Remnants of my smile

CNY. a much welcomed break. time to breathe again. the past weeks have come and gone like a flash of lightning. wake up in the morn, rush to work, deliver irfan then work work work and then 6pm comes and its time to fetch irfan, eat dinner at MIL's place and soon its 8pm and we head home. just to sleep. before we know it, its morning again and the routine repeats.

i can count the number of waking hours i actually spend with irfan on weekdays. its too little. i worry, he'll forget about me. im sad when someone else tells me what he likes and doesnt like to do. shouldnt i be the person who knows him best? he used to cry for my exclusive arms when he wants to fall asleep at night, others' just wouldnt do. but now, my arms are not really sought after anymore and he has learnt to fall asleep with someone else. it should be a good thing shouldn't it? at least i can rest a bit more now, rite? but im feeling sad instead.

oh well, i guess all working mothers go through this at some point. AND i also know that if i stay home and look after my kids 24/7, i'd probably tear my hair out and find something to complain about too.

work is ok. the new place is orite, i guess. DIFFERENT. in some ways better. in other ways, id rather be at my old place. colleagues r frenly but i wished i had more opportunities to mix n mingle with them at the staffroom. the HOD room where im sitting is as quiet and cold as a mortuary. in there, we work like the living dead anyway. very minimal conversation and mild laughter. just work work work.

aside from the picnic morrow, i think id pretty much spend the holidays with irfan and him, at HOME, doing absolutely NUTHING. dats what i need now.

and i noe the routine will come much too soon.

i wonder how will things be if i live in sweden?


night and day, night and day,
soon id be old and grey,
wondering where my life had gone...

Irfan and his car seat.

Irfan has a favourite companion to keep him company in his car seat.



this is him....



Ti-Bear
(some say its a Tiger, some say its a bear. so his uncle akim calls it Ti_bear)
They have a love hate relationship.
irfan likes telling him stories after stories.



Good times...
"Mak kita nak bawak kita jalan jalaaaann. smalam pun kita jalan pegi tengok toys. but u r still my favourite, ok."



Bad times..
" Mak kita nak bawak kita jalan jalan. Awak tak leh ikut...menyampah..Eleh, so what if awak colourful and cute. tak tanya pon! "



when he's really fed up, he ignores Ti-Bear and looks out of the window

that's pretty much what he does in the car.

this is my second entry of the day, with many many pictures some more. i think u can tell im very bored.
after tomorrow, i wont have the luxury to do all these anymore.
my hands will be full. I'll have 45 kids to love. (yes. forty-FIVE! what kind of class is that, anyway? is it even possible to teach?)

The Beach

sun was out yesterday.
did the laundry.
took a walk at the beach.




come next wed, im back at work.
n i bet i wont have those smiles plastered across my face that much anymore.
great.

Irfan's aqiqah

this is what irfan was up to on the wet hari raya haji.
irfan did his aqiqah.



irfan waiting for his name and number to be called.


what's the funny smell??

sheep number 100 and 101 for mr nur irfan.




doing what we came for.




he seems pretty pleased with his dad's performance.


good job, ayah! but i could have done it too if only u would let me.
i'd hold the knife real tight. like this!

back home. wonder who will be the lucky one to be given this part of the sheep.



happy eating.

Something about Nuthing

its 2am now and im hungry. i cant seem to fall asleep, maybe coz i had a good nap in the afternoon while irfan was having HIS nap. been spending lots of time at the in laws, with the in laws so i havent been doing much housework around here. had some kind of plan to do some cooking (yeah..its about time) since my parents are away. tot it be a good opportunity to learn to work the stove a bit. BUT, since we are forever at his mum's place these days, i didnt get my chance to test my culinary skills. so, its not coz im lazy this time, OK.

i realized that i can spend hours n hours at Parkway. its like i always end up going shop after shop when im there. there's mothercare, kiddy palace, isetan (inside which there's tons of clothes, baby's stuff, mango, lots lots more), MPH, ness, lots of food, shoes, now there's even mphosis, topshop, warehouse....
but i just wish they have a better nursery room. like the one at taka.
and there's no particular rhyme or reason why im writing this.

i have nuthing much to say here, really. just wanted to bore myself to sleep.
irfan is sound asleep, so is the man of the house.

i like how my room looks from where im sitting here, on the bed, with the laptop on my lap, as i semi lie down with the dim yellow light from the lamp on the dresser.

i like how irfan's mobile on his cot is slowly turning rite now, as its being blown gently by the fan.

i miss my parents.

<Aftermath of sending the parents...

They camped at my place after sending my parents off to the airport at 2am.
And this is what happens if a 3 yr old is still up at at 3am.



A sudden burst of energy.

*************************************************************

I pray my grandpa will pull through unscathed.

i end 2005 with many thanks.
It was a year full of changes and significant milestones in my life.
It was packed with blessings after blessings.
It has brought me countless sweet memories.
I would say, 2005 was a year all about growing up for me.

It has been a great year, indeed.

i had a picture in my mind when i was little.
now, im adjusting to this picture being an actual reality.
life has been more than just good.
although i've always imagined the worst.
and im glad im proven wrong time n time again.

I wont recap all that has happened.
The events were far too significant and sweet for me to ever forget them.
and its for me to cherish and to reminisce.

come next year, i hope to be a better wife.

and like every year, i only wish for ONE thing for the coming year.

GOOD HEALTH,
for me and all my loved ones.

with good health, i can pretty much work for the rest of everything.

may 2006 bring as much joy and more.

happy new year.