I feel you, son

This is an overdue entry which I found in my draft and I'm publishing it now.

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When I was young, I was a pretty sore loser.

I just cannot accept losing in any game. I remembered playing chess with my older brother. I lost. I cried. In between tears, I demanded for a re-match and I lost again. I cried even louder and wailed that I wanted to play again. By then, I was tired, exhausted and in no mood to play but I was just very bad at losing. I won't be satisfied until I win.

Of course, my brother gave chance and let me win. He knew where it was going and more because he'd rather be doing something else then play chess with me for the upteenth time, knowing I can never actually beat him. So he let me win. Yes, just to shut me up.

Today , irfan lost a soccer game. Today, he had to learn to accept defeat, to feel the pain of losing in a real match, where all is fair and the best team wins.

I remembered how I hated defeat.
Suddenly I had no words for him.
My coping mechanism when I was young was to throw a tantrum
and demand a rematch.

Being a sore loser, I really feel for his lost. I don't want to say something cliche like ,"it's ok. Sometimes u win, sometimes u lose,"

It didn't help me when I was young and I doubt it'll make him feel any better.

And so I was lost for words. I'm not quite sure what to say. I just feel so sad and Kesian for him. I knew how much he wanted to win and I knew he must have given his best. He was raring to go and excited to play.

Aside from losing, he was also hit hard on his tummy by a fast ball. He was the goalkeeper for that match. It was a bad hit and he cried.

He reached home crying. He said his tummy hurts but I'm not so sure if it was because of the hit or the lost or both.

As though my loss of words wasnt bad enough, he made me even want to cry along with him when he said in a sad sad voice " what if my friends go home and tell their parents that I was lousy."

Alamak hearing that, I also wanted to cry. I wanted to walk over to the coach and demand a re-match! And while at it, why not I play sekali and try to help him win!

Tsk tsk. I never realized I could feel this way. If I could save my son from any disappointment, I would. If I could protect him from ever thinking he's lousy at anything, I would.

But the time has come when I can't do that anymore.

I don't know why im so drama. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it is my pregnancy hormones. But I feel sooooo sad and kesian for him.

It's not that this is his first defeat, but I knew how much he wanted to win this game.

Oh my, being a mother is tough! You feel his disappointment and at the same time, u have to rise above it and make him feel better.

Did my mum feel this way too once? It's so difficult to find the right words to your child to make him feel better. Now I think I'm beginning to understand where my mums trademark phrases like, "ni semua bahagian bahagian orang," came from. She was probably merely trying to make me feel better, the best way she knew how! And there I was scoffing away, finding the phrase all too hilarious.

That's that for the rather emo entry. Of course, kids are more resilient than we think. They fall, get up and go. Just got to be there in case things get overboard. Otherwise, it's just part of growing up, I guess. I'm just overeacting. And I probably should get use to feeling this way coz I'm sure my kids will face more up and downs in their lives. N I'm sure I will feel for each and every up and down they go through.

That's part and parcel of motherhood, I suppose.