A longing

Waiting
With anticipation, hope, excitement
Waiting
With fear, doubt and worry

Honestly I did not put much thought into it.
My heart ruled everything this time round. There's a sudden pull that came from nowhere. It isn't fleeting, it's a longing.

I've doubted myself forever, if I'm ready for this. But somehow the pull is stronger than the mountain of doubt I have, stronger than the endless worries.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. For making a decision without much thought about the practicalities, about my kids, my job, without thinking through the endless responsibilities here, without calculating my finances over and over again, without knowing fully what to expect, without assessing how ready I am.

But this time, I have little control.
My mind stopped thinking.
I can't stop this deep longing.
I know not where these feelings came from.

Either way, I leave it to HIM
I can't lie. I will be sorely disappointed if it's not meant to be.
But I know for sure, it's for the best.
HE knows what's best for me.
And if I'm ready for this.