The most difficult part of parenting for me is being a good role model to my kids. I can't do anything about the fact that my behavior is constantly being watched and internalized by these little beings. The only way to go is to be exemplary at all times. This requires some drastic character change for me because I have to say, there's many bad habits of mine that are far from exemplary; the only example it is good for is a negative one.
And then there's a wide array of things I accidentally expose my kids to which is partly my interest and mostly my indulgence.
For example, I've just discovered recently that my 3 year old daughter can recognize a Gucci bag from a mile. She says this to me, "ibu, look that lady is wearing a Gucci bag. It's pretty."
She can't read yet but these are some of the many words she can recognize: GAP, uniqlo, IKEA, Bobbi brown, Zara and of course, more suitable for her age will be McDonald's, toys r us etc.
Her favorite songs are We are Young by Fun, Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine, No one is going to love you by Band of Horses, Don't leave me by Regina Spectre, Everything at Once by Lenka. Go google and have a listen.
Honestly, it's not something I'm proud of. It just goes to show how much shopping we do and the kind of music we listen to. Yes, theres is probably nothing wrong with that. But sometimes i wonder, for a little mind who can absorb a million and one things, are these the things I want to feed her young mind with? If we had done something more meaningful often enough, she would probably have memorized those rather than these brand names.
Parenting for me is a lesson. A lesson or a reflection on my behavior. My kids have taught me far more than i think possible. They always make me realize my flaws, my bad habits, things about myself that I can work on. They are the best mirror I can ever find on the entire planet.
Just recently, when Alisha started crying and whining in the car, I lost my temper, raised my voice and pinched her after I told her repeatedly to stop but she refused to listen. My voice was loud, my tone was rude. Irfan was also in the car. He was silent coz he knew better than to cause more trouble. Moments later, Alisha bugged irfan about something. Guess what? Irfan lost his temper, pinched her and raised his voice rudely. My first instinct was to scold irfan and to tell him to speak nicely to his sister and even if she was wrong, he had no business shouting at her rudely. But I paused and realized, I'm the pot calling the kettle black.
I could have stayed calm, be firm and explain to her how to behave. I could pinch her but probably not do it out of anger like I did.
In my quest to be a better person, my kids have been the biggest help and motivation. They don't know it of course but for me, there's no motivation more powerful than knowing that I am a role model to my kids. I have no other choice but to buck up.
I have to do it real fast too coz when it comes to raising children, I often think that there's a window period for disciplining before the window closes at a certain age and they are unreachable. When that age comes, we just have to let go a little more and have faith that all the groundwork done when they were younger would be more than enough to guide their decisions.
I'm always my worst critic. If you don't already know, I tend to over think things sometimes. I should just lighten up shouldn't I? Coz after all it's quite adorable for little kids to know these brand names and pretty common too? So i should probably just laugh it off, u think? Why must i be so drama and over analyze everything right?
Haiz I don't know why either! Why must reflect on everything one? Hmm that's just the way my mind works I guess.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I'm soo happy that the holidays are here! We are not taking the plane to anywhere this time coz shahid is still a little too young. I suppose that is ok coz there's quite a number of new places in Singapore we have not been to so we will probably check them out. I'm just super glad to be spending my time with the kids.
And irfan deserves to have all this time to do whatever he wants after all the hard work he has put in throughout the year, which totally paid off coz he got band 1s for all his subjects! To be honest, we did not work for band 1s. In fact when he got his grades, he had no clue if it was good or not. He even asked me if there is band 0. Haha!!
He only knew it was good when other people started saying he had done a gd job.
He is just in p1 so I was not really interested in getting him to be so obsessed with grades. I just wanted him to learn to be more focused, to take all his tasks seriously, to persevere when things get difficult. Basically I was more interested in setting the groundwork for good study habits.
I'm happy coz at the end of the day, I can tell him "see, your 1 hour of practice every day paid off!" to me the band 1s is a message to him that everything requires effort, that it's important not to give up when things get difficult. Instead of me just nagging, he now sees for himself and hopefully will listen to me more next time!!
Ok this is getting lengthy and I'm getting sleepy now. Till another reflection, good night!:)
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
I am thankful for you- 8 years on
It was our anniversary yesterday. 8 years. I wanted to say we had gone through many ups and downs together but on second thoughts, we have not really faced any downs, given the relatively challenging, life-changing moments many others have bravely gone through. The downs we have had were nothing in comparison. But if and when such a down passes us by, we hope we stand together, solid and strong.
I am thankful for many things. I have written many times how I'm thankful most of all for having a soul such as him, love me despite my shortcomings. That love comes from a higher being and my prayer is that feeling will last till ever. I did nothing to plant that feeling but it's there, a very important fuel for this journey of 8 years. For without it, nothing would taste this sweet and wonderful. Even the tough moments didn't seem as painful and if they were, that feeling made them all worthwhile.
So what did we do on our anniversary? Well the thought of having candlelight dinner somewhere with awesome view without the kids did cross our minds. Doing something special but not knowing what to do was the sketchy plan. But I supposed we didn't want that badly enough to do something about it.
Instead we spent the day with our kids, doing things we've always done, walked the streets we've always walked and ate at our favorite place. Maybe we have turned out into a boring couple we swore we'll never be but at the end of the day, we had a good time like we always do. We can't really imagine how sitting at a candlelight dinner could make us any happier or the 8 years more special. Yes that's probably how boring we have turned out to be. The notion of celebrating anniversaries like how anniversaries should be celebrated, does not seem all so enticing. All i felt like doing was to go out with the kids and eat at our favorite place.hmm.. I wonder why.
Anyway, so here we are, 8 years...8 years of wonderful memories, of unwavering support and a hand to hold. We are learning to raise a family, to work towards that eternal destination, none of which is an easy feat. So I can never be thankful enough for a team mate who complements.
Insyaallah, many years to come, may our journey be long and blessed. To you, I appreciate you.
I am always thankful for you.
I am thankful for many things. I have written many times how I'm thankful most of all for having a soul such as him, love me despite my shortcomings. That love comes from a higher being and my prayer is that feeling will last till ever. I did nothing to plant that feeling but it's there, a very important fuel for this journey of 8 years. For without it, nothing would taste this sweet and wonderful. Even the tough moments didn't seem as painful and if they were, that feeling made them all worthwhile.
So what did we do on our anniversary? Well the thought of having candlelight dinner somewhere with awesome view without the kids did cross our minds. Doing something special but not knowing what to do was the sketchy plan. But I supposed we didn't want that badly enough to do something about it.
Instead we spent the day with our kids, doing things we've always done, walked the streets we've always walked and ate at our favorite place. Maybe we have turned out into a boring couple we swore we'll never be but at the end of the day, we had a good time like we always do. We can't really imagine how sitting at a candlelight dinner could make us any happier or the 8 years more special. Yes that's probably how boring we have turned out to be. The notion of celebrating anniversaries like how anniversaries should be celebrated, does not seem all so enticing. All i felt like doing was to go out with the kids and eat at our favorite place.hmm.. I wonder why.
Anyway, so here we are, 8 years...8 years of wonderful memories, of unwavering support and a hand to hold. We are learning to raise a family, to work towards that eternal destination, none of which is an easy feat. So I can never be thankful enough for a team mate who complements.
Insyaallah, many years to come, may our journey be long and blessed. To you, I appreciate you.
I am always thankful for you.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Please stop!
Stop shouting at my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do I say this nicely?
And he's learning to shout too, at 2 months!!! Come on, he's not deaf. He will be if this goes on!
How do I say this nicely?
And he's learning to shout too, at 2 months!!! Come on, he's not deaf. He will be if this goes on!
Monday, October 08, 2012
Wake me up when Spetember ends
As always, September is a month of celebration. So all that depressing entries are just mere memories of a thing of the past. PooF! Out of the window they go! Im relieved and i guess so are you.:)
My dear firstborn turned 7 on the 20th. I lost track of how many times a birthday song was sung to him this year and how many times he had blown the candles out for his birthday. So i tell him, he's indeed lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love him.
I remember when i was young, there was a particular year when my brother prepared a treausre hunt for me to find my own present. He hid clues at different places in my house and I remember feeling so ecstatic about finding my present. he even hid one clue in a pipe and I had to turn on the tap and the clue popped out all soggy and wet. In the end my present was a transformer. I dont remember if i enjoyed playing with transformers when I was young or he had bought it mre for himself .
Anyway, so i decided to recreate that moment for my dear son. He woke up early that day and I gave him his first clue.He was just as excited as I was!! Alisha helped of coz and in the end he found his pressie. We told him that this lil pressie was from Alisha.
My dear firstborn turned 7 on the 20th. I lost track of how many times a birthday song was sung to him this year and how many times he had blown the candles out for his birthday. So i tell him, he's indeed lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love him.
 |
| The first cake. An early birthday surprise at my sis's place together with his much loved uncles, aunties and cousins. |
I remember when i was young, there was a particular year when my brother prepared a treausre hunt for me to find my own present. He hid clues at different places in my house and I remember feeling so ecstatic about finding my present. he even hid one clue in a pipe and I had to turn on the tap and the clue popped out all soggy and wet. In the end my present was a transformer. I dont remember if i enjoyed playing with transformers when I was young or he had bought it mre for himself .
Anyway, so i decided to recreate that moment for my dear son. He woke up early that day and I gave him his first clue.He was just as excited as I was!! Alisha helped of coz and in the end he found his pressie. We told him that this lil pressie was from Alisha.
He immediately fixed his pressie and it was ready in no time! Happy birthday boy!!
We had dinner at fish and co paragon and the staff sang Irfan a birthday song. We gave him his present. A pair of Heelys. Our wish: He'll never grow too cool for a goofy hat like that!
Because it's his birthday, we let them have a good time at Paragon's playground even though it was a schoolday tomorrow.
Wide awake at 9pm, all excited to go to the playground on a weekday.
The next day, we had dinner with Alim's parents at Swensen's and he got to blow his cake again and we sang for him for the 100th time.
and over the weekend we managed to catch Cat in the Hat play, one of our favourite night reads. I was super excited. We enjoyed the show very much and already bought tickets fo the next upcoming play, Fantastic Mr Fox by Roald Dahl. Coincidentally, that's irfan read for now so he is super excited too.
We had a lot of fun this Sepetember, like we always do. Now September has ended, and that means a month closer to my dreaded end of maternity leave:(
I'm going to miss hanging out with the kids at home. Till later, bye for now!
Saturday, October 06, 2012
My first music lesson
I've always wanted to learn to play a musical instrument of some sort since I was young. I've always admired those who could play one, they look so effortless and easy. I am always convinced that I am tone deaf coz I could never memorise notes or knew where to place my fingers.
I wished I had picked it up very early in my life but my parents never had the means to enrol me in a class and music was definitely very low or even non existent in their priority list.. which I totally understand.
Some people don't have to attend any official music lessons and they just self taught themselves. They just pick up an instrument and learn on their own. I find this amazing. I'm definitely not capable of that when it comes to music. I wish I could though.
I used to also daydream about performing on stage, with a cool band and I play the guitar and sing. Haha. So funny. Of coz, that didn't happen.
Now 34 years later, I sat in my first Yamaha music lesson learning the solfege on the electone with my son! I think I was more excited than he was! So there i was in a junior electone class for 7 year olds, all wide eyed and eager to learn! I knew as much as the 7 year olds or even lesser perhaps. Everything was new to me. Yes that was how little I knew about music but oh well, my policy is its never too old to learn anything and there's no shame in admitting how lil you know.
I had a good time and I hope irfan did too. I can already see that it's just going to get tougher coz one needs total focus and concentration to coordinate what we hear and then move our fingers to play. It also requires irfan to listen attentively to the tune, to focus on his fingering and to keep practicing to get better. Irfan is still getting used to the feel of the keyboard, the reading of the notes and so am I!
We were told to practice at home. I'm afraid i can't really guide him much coz I am learning as well and I probably teach him the wrong stuff. Haha.
I hope through the lessons, he not only
learn to play the electone but also to develop better concentration, coordination and perseverance to practice and practice which he can apply in everything else in his life. For me, I always think its character before content.
I just hope I don't kill his interest by turning this into a "must practice", "must do well" thing which I'm already doing with his school work. So I really need to relax and let him enjoy the music. The tests are optional anyway. That's also one of the reasons we didn't put him in an intensive piano lesson. This class is supposed to be a fun thing for him.
But for me, I will practice for sure. Heh I can be kiasu that way. And I know when it comes to music, I am not smart enough to learn it once so I need the practice. Right now I'm practicing more than him. Haha.
But that will probably change when work starts for me. We'll see:)
Till later, have a wonderful week everyone.
I hope I will!:):)
I wished I had picked it up very early in my life but my parents never had the means to enrol me in a class and music was definitely very low or even non existent in their priority list.. which I totally understand.
Some people don't have to attend any official music lessons and they just self taught themselves. They just pick up an instrument and learn on their own. I find this amazing. I'm definitely not capable of that when it comes to music. I wish I could though.
I used to also daydream about performing on stage, with a cool band and I play the guitar and sing. Haha. So funny. Of coz, that didn't happen.
Now 34 years later, I sat in my first Yamaha music lesson learning the solfege on the electone with my son! I think I was more excited than he was! So there i was in a junior electone class for 7 year olds, all wide eyed and eager to learn! I knew as much as the 7 year olds or even lesser perhaps. Everything was new to me. Yes that was how little I knew about music but oh well, my policy is its never too old to learn anything and there's no shame in admitting how lil you know.
I had a good time and I hope irfan did too. I can already see that it's just going to get tougher coz one needs total focus and concentration to coordinate what we hear and then move our fingers to play. It also requires irfan to listen attentively to the tune, to focus on his fingering and to keep practicing to get better. Irfan is still getting used to the feel of the keyboard, the reading of the notes and so am I!
We were told to practice at home. I'm afraid i can't really guide him much coz I am learning as well and I probably teach him the wrong stuff. Haha.
I hope through the lessons, he not only
learn to play the electone but also to develop better concentration, coordination and perseverance to practice and practice which he can apply in everything else in his life. For me, I always think its character before content.
I just hope I don't kill his interest by turning this into a "must practice", "must do well" thing which I'm already doing with his school work. So I really need to relax and let him enjoy the music. The tests are optional anyway. That's also one of the reasons we didn't put him in an intensive piano lesson. This class is supposed to be a fun thing for him.
But for me, I will practice for sure. Heh I can be kiasu that way. And I know when it comes to music, I am not smart enough to learn it once so I need the practice. Right now I'm practicing more than him. Haha.
But that will probably change when work starts for me. We'll see:)
Till later, have a wonderful week everyone.
I hope I will!:):)
Monday, October 01, 2012
A date with Russian Red
A lovely end to September.
Taking a short break from being a 🐮to have a date with a boy and Russian Red.
Taking a short break from being a 🐮to have a date with a boy and Russian Red.
I'm a happy girl and ready to resume my moo moo duties!:)
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Rainy night
Have always loved rainy nights. Tonight is no different. Now let's decide on the music of choice tonite. :)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
My first love
Me: irfan would you like to learn how to play a musical instrument?
Irfan: ya I want!
Me: what musical instrument do you want to learn? Yamaha has piano, electone, guitar and drums.
Silence for a few seconds...
Irfan: what is the (main) instrument in your favorite song?
Me: hmmm... Piano?
Irfan: ok I want to learn piano. so that I can play your favorite song for you.
Awwwwwww.....
I melted into mush right about there...
Sweetness!
Irfan: ya I want!
Me: what musical instrument do you want to learn? Yamaha has piano, electone, guitar and drums.
Silence for a few seconds...
Irfan: what is the (main) instrument in your favorite song?
Me: hmmm... Piano?
Irfan: ok I want to learn piano. so that I can play your favorite song for you.
Awwwwwww.....
I melted into mush right about there...
Sweetness!
Waiting for a free slot
I was secretly waiting for September holidays.
But that's over.
Now I will have to wait for December.
But that's over.
Now I will have to wait for December.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Yes yes. I'm lazy. Yes yes I just sit around.
Yes. This is all i do during my maternity leave. Oh sorry. Not exactly. I have an iPhone in
hand. So all day , all I do is chat with friends and surf the net.
No.. I'm not tired at all. Not busy at all. Really there's nothing to do.
Breastfeeding? Oh that one just sit what. Not tired. Breastfeed for 1 hour, just sit only. Not tired what.
When baby cannot sleep just rock a bit, sing a lullaby. And my baby very good one. Can sleep within 0.1 second. At night, he sleeps throughout. Never even wake up once! Not a stir.
Ok what. What's the big deal right?
What? Recuperate from delivery? No need to. It was an easy peasy delivery. I just sneezed, and the baby was out. After that I look and feel great. I could have climbed Mt Kinabalu
And This picture below NEVER happens of coz.
The house is always quiet. Very quiet that I can sleep all day, read a book, sip hot chocolate.
Of coz going out to work is more tiring. Me? I'm just relaxing with my legs up.
Yes yes. My mum and husband does EVERYTHING in the house.
They would breastfeed too if they could.
Oh excuse me now, while I buff my nails and soak my feet in warm water.
My kids? They can do everything on their own; bathe, eat, entertain themselves, do homework.
In fact I suspect they are really adults in kids bodies.
Till later!
(p.s sarcasm aside, no matter what i say, i can never deny that I'm fortunate to have everything that I have and for that, I'm truly grateful. So don't shoot me.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Lack of sleep
Oh wow. What a splendid birthday I had. I did get that much needed movie, nice dinner with awesome view and music.
with someone who really wanted to be there.
I did get to dress up a lil, smell nice and feel better.
It's my birthday after all. That's nothing much to ask for. And I got it.
Wait am I hallucinating?
with someone who really wanted to be there.
I did get to dress up a lil, smell nice and feel better.
It's my birthday after all. That's nothing much to ask for. And I got it.
Wait am I hallucinating?
Just another day
It's just another day.
People go to work, kids go to school.
I'm such an idiot to think it would be any different.
Anymore special than it already is.
Just because it's my birthday.
People go to work, kids go to school.
I'm such an idiot to think it would be any different.
Anymore special than it already is.
Just because it's my birthday.
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me!
It's a quiet night. Very quiet. Im accompanied by the yellow dim light, and the Tv on low volume.
If I hadn't known better, I would think I'm all alone in this room.
Here's to releasing the past and embracing the future. To learning to enjoy my lonesome self. To accepting that people sometimes just will never understand what truly lies beneath my words. To accepting that I'm no longer the centre of the universe.
Excuse me now, while I start the celebration with some music.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Images in my mind
I'm so glad I went to Greece for the last hols. I don't think we will go anywhere awesome soon. When I get tired and bored, there's some images of Greece I can escape to. It's so vivid in my mind. Lately, I really need to escape a lot. Coz my reality these days involve mostly leaking milk, crying baby and soiled diapers.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm not thankful. I'm grateful beyond words. But anyone would know, when it comes to feelings, nothing is either black or white. Usually it's a rainbow of Colours and black and white. Feelings are complex.
It's just a good escape from the routine . A good escape from the image of me in my home tshirt and pants , messed up hair, looking shabby, smelling of milk and spectacles falling off my face. Im sure u know, looking awful will just make one feel awful. But these days, there's really no reason to dress up.
Right now I'm thinking of the litted island at night. If I could, right now I would want to sit in one of their restaurants, with the nice breeze blowing and a super awesome view. And of course, nice music. I would want to see those litted lights against the dark night. Sigh.. If only.
With someone who really really wanted to be there too as much as I do. Not because he or she has to. Not because he or she wants to make me happy.
But in reality, I'm bored on my bed. Tired, depressed and smelling of milk.
The lil one is finally asleep. He will be awake in a couple of hours. The two kids are still wide awake.
If I could I would walk out that door and go for a much needed walk and nice dinner. Sigh .... if I could. If only i could.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm not thankful. I'm grateful beyond words. But anyone would know, when it comes to feelings, nothing is either black or white. Usually it's a rainbow of Colours and black and white. Feelings are complex.
It's just a good escape from the routine . A good escape from the image of me in my home tshirt and pants , messed up hair, looking shabby, smelling of milk and spectacles falling off my face. Im sure u know, looking awful will just make one feel awful. But these days, there's really no reason to dress up.
Right now I'm thinking of the litted island at night. If I could, right now I would want to sit in one of their restaurants, with the nice breeze blowing and a super awesome view. And of course, nice music. I would want to see those litted lights against the dark night. Sigh.. If only.
With someone who really really wanted to be there too as much as I do. Not because he or she has to. Not because he or she wants to make me happy.
But in reality, I'm bored on my bed. Tired, depressed and smelling of milk.
The lil one is finally asleep. He will be awake in a couple of hours. The two kids are still wide awake.
If I could I would walk out that door and go for a much needed walk and nice dinner. Sigh .... if I could. If only i could.
Acknowledging the feeling and then moving on.
Major disappointment.:( boo hoo.
Well but there's no other way to go but take the decision within our stride.
And I believe in HIS decision 100%. So all is good. Alhamdullilah.;)
Well but there's no other way to go but take the decision within our stride.
And I believe in HIS decision 100%. So all is good. Alhamdullilah.;)
Saturday, September 08, 2012
My loyal company
3.48am.
In bed with my little guy who always keeps me company.
No matter what time of day!
Smooshy kisssss!!!!
In bed with my little guy who always keeps me company.
No matter what time of day!
Smooshy kisssss!!!!
Friday, September 07, 2012
Random thoughts on the last day of hols
The hols is over. And still it didn't happen. I guess holidays is still a busy period for some people. Yes even at night.
Tonite is another wasted nite.
Maybe he thinks it's selfish.
I guess I wasn't clear enough about the urgency and the DESPERATION.
What words or actions should I use?
Next week work starts and classes too. I don't want to cause a distraction.
And so i think I can do this on my own. I just have to learn to enjoy it. It just needs some getting used to.
The need for a recharge has become an emergency and I have decided not to wait for anyone anymore.
Tonite is another wasted nite.
Maybe he thinks it's selfish.
I guess I wasn't clear enough about the urgency and the DESPERATION.
What words or actions should I use?
Next week work starts and classes too. I don't want to cause a distraction.
And so i think I can do this on my own. I just have to learn to enjoy it. It just needs some getting used to.
The need for a recharge has become an emergency and I have decided not to wait for anyone anymore.
Thursday, September 06, 2012
A longing
Waiting
With anticipation, hope, excitement
Waiting
With fear, doubt and worry
Honestly I did not put much thought into it.
My heart ruled everything this time round. There's a sudden pull that came from nowhere. It isn't fleeting, it's a longing.
I've doubted myself forever, if I'm ready for this. But somehow the pull is stronger than the mountain of doubt I have, stronger than the endless worries.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy. For making a decision without much thought about the practicalities, about my kids, my job, without thinking through the endless responsibilities here, without calculating my finances over and over again, without knowing fully what to expect, without assessing how ready I am.
But this time, I have little control.
My mind stopped thinking.
I can't stop this deep longing.
I know not where these feelings came from.
Either way, I leave it to HIM
I can't lie. I will be sorely disappointed if it's not meant to be.
But I know for sure, it's for the best.
HE knows what's best for me.
And if I'm ready for this.
With anticipation, hope, excitement
Waiting
With fear, doubt and worry
Honestly I did not put much thought into it.
My heart ruled everything this time round. There's a sudden pull that came from nowhere. It isn't fleeting, it's a longing.
I've doubted myself forever, if I'm ready for this. But somehow the pull is stronger than the mountain of doubt I have, stronger than the endless worries.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy. For making a decision without much thought about the practicalities, about my kids, my job, without thinking through the endless responsibilities here, without calculating my finances over and over again, without knowing fully what to expect, without assessing how ready I am.
But this time, I have little control.
My mind stopped thinking.
I can't stop this deep longing.
I know not where these feelings came from.
Either way, I leave it to HIM
I can't lie. I will be sorely disappointed if it's not meant to be.
But I know for sure, it's for the best.
HE knows what's best for me.
And if I'm ready for this.
Monday, September 03, 2012
Two brothers sharing a joke
What are you boys talking about?:) Shahid is fortunate to have a resident clown in the house.
Luv these pictures!
Luv these pictures!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
40 days old
Today Shahid is 40 days old.
And he finally smiled at me. This time I know it's for me, dimples and all.
And I'm totally smitten.:)
And he finally smiled at me. This time I know it's for me, dimples and all.
And I'm totally smitten.:)
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Stone me! Stone me! Rid the devil! Rid the devil!
In one of our exhausting arguments, my mother said, " dalam badan Ain ada setan"
Now don't be alarmed by that. I am used to such things thrown at me since I was young. And I'm expected not to get angry or frustrated over that because well, no one should raise their voices on their mothers.
What if i'm hurt by the statement? Well, I just got to surpress my anger till my face turn blue.
But of course I'm no angel and time and time again I flare up, raise my voice rudely and get frustrated. Yes, maybe I do have a big setan residing in my body, eating my soul.
But the argument is not the point of this entry.
I didnt know that my lil girl was listening to our argument. She didn't look like she was listening.
Much much later, she came to me in the room and said,
"I love you. Don't be sad, ibu. I will take some stones and throw them at all the setans in your body. They will not be there anymore."
Hahahahaha.
I laughed when I heard that. But In so many levels that statement could be very deep indeed!
1) as if she knew the notion of throwing stones at jamrah during hajj as a symbol of throwing stones at the devil and bad deeds. She could have probably learnt this in sch.
2) she made me realize that if i continue showing anger to my mum outwardly, I might just deserve to have stones thrown at me. To wake me up, to make me realize what i have done. Now or in hell.
Now I'm over thinking it.
3) without her knowing, she has actually helped me throw a stone or two at the setan in me. Coz after she said that the anger simmered and I could manage a smile. :)
My sweet girl, pls don't be like me when you grow up. Although I must say, karma can be a hard thing to avoid.
Now don't be alarmed by that. I am used to such things thrown at me since I was young. And I'm expected not to get angry or frustrated over that because well, no one should raise their voices on their mothers.
What if i'm hurt by the statement? Well, I just got to surpress my anger till my face turn blue.
But of course I'm no angel and time and time again I flare up, raise my voice rudely and get frustrated. Yes, maybe I do have a big setan residing in my body, eating my soul.
But the argument is not the point of this entry.
I didnt know that my lil girl was listening to our argument. She didn't look like she was listening.
Much much later, she came to me in the room and said,
"I love you. Don't be sad, ibu. I will take some stones and throw them at all the setans in your body. They will not be there anymore."
Hahahahaha.
I laughed when I heard that. But In so many levels that statement could be very deep indeed!
1) as if she knew the notion of throwing stones at jamrah during hajj as a symbol of throwing stones at the devil and bad deeds. She could have probably learnt this in sch.
2) she made me realize that if i continue showing anger to my mum outwardly, I might just deserve to have stones thrown at me. To wake me up, to make me realize what i have done. Now or in hell.
Now I'm over thinking it.
3) without her knowing, she has actually helped me throw a stone or two at the setan in me. Coz after she said that the anger simmered and I could manage a smile. :)
My sweet girl, pls don't be like me when you grow up. Although I must say, karma can be a hard thing to avoid.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
One climb at a time.
1st Syawal 1433 (2012).
34 years old.
And I had finally won.
Salam Eid to everyone!:)
34 years old.
And I had finally won.
Salam Eid to everyone!:)
Friday, August 17, 2012
Dear ex-boyfriend
Dear ex-boyfriend,
Let's forget about your kids and mine for a while, let's forget about the long list of to-dos, hari raya preparations, the laundry, the household chores...
Let's forget about pleasing your wife and other adults in your crazy crazy home.
Let's forget about your work at the impossible zoo.
Let's pause for a moment.
Let's forget.
Let's run away for a bit.
On a date. Just you and me.
Been a month? Or two? Definitely overdue.
Coffee, a walk, fresh air.
Just like old times.
Then let's go back to the three twerps and tell them we miss them terribly.
Coz I'm sure we will.
Tonight?;)
Sincerely,
Your ex girlfriend, current wife;)
Let's forget about your kids and mine for a while, let's forget about the long list of to-dos, hari raya preparations, the laundry, the household chores...
Let's forget about pleasing your wife and other adults in your crazy crazy home.
Let's forget about your work at the impossible zoo.
Let's pause for a moment.
Let's forget.
Let's run away for a bit.
On a date. Just you and me.
Been a month? Or two? Definitely overdue.
Coffee, a walk, fresh air.
Just like old times.
Then let's go back to the three twerps and tell them we miss them terribly.
Coz I'm sure we will.
Tonight?;)
Sincerely,
Your ex girlfriend, current wife;)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
3 weeks
Shahid is generally very sleepy n drowsy most times. I would say more than the other 2 when they were 3 weeks old. He sleeps, wakes up for milk and is only alert for very very brief moments to make eye contact and look around. Minutes later, he will be crying for milk or wants to be nursed to sleep.
He likes to smile but I know all that smiling is not really directed at me yet. It's random and more of his facial muscle probably twitching away or as my mum says," kawan dia kacau ".
With all that sleeping, we gave him some tummy time because he has been lying on his back 24/7.
He immediately put his neck muscle to the test.
The 3-week old thinking that he is 3 months.
He likes to smile but I know all that smiling is not really directed at me yet. It's random and more of his facial muscle probably twitching away or as my mum says," kawan dia kacau ".
With all that sleeping, we gave him some tummy time because he has been lying on his back 24/7.
He immediately put his neck muscle to the test.
The 3-week old thinking that he is 3 months.
She said..
Conversation in the car...
Alisha: I want to buy ice cream, sweets, books, doll, can or not?
Me: Do you have money to buy those things?
Alisha: I don't have any money. You didn't give me.
Me: Then maybe you have to start working for money. What work can you do Alisha?
After much thought... Tick tock tick tock goes her brains.. Finally she said..
Alisha: Homework?!
Ah ah Betul lah tu!!!:)
Alisha: I want to buy ice cream, sweets, books, doll, can or not?
Me: Do you have money to buy those things?
Alisha: I don't have any money. You didn't give me.
Me: Then maybe you have to start working for money. What work can you do Alisha?
After much thought... Tick tock tick tock goes her brains.. Finally she said..
Alisha: Homework?!
Ah ah Betul lah tu!!!:)
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Clear blue sky? Out of sight.
Close proximity does not equate to understanding.
No conversation. No communication. No understanding.
How is that possible in a tiny rat hole?
Im million miles away. As if. Physically here. But who bothers. I'd rather be million miles away. For real.
Then it will justify the no conversation.
Im hoping for a mind reader but there is none.
I'm hoping for an opener but there is none.
Yes everyone has their own plates to carry. Who is to say mine is more important? Go ahead and be busy. Go ahead and do what's important. While the bad weather looms. It's clear blue sky if it doesnt get to u. Then don't let it get to u. Be happy. Afterall u can Escape in your routine.
While the bad weather looms. Alone.
So let's wait. Let's stand around.
For the bad weather to clear.
But it won't.
Alone.
No conversation. No communication. No understanding.
How is that possible in a tiny rat hole?
Im million miles away. As if. Physically here. But who bothers. I'd rather be million miles away. For real.
Then it will justify the no conversation.
Im hoping for a mind reader but there is none.
I'm hoping for an opener but there is none.
Yes everyone has their own plates to carry. Who is to say mine is more important? Go ahead and be busy. Go ahead and do what's important. While the bad weather looms. It's clear blue sky if it doesnt get to u. Then don't let it get to u. Be happy. Afterall u can Escape in your routine.
While the bad weather looms. Alone.
So let's wait. Let's stand around.
For the bad weather to clear.
But it won't.
Alone.
Saturday, August 04, 2012
Nur x 3
So, 2 weeks have passed since the birth of Nur Shahid Alim. How are we coping with 3 kids, my parents and without a helper? Well it hasn't been easy. I'll probably save the bit on juggling domestic chores for another day.
How have the kids been coping with lil Shahid around? For Irfan, this is not a totally new experience. Surprisingly, with my hands full, he's getting to be more independent and does his usual routine without me breathing down his neck. Random checks on his schoolwork seems to show that he is doing well in school, his tests and daily work. Honestly I haven't been coaching him much of late. I was very surprised when he started bathing without being asked, cleaned up his bed everyday and packed his bag on his own accord, checking and completing his homework independently after the birth of Shahid. He has also been easy to wake for sahur n Alhamdullilah has been fasting patiently since Day 1. I guess sometimes letting go might just do the trick for him to be more independent.
As for Alisha, well, as much as she loves her lil brother, she is finding it a lil harder, which is totally understandable for a 3 yr old. She has been rather whiny, throwing tantrums here and there, asking to be carried and will easily burst into tears when scolded.
She has been rather patient when I say I have to feed her lil bro first before attending to her. She has been such a sweetie, kissing her lil brother, singing to him all the songs she knows during his awake moments. She loves playing with him, talking to him and "reading" books to him.
But I know she feels different. She is still coping with the fact that at times she will get lesser attention than previously because I have to attend to the baby. I do feel bad for her when she wants something for example when she has a book in her hand and wants me to read to her and i have to tell her to wait coz im nursing Shahid. She doesnt kick up a fuss but i feel bad when i see her sitting alone at some corner and "reading" the book on her own while waiting for me. Once, she fell asleep. And I just felt so bad about it.
Her way of coping is manifested at other times when she whines and asks for the impossible at times. From her perspective I can imagine how it must feel. So we try to spend as much time with her as possible but at the same time signaling to her that whining and tantrums are not the right way to get our attention.
She still has her moments but I hope it will get better with time. So my hands are basically full now with Shahid and Alisha. Although Irfan is a bit off my radar now, but I still have to check on him at times to ensure he's keeping up the good work.
Alhamdullilah, I'm healing well and have the energy to take care of them. Although today I feel like I need a short break to go for a short getaway, away from the daily routine. It's the weekends, I'm feeling so much better and yet I'm still at home. Today I feel like I need a distraction and fresh air.
But I guess that will have to wait for another 2 weeks or so.
How have the kids been coping with lil Shahid around? For Irfan, this is not a totally new experience. Surprisingly, with my hands full, he's getting to be more independent and does his usual routine without me breathing down his neck. Random checks on his schoolwork seems to show that he is doing well in school, his tests and daily work. Honestly I haven't been coaching him much of late. I was very surprised when he started bathing without being asked, cleaned up his bed everyday and packed his bag on his own accord, checking and completing his homework independently after the birth of Shahid. He has also been easy to wake for sahur n Alhamdullilah has been fasting patiently since Day 1. I guess sometimes letting go might just do the trick for him to be more independent.
As for Alisha, well, as much as she loves her lil brother, she is finding it a lil harder, which is totally understandable for a 3 yr old. She has been rather whiny, throwing tantrums here and there, asking to be carried and will easily burst into tears when scolded.
She has been rather patient when I say I have to feed her lil bro first before attending to her. She has been such a sweetie, kissing her lil brother, singing to him all the songs she knows during his awake moments. She loves playing with him, talking to him and "reading" books to him.
But I know she feels different. She is still coping with the fact that at times she will get lesser attention than previously because I have to attend to the baby. I do feel bad for her when she wants something for example when she has a book in her hand and wants me to read to her and i have to tell her to wait coz im nursing Shahid. She doesnt kick up a fuss but i feel bad when i see her sitting alone at some corner and "reading" the book on her own while waiting for me. Once, she fell asleep. And I just felt so bad about it.
Her way of coping is manifested at other times when she whines and asks for the impossible at times. From her perspective I can imagine how it must feel. So we try to spend as much time with her as possible but at the same time signaling to her that whining and tantrums are not the right way to get our attention.
She still has her moments but I hope it will get better with time. So my hands are basically full now with Shahid and Alisha. Although Irfan is a bit off my radar now, but I still have to check on him at times to ensure he's keeping up the good work.
Alhamdullilah, I'm healing well and have the energy to take care of them. Although today I feel like I need a short break to go for a short getaway, away from the daily routine. It's the weekends, I'm feeling so much better and yet I'm still at home. Today I feel like I need a distraction and fresh air.
But I guess that will have to wait for another 2 weeks or so.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Mr Dino
Shahid, hanging out with his new friend, Mr Dino.
What the heck is this green thing?
Eyeball to eyeball, man to man
I quite like this green thingy
And this green thingy quite like you too!! Muahhhhhcks!!!
He seemed pretty perplexed every time he accidentally brushes his hand against the soft toy. Even more perplexed when he accidentally hit Mr Dino and it falls on him resulting in a "big kiss"! The lil discoveries of a 2 week old. And I'm right here to watch!!
I should probably change this blog name to Shahidnito.
I'm probably that smitten. Well you know how lil babies have an effect on people.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Another baby post(pose)
Being on 4 months maternity leave means having the luxury to watch the lil baby sleep and take tons of pictures using the simple,handy, trusted Hp.
Every lil movement, pseudo smile, clasp of the fingers.. Love them all.
Honestly, I've missed having a little baby around after Alisha. They just grow up too fast and it felt like I've never got enough of their glazed look, angelic smile and half awake expressions.
And now I've got the chance to relive the moments again. (And its probably my last.) So excuse the entry after entry of baby pics! I have a feeling there's more pics to come;)
This is how the lil guy sleeps. Zen or not? My fav is the clasping of the fingers. The lil fingers got interlocked by chance as he was moving around:)
Every lil movement, pseudo smile, clasp of the fingers.. Love them all.
Honestly, I've missed having a little baby around after Alisha. They just grow up too fast and it felt like I've never got enough of their glazed look, angelic smile and half awake expressions.
And now I've got the chance to relive the moments again. (And its probably my last.) So excuse the entry after entry of baby pics! I have a feeling there's more pics to come;)
This is how the lil guy sleeps. Zen or not? My fav is the clasping of the fingers. The lil fingers got interlocked by chance as he was moving around:)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Colours of the lifeless
The colour's grey tonite. But of course no one cared. It's the novelty of being comfortable. It's the novelty of no
longer having to work too hard to please.
Grey turned into red and fury raves over. Of course no one cared. It's the novelty of having our hands full with other things to even notice. Or it was noticed but could not be bothered about. Oh how times have changed.
Red turns into black stone cold. It has hardened and accumulated. One day, just one day it will happen. It will happen.
For now, it's alone again in this room. Morning till night.
longer having to work too hard to please.
Grey turned into red and fury raves over. Of course no one cared. It's the novelty of having our hands full with other things to even notice. Or it was noticed but could not be bothered about. Oh how times have changed.
Red turns into black stone cold. It has hardened and accumulated. One day, just one day it will happen. It will happen.
For now, it's alone again in this room. Morning till night.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
To the moon and back
I wish I can get into your world.
Praying for the best.
I'll always love you, lil guy.
To the moon and back.
Praying for the best.
I'll always love you, lil guy.
To the moon and back.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Destined
There's a reason for everything.
For these precious gifts. Entrusted into my arms.
These precious ones; they are really not mine to keep forever.
But they've already captured my whole heart, from the first moment I held them.
For these precious gifts. Entrusted into my arms.
These precious ones; they are really not mine to keep forever.
But they've already captured my whole heart, from the first moment I held them.
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