I found this post in my drafts. I have written it some time back when the govt came up with incentives and started the 4 mths maternity leave thingy and there was a lot of news coverage and buzz on it. Never got to posting it till now...

"Ok OK Im really getting dizzy from all this BABY talk...
Yesy, yes so we all know that money really doesnt make one totally motivated to have more kids. We really don't have to interview a dozen people and feature them in every newspaper to know that, do we?

So just to add one more thought to the already millions of thoughts out there on the baby issue, here's my two cents.

The way i see it, the clever people in white is not tackling the root cause of the problem. I think to many, what they are dishing out, is not what we need. Basically they are giving monetary incentives and more time with the baby ( ok I can really argue on whether the 4 mths maternity leave really solve the time issue but i think many people have talked about that so I think we get the picture that it really would not motivate everyone out there)

To me, the problem is that the people in white have been asking the wrong question. They are looking at the problem and thinking, "What are the factors that STOP couples from having more kids?" So they figured that it is money and time and so they start dishing these incentives out.

Firstly, the question is not beneficial and secondly the answers are not accurate. Couples with high incomes can easily afford more than 1 kid but these are the majority of couples who prefer to have less.
Many put off having kids because they want to concentrate on their careers first and do you think asking them to stop work for 4 months to take care of their baby will attract these ambitious women to start a family, and a big one too? In fact, it might just deter them even further.

So i think the more fundamental question is, "What motivate couples to have more kids?"

In the past, people had to go through worst living conditions, meagre income, and yet they still have the very least, 7 kids. Yes, you can argue that because the women were not educated back then and could stay home to take care of the kids. But is that what motivates them to have more?

I might be wrong here because i really dunt have figures, research to support my thoughts here, but i suspect, back then, to our parents, great grandparents, kids are an investment whom they can count on when they grow old to take care of them. That motivates them. SO , motivation is extremely crucial in wanting to have more kids.

For some , it's religion, others, the love for kids, the love for clutter, noise and coziness of a big family.

Today, the first point is not valid, because we are all so busy planning for our retirement, so much so that we don't have to depend on our kids when we are old.

And because having kids is a personal decision, motivation cannot come in monetary forms, it has to be a change in midset, an assurance that having more kids is the the best for your future, your family and not because your nation asks you to.

EVeryone wants the best for their family. And if the govt wants us to have more kids, they must show, prove how having more kids can be the best for our family in today's demanding time.

Yes, that is not an easy task, but it has to be done, coz, we the good citizens of tis sunny island, has been taught well that we have to the best in everything. And we all want to have the best for our family, that is the aspiration of all hardworking singaporeans out there.

OK so complain complain complain, what's the solution then?

All these just made me think they could probably encourage more couples to have more kids if they could prove by research that children with more siblings have an edge.

Now, we all want our kids to have an edge dunt we? We never want our kids to lose out on anythng. The best, remember?

So go dig up some research to prove kids with more than say, 2 siblings grow up with better social skills, pick up reading, writing and talking skills faster, more independent, creative , wholesome etc etc. And best of all, they learn to take care of each other, so much so that you can go to work with a peace of mind.

Then go on to say, how it might not be healthy for kids to have only one other sibling or alone. Show that it might be detrimental to their development. Of course research support would be crucial here coz we arent easily fooled by propaganda and brainwashing.

Judging from how parents would always do the best for their kids, these would just encourage those with one child to have at least 3.

Coupled with the incentivess given, this might just do the trick. Of course, this research needs to be true and then publicised well.

Not sure if it would encourage a lot more to decide to have more, but that's just a thought."

Yesterday, marks the end of the many many months of training for the rugby boys and the husband who is in-charge of them. The excitement of participating in sports and Nationals is always undeniably exciting and heart stomping. Amidst all odds, the boys actually made it to the top 4..I mean for a neighbourhood school who don't have a ton of boys to choose from and affiliated primary schools to scout the best players from...top 4 was really awesome. As we all know rugby is a game always dominated by elite boys schools so it's pretty amazing that for the first time in many many years, an underdog of a neighbourhood school managed to grab a medal.:)So congratulations to BTS for proving that hard work pays.

Yesterday was the finals. My sis and I went, coz we were rooting for Haris. He played really well...well,I'm not an expert so I wouldnt know but alim said he did good. They lost. We kinda expected that but he took it well.

I come to realize, exposing your child to sports really builds up their confidence and character. For many many months, a lot of Haris's time was spent on hours of training and he never complained. His time and energy was channeled into something important and so he had no time to idle. I think for a teenager, idle time is extremely dangerous. I also see some changes in him and Im happy and proud to see how he has grown. I think the school he is in plays an important role in shaping him as a person.

To a certain extent, it is true that the kind of school you put your child in, really shapes their character. Of course, there are exceptions to this, some kids are just not moulded by the culture of the school. But majority do, especially students from elite schools as I observed during the rugby finals. Because the school culture is a certain way, generally the students from that school behave in a certain way and I suspect all the way to their adulthood. There is something similar and distinct about their character which makes them true to their school. The boys from the two schools really behaved differently from each other. For example in the way they speak, behave and carry themselves. And interesting enough, their parents who came to support also differ between the two schools. I wouldn't want to generalise but the boys from a particular school has an air about them which some may see as confidence, while others might just label them as extremely cocky.

All this made me wonder what kind of school should I put Irfan in? Of course, he's too young for me to be sure about his inclinations. I wonder, what his strengths would be and as a parent, how do I ensure his stregths are discovered and optimised.
Some say, the kind of things we expose a child in, is extremly important in shaping his charecter. The kind of school he is in will determine the kind of things he will be exposed to. But to me, as a parent, we can only limit our childs' exposure to a certain extent. We can't control all of his movements, so ore importantly we have to equip him with the right decision making skills so that no matter what kind of undesirable situations he is exposed to, ultimately he is able to make wise decisions for himself.

And that is definitely not an easy task for any parent.

Updates

The destination this month is Butterfly Park at Sentosa. According to my mum, he was very fascinated by every single insect he came across with that day. And the guide capitalised on his enthusiasm by making him the guinea pig and putting all sorts of insects on his lil body.


The guide putting a stick insect on his cap.


There's a stick insect on his cap and a grasshopper on his T-shirt.

So far he hasn't been bitten by anything yet, so I think he doesnt know that some insects can be dangerous and painful when they bite.

Well last month, we also celebrated Racial Harmony Day. Since he enjoys dressing up, he chose to go Indian this year. Schools are very on about such celebrations, so as usual, I dusted one of my Racial Harmony Day costumes and put it on. In a few years time, will repeat this top again. :)



Costumes from where else, but good ol' Mustafa!

He also had his National Celebrations in school and I managed to drop by his school to see the chaos and madness of lil toddlers in a celebration mood. They were all over, each doing their own thing and I managed to observe Irfan a lil. He was pretty mild that day and quite well-behaved. I also noticed that he preferred to mix around with older boys...and pretty much ignore the other lil wobbly toddlers.

Moving on...we managed to have a short shopping break to KL. What more can I say..shopping is always good.:)


Picture doesnt include one driver, one babysitter and one bank teller.They sure make our shopping experience much more comfortable:)

Work has been good lately...been going home before 3 more often and not doing work at home. Well, when managament changes, certain things are bound to be different. So far it has been good and hope it continues...

Till later.

A good day is when the lil boy says "I love you" out of the blue, totally unexpected.

A good day is when a parent comes to you and said you made a difference to his child's life.

A great day is when you are sitting at the corner of an empty cafe with a loved one,
and the wind blows across you, and then, your favourite song comes on.

I had a great day today. Thank you for being the one who shares the song with me.:)