on the childish nature of the matter. But there is also a need to look beyond after we have had a good laugh.

Dont worry, whatever your vote is, and if the party you choose gets in, but eventually did not deliver, just repent and all will be all right:p (said with much sacrasm here)

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She ain't heavy, she's my sister

2011-04-21T19:40:00.004+08:00

Slept after coming back from work and woke up just in time for maghrib. Apparently these two did not wait for me and decided to pray on their own.

Saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.

Hopefully this will last till they are much much older. :)

Irfan has been a big influence on his lil sis, as a result of the vast amount of time they spend with each other. I can't say all his actions are examplary but some are. Through her brother, she has learnt fatehah, prayer and nasyid. Through her brother, she picked up a million and one vocab. He has been the most wonderful brother right from the minute she was born. But if you think they never fight, you are absolutely mistaken. They even have scratch marks across their faces to prove it!

He said this the other day about his sister. " When she smiles, she looks very happy. It makes my heart feel happy too." Awww....sweet. Like the above, I hope this will not change much when they are much much older!

It's always great to have a big brother, fight n all. I know because I had two and although it can be exasperating most times, I had tons of fun when I was young:)

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Are we ready to choose?

2011-04-14T00:41:00.001+08:00

I'm not anti or pro. As of now I'm still mulling. But I can't believe the comments made sometimes. Low blow, baseless complaints without substantive facts.

It's just like finding a scapegoat and blaming everything on that person. It's not easy to lead, leaders can't please everyone but look around. There are others more unfortunate than you just because they were born in some country ruled by corruption, incompetent leaders.

You are in the comforts of your room with Internet connection and typing complains after complains. It's easy isn't it to say we have no jobs because they took our jobs. it's easier to get public support by replaying that overused phrase. Yes it's definitely true for some of us, but the impression I get is that others are merely jumping on the bandwagon and adding on to the fire.

Yes the things they say can sound up and mighty and it pisses me off too but at least give them credit where it is due.
Back your argument with substantive evidence. What we should be doing now is to listen to what the opposition has to offer, find out who is contesting at our area, decide with much listening and understanding.

Whats the point of condenming the current and not knowing what other parties can do?

Of course, if your main intention is merely to oust the existing because you feel a change is long overdue and you don't really care who we end up with, then by all means. That's how great revolutions begin. But the question is, are we ready? Or will it bring a new set of complains?

Talking about her personal life just won't cut it. Talking about her n her Kate spade makes you sound as immature as she is, or probably worst than her.

If you want mature, rational leaders, my guess is, you have got to be a mature, rational voter.

(maybe i shld lay off forums for a while)

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Remedy for a sick mommy

2011-04-06T17:47:00.001+08:00

Nice to have drinks served in bed when u are feeling crappy.
thanks irfan!

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Random

2011-04-05T01:04:00.001+08:00

It's 1am and I'm still up. I'm going to be dead sleepy tomorrow. That's for sure.

On an unrelated note, found this in the phone. Abg looks so grown up and adik looks very well behaved. Neither of which are true.

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Inspired

2011-04-01T18:54:00.002+08:00

Tonite, after maghrib, as usual Irfan had his choice of dua.
Tonite, he made dua for Japan. Again, it was a pleasant surprise for me.

He said, "Oh Allah, please protect Japan from earthquake. Protect all the children and their mummies.
If their mummies and daddies died from it, please do not make them sad anymore."
Yes, amin to that...

On another note, I was looking at my past entires in this blog and i saw how my kids grew in this blog. I started writing when I was single and now with 2 kids, this blog captured all the important milestones in my life. I wrote about happy moments, challenging ones, deaths, births, struggles and discoveries. Im glad I put in pictures and saw how irfan actually grew from a tiny baby, to a curious toddler and now a 6 year old boy. Im glad I captured those moments here because my forgetful mind cannot remember everything anymore. But I also realise that as much as I have grown, I might have been 'stagnant' in some areas of my life. I think I better buck up coz I am not getting any younger!

Speaking of kids and struggles, I am totally inspired by my cousin who has 5 kids and now on the way to becoming a vp. Her husband is also teaching and I can imagine all the juggling they have to do. Fortunate for them, their parents are extremely supportive and take turns to take care of their kids. But I know that having a support network does not solve all your problems.

Her kids are smart, well mannered and more importantly, brought up to be good muslims and muslimahs. My cousin and her husband, amidst their busy schedules, always emphasise discipline and importance of duniawi and ukhriawi to their kids. And I can see how beautiful their children are growing up to be.

This is a totally foreign concept to me. I thought more time with the kids is important for them to be wonderful individuals? I thought to spend more time with the kids, we have no choice but to reduce work time?

Which leads me to think that it might be possible to excel in different aspects of your life. You CAN be an excellent parent AND an excellent worker AND an excellent muslimah who raises children who are excellent muslims themselves. Maybe it's not either or, maybe it's not mutually exclusive, maybe we don't have to choose.

But how? I am already struggling with 2 kids and work, and constantly finding the time to develop myself in other less wordly areas. How did she do it?

I might have an inkling as to how. But Im not sure Im capable of it, though. I guess a it takes a disciplined individual, with a passion to put their best in whatever they do and at the same time have trust in HIM that he will guide them through everything. Isn't that the qualities of a good muslimah? Im sure we have read about many stories of examplary muslims who had to juggle many responsibilites and yet excel in every single aspect.

My cousin is also probably an effective leader. And so she can be an effective leader anywhere, at home, at work and one who leads her kids to the correct direction. BEing an effective leader would probably make all these tasks easier and hence less complains and negative perceptions. She must have understood something that I am still trying to understand and practice. I think the fact that she is capable of all this has a lot to do with her possessing characteristics of an examplary muslimah herself. Or at least she is trying to be, and moving towards the right direction.

Her children has a wonderful role model to look up to, and that is half the battle won.

I have much to learn but I am glad to start with this inspiration.

Earth hour

2011-03-28T21:46:00.001+08:00

Earth Rangers!! Fighting against electricity wastage.

Light saber is in order!

Mission accomplished!
Earth hour 2011.

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I wish I had the guts to say this.

2011-03-23T16:25:00.001+08:00

Have patience. There's nothing to lose being a doormat when it comes to your old, ageing parents/parents-in-law. there's nothing to lose when you endure words from your parents/parents-in-law that cuts you like a knife. They might not be the best of company but they need you. No matter how u might hurt them with your absence, with your self centred attitude, they yearn for your attention. So don't think they don't understand you, how about trying to understand them, even when they hurt you the most. I don't want to state the obvious but there's no excuse good enough to not visit, not call, not care about your parents/ in-laws.
Yes, even if you have problems of your own. Amidst your own problems its so easy to forget them. But thats not good enough a reason. And showing you care just by thinking about them 2 seconds amidst your busy life is not enough. It's not money that they want either. Just your presence.
Even if they piss you off, get on your nerves, step all over you, you should never ignore them. They never intend to hurt, they don't do it intentionally. It might be against better judgement. Fine they might be wrong. But so what? This is not a battle which you should even consider. So what if you are right and they are wrong? So what if u let them step all over u? Yes i know they can be difficult to love. Trust me, i know. What have you got to lose tolerating them? What have you got to lose swallowing your anger?
Talk to someone who can cool you down. Complain, let out your anger to your sounding board. Take time to overcome your anger but never ignore your parents/parents in law. Have patience, have patience, have patience.
Remember, they are not getting younger. They are old. They need you. Give them your best cause they don't have that many years left. Don't live to regret it.
And most importantly, your kids are watching you. Would you want your kids to react the same way when you are old and behaving irrationally?
Someone who is difficult to love, sometimes needs the most love. I wish they didn't want it from u, but they do. I wish they didnt care that you are constantly missing, but they do. So get over yourselves and spend some of your time with them, even if it's difficult for you. There's nothing more worth it than this.
And lastly, I'm not trying to act all good, smarter, better than anyone. Believe me, I have my own struggles too. Every single day with them. And we are trying. And I know constant reminders from people are important coz we do forget. So I'm just here reminding. Who knows someday, I might need the same piece of advice from you too.

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KL

2011-03-20T02:20:00.002+08:00

We ate.

We lazed around. We swam.

We visited the Aquaria.

And we ate some more.

And that's about it. Time spent with the kids was priceless:)
Back to school on Monday and an exciting Term 2 begins!

Surah Competition

2011-03-18T16:10:00.003+08:00

Irfan's first competition

Irfan has never taken part in the surah competition held yearly during maulidur rasul. But since this is Irfan's last year and he was excited to take part, we came and gave him our fullest support:)

AS previous years, the competition wasnt all that competitive. I guess most of the lil ones took part just for the stage exposure and for the fun of it. Some were really tiny and stood still on stage, looking all frightened and confused. So kesiann...I guess they didnt expect to feel so jittery when they see the hundreds pairs of eyes staring at them. Just hope they wont be traumatised for life! :)

Irfan was calm and couldnt wait for his turn. He recited his surah well, also because he is already in K2 and I suppose, surah An-Nas wasn't that much of a challenge for him. He didnt look frightened or nervous at all, but after he came down from stage, he told us that his heart was beating very fast when he saw all the audience looking at him. Oh, we couldnt even tell, we told him.

Irfan recitinng his surah

Receiving his prize

He won third place. Everyone who took part received a consolation prize! Good thing for all those brave lil ones who managed to stand up on stage alone. They really deserve a prize. Im sure for most, it was their first time and Im glad they received a lil something:)

Presenting his prize to his forever loyal supporter

Leading in the nasyid performance

Totally forgiven for the totally uncoordinated movements, sidestepping and out of tune singing during the nasyid performance.. because they all look so darn adorable!!! :)

Marha! Marha!;)

Alisha@ 22 months

2011-03-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

Ok so here's part 3 and 4 of the video. If you have not seen 1 and 2, just scroll down and you will see it.

To be honest, I was quite surprised by the things Alisha says especially "Ayah sepak" and "call police" part. These are not words alim and I commonly used and Alim has never laid a finger on that lil girl, in fact he is such a softie when it comes to this lil girl.

After some observation and investigation, apparently when she gets naughty at home, which is pretty often, my dear parents will threaten her by saying things like , "Nanti call police, or ayah balik and sepak alisha (sepak as in slap not kick..hehe...but still a pretty harsh word by my standards)...oh well, although I disagree with this style of parenting but I do know that any attempt to correct my parents will be threading on very dangerous grounds...that might just crack the already so fragile bubble of peace and harmony in the home.

So what do I do? Do the best I can when I am with the kids, and pray hard my parents notice that the way we handle the kids are pretty different from them. Not to say Im an expert in parenting and my parents are not, after all they brought me up and although I have some bad habits, I can safely say I didnt turn out that bad after all. But it's common to have differing views when it comes to raising a child, especially between parents and grandparents. And it's even more common to hear about stories of how arguments between a couple and their parents who are living under one roof came about due to differing views on child rearing.

So I rather not go there. And if I do try to being my point across, I have to be really careful with my words..sometimes my points get across, sometimes feelings are hurt. So I have learnt to be very cautious when it comes to such things.

Well, that is part and parcel of living under the same roof as our parents. But not everything is dark and gloomy of course..I can think of a million and one other reasons why I am so grateful to have my parents around with me and I cant imagine living without them. But it comes with a set of challenges that sometimes doesnt get better with time.

Alamak, I have diverted so much, all I wanted to do in this post was actually to put up the video and I almost forgot all about it!

Here goes.....bring the volume up:)

And the Phoneme Flip Stand which Alisha was fiddling with, was from Alim's mum. I really have to start using all the resources she has given the kids; that, the flashcards, story books...wonderful resources they all are but this "wonderful" parent has just got to make it happen.

Alisha @ 22 months 4-part video

2011-03-09T00:11:00.002+08:00

Well, had the luxury of time last week to take Alisha's video.
Here's the first two parts. In part 2, Alisha was busy playing 'office office', not that she has been in one before.
I guess she has been observing me hard at work on the computer...but the answering phones and making calls in between typing on the computer is so exaggerated loh. Dah macam secretary....

But the "Im busy" part, I have to admit came totally from me. Guilty as charged. When she is clamouring over me and I have urgent work to complete, I'd go, "Im busy. Im doing work.." So what does she do? Parrots me back at another time, another occasion. Like echo effect man, this girl!

Put the volume up and enjoy! Part 3 and 4 will be up soon:)

Snooze button

2011-03-04T23:11:00.001+08:00

Thank u for the reminders. I hear u calling. I am coming. I am coming. I am coming. Quicken my pace, hasten my heart. I'm still in bed, comfortable, safe. Looking up, waiting. Get me out. Pull me up. I know I have to jolt myself out of bed. Give me the strength. Give me the courage. Wake me now.

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Bugs to cure a bug

2011-03-04T21:37:00.001+08:00

Irfan has not been in sch for a week now due to a very nasty fever. In fact, he is still having fever now. Tomorrow, it will be one week. And so, I've been yanking myself out of work to go home early so that I can spend time with him. Take his mind off the fever for a bit.

We were reading a book on insects and then we did this! Adik helped too of course:)

We drew, we painted and we carefully cut out the lil bugs.

Got distracted and painted our hands instead and made hand prints..adik was elated to get messy!

We put them up and they were pretty! ;)

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A lil doa for his beloved daddy

2011-03-03T21:59:00.001+08:00

As alim is on reservist, tonight, it was just me, irfan and Alisha for maghrib prayers. After praying, irfan immediately cupped his hands and said a lil doa which caught me by surprise," oh Allah, please make my ayah ok in the army. Please don't let him die." macamlah bapak dia pegi perang gulf war pulak eh... khekheke. when I heard him say these words and looked at him sitting on the prayer mat with his little hands, I just felt like hugging him so tight and telling him to stay this way forever, to don't be aksen when he's a teenager, to always be loving n caring like he has always been...
It was an awwwwww moment for me man, nothing like your own son saying a lil prayer for you, without being told to and with words right from his tiny sincere heart...;)

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Reminisce

2011-03-02T00:17:00.001+08:00

I cant sleep. I cant speak so here i am fiddling with my phone. Found some pics in my phone from our trip last December.

We slept at narita airport while on 8 hours transit. The kids didnt care less they were sleeping on strollers and chairs. We dreamt we were backpacking.

We watched the kids colouring as we waited for our food. They were full of concentration. We looked in disbelief.

We drove for miles and miles accompanied by beautiful blue sky. And kids' entertainment.

We finally arrived. San Francisco, you were too pretty to forget.

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5 senses

2011-03-01T17:17:00.001+08:00

Lost my voice, ringing in my ears, blocked nose. 3 out of 5. Looking forward to better days. I will appreciate them more now, I'm sure.

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Barney on repeat mode

2011-03-01T14:44:00.001+08:00

Her favourite song

YouTube Video

Ok Alisha, I'm glad your audience love that, judging from their very enthusiastic clap. It's really nice and u look cute singing it but maybe, just maybe u would like to sing another song perhaps? You know, add a lil variety. And also coz with Barney on repeat mode, I can even hear the song in my sleep. So, Another song pleassseee, like that yellow bird song u sang last nite... Or watever else that u picked up on ayah's CDs. Just not Barney pn repeat mode can oredi.

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Painfully croaking

2011-03-01T12:12:00.001+08:00

I have no voice. My voice decided to leave me last night. Maybe it decided to accompany Alim to his reservist..Crap! now I'm left with a painful throat and a mouth that lets out a devastating croak.
I'm on mc today coz I need to rest my throat. I need to go back to work tomorrow. Was thinking of going through some papers they did so I'm hoping for a miracle that my voice will return tonite. Anyway, how long will lost of voice usually last? I don't get this often, in fact I can't remember the last time I got this.
Been falling sick waaayyy too often...good news, I've got a new fdw. So goodbye dust and dirty clothes. No need to ration clothes anymore...my clothes ironed, my toilet smelling nice and hopefully the kids don't fall sick as often.

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Of errands, bus rides and sweltering hot day

2011-02-28T14:14:00.001+08:00

On the bus to bedok interchange. Going to a posbank and then to geylang to hand in the cheques to the maid agency. Then got to repair dads watch and buy alishas milk. Figuring out how to get from one place to another. No ezlink card on me. Dead hungry now. Oh boy isn't this exciting.
By the way, I'm in 32 and boys in white and girls in green reminds me of my good ol days! How exciting!
Anyway, Let's see how many tasks I get completed today and how many different buses I will take till I succumb to the cab. Hah! The only thing im missing now is a pair of earphones. I need you music! And why must it be a sweltering hot day today?!

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Missing my reality

2011-02-27T23:19:00.001+08:00

Watched 2 great movies in 2 days.... So many parallels I could draw from 127 hours and the black swan. They are similar in more ways than 1. One stark similarity i couldn't help but notice is that both movies focused on images conjured by the minds of the main characters. The power of the mind is indeed limitless and it does and will undoubtedly affect your reality. Your mind can kill you or save you depending on which voice you choose to hear. In 127 hours, In the midst of being trapped in a canyon, he chooses to draw on the strength of people he loves which eventually gives him the courage to cut his own arm to gain his freedom. And it's all in his mind. The images, the past and premonitions of the future. Similarly and yet in a stark contrast, black swan delves into the dark side of the mind. Trapped in the fear of losing her role, she drives her mind to killing herself. It's all in the mind, the violence, the blood, the sexual encounters.
When you are pushed to the edge for watever reasons; being trapped in a canyon for 127 hours or the fear of losing something important like a role in a ballet performance, your mind can either draw strength or push you to a very very very dark side.
Both movies also require an acting ability which is raw and relied heavily on the actors facial expressions with minimal script and supporting actors. I can't help but be drawn to such movies where there is a fine line between reality and "just in the mind" phenomenon. Inception was another one which I really liked too.
So yes, that wraps up our movie date for now. Meanwhile I am looking forward to seeing you next weekend, partner.
And meanwhile, in my painful loneliness without u, partner,I guess I could choose; to painfully cut off the dependence arm and bask in freedom or drive myself to the dark side, where I conjure you in my mind and let my fingers do the walking;) Haha ok, I'm just kidding here and u got to watch the black swan to understand this..
Anyway....don't mind me, I've just been watchg too many movies within a short span of time...
So I guess I would just be here, counting down the days from tomorrow till your return:(

So...Next two weeks, I'm pretty much on my own. Say hello to public transport..I have a feeling the cab will be my new best friend:(

I miss u already:(((

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Iphone babies

2011-02-26T19:05:00.002+08:00

Old foggies of generation X, recuperating from a hard day's work.

while generation Iphone rock on with their lil stubby fingers.

Alisha is not even 2.
She asks, "Can I have your Iphone please?"
A second later, she's playing her favourite games.
Soon she gets bored and goes on to watch her fav you tube videos.
All on her own. All while not being able to read yet.
I guess the only way they could have learnt is by observing coz I sure didnt teach her how to navigate her way around.

Im sure this is the norm for kids her age these days.
All over the world. Their world is one which I will probably never fully understand.

When she smiles..

2011-02-26T14:27:00.002+08:00

Nur Alisha Zahra@21 months

The smile that never fails to take my blues away:)
Thank God for lil children. So precious, so simple, so adorable.

Movie date, travel plans

2011-02-25T17:52:00.001+08:00

3 movies in 3 nights. That's our target. 127 hours done yesterday, perhaps black swan tonite and another movie tomorrow night. These days staying up after putting the kids to sleep is a super big challenge. Squeezing in a midnite movie is almost impossible coz we will be dozing off before we know it. But this weekend we have to make it happen.
On another note... Decisions decisions... Tons to make. June plans need to be decided asap so that alims parents can proceed with the bookings but I have no idea if we should go. It's always a dilemma...we are meeting them for dinner tonite and we r still undecided. Haiz...
There's so many beautiful places to see in this world, how to decide? which one which one which one?how about the 2 monsters? Can manage or not?
Honestly I don't mind going around our region. Driving in Malaysia and stuffing ourselves silly sounds perfect to me too. After all we had just gone to US in dec. But when alims parents asked if we wanted to join them to Berlin and Salzburg, it was super tempting. It wasnt our initial intended destination but europe is europe. And it will be nice to go on a holiday with them. How? How? How?
We had always wanted to go back Europe but we didn't plan it for this June. We were thinking of Italy n Greece, not quite Berlin n Salzburg but they are gorgeous too. My parents had always wanted to go turkey, so if I could I would love to bring them there.... there goes our dilemma.
Meanwhile, I'm still dreaming of santorini...Greece wins hands down! No doubt about that. :)

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Caffeine high

2011-02-24T00:56:00.001+08:00

Can't sleep. Feel very up and about today. Marked all 39 compos, went to bugis after maghrib, early supper at fika and I'm still up now. I wonder why.
Alisha slept very early tonite so I missed her today and I'm watching her sleep now. She never fails to marvel me with her antics and especially the things she says. Super Mak nenek, she is.

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Two in 3 months

2011-02-22T22:53:00.001+08:00

In 3 months, she turns two.

She loves to make comparisons:
"look! bird, ibu. Bird ada tail. Alisha ada pantat."

She loves to act like prefect prefect:
"Abang wear seat belt! Later ayah scold you!"

And love telling people what to do. When she sees someone starting to put food in the mouth she would say, "baca dulu!" N When people leave the hse she says " baik baik jalan eh"! Boleh pengsan man!

Girls are super chatty and kepo sey.

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Ringing 2011

2011-02-16T23:44:00.001+08:00

2011 started on the wrong foot for me. I started the year with ringing in my ear that just refused to let up. 2 doctors later , I'm referred to ent in march. Which seemed like eternity. Imagine having a ringing/ hissing sound in your ear 24/7. It would drive anyone up the wall! but I've somehow learnt to live with it and managed to filter the sound out. It's especially irritating in the quiet of the night. Silence makes the ringing more apparent. And I guess the iron maiden concert last night might hv made it worse!
And then my fdw went home and I'm maidless now. My house needs spring cleaning and we are " rationing " on clothes now to reduce the amt of clothes that needs to be washed. Irfan has been wearing his pajamas for 3 days in a row. He alernates 2 tshirts in 4 days. I wear the same jeans on weekends. Would anyone notice if I alternate 2 work tops in 4 days too? Maybe pants less noticeable? U think?
Kids are falling sick too, all kinds of infection. Flu, eye infection, stomach indigestion.. And it's only feb! Poor babies:( probably because of the dust accumulating at home or the "rationed" clothes?
Anyway, life goes on and thank god for lil lil everyday things that cheer us on. :)
And plus march hols is coming followed by June!!! My in laws are going Berlin and we are so tempted to tag alone. Being away might also be good for my parents to take a break from the kids. We ll see how my medical report goes... And till then I'm going to stay positive!:)

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Mummy's First

2011-02-09T22:46:00.001+08:00

Irfan will be in p1 next year. Is he ready? While he can read most words, I wouldn't say he is an extremely fluent reader. His handwriting needs work and when it comes to writing sentences, some of his words are illegible. I know i cant expect perfect spelling but i feel like i can do more to help him. His Malay needs work too. I've seen much progress in maths and seems to be doing fine in that area so far.
I guess he is not doing too bad but he needs some polishing. I need time to sit down with him and help him for eg to improve on his handwriting and writing skills. I have a million and one ideas that I want to do with him; activities that we could do together to help him. But of course I need some time to do that.
I hope he is ready. More importantly, hope I am ready to be a mother of a schooling child in a country like ours. Ohh man, why can't they just remain a tiny toddler forever.. Sigh...

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The truth about the hard truth

2011-01-29T12:28:00.002+08:00

On a personal note, I have to say I disagree with what the Big Man said about our religious practices and integration. And I share the views of many and I suppose AMP has put it so aptly in its response to what the Big Man said. The worst part is, it's sad to note that he feels that way after all these years of his people 'trying' to work together in the spirit of community, tolerance and respect for diversity.

I used the word 'trying' because the hard truth is, it's not easy to tolerate and respect differences, what more to work together despite them.

There are so many undercurrent feelings underneath the multiracial peace we keep portraying to ourselves and others when we talk about Singapore. The undercurrent has been frequently surpressed, mainly through the choice of media coverage but the hard truth is, it is there. The undercurrent speaks of deeply entrenched prejudices towards different ethnic groups. It is there. But despite that, the different ethnic communities have tried to keep it in check, have tried to swallow these thoughts (albeit unsuccessfully at times and so thank god for coffeeshops where unhappiness can be freely spewed out amidst kopi o and teh tarik, without being blackmarked or dragged for further questioning). And then to have someone as respectable as the Big Man say we have been unsuccessful in all our efforts to integrate, and to particularly highlight our community, is definitely a low blow.

And so now what do we do? Yes we are offended, pissed and totally disagree with his remarks. What the community does in response to his statements will be a reflection of what Islam represents. Like it or not, with Islam being so much in the limelight (for the wrong reasons, mainly) our actions are very much under scrutiny and whatever we do, is always quickly pointed out to have religious implications as opposed to individual preference.

In my humble opinion and based on what Ive read in an excerpt from the discussion sessions with a particular prominent scholar who came to Singapore in March 2006 to talk about "Embodying Quranic Values for the Modern World", it's important that we move beyond rhetoric. Many of us are fond of saying that Islam is a religion of peace. This is not enough. Instead we should be agents of change and establish peace through deeds. And hence, how we respond to the Big Man's comments, will be the true determinant of whether his comments are baseless or not. And if Islam is indeed a religion of peace.

But having said that, it is not to indicate that the community should just be quiet and accept all of his remarks with an open mind.

The excerpt I read goes on to mention that we must embody the spirit of jihad. Now, many will feel uncomfortable with this word but as many of us would know, the meaning of jihad had been miscontrued in so many different ways and thus its true meaning has been lost in so many of us. The gist of it, is "that jihad calls for one to speak truth against violations of values."

In this case with the Big Man, it is important that we respond to his remarks to state the reasons why we disagree. it's probably jihad in some level, though Im uncomfortable with the term. I totally disagree that we should just be quiet and accept what is being said. It is important that we make ourselves heard through embracing dialogue and discussion and definitely NOT driven by negative emotions and extreme actions. What we say is important but HOW we say it , is just as important.

But to be realistic, don't expect to change what he thinks about the religion. It is difficult to change a man, what more a man of 90 years. But it's not him we want to change but more correcting the misinformation which is engraved in print. It's the misinformation of Islam which is right now being absorbed by the million readers out there. That is what we are trying to change.

Lastly, what I find most interesting is to see how the community reacts to what he said. I especially enjoyed reading all the comments, forum discussions of different people in response to what the Big Man said. But as I read them, I do worry that the response is based on defending the PRIDE of our own community as opposed to correcting a man who is simply clueless about the simple truths of Islam.

A day with Alisha

2011-01-19T12:17:00.003+08:00

Spot the fake!

Sticky Chewy Chocolate

2011-01-19T10:01:00.001+08:00

I finaally succumbed to the flu virus. My body aches like crazy and I have a terrible headache. Been going to sch last week with fever and I tot I could get better with the medicine I bought at the clinic but I couldn't. So I was given antibiotics and was told that I needed 2 days rest. I really don't feel well and been lying in bed since yesterday. I dunno if all the lying down has made me weaker n sicker. But my body is that weak! Really hoping I get better soon. Being sick sucks!

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Purpose

2011-01-17T16:03:00.001+08:00

Ok so my decision is final. Actually I have been waiting for the right time to say it and tomorrow is a good time. After that, I can heave a sigh of relief. I can't wait!!! I hope she will let me do it as soon as possible, before the end of this year. Can't wait!

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Love

2011-01-13T22:22:00.004+08:00

When things get cloudy, I'm glad there's one little person I could go to.

Grey matter

2011-01-13T01:18:00.001+08:00

My fdw is going home this Sunday. Yes fdw can be irritating, impossible and such blood suckers but I feel sorry for her. She pisses me off so bad sometimes that the term vomit blood doesn't sound like a joke anymore. But I feel sorry for her. I can understand how she feels. It doesn't make her right, I'm not saying I like her, but I can understand her situation so well. I agree with her decision.
I remember many years back, I wanted an escape route too. I'm sure it was written somewhere in my adolescent stricken diary. Some people just have this natural gift of driving people away , of bringing out the worst in you. But alas, there was no such escape route for me because we are bonded for life. I would have taken the first flight out. If I had a choice.
So I did not stop her and instead wished her all the best. If I were her, I would have long been gone by now. Honestly.

Under the weather

2011-01-10T22:17:00.001+08:00

The house has turned into a mini clinic with me being the staff nurse on duty. Alim, irfan and Alisha are all down with fever and flu and I'm the only one left standing. I took childcare leave today to bring the lil girl to the doc, the last one to succumb to the mean, mean virus. So far I'm spared and I'm praying it will stay that way. The dining table is full of multi- colored medication and we have burnt a hole in our pockets to get those multi- colored supposed germ busters for all 3 of them. Since then, it was all about watching the clock for 4 hours, 6 hours to pass and serving them with the medication. Things seemed to be getting better and hoping tomorrow everyone will wake up feeling much better and I can go to work in peace!

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Reading is Fun! (Alisha @19 months)

2011-01-09T14:41:00.009+08:00

Some parents believe that flashcards help their kids to recognise words and eventually read, even when they are as young as 6 months. My own in-laws believe that when a child is constantly exposed to the words, they will memorise these words easily and recognise them in no time. The younger they start, the faster and easier they will learn. I've tried flashcards on Irfan but Ive never been consistent and it wasn't easy for him because he was an extremely active baby who just wouldn't sit still to even look at the flashcards. My in-laws made their own flashcards for Irfan and spurred by their determination, I tried my best to do the cards with him, even though he was walking around. But I knew, he wasn't interested in them and the last thing I wanted was to force anything on him.

It wasn't fun for him and I have broken my own rule; learning has to be fun..and obviously the flashcards wasn't fun for him and I felt horrible forcing him to read like that. So I put them aside (but seeing the flashcards made by my in-laws always made me feel a lil guilty) and stick to things he enjoyed and loved. Obviously, flashcards wasn't suited for him and sitting down looking at flashcards was just not his learning style. A kinesthetic learner like him needs a different approach altogether.

Eventually, he learnt to read. He is beginning to read fluently now and his reading journey had a lot to do with phonic games and less of word memory. And one day after googling on the net, I bought the Oxford Reading Tree (ORT) series and he was hooked. I know during my time, most kids started on Peter and Jane series, but personally, I find them a lil boring (ok, a LOT boring actually!). The plot is not imaginative, far from creative and does not encourage the desire to read at all. For ORT, Irfan was so motivated to read out every single word because he wanted to find out what happended in the story. Isn't that the ultimate purpose of reading? An interesting story encourages any kid to be self motivated to learn to read. And there are so many activities you can do with your child as an extension to his reading for example, coming up with a different ending to the story, role play etc. He loved every story in that book and enjoyed the illustrations too because there are so many hidden details which you can discuss with your chid.

So I strongly recomment ORT to any beginner reader out there, but of course the key is to first know your child and find a perfect material for him/her. It worked for Irfan but it might not work for another kid. Of course, its definitely worth the try.

Having said what I said abut Irfan and flashcards, now Alisha is a totally diffrent ball game. When she started counting around 10 months, I googled in you tube to see what other kids at 10 months were doing and how I could help further her learning abilities. I came across many lil babies aroung 10 to 18 months being able to "read out" words from flashcards. I found some ready made flashcards on the net (powerpoint format) and tried a few on Alisha, just for fun. Credits to BrillKids.com for the ready made slides. She sat through all of them and even wanted more! She didnt even budge from the seat until I ended the ppt. I was surprised but excited at the same time. Unfortunately I wasnt consistent because of the usual reasons; busy at work, home blah blah... But I guess we did it often enough coz one fine day, when I ran through the slides, she was able to remember all of them! I was quite amazed.

Unfortunately again due to other commitments, we did not extend these ppt flashcards and make new ones. She is constantly asking us to show her the cards. She had already learnt all of the cards we taught her and right now, Im finding time to do more, but i have to admit, I have not progressed much.

Here's a lil video of her. Ive always wanted to capture her in video since she learnt the cards 3 months ago (when she was 17 months) but didnt manage to. Finally managed to catch her on camera today. You'll see in the video that she is a lil cheeky, she often says "The End" in the middle of no where. Initially I took it as a cue that she is no longer interested and so I will stop the slide, only ending up to her protesting and insisting that I restart.

And since she was in the mood to show off to the camera, she went on to count from 1 to 14..something Ive been wanting to capture in video since she started a few months ago.

I guess the important thing is to always remember that every child learns in their own way. Once we find their learning style, it is easier to move on from there. Ive learnt that from my own 2 kids. What I have also learnt is that with every child, the key is to spend time with them and get to know them well. From there we will roughly have an idea of what will interest them, excite them and use it to map out their learning plan. Alisha picks up things very quickly by listening and watching ( auditory and visual learner) while Irfan needs to be engaged in hands-on activities to learn. As parents, what we can do is to harness these styles and create a fun and exciting learning environment so that they can reach their full potential. And of course, constant praise and motivation always, always works!

First of many firsts

2011-01-04T20:36:00.001+08:00

First day of school done. Not too bad.. But I'm looking forward to cny break:) saw the tiny primary 1s going through their first day in sch and their mummies n daddies sending their once-upon-a-time tiny babies to their first day of formal education clad in school uniform. Oh my, my turn will come next year. My turn to be in disbelief on how fast the lil one has grown.
For now, cny please come quick!

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LA

2010-12-30T16:03:00.001+08:00

There were too many pictures but here are just some. We did a lot of touristy stuff here unlike in SF where we just slacked, drove and ate. So we did the usual Disneyland, Universal Studios, Hollywood and a tour around LA which includes some movie star homes, the beaches; Santa Monica, Venice Beach, Beverly Hills, Bel-Air etc. In Disneyland, as you would expect, we took rides and saw the various characters but the highlight would have to be the night parade with the fireworks and christmas theme.
I guess it was a bit too touristy for my liking but the kids had plenty to see and do here.

Disneyland

Beautiful Japan

2010-12-28T11:31:00.003+08:00

We only had four days in Japan and we spent the time taking the train and going around Harajuku, Shinjuku, Shibuya and managed to squueze in one day to see Mount Fuji and Hakone. Hoping to come back Japan one day if we could.

Streets of Tokyo
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Grand Canyon

2010-12-27T15:58:00.002+08:00

On the way to Grand Canyon. This is THE San Andreas faultline. Beautiful yet deadly.
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Viva Las Vegas

2010-12-27T15:04:00.012+08:00

Vegas wasnt part of the plan but we had to stop at Vegas for a night before making our way to Grand Canyon as GC was too far from LA. We walked the strip and the architecture was very elaborated. You can see from some of the pics below.
We found a 3 storey MnMs store and had a good time in the there. They even had a 3D show in the shop.
It also turns out to be a pretty fruitful lesson time for irfan after he bombarded us with questions on why we can't play at the casinos, what is gambling, why it's wrong, what's wrong with drinking and why they were giving out pictures of semi naked girls on the streets. Poor boy, had never been exposed to so much 'forbidden fruit' in one day. As you can see, those are pretty tough questions so we answered the best way we know how. Not easy man!
Look at the grandeur of the structures below and imagine all the money pumped in.

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San Francisco

2010-12-27T13:04:00.012+08:00

San Francisco was pretty foggy when we were there. We had a good time relaxing and we enjoyed the parks, the tram rides , driving around the lovely streets and of course the irresistable seafood!. Some of the pics below.

The long drive from LA to San Francisco.
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Canyon to mountain and now back home

2010-12-18T05:55:00.004+08:00

Alhamdullilah, we are home!! We had a fabulous time! Ok, so none of my crazy paranoia happened; no earthquake, I didn't lose any kids and we didn't get shot or mugged. Yes u can laugh now but I was really hesitant about travelling to the US for so many reasons. And so I'm sooo thankful that everything went well, considering we have 2 young kids with us, travelling across different cities, different states, 2 countries, survived all kinds of transportation; long flight, long bus rides, train rides, long drives, boats, cable car...but it was amazing! So yes divine intervention was definitely something we needed and I'm thankful that everything went as planned and there were no major disruptions to our plans for one reason or another. So glad that the kids did not get sick at all and to our surprise, were great company and very easygoing.
And I'm most thankful that the most important person was well throughout the trip and I am so glad to have such a calm, cool headed, dependable and extremely patient person as my travel partner. It makes all the difference I tell ya! I must say, without Alim, the trip would not have been possible and the kids n i will never have had the best times of our lives. So thank you dearest partner, for carrying the heavy bags, for all the milk making and diaper changing, (sorry alisha had to poo at the Grand Canyon AND Mount Fuji! haha) for thinking of everything before I did and most importantly for sharing these experiences with me. You really amaze me all the time.*hugs* :)

While I was there I did write in my blog but did not have the time to post them so I'm posting it now. They are the entries below. Will put up pictures soon!
Till later!;)

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Unposted entry:Dec 12, Tokyo, Japan

2010-12-17T20:34:00.003+08:00

Dec 12, 2010
Part 3: Tokyo, Japan
With a heavy heart, we left San Francisco early this morning and just landed at narita. We are in the narita express now, an hour and a half train ride to shinjuku where we will be spending the last 4 days of our trip. I'm super excited to see Tokyo and hoping to hop on the Shinkansen and see mount Fuji! For sure irfan is looking forward to that ride!
Will catch up later! We've been all over but somehow the holiday still felt too short! At first the thought of travelling from LA to Nevada, Arizona, San francisco, Oakland and then to Tokyo, japan was absolutely crazy with the two kids but alhamdullilah, we are having a wonderful time. The time spent with them, every sec was very precious indeed!
Be home soon. Insyaallah!: bye!

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