Innocent hearts

I wonder how do these children process the deaths and blood shed happening right before their eyes. How being witness to the deaths of their family members will scar them for the rest of their lives.

Often we see the physical injuries of these children splattered all over the Internet.  That's what our eyes can see and each time we see, our hearts break into a million pieces. But i wonder what goes through the minds and hearts of these little beings? The emotional trauma they go through must be worse than any physical injury our limited sight can see.

I wonder if they get nightmares and whether the images of their mother, father, uncles, neighbours being blown up will have a lifelong impact on their lives. I wonder if there is another family member left to give them the love and emotional support they truly need.

I know for sure the concept of having a counsellor or social worker working with them through their emotions is not even in their list of things to do when basic necessity is not even met.

I compare this to the support people get from other parts of the world when a crisis happens. When the crisis doesn't even match up to this. This crisis happens on a daily basis right in front of hundreds of little children. Surely the emotional impact is too immense.

Will it harden their hearts? Do they have a different concept of death and dying? Will they be angry? Will they be so beaten and depressed that the only emotion that will surface is that of retaliation and revenge? And will we not fully understand this reaction if it happens? Will we stand on a moral high ground and judge if these children grow up hating? When u see death on a daily basis surely up to some point your concept of death will be different from someone else.

Will they not know how to grief and live with the heartache forever? Will they resign to fate and be prepared for death and not fear it?

I do not know and i can only imagine what goes on in the hearts and minds of these
innocent little children. 

They should never have seen any of this. They should never.

I wonder if anyone else living outside of Gaza can fully understand this grief. I don't think we ever can.

Happy birthday darling boy

Happy birthday to the littlest one. The funny one. The one who is big on emotions. The one who laughs the hardest and cries the loudest.  The one who loves to hug and kiss and be carried like a baby. The one who teaches me patience and gives a new meaning to speed.
I love you so much la boy!

Lessons in Ramadhan

My children love to fast. I am quite intrigued by this. In fact it's easier to get them to fast than to eat at times. Irfan started when he was five and alhamdullilah it has been made easy for him.

However, this year especially was pretty hard for him as he has soccer trainings.  In fact I was the one who told him to break his fast if he could not stand it. But after every soccer training, he will be the only muslim boy in the team who is still fasting. I have no idea how he does it or why. He has never once complained about being thirsty or hungry or ask my permission to break his fast even when i saw that his lips were pale and dry. In fact i was the one who was worried and kept telling him that its ok to break his fast. He never once gave in to my offer. Alhamdullilah.

We have always been encouraging but truth is we were never quite strict about insisting they fast. We are stricter when it comes to praying or doing homework than we are about fasting.

What comes as a big surprise for me though was Alisha. I did not expect her to be able to fast too at the age of five. When irfan was keen on fasting, we attributed his ability to his personality. He is much better at controlling his wants as compared to the little princess who will kick up a fuss when she doesn't get her way.

The first 2 days was tough for her. She was in conflict and could not control her hunger and thirst. I allowed her to break her fast but tried my best to encourage her. On the 3rd day, she told me " I think I am ready to fast" alhamdullilah and since then she never once break her fast prematurely. From the third day on, she fasted full day. Once she started committing to fasting, she woke up diligently for sahur and never complained about being hungry or thirsty. Subhanallah. HE has indeed given strength to them in a way I could not understand.

I have spoken to them about fasting. I've always told them that fasting teaches us that we can be in control of our needs and wants. I told them that they are strong enough to refuse something which seems tempting and nice for something which pleases Allah. This aspect of self control is something important I hope my children will learn early in their life because for sure there will be many temptations out there. And fasting is a great way to start.

For a child, fasting is pretty tough especially when they see someone drinking their favourite drink or eating cold ice cream when they are fasting and thirsty. So every time they manage to control what they want and stick to the course, I encourage them by saying that they are strong enough and have awesome sense of self control.

But truth is i did not really play a huge part. I am still quite clueless why they enjoy fasting and is able to do it. They are probably not big eaters to begin with.

Some say fasting at 5 is too early. But if the child is willing I say why not. And to me it's not the fasting itself that matters but they are practising something more important. They are learning self control and self discipline and most importantly sacrificing their needs and wants for Allah. That is the beauty of fasting that I want my children to see and practice so that it becomes a habit in their life. Through fasting they realise that they are indeed strong enough and capable of controlling their wants for HIS sake.

They might start at 5, 7 or 9. I think it doesn't matter as long as they are willing and ready. I don't think it's right to force them too early lest they will find fasting a chore. Whenever they are ready, as parents we will continue to encourage and motivate them. Our target should not be to get them to fast for a month but to teach them day to day on how to deal with their wants. So that what was tempting on day 1 will not be the least tempting on day 2. With the hope that they will develop this ability and apply it into their lives way after Ramadhan. They will also learn that it is indeed possible to be happy with so little.

Ramadhan is a wonderful time with so many lessons to learn.  It is a great time to start a new habit. May these children be given strength to choose not only what their heart desire but what is decreed by HIM, no matter how tempting the former may be. And for me to be given strength to practice this understanding too. Insya allah.

Test and trials

The test and trials of mine are nothing compared to the test and trials of those who has no more tears to shed with the blood of their loved ones on their hands.

I am going through a busy period but who am I to complain when my days are not filled with the fear of death and sounds of firing and shells.

My patience are tested by the challenges I am facing one after another but what is it compared to the patience they have to endure seeing blood of their innocent loved ones and the inability to fight back.

The level of patience of the people who did not retaliate and take up arms to fight back is just too much to measure. I don't know if I can possibly stand back if a loved one is brutally murdered for no reason. I admire their patience. It truly requires an unbelievable amount of iman and trust in HIM.

For those who did fight back and attack, that is a natural reaction. A wrong reaction but a natural one. After all anger is part of human emotions. But to have restraint and fight these natural tendencies, these people have my respect. Total respect. They have risen above what ordinary people would do. They are stronger than ordinary.

For every one person that they killed, it's one person to a beautiful place. It's heart wrenching it's beyond imagination it makes u sick to your gut. It's what the human emotion cannot deal with. It s what the human mind deem unfair and unjust. But we have to remember that the human mind and emotions are limited and at times cannot be our sole guide.

It gives me an even higher respect for our prophets who had to face the disbelievers. Perhaps these disbelievers were these heartless too. And stubborn. And yet our prophets treated them with highest level of respect. And patience.
Subhanallah.

The killings as we see it.

May all of them be placed at a much better place for its true, these civilians do not deserve the senseless killings of this world. It's too painful and heartbreaking to see the pictures and to read about them.  Every time I accidentally see one, I picture them at that beautiful and permanent place where I hope they end up in for being murdered brutally.

However, eventually HE knows best. What we see are brutality, suffering and deaths but I've learnt that behind all the suffering we see, in HIS count, theres more to it than what meets the eye. I trust that all of those who have departed due to the brutality and senseless murders have earned their ticket to Jannah.  Every day I pray that is true.

And those who live to witness the senseless deaths of their loved ones, I pray that they have the strength to rise above their understandable anger.

There's just too much we don't understand.