had a shitty and looong first 3 days.

theres a type of people i dunt like working with.
It is the calculative type.
when i meet them, i just hope they tell me the truth and say they dont want to do the job. i just need them to be honest with me.
i really dont care if they dont want to do the work coz i've always liked doing things myself anyway.

the worst kind is the kind that is calculative and love to complain. and they complain behind your back. dont want to do, just say can? dont keep quiet and then complain and complain to other people. just come to me and say "i dont think I can do it" or if being honest is difficult, just come to me and lie for all I care,for example; "I am dying and in between me busy dying, i really have no time to undertake the tasks." I really dont mind. Just tell me that you dont want to do it. Thats all im asking for. I welcome honesty.

Coz its not fair if you do things half hearted. its not fair if you do the tasks for ME, or coz I ask you to do it. Its not fair to who? Its not fair to the students!
Nothing good can come out of doing something which you dont believe in.

Sometimes I wish I can say exactly what I have written above, to the person concerned. But i am not that sort. Its not my personality. I know of some people sitting up there who can. i cant bring myself. Hence, ranting in the blog instead. and more importantly, i know that right now im emotional and if there is one thing ive learnt in my 31 years of life, it would be that, talking when you are emotional is alwayss, always a bad thing.

most times i let it pass, coz i think its not worth my time and energy. and i avoid these kind of people. i suppose in this profession you meet with a lot of people, of different personalities and work styles. It is chllenging and Ive learnt to handle most kinds. honestly, most times i ignore them. Maybe that is not right but i dont like to be sucked into their mentality. Sometimes I hear A complain about B and B complain about A and I just wish they would stop complaining to me coz i dont take sides and i never will. yes i love to hear gossips once in a while but bitching about your own colleagues just makes me uncomfortable. i mean afterall, the next day u will see them and most times you have to work together so ...i just find it rather uncomfortable.

and besides, there is a greater purpose in working. its not about pleasing your bosses or trying to show people how good you are. Its definitely not about who is right and who is wrong and who deserves this and who deserves that. Its not about doing more, doing less. Its always about using your expertise, talents to improve someone's lives; the kids, their families etc...so i really dunt understand why if you have the expertise and talent, you want to ration it. unless you see wht you are doing as solely work. work which has to be completed. and if there is a reason for rationing it, im always open to listen. maybe i need to see a different perspective. everyone is diff and i respect that.

yes im human too. and there are many people out there whom i dunt agree with or whom I am not comfortable working with. and I do get maaadd with some colleagues sometimes. and I go home and vomit all my anger out to the only person who knows everything- alim. everyone needs an outlet and letting it go with someone who doesnt know the person u r talking about is the best. at least for me. and the best thing about talking to alim is, he will hear me out, say what i needed to hear but he remains civil and nice to the person i complained about. he can listen without getting sucked into all the drama. he is the last person to say, "ok who u bully u? I would go out and kill him now!" He would never say that and the last thing i need is more drama.

coz most times after I get to vomit out all my anger, I would be ok. and i can face the person again.

there..I feel better already. :)

But my best remedy ever, the one that worked allll the time is going back to these two. No matter how shitty work was, how horrible the situation was, looking at them reminds me not to sweat the small stuff. that things can be simple. that we are just merely passing through a bridge. and all anger just simmer. automatically. :)





I suppose God made all little children cute for a reason. (Yes, even the bald ones;) They are really not easy to look after and can be irritating to bits. But they are such joy. Well...most times. :)