Crossroads. Where do I go from here?

our bodies have an internal alert system that signals when a change is needed pronto. and the alert system is blaring in me right now.

things are extremely hectic at work and i thought after almost 9 years, i should be getting used to things and not complain. But i guess complaining is a way of coping. honestly, i need to move away from looking into events. I just realized that in one year, I have to look into 4 events and many other things on top of that. Its crazy but what do I know, I have been doing it for 5 years now. And ive had enough and i seriously need to explore other things and develop myself in other areas.

since i will be in here for the long haul, i have to continue let the sparks burn in me, otherwise everyday is a torture. and to keep the sparks burning, i cannot do something forever, i have to keep on challenging myself to try out other things which ive not explored before. and im ready for the change now. I NEED the change now, for the sake of my sanity and to prevent myself from doing something drastic like quitting.

Before the brain cells in me disintegrate further, I need to study...i miss and love doing research and essays and right now, i will do anything to be studying full time. It will also be a good break from work and sometimes a break is necessary to spur us further.

One thing I would probably never do is to study part time. I have always enjoyed studying and will never ever get sick of it. But to work and study at the same time, will probably kill all my interest in studying. I will just see it as a chore, essays which I have to complete and whats the point of studying when there is no joy in it? At least not when you are already 32 and have completed your mandatory primary school, sec school and tertiary education. But most of all, I think I really cant cope. I do admire those mothers especially, who can work, take care of their kids and study part time! How the heck do u guys do it?

And so, this is where i am right now, at 32 where my career is concerned. Almost 10 years, and I need a change. If Im going to stick around for another 30 years, i think its important that i break my journey into parts, take on different tasks, constantly develop myself and try out new things. Otherwise i think i will be unmotivated, complacent and run out of ideas. As it is now, I feel like im just repeating the motion and doing the same old thing, even I myself am sick of it.

And when I say Im ready for a change and take on different tasks, I dont mean Im ready to climb higher, take on more responsibilities..thats not quite my idea of challenging myself and keeping the sparks burning. That will probably kill any spark left in me. hah! Im really not ambitious, no ambitious bone in me at all, seriously.

I dont think all these feelings are coincidental. Sometimes its like an internal system that give you signals which leads you to a place you are supposed to be. For better or for worst, no one would know until you get there. And its actually your own personal view and perspective to judge if its better or worst for you. So i guess we should never regret any decisions we make, and always look on the bright side of things. Always.

So lets see what i will do. My paths have always been charted by something greater than my own indecisive plans. :)

Today I had a date with irfan. Just the two of us. I picked him up after his class and we went to bedok library after that. It's kinda rare that it's the only two of us and I must say I really enjoyed the day with him. Every bit of it. :)
I realized from this photo, he has grown quite a bit, hasnt he? Especially in his jeans, haversack and watch. My lil son looks like a big boy now. Ive always been a lil slow in catching up with reality.






Thank you for the great time today. You don't know how much you have made my day, dear son:)

Kuantan-Cherating-Terengganu Drive
Good old, trusted Fordie managed to bring us all the way up and back. Alhamdullilah considering Fordie has 2 more years before he turns 10.







The rest of the pics..And one of my fav song which accompanied us during our trip..



Now, back to work!

Hanging Out

Happy Birthday !!

Another year has gone by and it's another birthday for my partner in crime!

Happy birthday to the person who has made my world a much better place, who knows me inside out and yet love me regardless.

To the most versatile person I know, who can do anything from cooking, marketing to fixing, troubleshooting and everything else in between. He makes gender roles seem so vague and makes everything look so easy and fuss free.

May he be blessed with good health, tons of patience (very important!heh) and continue to be blessed with amazingly clear insight.

And may happy times linger forever, even when bad times come and go:)

Amin.


Irfan's card for his beloved daddy.


A closer look. By the way, that rectangular thing with a red circle is not a japanese flag. It's a camera hokay! Haha.



His little pressie for his daddy. DIY car with him and alim in it. Takde budget la but still very sweet idea rite. The one in front is his daddy of course, and the one behind is supposed to be him. See how Im not in the picture at all..haiz....ANyway, unfortunately, irfan's 'head' kinda went missing. It must have fallen off somewhere, UHU glue no good la. So it looked like there's only one driver:( Searched high and low for that darn tiny green circle but couldnt find it. Luckily irfan wasnt upset and had a good laugh instead. He cant stop chuckling, saying, "My head dropped off, my head dropped off!"



Dinner @313



Heya, 32 and father of two...who would have known:)

Mother of two needs twice the time

Kids are asleep and my fav song is playing. Typing this on our new toy. I luv it:) i rationalised that i need it coz i need something to motivate me to work from home over the hols. Or at least thats what i tell myself. Yes I have plenty to do although its the holidays but boy am i so glad i can sleep in tomorrow morning and i dont have to be anywhere!! Yeahh!!

Been spending all my time with my kids and I just can never ever get enough of them. Alisha surprises me all the time with the things she already knows at 1 year old. She's quite unbelievable and I honestly didnt know what she is capable of doing if not for the time I have with her now. She is repeating everything we say now and she is just like a tiny sponge that absorbs every lil thing she sees and hears.

The other day, I learnt, to my surprise, that she is able to order some numbers. The other day I was just showing my fingers and going, ONE, and lo and behold she said TWO! I thought i was just hearing things or overestimating my child, coz mothers usually think their kid is the smartest and cutest rite? I mean before I was a mother myself, I used to hear some mothers go on and on about how smart their kids are, how cute they are, and I would listen but can never really understand their excitement. But now that I am a mother myself, I am more understanding of all the gushing mothers do coz I do that too sometimes:)

So anyway, just to make sure I heard her right, I said ONE again. And again she said, TWO. So I continued and said THREE and guess what? She said FOUR! I continued with FIVE, and she just looked at me and kept quiet. I think if she had said SIX, I would have fainted or something! So I continued and said SIX..and she looked up at me and she screamed NINE! and she walked away, obviously bored from all the counting and decided to toddle off somewhere else. Im not sure if I heard her correctly for the last one. Could be 'LINE?FINE?MINE???' Hmm..Maybe I was just imagining things...

Im not sure when she picked this up. She enjoys hearing songs from my iphones and one of the songs she liked is that 1,2,3,4,5, once i caught a fish alive song. So I guess she picked it up from there...Im not really sure.

That made me think a lil you know...if not for the hols, my time spent with them is so limited that I would have missed all these things. Even now, I have no idea where she picked that up which goes to show Im not the one exposing her to all these numbers and im not really making a conscious effort in her development.

To tell the truth, I was more gung ho with irfan. Even when he was very young, I showed him flashcards, read to him every night, played all sort of games with him but I must admit, with alisha Im more laid back. Time is a factor and when I do have extra time, I put in the effort with irfan coz he needs it more now. But little did I know, the lil girl is always there observing every lil thing we do and say.

And its probably a girl thing coz she talks quite a bit. She can repeat anything you say even if she has just heard you once. Unlike Irfan, she loves flashcard. Of coz, im not responsible for the flashcards coz honestly, I myself find flashcards a lil boring. Heh.

Alim's mum bought this whole box for her and does it with her when she comes over. And alisha will sit attentively and listen. The other day, someone asked her, 'Where's your head" and she pointed to her head. Then she kept pointing to my cupboard. At first I didnt know what she was referring to and then realized that the box of flashcards was on the cupboard. And the word 'head' was one of the words in the flashcard which my MIL will run through with her! So when I took it out, she gave her toothy grin and looked through the cards excitedly. Me? I was checking the email, had so much work to complete and there she was all by herself, looking at the flashcards.

Haiz..I need more time with my kids. I really dont want to miss anything.