40 days old

Today Shahid is 40 days old.
And he finally smiled at me. This time I know it's for me, dimples and all.
And I'm totally smitten.:)

Stone me! Stone me! Rid the devil! Rid the devil!

In one of our exhausting arguments, my mother said, " dalam badan Ain ada setan"

Now don't be alarmed by that. I am used to such things thrown at me since I was young. And I'm expected not to get angry or frustrated over that because well, no one should raise their voices on their mothers.

What if i'm hurt by the statement? Well, I just got to surpress my anger till my face turn blue.

But of course I'm no angel and time and time again I flare up, raise my voice rudely and get frustrated. Yes, maybe I do have a big setan residing in my body, eating my soul.

But the argument is not the point of this entry.

I didnt know that my lil girl was listening to our argument. She didn't look like she was listening.

Much much later, she came to me in the room and said,

"I love you. Don't be sad, ibu. I will take some stones and throw them at all the setans in your body. They will not be there anymore."

Hahahahaha.
I laughed when I heard that. But In so many levels that statement could be very deep indeed!

1) as if she knew the notion of throwing stones at jamrah during hajj as a symbol of throwing stones at the devil and bad deeds. She could have probably learnt this in sch.

2) she made me realize that if i continue showing anger to my mum outwardly, I might just deserve to have stones thrown at me. To wake me up, to make me realize what i have done. Now or in hell.
Now I'm over thinking it.

3) without her knowing, she has actually helped me throw a stone or two at the setan in me. Coz after she said that the anger simmered and I could manage a smile. :)

My sweet girl, pls don't be like me when you grow up. Although I must say, karma can be a hard thing to avoid.

Lil guy, is that smile for me?:):):)

:)

One climb at a time.

1st Syawal 1433 (2012).
34 years old.
And I had finally won.

Salam Eid to everyone!:)

Dear ex-boyfriend

Dear ex-boyfriend,

Let's forget about your kids and mine for a while, let's forget about the long list of to-dos, hari raya preparations, the laundry, the household chores...
Let's forget about pleasing your wife and other adults in your crazy crazy home.
Let's forget about your work at the impossible zoo.

Let's pause for a moment.
Let's forget.
Let's run away for a bit.
On a date. Just you and me.
Been a month? Or two? Definitely overdue.
Coffee, a walk, fresh air.

Just like old times.
Then let's go back to the three twerps and tell them we miss them terribly.
Coz I'm sure we will.

Tonight?;)

Sincerely,
Your ex girlfriend, current wife;)

Let me just sit here and talk to myself

3 weeks

Shahid is generally very sleepy n drowsy most times. I would say more than the other 2 when they were 3 weeks old. He sleeps, wakes up for milk and is only alert for very very brief moments to make eye contact and look around. Minutes later, he will be crying for milk or wants to be nursed to sleep.

He likes to smile but I know all that smiling is not really directed at me yet. It's random and more of his facial muscle probably twitching away or as my mum says," kawan dia kacau ".

With all that sleeping, we gave him some tummy time because he has been lying on his back 24/7.

He immediately put his neck muscle to the test.

The 3-week old thinking that he is 3 months.

She said..

Conversation in the car...

Alisha: I want to buy ice cream, sweets, books, doll, can or not?

Me: Do you have money to buy those things?

Alisha: I don't have any money. You didn't give me.

Me: Then maybe you have to start working for money. What work can you do Alisha?

After much thought... Tick tock tick tock goes her brains.. Finally she said..

Alisha: Homework?!

Ah ah Betul lah tu!!!:)

Clear blue sky? Out of sight.

Close proximity does not equate to understanding.
No conversation. No communication. No understanding.
How is that possible in a tiny rat hole?

Im million miles away. As if. Physically here. But who bothers. I'd rather be million miles away. For real.
Then it will justify the no conversation.

Im hoping for a mind reader but there is none.
I'm hoping for an opener but there is none.

Yes everyone has their own plates to carry. Who is to say mine is more important? Go ahead and be busy. Go ahead and do what's important. While the bad weather looms. It's clear blue sky if it doesnt get to u. Then don't let it get to u. Be happy. Afterall u can Escape in your routine.

While the bad weather looms. Alone.

So let's wait. Let's stand around.
For the bad weather to clear.
But it won't.
Alone.

Nur x 3

So, 2 weeks have passed since the birth of Nur Shahid Alim. How are we coping with 3 kids, my parents and without a helper? Well it hasn't been easy. I'll probably save the bit on juggling domestic chores for another day.

How have the kids been coping with lil Shahid around? For Irfan, this is not a totally new experience. Surprisingly, with my hands full, he's getting to be more independent and does his usual routine without me breathing down his neck. Random checks on his schoolwork seems to show that he is doing well in school, his tests and daily work. Honestly I haven't been coaching him much of late. I was very surprised when he started bathing without being asked, cleaned up his bed everyday and packed his bag on his own accord, checking and completing his homework independently after the birth of Shahid. He has also been easy to wake for sahur n Alhamdullilah has been fasting patiently since Day 1. I guess sometimes letting go might just do the trick for him to be more independent.

As for Alisha, well, as much as she loves her lil brother, she is finding it a lil harder, which is totally understandable for a 3 yr old. She has been rather whiny, throwing tantrums here and there, asking to be carried and will easily burst into tears when scolded.

She has been rather patient when I say I have to feed her lil bro first before attending to her. She has been such a sweetie, kissing her lil brother, singing to him all the songs she knows during his awake moments. She loves playing with him, talking to him and "reading" books to him.

But I know she feels different. She is still coping with the fact that at times she will get lesser attention than previously because I have to attend to the baby. I do feel bad for her when she wants something for example when she has a book in her hand and wants me to read to her and i have to tell her to wait coz im nursing Shahid. She doesnt kick up a fuss but i feel bad when i see her sitting alone at some corner and "reading" the book on her own while waiting for me. Once, she fell asleep. And I just felt so bad about it.

Her way of coping is manifested at other times when she whines and asks for the impossible at times. From her perspective I can imagine how it must feel. So we try to spend as much time with her as possible but at the same time signaling to her that whining and tantrums are not the right way to get our attention.

She still has her moments but I hope it will get better with time. So my hands are basically full now with Shahid and Alisha. Although Irfan is a bit off my radar now, but I still have to check on him at times to ensure he's keeping up the good work.

Alhamdullilah, I'm healing well and have the energy to take care of them. Although today I feel like I need a short break to go for a short getaway, away from the daily routine. It's the weekends, I'm feeling so much better and yet I'm still at home. Today I feel like I need a distraction and fresh air.
But I guess that will have to wait for another 2 weeks or so.

I NEED TO GO OUT.

Mr Dino

Shahid, hanging out with his new friend, Mr Dino.

What the heck is this green thing?

Eyeball to eyeball, man to man

I quite like this green thingy

And this green thingy quite like you too!! Muahhhhhcks!!!

He seemed pretty perplexed every time he accidentally brushes his hand against the soft toy. Even more perplexed when he accidentally hit Mr Dino and it falls on him resulting in a "big kiss"! The lil discoveries of a 2 week old. And I'm right here to watch!!

I should probably change this blog name to Shahidnito.

I'm probably that smitten. Well you know how lil babies have an effect on people.