had a shitty and looong first 3 days.

theres a type of people i dunt like working with.
It is the calculative type.
when i meet them, i just hope they tell me the truth and say they dont want to do the job. i just need them to be honest with me.
i really dont care if they dont want to do the work coz i've always liked doing things myself anyway.

the worst kind is the kind that is calculative and love to complain. and they complain behind your back. dont want to do, just say can? dont keep quiet and then complain and complain to other people. just come to me and say "i dont think I can do it" or if being honest is difficult, just come to me and lie for all I care,for example; "I am dying and in between me busy dying, i really have no time to undertake the tasks." I really dont mind. Just tell me that you dont want to do it. Thats all im asking for. I welcome honesty.

Coz its not fair if you do things half hearted. its not fair if you do the tasks for ME, or coz I ask you to do it. Its not fair to who? Its not fair to the students!
Nothing good can come out of doing something which you dont believe in.

Sometimes I wish I can say exactly what I have written above, to the person concerned. But i am not that sort. Its not my personality. I know of some people sitting up there who can. i cant bring myself. Hence, ranting in the blog instead. and more importantly, i know that right now im emotional and if there is one thing ive learnt in my 31 years of life, it would be that, talking when you are emotional is alwayss, always a bad thing.

most times i let it pass, coz i think its not worth my time and energy. and i avoid these kind of people. i suppose in this profession you meet with a lot of people, of different personalities and work styles. It is chllenging and Ive learnt to handle most kinds. honestly, most times i ignore them. Maybe that is not right but i dont like to be sucked into their mentality. Sometimes I hear A complain about B and B complain about A and I just wish they would stop complaining to me coz i dont take sides and i never will. yes i love to hear gossips once in a while but bitching about your own colleagues just makes me uncomfortable. i mean afterall, the next day u will see them and most times you have to work together so ...i just find it rather uncomfortable.

and besides, there is a greater purpose in working. its not about pleasing your bosses or trying to show people how good you are. Its definitely not about who is right and who is wrong and who deserves this and who deserves that. Its not about doing more, doing less. Its always about using your expertise, talents to improve someone's lives; the kids, their families etc...so i really dunt understand why if you have the expertise and talent, you want to ration it. unless you see wht you are doing as solely work. work which has to be completed. and if there is a reason for rationing it, im always open to listen. maybe i need to see a different perspective. everyone is diff and i respect that.

yes im human too. and there are many people out there whom i dunt agree with or whom I am not comfortable working with. and I do get maaadd with some colleagues sometimes. and I go home and vomit all my anger out to the only person who knows everything- alim. everyone needs an outlet and letting it go with someone who doesnt know the person u r talking about is the best. at least for me. and the best thing about talking to alim is, he will hear me out, say what i needed to hear but he remains civil and nice to the person i complained about. he can listen without getting sucked into all the drama. he is the last person to say, "ok who u bully u? I would go out and kill him now!" He would never say that and the last thing i need is more drama.

coz most times after I get to vomit out all my anger, I would be ok. and i can face the person again.

there..I feel better already. :)

But my best remedy ever, the one that worked allll the time is going back to these two. No matter how shitty work was, how horrible the situation was, looking at them reminds me not to sweat the small stuff. that things can be simple. that we are just merely passing through a bridge. and all anger just simmer. automatically. :)





I suppose God made all little children cute for a reason. (Yes, even the bald ones;) They are really not easy to look after and can be irritating to bits. But they are such joy. Well...most times. :)

after sunday comes monday.
be good, brown bear.

Alisha Zahra at 3 months

I tend to forget things easily these days so i thought id write about what alisha is doing at 3 months. if we are talking about significant milestone, then she is able to turn over now. but she doesnt know how to turn back. she is beginning to reach for things.
alisha is showing more of her characteristics now. she lovees to laugh and smile and does it all the time. rhe first thing she does when she wakes up is smile. she especially loves it when someone talks to her and loves to be carried. When you talk to her, she will coo back in response.
As much as she loves to smile, she loves to cry too. The moment you are not within her sight, she will start crying. She will start with littles cries and if she is still ignored, she will break into loud piercing screams. Im not kidding. She is very loud in a shrieking kind of way. She likes to be carried upright and sit although her head is still wobbly. her head is always tilted more to the right. i hope that is not a permanent thing.
she cannot be alone for long and crave for attention all the time. she gets bored easily and fusses when she wants to sleep.
in the day she takes very short 30 minute naps. in her waking hours, she doesnt play on her own for long.
she is very attentive and keeps quiet when shown a book, magazine or any other reading material.
She smiles at her brother a lot but she does get angry at him when he irritates her. How do i noe she is angry? When she is irritated and he comes near with his loud mouth and kecoh mannerism, she will open her mouth real big as if she is going to bite him, and then snarl at him. she has done that a couple of times and its only to irfan. Think she has learnt how to fend for herself and she looks like she would grow up to be one no nonsense lady. but maybe not. at 3 months impossible to tell.
At night, she sleeps soundly and only wakes up once. thank god. What else..hmm she enjoys twinkle twinkle little star and will coo to the song every time. she's always mistaken for a boy coz she's bald. even when she is wearing pink from head to toe. doesnt matter if she is wearing a hairband or a dress. even if the dress is pink with flowers.
she loves to be changed and enjoys baths. Basically anything that involve holding and touching her, she will be happy.
Her recent favourite thing is playing with her saliva and making bubbles.

That's all for now. I think i will smuggle her in my bag when i go to school. yes thats the plan.

Keane



the songs at Keane reminded me of a certain someone and the things we've done together. So the best part about the concert is having that certain someone stand close to me and sharing a piece of memory that no one else would know.

depressed mode on. last week. from 4 months down to my last week. i cant believe it. the hardest part about going to work is leaving my routine which i have been comfortable with for the past 4 months. the routine which centers around the baby and irfan is just perfect for me. i sleep while she sleeps, and i even manage to squeeze in dvds and online free video streaming at night coz she sleeps soundly through the night.

i will miss sending irfan downstairs in the morning, i will miss getting a kiss from him in the midst of my stupor before he goes to school and the moment he comes back. and i will miss waking up late and not bathing for a whole day. i miss not having to be anywhere.

and what i will miss most of all is, getting paid for NOT being at work. dream come true.

but all that will change. my wacky sleep pattern will definitely have to be corrected though i am clueless as to how. so i forsee my first day will be about me yanking myself out of bed and then probably tired at school. not only cant my body catch up, i have a strong feeling my mind is going to be running at a much lower RAM than usual. but oh well, i dunt expect to be that way for long, coz school always has a way of giving me a rude shock which forces every single cell in me to pay attention. once you r in school, u have no choice but to work, in full force, no less.

so my crazy frens said we should celebrate my going back to school. i have no idea why we are celebrating such a depressing day but its always good to have great company.

expect more depressing entries till next week. bah!

the much awaited party is over now and the next awaited thing would be Keane concert tomorrow. after that, i forsee things would probably go downhill from there. especially come the 24th, when i step back into reality. haiz..

i must say, i have only one person to thank for the great party- the party planner of coz! when i first engaged her services, i didnt know what to expect. considering her many misadventures; like the creative diaper cake, ambushing people in their homes on their birthdays and many other crazy things..i forsee the party would be colourful. Actually it was her enthusiasm which tells me that the party would be a great one coz she has this 'just do it' manner about her no matter how crazy the idea is. and if things go wrong, she always gets away with it with style...in other words, a total opposite of me, who thinks and worries too much and then does nothing.

so before i know it calls were made to vendors, quotes were given, spreadsheet drawn up and budget done. all waiting for my go. prompt reminders were even given to me, considering she knows me well and how much I love to procrastinate. so in other words i dunt even have to lift my finger, well, except to withdraw cash from the atm and transfer money to vendors:)

the next thing i noe, she had everything ready; the bouncy castle, popcorn, candy floss, ballons, the pretty cake etc etc. i know i will enjoy the party but what surprised me most is that i enjoyed the planning process just as much. yes of course we could have gotten a birthday package where everything is planned for, but where's the fun in that?

discussing the crazy ideas i had, plus the crazy ideas the party planner has and irfan's incoherent ideas- the cheer, the chicken dance- it was just hilarious. getting the last minute stuff, preparing the goody bags, decorating the place; it was an unforgetabble experience indeed. the anticipation and excitement of waiting for the party to happen was fun too. irfan was so excited that he couldnt sleep the night before and he kept talking about the party. and so did the party planner! :)
who knew all that could be pretty exciting.

as for the party itself...sure, there were things which could have gone better. but as far as kids party go, i wouldnt sweat the small stuff. kids parties are how kids parties should be; messy, rowdy, noisy, free play and things not going as planned. and i must say the party planner was pretty daring to go up there n be the mc even if she has never done it before. not everyone is brave enough to do that coz we all know, its always easier to sit back and just give comments.
but of course as the party planner said herself; she sucked! hahahaha.

so our dear rosniaty abu bakar, i just want you to know that you have given one little boy the most memorable 4th birthday party ever! im sure he would remember this for a long long time to come. and he would fondly remember his auntie who was behind everything.
and as a mother, I really cant thank u enough:)

so till the next crazy idea....meanwhile go and practice to be a better mc, will ya!! alisha turns 4 in a few more years, u noe:)

The girl likes to be talked to and the boy just loves to TALK!
He's very happy to have a ready audience. She's always attentive when big brother is talking, smiling happily and cooing in response. Until....he starts smothering her with kisses or grabs her hand too hard, and she will start wailing and kicking him. And he will end up getting scolded. Thhen the whole cycle will repeat itself again. Everyday, this will happen, again and again like a broken record. Haiz...But i cant deny, I love watching them together. Will miss this when I get back to work:(

Here's Irfan trying to teach his adik to say 'Ayah', 'Nenek' and 'Atok' and some other stuff..