INSOMNIA!
Arghhhh!!!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
I feel you, son
This is an overdue entry which I found in my draft and I'm publishing it now.
............………
When I was young, I was a pretty sore loser.
I just cannot accept losing in any game. I remembered playing chess with my older brother. I lost. I cried. In between tears, I demanded for a re-match and I lost again. I cried even louder and wailed that I wanted to play again. By then, I was tired, exhausted and in no mood to play but I was just very bad at losing. I won't be satisfied until I win.
Of course, my brother gave chance and let me win. He knew where it was going and more because he'd rather be doing something else then play chess with me for the upteenth time, knowing I can never actually beat him. So he let me win. Yes, just to shut me up.
Today , irfan lost a soccer game. Today, he had to learn to accept defeat, to feel the pain of losing in a real match, where all is fair and the best team wins.
I remembered how I hated defeat.
Suddenly I had no words for him.
My coping mechanism when I was young was to throw a tantrum
and demand a rematch.
Being a sore loser, I really feel for his lost. I don't want to say something cliche like ,"it's ok. Sometimes u win, sometimes u lose,"
It didn't help me when I was young and I doubt it'll make him feel any better.
And so I was lost for words. I'm not quite sure what to say. I just feel so sad and Kesian for him. I knew how much he wanted to win and I knew he must have given his best. He was raring to go and excited to play.
Aside from losing, he was also hit hard on his tummy by a fast ball. He was the goalkeeper for that match. It was a bad hit and he cried.
He reached home crying. He said his tummy hurts but I'm not so sure if it was because of the hit or the lost or both.
As though my loss of words wasnt bad enough, he made me even want to cry along with him when he said in a sad sad voice " what if my friends go home and tell their parents that I was lousy."
Alamak hearing that, I also wanted to cry. I wanted to walk over to the coach and demand a re-match! And while at it, why not I play sekali and try to help him win!
Tsk tsk. I never realized I could feel this way. If I could save my son from any disappointment, I would. If I could protect him from ever thinking he's lousy at anything, I would.
But the time has come when I can't do that anymore.
I don't know why im so drama. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it is my pregnancy hormones. But I feel sooooo sad and kesian for him.
It's not that this is his first defeat, but I knew how much he wanted to win this game.
Oh my, being a mother is tough! You feel his disappointment and at the same time, u have to rise above it and make him feel better.
Did my mum feel this way too once? It's so difficult to find the right words to your child to make him feel better. Now I think I'm beginning to understand where my mums trademark phrases like, "ni semua bahagian bahagian orang," came from. She was probably merely trying to make me feel better, the best way she knew how! And there I was scoffing away, finding the phrase all too hilarious.
That's that for the rather emo entry. Of course, kids are more resilient than we think. They fall, get up and go. Just got to be there in case things get overboard. Otherwise, it's just part of growing up, I guess. I'm just overeacting. And I probably should get use to feeling this way coz I'm sure my kids will face more up and downs in their lives. N I'm sure I will feel for each and every up and down they go through.
That's part and parcel of motherhood, I suppose.
............………
When I was young, I was a pretty sore loser.
I just cannot accept losing in any game. I remembered playing chess with my older brother. I lost. I cried. In between tears, I demanded for a re-match and I lost again. I cried even louder and wailed that I wanted to play again. By then, I was tired, exhausted and in no mood to play but I was just very bad at losing. I won't be satisfied until I win.
Of course, my brother gave chance and let me win. He knew where it was going and more because he'd rather be doing something else then play chess with me for the upteenth time, knowing I can never actually beat him. So he let me win. Yes, just to shut me up.
Today , irfan lost a soccer game. Today, he had to learn to accept defeat, to feel the pain of losing in a real match, where all is fair and the best team wins.
I remembered how I hated defeat.
Suddenly I had no words for him.
My coping mechanism when I was young was to throw a tantrum
and demand a rematch.
Being a sore loser, I really feel for his lost. I don't want to say something cliche like ,"it's ok. Sometimes u win, sometimes u lose,"
It didn't help me when I was young and I doubt it'll make him feel any better.
And so I was lost for words. I'm not quite sure what to say. I just feel so sad and Kesian for him. I knew how much he wanted to win and I knew he must have given his best. He was raring to go and excited to play.
Aside from losing, he was also hit hard on his tummy by a fast ball. He was the goalkeeper for that match. It was a bad hit and he cried.
He reached home crying. He said his tummy hurts but I'm not so sure if it was because of the hit or the lost or both.
As though my loss of words wasnt bad enough, he made me even want to cry along with him when he said in a sad sad voice " what if my friends go home and tell their parents that I was lousy."
Alamak hearing that, I also wanted to cry. I wanted to walk over to the coach and demand a re-match! And while at it, why not I play sekali and try to help him win!
Tsk tsk. I never realized I could feel this way. If I could save my son from any disappointment, I would. If I could protect him from ever thinking he's lousy at anything, I would.
But the time has come when I can't do that anymore.
I don't know why im so drama. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it is my pregnancy hormones. But I feel sooooo sad and kesian for him.
It's not that this is his first defeat, but I knew how much he wanted to win this game.
Oh my, being a mother is tough! You feel his disappointment and at the same time, u have to rise above it and make him feel better.
Did my mum feel this way too once? It's so difficult to find the right words to your child to make him feel better. Now I think I'm beginning to understand where my mums trademark phrases like, "ni semua bahagian bahagian orang," came from. She was probably merely trying to make me feel better, the best way she knew how! And there I was scoffing away, finding the phrase all too hilarious.
That's that for the rather emo entry. Of course, kids are more resilient than we think. They fall, get up and go. Just got to be there in case things get overboard. Otherwise, it's just part of growing up, I guess. I'm just overeacting. And I probably should get use to feeling this way coz I'm sure my kids will face more up and downs in their lives. N I'm sure I will feel for each and every up and down they go through.
That's part and parcel of motherhood, I suppose.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Update on the P1 boy
So term 2 has begun. And im happy to report that things are more settled with the P1 boy. I'm not a maniac anymore when it comes to spelling and homework.
My saviour was a simple solution. A timetable plastered on the fridge for him to follow was all it took for me to reduce my incessant nagging which I was also getting sick of.
All he had to do was check the clock and follow his timetable. Once in a while I still have to remind him of what needs to be done. But I hope to see less of my intervention next term. A step at a time:)
He doesn't cry anymore when he learns his spelling and my voice has not reached an alarming decibel. It has developed into a routine. Before he learns his spelling, he will ask me to test him to see which words he already knows and which he needs to learn. After which, he will write the words which he needs to learn 5 times. Then I will test him again. So most of the time he will be busy writing and learning on his own while I can shake leg or do my own stuff. He doesn't cry anymore if he gets the word wrong when I test him because by now he knows that getting it wrong only means he has to take more time to memorise the words and he will do better next time. Super improvement!
For me, it's not so much about getting full marks for spelling. My main concern is to get him to be serious and focused on tasks given to him.
Different kids are different. With him, it's quite a feat to get him to be more independent and to be disciplined in getting things done. He will only move when I ask him to. So Im slowly trying to put the responsibility on him. I'm still trying to get him to be more on task and to take the initiative to do things well, on his own accord.
If there's anything I've learnt from my teaching profession, it will be the realization that the correct attitude is key to everything. Sure, kids who are smart with poor attitude sometimes do well in exams, but doing well in exams does not decide your future.
The journey is long and anything can change between your PSLE results and your first job. And then from your first job to your mid adult life. So doing well in exams, while can be important, should not be the main consuming focus for a child.
To be disciplined and to have a driving force to give your best in everything are key two things. It doesn't come naturally to Irfan for now and so I have to play my part to help him develop these values.
I've not reached that stage yet. Im still trying. will work something out and update:)
Honestly, raising a child is a pretty fascinating experience for me. I complain but I love it to bits. It's like a lifelong project. I have no clue what I am doing but I learn along the way, experimenting with different strategies and observing the outcomes.
Someone experienced told me the other day that 2 crucial factors that can help a child develop the right attitude is having good role models and a parent's sincere doa for the child.
I think I might just agree with that. How about you?:)
My saviour was a simple solution. A timetable plastered on the fridge for him to follow was all it took for me to reduce my incessant nagging which I was also getting sick of.
All he had to do was check the clock and follow his timetable. Once in a while I still have to remind him of what needs to be done. But I hope to see less of my intervention next term. A step at a time:)
He doesn't cry anymore when he learns his spelling and my voice has not reached an alarming decibel. It has developed into a routine. Before he learns his spelling, he will ask me to test him to see which words he already knows and which he needs to learn. After which, he will write the words which he needs to learn 5 times. Then I will test him again. So most of the time he will be busy writing and learning on his own while I can shake leg or do my own stuff. He doesn't cry anymore if he gets the word wrong when I test him because by now he knows that getting it wrong only means he has to take more time to memorise the words and he will do better next time. Super improvement!
For me, it's not so much about getting full marks for spelling. My main concern is to get him to be serious and focused on tasks given to him.
Different kids are different. With him, it's quite a feat to get him to be more independent and to be disciplined in getting things done. He will only move when I ask him to. So Im slowly trying to put the responsibility on him. I'm still trying to get him to be more on task and to take the initiative to do things well, on his own accord.
If there's anything I've learnt from my teaching profession, it will be the realization that the correct attitude is key to everything. Sure, kids who are smart with poor attitude sometimes do well in exams, but doing well in exams does not decide your future.
The journey is long and anything can change between your PSLE results and your first job. And then from your first job to your mid adult life. So doing well in exams, while can be important, should not be the main consuming focus for a child.
To be disciplined and to have a driving force to give your best in everything are key two things. It doesn't come naturally to Irfan for now and so I have to play my part to help him develop these values.
I've not reached that stage yet. Im still trying. will work something out and update:)
Honestly, raising a child is a pretty fascinating experience for me. I complain but I love it to bits. It's like a lifelong project. I have no clue what I am doing but I learn along the way, experimenting with different strategies and observing the outcomes.
Someone experienced told me the other day that 2 crucial factors that can help a child develop the right attitude is having good role models and a parent's sincere doa for the child.
I think I might just agree with that. How about you?:)
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Day 3 in school update
Day 3. And shes still very enthusiastic about school. Things looking good. Im glad! She came home singing and dancing, and pretending to be a teacher. Hopefully she continues to enjoy school.
PE day today, hence the PE attire and no tudung.....Abang dutifully sending his lil sister to sch everyday.
PE day today, hence the PE attire and no tudung.....Abang dutifully sending his lil sister to sch everyday.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Baby girl goes to school.
My baby girl starts her first day of sch today.
She has been waiting for this day, very enthusiastic and looking forward to being with friends. I hope the sch meets her expectations because I do know she has this idea of sch as being a very fun place where kids read, write, draw, sing and dance.
Amidst my splitting headache, I sent her and took the van with her just for today. She was so confident of going on her own and insisted that she can go on her own with the driver and her friends. But I must say, I'm the one who was reluctant to let go.
Upon reaching, she waved me goodbye and like a seasoned preschooler, placed her shoes on the rack and followed the teacher. I soon realized I wasn't needed. I wished she had wanted me to stay but she didn't insist at all. She smiled at me and waved and soon turned her attention to her teachers and friends. No one would have known its her first day.
I lingered and saw her sitting with other kids listening to the teachers instructions. I took a peek again later and she was busy arranging her materials. I thought she looked sad but she told my mum( who dropped by and sat with her for a bit) she likes school. I suppose I was the one who was worried.
Im not sure how she is now. She will be back in an hours time and we will soon find out if she looks forward to school tomorrow or she wouldn't want to go back. I had an inkling that she wouldn't cry but she does have strong opinions. Not crying does not mean she likes what she was asked to do in sch. She's pretty good at showing a cool calm exterior in front of people, hiding her true feelings. But I will only know how she truly feels when she gets home later.
Can't wait for her to reach home and tell me all about school! I just hope she's not disappointed as to what the school has got to offer because she was very much looking forward to it.
Will update later!
I miss her:(
Friday, March 16, 2012
Tech talk
You know your kids are from a different era when you hear their conversation going something like this:
(irfan watching alvin and the chipmunks on alims phone and Alisha holding on to my phone at club med cherating recently. We were waiting to check in)
Alisha: I want to watch movie too! But I cannot go you tube!
Irfan: no wi-fi here.
Alisha: no wi-fi, how u go you tube?
Irfan: I already download the movie in the phone.
Alisha: you download at home?
Irfan ignored her and continued watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Alisha: ibu, can download movie for me when we go home?
Ibu:ok
Alisha: I'm playing Barney game now. No need wi-fi. But must wait. It's loading.
It's so easy for kids these days to make sense of words like wi-fi, download, loading... I don't think they know what the words really mean but they seem to know enough to use it properly and seem to grasp its functions without a need for a thorough explanation.
Curious to know, I act blur and ask them what these words mean. They answered in bits and pieces, totally disinterested in my questions and pretty much ignoring me most of the time. Basically here's what I could make out from whatever little they said, "wi-fi" is just something we need to get to you tube or Internet when we are out of the house, "download" means getting the movie or game from somewhere into the phone and "loading" is when u wait for the game or movie to start.
Hmm i must say that's as my much as I probably know too! Anyway, pics and stories of club med coming up soon! Before that I have a paper to set, lessons to plan and I promised the kids Disney on Ice tonight and Barney show tomorrow afternoon! I hv no idea how I'm going to complete so many things with just the weekend left. But of course, this is nothing new. Cramming everything to the very last minute and then complaining about the ton of work has been going on and on like a broken record, so I know I'll survive!
Till later, I'm taking a short nap while waiting for alim to come back from prayers. Yawwwnnnnn....
Meanwhile here's one pic of irfan I took from my phone ( hes in yellow, blue stripes) dancing away at club med. u should really see him go, I'm shocked too. we, the old foggies, could not even move a beat and just plonked ourselves on a comfy sofa, with nice, cool drinks, wondering if we had exposed our little 7 year old to too much fun for one night, an introduction to a lifestyle we will definitely disapprove off when he turns 17.
I would have preferred him dancing to Barney for the rest of his life, but that would be impossible (and weird) of course.
Alisha was a little overwhelmed but mostly, she was sleepy coz it was past her bedtime. She wasn't interested coz it wasn't Barney and she couldn't care less about whatever music that was playing.
Oh by the way, this isn't a bar or anything like that, heh, we can be rather irresponsible parents at times but this time, we didn't smuggle underaged kids to a room full of smoke n loud music. This is just an open area by the pool where they have different kind of activities after dinner every night. There were kids, adults and even nyonyas and apeks moving their bons bons away. And I was just a little surprised that irfan joined in too, with much enthusiasm no less.
Ok more later. Very sleepy!
(irfan watching alvin and the chipmunks on alims phone and Alisha holding on to my phone at club med cherating recently. We were waiting to check in)
Alisha: I want to watch movie too! But I cannot go you tube!
Irfan: no wi-fi here.
Alisha: no wi-fi, how u go you tube?
Irfan: I already download the movie in the phone.
Alisha: you download at home?
Irfan ignored her and continued watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Alisha: ibu, can download movie for me when we go home?
Ibu:ok
Alisha: I'm playing Barney game now. No need wi-fi. But must wait. It's loading.
It's so easy for kids these days to make sense of words like wi-fi, download, loading... I don't think they know what the words really mean but they seem to know enough to use it properly and seem to grasp its functions without a need for a thorough explanation.
Curious to know, I act blur and ask them what these words mean. They answered in bits and pieces, totally disinterested in my questions and pretty much ignoring me most of the time. Basically here's what I could make out from whatever little they said, "wi-fi" is just something we need to get to you tube or Internet when we are out of the house, "download" means getting the movie or game from somewhere into the phone and "loading" is when u wait for the game or movie to start.
Hmm i must say that's as my much as I probably know too! Anyway, pics and stories of club med coming up soon! Before that I have a paper to set, lessons to plan and I promised the kids Disney on Ice tonight and Barney show tomorrow afternoon! I hv no idea how I'm going to complete so many things with just the weekend left. But of course, this is nothing new. Cramming everything to the very last minute and then complaining about the ton of work has been going on and on like a broken record, so I know I'll survive!
Till later, I'm taking a short nap while waiting for alim to come back from prayers. Yawwwnnnnn....
Meanwhile here's one pic of irfan I took from my phone ( hes in yellow, blue stripes) dancing away at club med. u should really see him go, I'm shocked too. we, the old foggies, could not even move a beat and just plonked ourselves on a comfy sofa, with nice, cool drinks, wondering if we had exposed our little 7 year old to too much fun for one night, an introduction to a lifestyle we will definitely disapprove off when he turns 17.
I would have preferred him dancing to Barney for the rest of his life, but that would be impossible (and weird) of course.
Alisha was a little overwhelmed but mostly, she was sleepy coz it was past her bedtime. She wasn't interested coz it wasn't Barney and she couldn't care less about whatever music that was playing.
Oh by the way, this isn't a bar or anything like that, heh, we can be rather irresponsible parents at times but this time, we didn't smuggle underaged kids to a room full of smoke n loud music. This is just an open area by the pool where they have different kind of activities after dinner every night. There were kids, adults and even nyonyas and apeks moving their bons bons away. And I was just a little surprised that irfan joined in too, with much enthusiasm no less.
Ok more later. Very sleepy!
Monday, March 12, 2012
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