Speaker's Corner?? or Singapore Idol??

Speaker's Corner?? or Singapore Idol??






We were celebrating Nenek Yah's birthday at Fig&Olive and couldnt resist the empty stage..... So with the help of the roadies, Irfan tried his hand at being the next Singapore Idol. Hehe....

And this one wants to make it into the Guinness Book of Records for the world's looooooongest.....................



.....tongue. Can make it or not?

Home Made Jokes

So in the car yesterday, the dear husband told me a joke. u see, jokes coming from him are usually silly, self composed ones which usually leaves me either tak faham langsung or half amused.
But this one, I just got to give it to him!! It left me laughing in stitches. KWAWWAHHAHAHHAA!!

I'm not sure if it has the same effect when it's written out like this, but it was damn funny when it was told by him! HHHAHAA!!

HIM:
Ok, satu hari Doraemon tengah jalan jalan, then dia terjumpa Hello Kitty. Doraemon berkata, "Hi Kitty!"
Hello Kitty buat bodoh aje.
Ok kenapa Hello Kitty tak jawab?

ME:
(thinks for a while) sebab nama dia 'Hello Kitty' bukan "Hi Kitty" !!!!! (I was pretty excited with my answer coz i tot it was quite the clever~~)

HIM:
Bukan!
Pasal Hello Kitty takde MULUT!!!!!!! KWAWAKWAWKAWAAAA!!!

ME:
KWAKAWAKWAAAAA!!! ya ya this time funny funny!!

HIM:
Ok lah, so Hello Kitty sedih sebab dia takde mulut. So dia pun jahit sebentuk mulut kat muka dia. The next day, dia terjumpa Doraemon lagi. Sebab Hello Kitty skarang dah ada mulut, Hello Kitty cakap to Doraemon, " Hello Doraemon!" .
Doraemon buat bodoh aje.
Ok kenapa si Doraemon tak jawab?

ME:
(pause for a while to think)
Sebab Doraemon tak faham English. Dia cuma tau cakap Jepun! (quite clever rite my answer~~:)

HIM:
Bukan!(burst out laughing even before he could complete his sentence)
Pasal.......
Doraemon takde TELINGA!!!!! KWWAKWAKWAWAWAWA!!!!!!

ME:
KWAKWAWWWAHAHHHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Sometimes it makes me wonder what is REALLLY going on in that lil, unassuming brain of his!

Standing Short

eversince he pulled himself up to stand at 6 mths, there was no turning back.
the 7th month was all about standing up; with boths holding on to something, with one hand and with no hands, just the belly leaning against a table.
he has bumped his head countless times and i suppose that didnt stop him from making use of his feet to stand; a new discovery for him as opposed to chewing on his toes. he has finally learnt that feet isnt meant for chewing but for an even greater purpose.so all in the house has to be more vigilant now. we've each had some great saves but unfortunately, there were some moments when he escaped our eyes and ended up wailing with a prized bump on the forehead.



the cot had to be lowered for obvious reasons.

it must have been sheer satisfaction when he managed to grab those darn mobiles that have been teasing him from up there for many many months. For 7mths he struggled to grab it while the fish and the crab and their friends turned round n round to that irritating music. AHHH...FINALLY!!!

and so with his new skill learnt, this is how i spent my hours after work,

getting ready to catch his fall, at the slightest signal of his wobbly butt and knees caving in.

Im not sure I'm looking forward to him walking. hehe

for more stories, if this hasnt bore you already, go here

now with all his developments charted on this blog, I wouldnt be stumped anymore when the next mother i meet in the nursery room ask me when my baby started turning over, crawling, stand up. I must have sounded like an incompetent mother when i stammered each time to come up with the exact mth. As excited as I am about his developments, I dunt think it matters if he crawled or walk at 8mths or 18mths and i dunt quite get it why it matters to some out there. 5, 10, 28 years from now, it wouldnt matter and no one would bother. has anyone asked you recently when you started crawling?!!! according to my mum i started walking at 10 mths, but hey look at me, I'm no genius am I? So let those poor babies develop at their own pace. their schedules are already packed with practice, practice and more practice. slowly but surely they will learn what they are supposed to. :)

Irfan is turning 8 mths tomorrow. his 8 mths have been jam packed with modules after modules of achieving one development after another. I realize babies are really busy beings; so much skills to learn, to perfect. and the amazing thing is we dunt have to teach them anything, just sit back, provide a conducive but guided environment and beamed in pride and excitement over their accomplishments.

before i start forgetting all these; here's a recap:


At 1 mth old. So tiny and definitely immobile.


At 3 mths. Started turning over. The beginning of his mobility and disappearing acts.The ceiling is no longer his only view. Now the floor will be his new fascination.


At 4 mths. Lifts chest of ground. On all fours, butt moving forward and backward but still stationary. Glides using stomach and legs to move around.
Gets stuck everywhere and end up at the oddest of places.


At 5mths. Irfan started crawling. So did all of us. shadowing behind him, shouted in alarm at the slightest signal of him going to fall forward, faced squashed to the ceramic tiles. he mastered it soon after, as we panted to keep up, especially irfan's grannies.


At 5 mths still, started sitting up without support. Finally, got a view of his toys and the world around him from a different perspective.






At 6mths, he sat and crawled confidently. starting pulling himself up to stand. and his cot shrinked into half as he realised he has indeed grown into a little giant. captivated by the new view from his cot.

ok let's try a lil video here...
watch for ureself how irfan laughs..
premiering nur irfan alim in video; moving and alive, laughing like a drunken hyena for a full 1 minute.





apparently, he finds a bean bag fallling from my dad's head very funny. an old man, balancing a bean bag on his head, then repeatedly nodding his head to make the bean bag fall...yeah that's pretty hilarious!

Blue

"When I'm feeling blue,




All I have to do...


Is take a look at YOU...







..then I'm not so blue..."

Silly pics.

Totally forgot about these pics till my bro asked to see them.

Irfan the furry rabbit


Irfan the horseback rider "Yeeeehaaah"


Irfan being eaten by a lion. "Help!Help!"


Irfan was still up at 12 am, marvelling over the majestic Mustaffa centre. It must have seemed like the whole universe to that lil mind of his. So much to see, plenty to process and he was pretty much game for anything.
More about that nite here.

Last week was a really busy week.
Too much to tell, but i dunt have the luxury of time now, so the pics will do the talking.

International Friendship Day was celebrated with much fanfare, balloons, confettis and mega carnival.
Tara Andrews walked in class with a long rifle and the most adorable cowgirl costume evr.


The New Zelandander cowgirl in my class.
Can't resist a picture with her.


Gadis Melayu and Gadis Lembu


The rest of the motley crew. From all over the globe...

But the highlight of last week, was the SYF Malay dance Competition. We brought back the Gold. I'm really proud of the students who showed determination and confidence.
All the hard work paid off after all.



Things like these made me remember why i join the teaching profession in the first place. It's all about the irritating but undeniably adorable kids. They are the only reason which make my work a lot more enjoyable.

Yep its him. And he will eat for a copy of Wallpaper*.

Sometime in the future



My parents must have felt like how i do now. It was them in the picture many years ago. Im beginning to see things which i didnt before.
Loving your child too much can be detrimental. But u just cant help it.
In your eyes, you want to believe your child is the smartest, the cutest, the brightest. Even the critic that I am.
You hope for the greatest things for your child.
It's every parent's wish to see their child succeed in life.

I understand now why some parents cover up their child's flaws even when its so obvious to others.
I understand too why most parents brag about their child. I might be guilty of that too.

I cant imagine how heartbreaking it must feel, when your child grows up to be what you fear most.

You would probably look back and think of pictures such as these...
and probably still look at him in the same doting way,
no matter what or how he turned out to be...
and no matter what others say, be it society, professionals or kpo neighbours and relatives.

In the end, you'd believe what you want to, even if it is the furthest from the truth.

Belle of the Ball

We were sitting around, listening to songs when he said tis song's for me...

"You tried to be polite,
thinking you were right,
only to find you're unkind

but ironically,
You will always be
belle of the ball,
At least to me"
-Symmetry by Mew

when he said the song's for me, i laughed out loud.
go read the lyrics again.
Flattery peppered with some ugly truth.
nuthing typically sweet which a typical husband dedicates to his beloved wife.
but then again, thats him.
but im smiling anyway, more like laughing out loud.
coz yeah, its so very true, i gotta give it to him. bulls eye.
thats me. trying my best to be polite but cant hide the fact that im evil to him on most days.
i always think im right. yep no doubt about that.
he noes me best. yes i cant hide.

and thats him, at least to him, im the belle of the ball,
despite all else.
ironic, cupid must have been blind.
and thank god for that.

a song like that for me just makes me wanna punch the guy and hug him all at the same time.

but i think i noe which i'd rather do...;)

The life of a Sinagporean working mother

My mind is occupied by tiny bits and pieces of incoherent thoughts. I think it is time to rant. i'm too lazy to think through things and write in pretty sentences. so i shall just type what comes to mind, at this minute, this second. it will be confusing, im sure. it will be long. im certain.

i wonder why is it i spend 90% of my time, energy, brain cells, emotion on something less important. Maybe I am saying this because i have no passion in what im doing. Maybe Im saying this because I have found a new love. and it is NOT my job. i wake up every morning as if im yanked out of bed, walk to a certain place, complete certain tasks, go home, my mind still bogged by work and sees nothing else. Im not happy with this arrangement of my life but im not sure how to change it. Irfan is not even schooling yet but it makes me wonder how i'm going to be a good parent at this rate im going. how do u working mothers do it? im sure something or someone is shortchanged. Most of the time its probably ourselves. i know, i would get through the days. i noe i will. but i am not sure if im happy with just getting through the days.

there should be more to life than being a proficient juggler.

Maybe i dunt like my job. maybe i dunt like certain areas of my job. maybe i dunt like the place where im working. maybe im just being lazy. maybe i expect everything to come easy.

or like always, maybe im thinking too much.

almost all working mothers go through this, so why am i complaining?

but all i do noe is work is taking too much of my time. work is also invading too much of my thoughts. i lay in bed at night and im thinking about work. higher pay equates to higher responsibility, more headache that spills over at home, eats up on your family time. and i dunt think i want to spend the rest of my life that way.
we all agree that family is the most important, our top most priority. but why is it that on the average weekday, i spent 11 hours of my day working and maximum 8 hours of sleeping, so what does that leave me? 5 waking hours each day to spend with the husband n irfan. dat is if he is still awake. that's pretty sad isnt it? im pretty sure, many working parents are also in the same shoes.

i've heard it so many times.
some of us r too busy that we dunt even have time to reflect and think about all those time that have passed at work. its just an automatic mechanism in us. to go work. get back from work. look into our kids n husband's needs and continue the routine tomorrow. yes i noe im lucky to have a husband who does the housework and takes care of irfan better than me. im ever thankful for that. but the point im making is not about the lack of time and energy for houswork (I dunt even want to go there) but the lack of LIBERTY to have more ENJOYABLE time with our own family.

and enough talk about QUALITY TIME with the family, pls. when u dunt even have the time in the first place, when your bodies are tired and your mind is still thinking about work, what QUALITY time do you want to talk about?!

and so its back to juggling. back to how well u can juggle before one of the balls hit you and you fall flat on your face. and see everything which you've tried all these years to keep in the air, hit the floor one by one. and guess who gets the blame? YOU. for being a poor juggler. for not being able to educate your kids with the right morals. for letting your kids slipped. when all you have been doing your whole life was trying your best to KEEP UP!

i noe im looking at it from the most depressing perspective.

but watever it is, i noe i will get used to these. i know one day it will all be so routined that i will be too tired to complain. N i worry for that day. i worry that one day i will see this routine as just HOW LIFE IS. coz i dunt think this is how i want it.

if i have a choice i wouldnt want it this way. wait a minute i DO have a choice. everyone does.

but over here, in this sunny island, our choices are pretty much very limited.

but the question is, am i brave enough to make THAT choice?

and at what expense?

China Boy turned Shaolin Monk

i'm losing my enthusiasm to give my best in my work lately, and so i shall refrain from talking about work and other unhappy things. coz i'd rather talk about the boy who is always in my mind.

i dunt think i have mentioned here before that irfan had been shaved clean a couple of weeks back. he had flakes on his scalp and shaving it off did help. besides i was curious to see how he looked bald. seconds after all his hair fell from his head, i missed him with hair and regretted my decision a lil bit.

but of course, he was oblivious to what his parents had done to his image.
coz despite looking like the Shaolin monk,



he was still as chirpy as ever.



irfan can't be left alone these days. put him down, and barely a few minutes later, he will end up at a different place. he has learnt to turn over and back, and inch himself forward or more like sideways. put him on the stinky, thin Hello Kitty matress and soon he'll end up.......


"Erm..i have no idea how i got here EITHER. Are you angry with me?"

on the floor, with hands either underneath the TV console or the sofa, looking as puzzled as I am as to how he got there.

so i have to be extra vigilant now. the other day, his hand got stuck in between the pillowcase. i dunt know how long its been there before i heard him screaming. only to see him stuck and struggling.



look at his left hand. tsk. macam manalah boleh termasok kat situ.

my parents are back and so it was time for my MIL to return home and pass the lil one back to my mum.



i think he missed her.
but im sure she misses him more.

and oh, for more photos and irfan antics, you might want to visit the site that irfan's uncle, paman Hakim, had created for him. go here. For the most part, it is like an update of what irfan was up to when i was at work. I was surprised to see it too.

till later...

Remnants of my smile

CNY. a much welcomed break. time to breathe again. the past weeks have come and gone like a flash of lightning. wake up in the morn, rush to work, deliver irfan then work work work and then 6pm comes and its time to fetch irfan, eat dinner at MIL's place and soon its 8pm and we head home. just to sleep. before we know it, its morning again and the routine repeats.

i can count the number of waking hours i actually spend with irfan on weekdays. its too little. i worry, he'll forget about me. im sad when someone else tells me what he likes and doesnt like to do. shouldnt i be the person who knows him best? he used to cry for my exclusive arms when he wants to fall asleep at night, others' just wouldnt do. but now, my arms are not really sought after anymore and he has learnt to fall asleep with someone else. it should be a good thing shouldn't it? at least i can rest a bit more now, rite? but im feeling sad instead.

oh well, i guess all working mothers go through this at some point. AND i also know that if i stay home and look after my kids 24/7, i'd probably tear my hair out and find something to complain about too.

work is ok. the new place is orite, i guess. DIFFERENT. in some ways better. in other ways, id rather be at my old place. colleagues r frenly but i wished i had more opportunities to mix n mingle with them at the staffroom. the HOD room where im sitting is as quiet and cold as a mortuary. in there, we work like the living dead anyway. very minimal conversation and mild laughter. just work work work.

aside from the picnic morrow, i think id pretty much spend the holidays with irfan and him, at HOME, doing absolutely NUTHING. dats what i need now.

and i noe the routine will come much too soon.

i wonder how will things be if i live in sweden?


night and day, night and day,
soon id be old and grey,
wondering where my life had gone...

Irfan and his car seat.

Irfan has a favourite companion to keep him company in his car seat.



this is him....



Ti-Bear
(some say its a Tiger, some say its a bear. so his uncle akim calls it Ti_bear)
They have a love hate relationship.
irfan likes telling him stories after stories.



Good times...
"Mak kita nak bawak kita jalan jalaaaann. smalam pun kita jalan pegi tengok toys. but u r still my favourite, ok."



Bad times..
" Mak kita nak bawak kita jalan jalan. Awak tak leh ikut...menyampah..Eleh, so what if awak colourful and cute. tak tanya pon! "



when he's really fed up, he ignores Ti-Bear and looks out of the window

that's pretty much what he does in the car.

this is my second entry of the day, with many many pictures some more. i think u can tell im very bored.
after tomorrow, i wont have the luxury to do all these anymore.
my hands will be full. I'll have 45 kids to love. (yes. forty-FIVE! what kind of class is that, anyway? is it even possible to teach?)

The Beach

sun was out yesterday.
did the laundry.
took a walk at the beach.




come next wed, im back at work.
n i bet i wont have those smiles plastered across my face that much anymore.
great.

Irfan's aqiqah

this is what irfan was up to on the wet hari raya haji.
irfan did his aqiqah.



irfan waiting for his name and number to be called.


what's the funny smell??

sheep number 100 and 101 for mr nur irfan.




doing what we came for.




he seems pretty pleased with his dad's performance.


good job, ayah! but i could have done it too if only u would let me.
i'd hold the knife real tight. like this!

back home. wonder who will be the lucky one to be given this part of the sheep.



happy eating.

Something about Nuthing

its 2am now and im hungry. i cant seem to fall asleep, maybe coz i had a good nap in the afternoon while irfan was having HIS nap. been spending lots of time at the in laws, with the in laws so i havent been doing much housework around here. had some kind of plan to do some cooking (yeah..its about time) since my parents are away. tot it be a good opportunity to learn to work the stove a bit. BUT, since we are forever at his mum's place these days, i didnt get my chance to test my culinary skills. so, its not coz im lazy this time, OK.

i realized that i can spend hours n hours at Parkway. its like i always end up going shop after shop when im there. there's mothercare, kiddy palace, isetan (inside which there's tons of clothes, baby's stuff, mango, lots lots more), MPH, ness, lots of food, shoes, now there's even mphosis, topshop, warehouse....
but i just wish they have a better nursery room. like the one at taka.
and there's no particular rhyme or reason why im writing this.

i have nuthing much to say here, really. just wanted to bore myself to sleep.
irfan is sound asleep, so is the man of the house.

i like how my room looks from where im sitting here, on the bed, with the laptop on my lap, as i semi lie down with the dim yellow light from the lamp on the dresser.

i like how irfan's mobile on his cot is slowly turning rite now, as its being blown gently by the fan.

i miss my parents.

<Aftermath of sending the parents...

They camped at my place after sending my parents off to the airport at 2am.
And this is what happens if a 3 yr old is still up at at 3am.



A sudden burst of energy.

*************************************************************

I pray my grandpa will pull through unscathed.

i end 2005 with many thanks.
It was a year full of changes and significant milestones in my life.
It was packed with blessings after blessings.
It has brought me countless sweet memories.
I would say, 2005 was a year all about growing up for me.

It has been a great year, indeed.

i had a picture in my mind when i was little.
now, im adjusting to this picture being an actual reality.
life has been more than just good.
although i've always imagined the worst.
and im glad im proven wrong time n time again.

I wont recap all that has happened.
The events were far too significant and sweet for me to ever forget them.
and its for me to cherish and to reminisce.

come next year, i hope to be a better wife.

and like every year, i only wish for ONE thing for the coming year.

GOOD HEALTH,
for me and all my loved ones.

with good health, i can pretty much work for the rest of everything.

may 2006 bring as much joy and more.

happy new year.

with a tinge of sadness, i emptied my table at the good ol school. i got to admit that im gonna miss the place, including all its irritating antics like the 4th floor staffroom, the faulty aircon and the never working computers and printers.
its not so much coz its a school without flaws but more because of its familiarity.
most of all im gonna miss my colleagues whom have become my wonderful frens.
i will miss the nicknames, the gossips. i will miss ban mian.
i leave with a somewhat heavy heart.

but well, life has to go on. new beginnings at a far away place where some things r the same and somethings r unpleasantly different. i havent got the chance to really work with anyone so i have not really got the whole feel of the school. but i do feel genuinely welcomed by the friendly staff which was largely dominated by young, energetic faces. good? bad? i dunno. will see...

so it turns out, im not going to school for another 2 weeks. why? i still have 10 days of my maternity leave. initially my intention was to take those ten days later, as and when i like before irfan turns 6 mths. but apparently, HOD/IT will be away for DDM course 2 weeks from now for 6 mths. dat means i will have to cover his duties on top of my own and im not allowed to take my leave after he leaves for the course. so im kinda forced to take it now. im not quite happy with this arrangement but what to do....new pple canoot be choosy. cannot ask too much. must always say yes. yes. yes.

and one other thing i hate, is not being able to meet the pupils first week of school. i cant lay down the all important ground rules and get everything settled.
im gonna be one blur queen when school actually starts for me.

to make everything worst, im allocated a table in the HOD room downstairs, away from the rest of the teachers. i've never liked this arrangment especially now that im new to the school, coz its pretty hard to get to know pple when u r not sitting in the same room with them. so i forsee minimal interaction. how am i ever going to get to know anyone?! sitting with the heads would usually mean a lot of talk about work coz thats all we ever do!

it doesnt look rosy for now. so i hope for better days when school really kicks off for me.

for now, adieu TWPS. adieu. u will always be in my heart...

yesterday, this lil yoda turned 3 mths.



that was irfan, a few hours after he made his way out. his hair very up to date eh? not too bad for dried blood as hair gel.

now that he's 3 mths, this is what he can do.

Ready, Set, Go!




he can fit into his jeans now. SUPER! now, he can look like mini alim, without the pampers of coz. cant wait for him to fit into the rest of his 3-6mths clothes.

he enjoys screaming and squealing in delight. very, very loud. almost piercing. my mum said its coz when i was conceiving him, i like to shout n scream while teaching.

???????!!!!!!!!!!

yes mother, u r ever-so-wise.

anyway, enuf of me blabbering. let the pics do the talking.

My China Boy




how can i leave that face to go to work next mth? sigh....
boy, dunt grow up too fast orite.
i dunt want to miss a thing.

these days when she wakes up, there's no more sunshine to greet her. all there is, are gloom and overshadowed clouds. the heat, the nagging heat is always there within her.
sumthing has changed and she's not quite sure what it is. its like someone has took a card amidst a nicely arranged deck of cards and the equilibrum has crumbled.
she feels misunderstood but mostly irrelevant and replacable.
the sun has refused to rise on her side these days. always away from her as she looks on to the lighted faces of those that didnt need her to be around. she stayed behind the shadows where darkness embrace her and she is not seen and therefore forgotten.
she steps out once in a while to try to be in the light, but ended up being misunderstood. there's a negative sign on her forehead that speaks to others before she does. and so whatever she said dint matter coz its never right.
and so she will retreat to a familiar place. a place she tot she had left behind many many years ago. a place out of boundaries to others coz no one would ever bother to break down the steel door, brave the thundering storm JUST to save her, find not a princess but just HER at the other side of the door.

The Project called LIFE

ok this is a long entry. n its basically just about my mindless thoughts.

i remembered last year when i was sitting in exco meeting and my mind started to wander.
the thought came back to me as i was putting irfan to sleep just now.
the meeting was on ranking the teachers and i remembered thinking how similar this ranking process is to LIFE.

we ranked teachers based on their performance throughout the entire year. so if they are given more projects, they have more opportunities to show their capabilities. if they do well in these projects, they will be ranked higher. for eg, oh so n so have done well in the fund rasing project, so lets give him a B.

for new teachers, its really the supervisors responsibilities to guide them throughout these projects. they are given easier ones. and if these new teachers do well, it reflects well on the supervisors and hence a better grade for the supervisors too.

isnt this life too?

when we were young, it is our parents reponsibilities to guide us. we r their projects. their reponsibilities. if we were to grow up somehwat decent, it reflects well on our parents n they would have scored some kind of grade with God. hmmm..not quite sure about HIS magnificient grading system. All i noe is, its definitely 100% just n fair.

then we grow up, and our projects get a lil harder n harder. then again its up to HIM to decide on our projects n its level of difficulties. so, we have the teenager project, the working adult life project, the marriage project (which we are allowed to do in pairs), the birth project, the parenthood project, the growing old project, etc. basically our rites of passage. if we r lucky, HE will give us those projects n more. coz the more projects we have, the more opportunities we have to show our capabilities. if we do it well of course.

so each day, is a challenge to do each project well, so that we can get into God's good books. so that we will be HIS pet worker whom HE loves dearly. just like the boss in the office. except HE is a zillion times MORE worth sucking up to. we hope HE will lovee us enough to guide us through these projects HE has given us.

and when we do well n HE is convinced by our capabilities, HE will give us even more projects n tougher ones. probably that 'cancer' project, 'long suffering illness' project. Just like in school, we will always tell the teachers, " when we give u a project, never see it as a burden. Projects are really opportunities for u to perform. The tougher the project is, and if u do it well, the better ure grade will be. So dont complain. We only give tough projects to the best, those whom we r convinced can handle em. B thankful u have the opportunity to show ure capabilities. so show it."

see wat i mean by it being the same as life?
(but be careful though. some leaders say the above to u n mean it. others say it just to arrow u to do more work!!)

now lets talk about the marriage project. its the project im going thru rite now. i m glad God gave me this project coz i get to do it in pairs. better still, i get to choose my partner for this lifetime project. i see it, as my partner n me, helping each other to do this project well, so that the BIG boss favours us and we r in HIS good books. like all partners in any project, each has a role to play. so if each does it well, the project can go smoothly. dats why its important to choose our partners well. a partner who shares the purpose of the project. yes, like everyone, we want that good grade. sometimes we r not sure how to go bout certain parts of the project, so we upgrade, attend courses n seek advice n guidance from the BIG boss HIMself. after all, HE knows all. HE knows best. we learn from our mistakes. we can only work together n help each other up to a certain point. after which each of us are graded based on our individual roles. so while we r together, why not help each other and make it easier for each of us to perform our roles. HE gave us LOVE to start up our project. the rest is up to us.

n then we have the parenthood project. this one, we are to do in groups. now, we are the leaders of the group. n hence it is up to us to brief our members (children) of their roles so that the project can again continue smoothly. they r our responsibilities now. n how they perform reflect on us.

alim, irfan n me. it has been written that they r my team members for the tasks we have in this temporary world. finally i get to see their faces. insyallah, the team will get bigger. but for a fact, some members will have to depart sooner than others. i must never forget, that while we have time together, we have a purpose which is bigger than life itself. with love linking us all, i hope it will be easier, exciting and satisfying.

i just pray the projects HE chose to give me in my short stint in this world would not be too tough for me. And if HE deems me fit for tougher projects, may HE gives me the strength, determination n patience to see through the project.

N besides, in schools, we always promote the teachers who have completed many many projects successfully. So, i believe life is such too. The ability to handle hardhips will hopefully promote u to the next level with ALLAH.

ok dats all for my thoughts. im sure u can imagine how freeee i am now, to be thinking about stuffs like these.

man, its december already. n wat will come next? JANUARY! the dreaded month, coz it means my supposedly loooooong maternity leave is over. technically, including the holidays, i have had about 4 mths break n seriously, to me its just not enuf. guess, it will NEVER be enuf.

as it is, rite now, i have to get my momentum going slowly coz i sure dunt feel like working at all. heck, i dunt even know wats going on anymore. my VP called just now asking for my work review and there i was scratching my head. how the heck do i do my work review? i have forgotten everything! man oh man.

i really need to be back in school urgently to submit my work review and to finally face up to all the mess that i have left behind. i've shuffed all these tasks into the back of my minds for way too long and now i just cant run anymore. time is catching up on me. i really have to start packing all my stuffs in school; stuffs on my table, in the cupboard, under my table, on the shelves around my table. shucks, where do i start? how many trips must i make and where do i chuck all the piles of rubbish that ive accumulated for the past 4 years in that school. there ARE tons and tons of rubbish, though right now i cant remmember WHAT they are or WHERE they are placed.i think i need boxes. PLENTY of boxes and another extra month, or better still, another extra YEAR for me to pack up all my things! heck, i cant even remember how my table looks like now. I've shut out these unpleasant memories since i took my leave.

sigh..BUT wat needs to be done has to be done. think i'll do it morrow. oh no no, i have the flu and i forsee a lot of dust flying around when i start clearing up. mybe next week? but i was thinking of going somewhere for a while. maybe the following week?

yeah, maybe. if health permits. if the husband, irfan, the time, the mind, the will permits.