with a tinge of sadness, i emptied my table at the good ol school. i got to admit that im gonna miss the place, including all its irritating antics like the 4th floor staffroom, the faulty aircon and the never working computers and printers.
its not so much coz its a school without flaws but more because of its familiarity.
most of all im gonna miss my colleagues whom have become my wonderful frens.
i will miss the nicknames, the gossips. i will miss ban mian.
i leave with a somewhat heavy heart.
but well, life has to go on. new beginnings at a far away place where some things r the same and somethings r unpleasantly different. i havent got the chance to really work with anyone so i have not really got the whole feel of the school. but i do feel genuinely welcomed by the friendly staff which was largely dominated by young, energetic faces. good? bad? i dunno. will see...
so it turns out, im not going to school for another 2 weeks. why? i still have 10 days of my maternity leave. initially my intention was to take those ten days later, as and when i like before irfan turns 6 mths. but apparently, HOD/IT will be away for DDM course 2 weeks from now for 6 mths. dat means i will have to cover his duties on top of my own and im not allowed to take my leave after he leaves for the course. so im kinda forced to take it now. im not quite happy with this arrangement but what to do....new pple canoot be choosy. cannot ask too much. must always say yes. yes. yes.
and one other thing i hate, is not being able to meet the pupils first week of school. i cant lay down the all important ground rules and get everything settled.
im gonna be one blur queen when school actually starts for me.
to make everything worst, im allocated a table in the HOD room downstairs, away from the rest of the teachers. i've never liked this arrangment especially now that im new to the school, coz its pretty hard to get to know pple when u r not sitting in the same room with them. so i forsee minimal interaction. how am i ever going to get to know anyone?! sitting with the heads would usually mean a lot of talk about work coz thats all we ever do!
it doesnt look rosy for now. so i hope for better days when school really kicks off for me.
for now, adieu TWPS. adieu. u will always be in my heart...
Friday, December 30, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
yesterday, this lil yoda turned 3 mths.
that was irfan, a few hours after he made his way out. his hair very up to date eh? not too bad for dried blood as hair gel.
now that he's 3 mths, this is what he can do.
Ready, Set, Go!
he can fit into his jeans now. SUPER! now, he can look like mini alim, without the pampers of coz. cant wait for him to fit into the rest of his 3-6mths clothes.
he enjoys screaming and squealing in delight. very, very loud. almost piercing. my mum said its coz when i was conceiving him, i like to shout n scream while teaching.
???????!!!!!!!!!!
yes mother, u r ever-so-wise.
anyway, enuf of me blabbering. let the pics do the talking.
My China Boy
how can i leave that face to go to work next mth? sigh....
boy, dunt grow up too fast orite.
i dunt want to miss a thing.
that was irfan, a few hours after he made his way out. his hair very up to date eh? not too bad for dried blood as hair gel.
now that he's 3 mths, this is what he can do.
Ready, Set, Go!
he can fit into his jeans now. SUPER! now, he can look like mini alim, without the pampers of coz. cant wait for him to fit into the rest of his 3-6mths clothes.
he enjoys screaming and squealing in delight. very, very loud. almost piercing. my mum said its coz when i was conceiving him, i like to shout n scream while teaching.
???????!!!!!!!!!!
yes mother, u r ever-so-wise.
anyway, enuf of me blabbering. let the pics do the talking.
My China Boy
how can i leave that face to go to work next mth? sigh....
boy, dunt grow up too fast orite.
i dunt want to miss a thing.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
these days when she wakes up, there's no more sunshine to greet her. all there is, are gloom and overshadowed clouds. the heat, the nagging heat is always there within her.
sumthing has changed and she's not quite sure what it is. its like someone has took a card amidst a nicely arranged deck of cards and the equilibrum has crumbled.
she feels misunderstood but mostly irrelevant and replacable.
the sun has refused to rise on her side these days. always away from her as she looks on to the lighted faces of those that didnt need her to be around. she stayed behind the shadows where darkness embrace her and she is not seen and therefore forgotten.
she steps out once in a while to try to be in the light, but ended up being misunderstood. there's a negative sign on her forehead that speaks to others before she does. and so whatever she said dint matter coz its never right.
and so she will retreat to a familiar place. a place she tot she had left behind many many years ago. a place out of boundaries to others coz no one would ever bother to break down the steel door, brave the thundering storm JUST to save her, find not a princess but just HER at the other side of the door.
sumthing has changed and she's not quite sure what it is. its like someone has took a card amidst a nicely arranged deck of cards and the equilibrum has crumbled.
she feels misunderstood but mostly irrelevant and replacable.
the sun has refused to rise on her side these days. always away from her as she looks on to the lighted faces of those that didnt need her to be around. she stayed behind the shadows where darkness embrace her and she is not seen and therefore forgotten.
she steps out once in a while to try to be in the light, but ended up being misunderstood. there's a negative sign on her forehead that speaks to others before she does. and so whatever she said dint matter coz its never right.
and so she will retreat to a familiar place. a place she tot she had left behind many many years ago. a place out of boundaries to others coz no one would ever bother to break down the steel door, brave the thundering storm JUST to save her, find not a princess but just HER at the other side of the door.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
The Project called LIFE
ok this is a long entry. n its basically just about my mindless thoughts.
i remembered last year when i was sitting in exco meeting and my mind started to wander.
the thought came back to me as i was putting irfan to sleep just now.
the meeting was on ranking the teachers and i remembered thinking how similar this ranking process is to LIFE.
we ranked teachers based on their performance throughout the entire year. so if they are given more projects, they have more opportunities to show their capabilities. if they do well in these projects, they will be ranked higher. for eg, oh so n so have done well in the fund rasing project, so lets give him a B.
for new teachers, its really the supervisors responsibilities to guide them throughout these projects. they are given easier ones. and if these new teachers do well, it reflects well on the supervisors and hence a better grade for the supervisors too.
isnt this life too?
when we were young, it is our parents reponsibilities to guide us. we r their projects. their reponsibilities. if we were to grow up somehwat decent, it reflects well on our parents n they would have scored some kind of grade with God. hmmm..not quite sure about HIS magnificient grading system. All i noe is, its definitely 100% just n fair.
then we grow up, and our projects get a lil harder n harder. then again its up to HIM to decide on our projects n its level of difficulties. so, we have the teenager project, the working adult life project, the marriage project (which we are allowed to do in pairs), the birth project, the parenthood project, the growing old project, etc. basically our rites of passage. if we r lucky, HE will give us those projects n more. coz the more projects we have, the more opportunities we have to show our capabilities. if we do it well of course.
so each day, is a challenge to do each project well, so that we can get into God's good books. so that we will be HIS pet worker whom HE loves dearly. just like the boss in the office. except HE is a zillion times MORE worth sucking up to. we hope HE will lovee us enough to guide us through these projects HE has given us.
and when we do well n HE is convinced by our capabilities, HE will give us even more projects n tougher ones. probably that 'cancer' project, 'long suffering illness' project. Just like in school, we will always tell the teachers, " when we give u a project, never see it as a burden. Projects are really opportunities for u to perform. The tougher the project is, and if u do it well, the better ure grade will be. So dont complain. We only give tough projects to the best, those whom we r convinced can handle em. B thankful u have the opportunity to show ure capabilities. so show it."
see wat i mean by it being the same as life?
(but be careful though. some leaders say the above to u n mean it. others say it just to arrow u to do more work!!)
now lets talk about the marriage project. its the project im going thru rite now. i m glad God gave me this project coz i get to do it in pairs. better still, i get to choose my partner for this lifetime project. i see it, as my partner n me, helping each other to do this project well, so that the BIG boss favours us and we r in HIS good books. like all partners in any project, each has a role to play. so if each does it well, the project can go smoothly. dats why its important to choose our partners well. a partner who shares the purpose of the project. yes, like everyone, we want that good grade. sometimes we r not sure how to go bout certain parts of the project, so we upgrade, attend courses n seek advice n guidance from the BIG boss HIMself. after all, HE knows all. HE knows best. we learn from our mistakes. we can only work together n help each other up to a certain point. after which each of us are graded based on our individual roles. so while we r together, why not help each other and make it easier for each of us to perform our roles. HE gave us LOVE to start up our project. the rest is up to us.
n then we have the parenthood project. this one, we are to do in groups. now, we are the leaders of the group. n hence it is up to us to brief our members (children) of their roles so that the project can again continue smoothly. they r our responsibilities now. n how they perform reflect on us.
alim, irfan n me. it has been written that they r my team members for the tasks we have in this temporary world. finally i get to see their faces. insyallah, the team will get bigger. but for a fact, some members will have to depart sooner than others. i must never forget, that while we have time together, we have a purpose which is bigger than life itself. with love linking us all, i hope it will be easier, exciting and satisfying.
i just pray the projects HE chose to give me in my short stint in this world would not be too tough for me. And if HE deems me fit for tougher projects, may HE gives me the strength, determination n patience to see through the project.
N besides, in schools, we always promote the teachers who have completed many many projects successfully. So, i believe life is such too. The ability to handle hardhips will hopefully promote u to the next level with ALLAH.
ok dats all for my thoughts. im sure u can imagine how freeee i am now, to be thinking about stuffs like these.
ok this is a long entry. n its basically just about my mindless thoughts.
i remembered last year when i was sitting in exco meeting and my mind started to wander.
the thought came back to me as i was putting irfan to sleep just now.
the meeting was on ranking the teachers and i remembered thinking how similar this ranking process is to LIFE.
we ranked teachers based on their performance throughout the entire year. so if they are given more projects, they have more opportunities to show their capabilities. if they do well in these projects, they will be ranked higher. for eg, oh so n so have done well in the fund rasing project, so lets give him a B.
for new teachers, its really the supervisors responsibilities to guide them throughout these projects. they are given easier ones. and if these new teachers do well, it reflects well on the supervisors and hence a better grade for the supervisors too.
isnt this life too?
when we were young, it is our parents reponsibilities to guide us. we r their projects. their reponsibilities. if we were to grow up somehwat decent, it reflects well on our parents n they would have scored some kind of grade with God. hmmm..not quite sure about HIS magnificient grading system. All i noe is, its definitely 100% just n fair.
then we grow up, and our projects get a lil harder n harder. then again its up to HIM to decide on our projects n its level of difficulties. so, we have the teenager project, the working adult life project, the marriage project (which we are allowed to do in pairs), the birth project, the parenthood project, the growing old project, etc. basically our rites of passage. if we r lucky, HE will give us those projects n more. coz the more projects we have, the more opportunities we have to show our capabilities. if we do it well of course.
so each day, is a challenge to do each project well, so that we can get into God's good books. so that we will be HIS pet worker whom HE loves dearly. just like the boss in the office. except HE is a zillion times MORE worth sucking up to. we hope HE will lovee us enough to guide us through these projects HE has given us.
and when we do well n HE is convinced by our capabilities, HE will give us even more projects n tougher ones. probably that 'cancer' project, 'long suffering illness' project. Just like in school, we will always tell the teachers, " when we give u a project, never see it as a burden. Projects are really opportunities for u to perform. The tougher the project is, and if u do it well, the better ure grade will be. So dont complain. We only give tough projects to the best, those whom we r convinced can handle em. B thankful u have the opportunity to show ure capabilities. so show it."
see wat i mean by it being the same as life?
(but be careful though. some leaders say the above to u n mean it. others say it just to arrow u to do more work!!)
now lets talk about the marriage project. its the project im going thru rite now. i m glad God gave me this project coz i get to do it in pairs. better still, i get to choose my partner for this lifetime project. i see it, as my partner n me, helping each other to do this project well, so that the BIG boss favours us and we r in HIS good books. like all partners in any project, each has a role to play. so if each does it well, the project can go smoothly. dats why its important to choose our partners well. a partner who shares the purpose of the project. yes, like everyone, we want that good grade. sometimes we r not sure how to go bout certain parts of the project, so we upgrade, attend courses n seek advice n guidance from the BIG boss HIMself. after all, HE knows all. HE knows best. we learn from our mistakes. we can only work together n help each other up to a certain point. after which each of us are graded based on our individual roles. so while we r together, why not help each other and make it easier for each of us to perform our roles. HE gave us LOVE to start up our project. the rest is up to us.
n then we have the parenthood project. this one, we are to do in groups. now, we are the leaders of the group. n hence it is up to us to brief our members (children) of their roles so that the project can again continue smoothly. they r our responsibilities now. n how they perform reflect on us.
alim, irfan n me. it has been written that they r my team members for the tasks we have in this temporary world. finally i get to see their faces. insyallah, the team will get bigger. but for a fact, some members will have to depart sooner than others. i must never forget, that while we have time together, we have a purpose which is bigger than life itself. with love linking us all, i hope it will be easier, exciting and satisfying.
i just pray the projects HE chose to give me in my short stint in this world would not be too tough for me. And if HE deems me fit for tougher projects, may HE gives me the strength, determination n patience to see through the project.
N besides, in schools, we always promote the teachers who have completed many many projects successfully. So, i believe life is such too. The ability to handle hardhips will hopefully promote u to the next level with ALLAH.
ok dats all for my thoughts. im sure u can imagine how freeee i am now, to be thinking about stuffs like these.
Monday, December 05, 2005
man, its december already. n wat will come next? JANUARY! the dreaded month, coz it means my supposedly loooooong maternity leave is over. technically, including the holidays, i have had about 4 mths break n seriously, to me its just not enuf. guess, it will NEVER be enuf.
as it is, rite now, i have to get my momentum going slowly coz i sure dunt feel like working at all. heck, i dunt even know wats going on anymore. my VP called just now asking for my work review and there i was scratching my head. how the heck do i do my work review? i have forgotten everything! man oh man.
i really need to be back in school urgently to submit my work review and to finally face up to all the mess that i have left behind. i've shuffed all these tasks into the back of my minds for way too long and now i just cant run anymore. time is catching up on me. i really have to start packing all my stuffs in school; stuffs on my table, in the cupboard, under my table, on the shelves around my table. shucks, where do i start? how many trips must i make and where do i chuck all the piles of rubbish that ive accumulated for the past 4 years in that school. there ARE tons and tons of rubbish, though right now i cant remmember WHAT they are or WHERE they are placed.i think i need boxes. PLENTY of boxes and another extra month, or better still, another extra YEAR for me to pack up all my things! heck, i cant even remember how my table looks like now. I've shut out these unpleasant memories since i took my leave.
sigh..BUT wat needs to be done has to be done. think i'll do it morrow. oh no no, i have the flu and i forsee a lot of dust flying around when i start clearing up. mybe next week? but i was thinking of going somewhere for a while. maybe the following week?
yeah, maybe. if health permits. if the husband, irfan, the time, the mind, the will permits.
as it is, rite now, i have to get my momentum going slowly coz i sure dunt feel like working at all. heck, i dunt even know wats going on anymore. my VP called just now asking for my work review and there i was scratching my head. how the heck do i do my work review? i have forgotten everything! man oh man.
i really need to be back in school urgently to submit my work review and to finally face up to all the mess that i have left behind. i've shuffed all these tasks into the back of my minds for way too long and now i just cant run anymore. time is catching up on me. i really have to start packing all my stuffs in school; stuffs on my table, in the cupboard, under my table, on the shelves around my table. shucks, where do i start? how many trips must i make and where do i chuck all the piles of rubbish that ive accumulated for the past 4 years in that school. there ARE tons and tons of rubbish, though right now i cant remmember WHAT they are or WHERE they are placed.i think i need boxes. PLENTY of boxes and another extra month, or better still, another extra YEAR for me to pack up all my things! heck, i cant even remember how my table looks like now. I've shut out these unpleasant memories since i took my leave.
sigh..BUT wat needs to be done has to be done. think i'll do it morrow. oh no no, i have the flu and i forsee a lot of dust flying around when i start clearing up. mybe next week? but i was thinking of going somewhere for a while. maybe the following week?
yeah, maybe. if health permits. if the husband, irfan, the time, the mind, the will permits.
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