Remnants of my smile

CNY. a much welcomed break. time to breathe again. the past weeks have come and gone like a flash of lightning. wake up in the morn, rush to work, deliver irfan then work work work and then 6pm comes and its time to fetch irfan, eat dinner at MIL's place and soon its 8pm and we head home. just to sleep. before we know it, its morning again and the routine repeats.

i can count the number of waking hours i actually spend with irfan on weekdays. its too little. i worry, he'll forget about me. im sad when someone else tells me what he likes and doesnt like to do. shouldnt i be the person who knows him best? he used to cry for my exclusive arms when he wants to fall asleep at night, others' just wouldnt do. but now, my arms are not really sought after anymore and he has learnt to fall asleep with someone else. it should be a good thing shouldn't it? at least i can rest a bit more now, rite? but im feeling sad instead.

oh well, i guess all working mothers go through this at some point. AND i also know that if i stay home and look after my kids 24/7, i'd probably tear my hair out and find something to complain about too.

work is ok. the new place is orite, i guess. DIFFERENT. in some ways better. in other ways, id rather be at my old place. colleagues r frenly but i wished i had more opportunities to mix n mingle with them at the staffroom. the HOD room where im sitting is as quiet and cold as a mortuary. in there, we work like the living dead anyway. very minimal conversation and mild laughter. just work work work.

aside from the picnic morrow, i think id pretty much spend the holidays with irfan and him, at HOME, doing absolutely NUTHING. dats what i need now.

and i noe the routine will come much too soon.

i wonder how will things be if i live in sweden?


night and day, night and day,
soon id be old and grey,
wondering where my life had gone...