with a tinge of sadness, i emptied my table at the good ol school. i got to admit that im gonna miss the place, including all its irritating antics like the 4th floor staffroom, the faulty aircon and the never working computers and printers.
its not so much coz its a school without flaws but more because of its familiarity.
most of all im gonna miss my colleagues whom have become my wonderful frens.
i will miss the nicknames, the gossips. i will miss ban mian.
i leave with a somewhat heavy heart.
but well, life has to go on. new beginnings at a far away place where some things r the same and somethings r unpleasantly different. i havent got the chance to really work with anyone so i have not really got the whole feel of the school. but i do feel genuinely welcomed by the friendly staff which was largely dominated by young, energetic faces. good? bad? i dunno. will see...
so it turns out, im not going to school for another 2 weeks. why? i still have 10 days of my maternity leave. initially my intention was to take those ten days later, as and when i like before irfan turns 6 mths. but apparently, HOD/IT will be away for DDM course 2 weeks from now for 6 mths. dat means i will have to cover his duties on top of my own and im not allowed to take my leave after he leaves for the course. so im kinda forced to take it now. im not quite happy with this arrangement but what to do....new pple canoot be choosy. cannot ask too much. must always say yes. yes. yes.
and one other thing i hate, is not being able to meet the pupils first week of school. i cant lay down the all important ground rules and get everything settled.
im gonna be one blur queen when school actually starts for me.
to make everything worst, im allocated a table in the HOD room downstairs, away from the rest of the teachers. i've never liked this arrangment especially now that im new to the school, coz its pretty hard to get to know pple when u r not sitting in the same room with them. so i forsee minimal interaction. how am i ever going to get to know anyone?! sitting with the heads would usually mean a lot of talk about work coz thats all we ever do!
it doesnt look rosy for now. so i hope for better days when school really kicks off for me.
for now, adieu TWPS. adieu. u will always be in my heart...
Friday, December 30, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
yesterday, this lil yoda turned 3 mths.
that was irfan, a few hours after he made his way out. his hair very up to date eh? not too bad for dried blood as hair gel.
now that he's 3 mths, this is what he can do.
Ready, Set, Go!
he can fit into his jeans now. SUPER! now, he can look like mini alim, without the pampers of coz. cant wait for him to fit into the rest of his 3-6mths clothes.
he enjoys screaming and squealing in delight. very, very loud. almost piercing. my mum said its coz when i was conceiving him, i like to shout n scream while teaching.
???????!!!!!!!!!!
yes mother, u r ever-so-wise.
anyway, enuf of me blabbering. let the pics do the talking.
My China Boy
how can i leave that face to go to work next mth? sigh....
boy, dunt grow up too fast orite.
i dunt want to miss a thing.
that was irfan, a few hours after he made his way out. his hair very up to date eh? not too bad for dried blood as hair gel.
now that he's 3 mths, this is what he can do.
Ready, Set, Go!
he can fit into his jeans now. SUPER! now, he can look like mini alim, without the pampers of coz. cant wait for him to fit into the rest of his 3-6mths clothes.
he enjoys screaming and squealing in delight. very, very loud. almost piercing. my mum said its coz when i was conceiving him, i like to shout n scream while teaching.
???????!!!!!!!!!!
yes mother, u r ever-so-wise.
anyway, enuf of me blabbering. let the pics do the talking.
My China Boy
how can i leave that face to go to work next mth? sigh....
boy, dunt grow up too fast orite.
i dunt want to miss a thing.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
these days when she wakes up, there's no more sunshine to greet her. all there is, are gloom and overshadowed clouds. the heat, the nagging heat is always there within her.
sumthing has changed and she's not quite sure what it is. its like someone has took a card amidst a nicely arranged deck of cards and the equilibrum has crumbled.
she feels misunderstood but mostly irrelevant and replacable.
the sun has refused to rise on her side these days. always away from her as she looks on to the lighted faces of those that didnt need her to be around. she stayed behind the shadows where darkness embrace her and she is not seen and therefore forgotten.
she steps out once in a while to try to be in the light, but ended up being misunderstood. there's a negative sign on her forehead that speaks to others before she does. and so whatever she said dint matter coz its never right.
and so she will retreat to a familiar place. a place she tot she had left behind many many years ago. a place out of boundaries to others coz no one would ever bother to break down the steel door, brave the thundering storm JUST to save her, find not a princess but just HER at the other side of the door.
sumthing has changed and she's not quite sure what it is. its like someone has took a card amidst a nicely arranged deck of cards and the equilibrum has crumbled.
she feels misunderstood but mostly irrelevant and replacable.
the sun has refused to rise on her side these days. always away from her as she looks on to the lighted faces of those that didnt need her to be around. she stayed behind the shadows where darkness embrace her and she is not seen and therefore forgotten.
she steps out once in a while to try to be in the light, but ended up being misunderstood. there's a negative sign on her forehead that speaks to others before she does. and so whatever she said dint matter coz its never right.
and so she will retreat to a familiar place. a place she tot she had left behind many many years ago. a place out of boundaries to others coz no one would ever bother to break down the steel door, brave the thundering storm JUST to save her, find not a princess but just HER at the other side of the door.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
The Project called LIFE
ok this is a long entry. n its basically just about my mindless thoughts.
i remembered last year when i was sitting in exco meeting and my mind started to wander.
the thought came back to me as i was putting irfan to sleep just now.
the meeting was on ranking the teachers and i remembered thinking how similar this ranking process is to LIFE.
we ranked teachers based on their performance throughout the entire year. so if they are given more projects, they have more opportunities to show their capabilities. if they do well in these projects, they will be ranked higher. for eg, oh so n so have done well in the fund rasing project, so lets give him a B.
for new teachers, its really the supervisors responsibilities to guide them throughout these projects. they are given easier ones. and if these new teachers do well, it reflects well on the supervisors and hence a better grade for the supervisors too.
isnt this life too?
when we were young, it is our parents reponsibilities to guide us. we r their projects. their reponsibilities. if we were to grow up somehwat decent, it reflects well on our parents n they would have scored some kind of grade with God. hmmm..not quite sure about HIS magnificient grading system. All i noe is, its definitely 100% just n fair.
then we grow up, and our projects get a lil harder n harder. then again its up to HIM to decide on our projects n its level of difficulties. so, we have the teenager project, the working adult life project, the marriage project (which we are allowed to do in pairs), the birth project, the parenthood project, the growing old project, etc. basically our rites of passage. if we r lucky, HE will give us those projects n more. coz the more projects we have, the more opportunities we have to show our capabilities. if we do it well of course.
so each day, is a challenge to do each project well, so that we can get into God's good books. so that we will be HIS pet worker whom HE loves dearly. just like the boss in the office. except HE is a zillion times MORE worth sucking up to. we hope HE will lovee us enough to guide us through these projects HE has given us.
and when we do well n HE is convinced by our capabilities, HE will give us even more projects n tougher ones. probably that 'cancer' project, 'long suffering illness' project. Just like in school, we will always tell the teachers, " when we give u a project, never see it as a burden. Projects are really opportunities for u to perform. The tougher the project is, and if u do it well, the better ure grade will be. So dont complain. We only give tough projects to the best, those whom we r convinced can handle em. B thankful u have the opportunity to show ure capabilities. so show it."
see wat i mean by it being the same as life?
(but be careful though. some leaders say the above to u n mean it. others say it just to arrow u to do more work!!)
now lets talk about the marriage project. its the project im going thru rite now. i m glad God gave me this project coz i get to do it in pairs. better still, i get to choose my partner for this lifetime project. i see it, as my partner n me, helping each other to do this project well, so that the BIG boss favours us and we r in HIS good books. like all partners in any project, each has a role to play. so if each does it well, the project can go smoothly. dats why its important to choose our partners well. a partner who shares the purpose of the project. yes, like everyone, we want that good grade. sometimes we r not sure how to go bout certain parts of the project, so we upgrade, attend courses n seek advice n guidance from the BIG boss HIMself. after all, HE knows all. HE knows best. we learn from our mistakes. we can only work together n help each other up to a certain point. after which each of us are graded based on our individual roles. so while we r together, why not help each other and make it easier for each of us to perform our roles. HE gave us LOVE to start up our project. the rest is up to us.
n then we have the parenthood project. this one, we are to do in groups. now, we are the leaders of the group. n hence it is up to us to brief our members (children) of their roles so that the project can again continue smoothly. they r our responsibilities now. n how they perform reflect on us.
alim, irfan n me. it has been written that they r my team members for the tasks we have in this temporary world. finally i get to see their faces. insyallah, the team will get bigger. but for a fact, some members will have to depart sooner than others. i must never forget, that while we have time together, we have a purpose which is bigger than life itself. with love linking us all, i hope it will be easier, exciting and satisfying.
i just pray the projects HE chose to give me in my short stint in this world would not be too tough for me. And if HE deems me fit for tougher projects, may HE gives me the strength, determination n patience to see through the project.
N besides, in schools, we always promote the teachers who have completed many many projects successfully. So, i believe life is such too. The ability to handle hardhips will hopefully promote u to the next level with ALLAH.
ok dats all for my thoughts. im sure u can imagine how freeee i am now, to be thinking about stuffs like these.
ok this is a long entry. n its basically just about my mindless thoughts.
i remembered last year when i was sitting in exco meeting and my mind started to wander.
the thought came back to me as i was putting irfan to sleep just now.
the meeting was on ranking the teachers and i remembered thinking how similar this ranking process is to LIFE.
we ranked teachers based on their performance throughout the entire year. so if they are given more projects, they have more opportunities to show their capabilities. if they do well in these projects, they will be ranked higher. for eg, oh so n so have done well in the fund rasing project, so lets give him a B.
for new teachers, its really the supervisors responsibilities to guide them throughout these projects. they are given easier ones. and if these new teachers do well, it reflects well on the supervisors and hence a better grade for the supervisors too.
isnt this life too?
when we were young, it is our parents reponsibilities to guide us. we r their projects. their reponsibilities. if we were to grow up somehwat decent, it reflects well on our parents n they would have scored some kind of grade with God. hmmm..not quite sure about HIS magnificient grading system. All i noe is, its definitely 100% just n fair.
then we grow up, and our projects get a lil harder n harder. then again its up to HIM to decide on our projects n its level of difficulties. so, we have the teenager project, the working adult life project, the marriage project (which we are allowed to do in pairs), the birth project, the parenthood project, the growing old project, etc. basically our rites of passage. if we r lucky, HE will give us those projects n more. coz the more projects we have, the more opportunities we have to show our capabilities. if we do it well of course.
so each day, is a challenge to do each project well, so that we can get into God's good books. so that we will be HIS pet worker whom HE loves dearly. just like the boss in the office. except HE is a zillion times MORE worth sucking up to. we hope HE will lovee us enough to guide us through these projects HE has given us.
and when we do well n HE is convinced by our capabilities, HE will give us even more projects n tougher ones. probably that 'cancer' project, 'long suffering illness' project. Just like in school, we will always tell the teachers, " when we give u a project, never see it as a burden. Projects are really opportunities for u to perform. The tougher the project is, and if u do it well, the better ure grade will be. So dont complain. We only give tough projects to the best, those whom we r convinced can handle em. B thankful u have the opportunity to show ure capabilities. so show it."
see wat i mean by it being the same as life?
(but be careful though. some leaders say the above to u n mean it. others say it just to arrow u to do more work!!)
now lets talk about the marriage project. its the project im going thru rite now. i m glad God gave me this project coz i get to do it in pairs. better still, i get to choose my partner for this lifetime project. i see it, as my partner n me, helping each other to do this project well, so that the BIG boss favours us and we r in HIS good books. like all partners in any project, each has a role to play. so if each does it well, the project can go smoothly. dats why its important to choose our partners well. a partner who shares the purpose of the project. yes, like everyone, we want that good grade. sometimes we r not sure how to go bout certain parts of the project, so we upgrade, attend courses n seek advice n guidance from the BIG boss HIMself. after all, HE knows all. HE knows best. we learn from our mistakes. we can only work together n help each other up to a certain point. after which each of us are graded based on our individual roles. so while we r together, why not help each other and make it easier for each of us to perform our roles. HE gave us LOVE to start up our project. the rest is up to us.
n then we have the parenthood project. this one, we are to do in groups. now, we are the leaders of the group. n hence it is up to us to brief our members (children) of their roles so that the project can again continue smoothly. they r our responsibilities now. n how they perform reflect on us.
alim, irfan n me. it has been written that they r my team members for the tasks we have in this temporary world. finally i get to see their faces. insyallah, the team will get bigger. but for a fact, some members will have to depart sooner than others. i must never forget, that while we have time together, we have a purpose which is bigger than life itself. with love linking us all, i hope it will be easier, exciting and satisfying.
i just pray the projects HE chose to give me in my short stint in this world would not be too tough for me. And if HE deems me fit for tougher projects, may HE gives me the strength, determination n patience to see through the project.
N besides, in schools, we always promote the teachers who have completed many many projects successfully. So, i believe life is such too. The ability to handle hardhips will hopefully promote u to the next level with ALLAH.
ok dats all for my thoughts. im sure u can imagine how freeee i am now, to be thinking about stuffs like these.
Monday, December 05, 2005
man, its december already. n wat will come next? JANUARY! the dreaded month, coz it means my supposedly loooooong maternity leave is over. technically, including the holidays, i have had about 4 mths break n seriously, to me its just not enuf. guess, it will NEVER be enuf.
as it is, rite now, i have to get my momentum going slowly coz i sure dunt feel like working at all. heck, i dunt even know wats going on anymore. my VP called just now asking for my work review and there i was scratching my head. how the heck do i do my work review? i have forgotten everything! man oh man.
i really need to be back in school urgently to submit my work review and to finally face up to all the mess that i have left behind. i've shuffed all these tasks into the back of my minds for way too long and now i just cant run anymore. time is catching up on me. i really have to start packing all my stuffs in school; stuffs on my table, in the cupboard, under my table, on the shelves around my table. shucks, where do i start? how many trips must i make and where do i chuck all the piles of rubbish that ive accumulated for the past 4 years in that school. there ARE tons and tons of rubbish, though right now i cant remmember WHAT they are or WHERE they are placed.i think i need boxes. PLENTY of boxes and another extra month, or better still, another extra YEAR for me to pack up all my things! heck, i cant even remember how my table looks like now. I've shut out these unpleasant memories since i took my leave.
sigh..BUT wat needs to be done has to be done. think i'll do it morrow. oh no no, i have the flu and i forsee a lot of dust flying around when i start clearing up. mybe next week? but i was thinking of going somewhere for a while. maybe the following week?
yeah, maybe. if health permits. if the husband, irfan, the time, the mind, the will permits.
as it is, rite now, i have to get my momentum going slowly coz i sure dunt feel like working at all. heck, i dunt even know wats going on anymore. my VP called just now asking for my work review and there i was scratching my head. how the heck do i do my work review? i have forgotten everything! man oh man.
i really need to be back in school urgently to submit my work review and to finally face up to all the mess that i have left behind. i've shuffed all these tasks into the back of my minds for way too long and now i just cant run anymore. time is catching up on me. i really have to start packing all my stuffs in school; stuffs on my table, in the cupboard, under my table, on the shelves around my table. shucks, where do i start? how many trips must i make and where do i chuck all the piles of rubbish that ive accumulated for the past 4 years in that school. there ARE tons and tons of rubbish, though right now i cant remmember WHAT they are or WHERE they are placed.i think i need boxes. PLENTY of boxes and another extra month, or better still, another extra YEAR for me to pack up all my things! heck, i cant even remember how my table looks like now. I've shut out these unpleasant memories since i took my leave.
sigh..BUT wat needs to be done has to be done. think i'll do it morrow. oh no no, i have the flu and i forsee a lot of dust flying around when i start clearing up. mybe next week? but i was thinking of going somewhere for a while. maybe the following week?
yeah, maybe. if health permits. if the husband, irfan, the time, the mind, the will permits.
Monday, November 28, 2005
ok this is gonna be a long entry..
we went to a wedding yesterday. saw the bride n groom looking all nice on the dais. looking at them, we couldnt help reminiscing about a year ago when we ourselves were sitting up there, in a state of disbelief that we were indeed MARRIED. the overwhelming sight of our loved ones coming to see no one else but US. the pretty clothes, the never ending smiles, the flashing cameras.
most of all, the anticipation of living our lives together.
after all, that was EXACTLY a year ago.
we turned ONE yesterday.
it wasnt a typically romantic day, but surprisingly we were high over the moon. there was no fancy schmancy dinner, no checking into any hotels, no stamping of passports.
oh, but we did have a gd breakfast though. the man with the culinary skills prepared me these...
well ok, ok, when i said 'prepared', i didnt mean COOK. he basically arranged the utensils and food in a nice presentable way. u noe lah, these people doing food n nutrition. presentation.presentation.presentation,
so with irfan as our witness, we rekindled our vows in between our ever so romantic breakfast; Macdonalds in our own home.
i think he approves huh?
and so the day began.
the day was about this n dat, too lazy to elaborate.
fast forward to the night. we went to M nasir's concert. since we got the tixs only hours before the concert, we got the topmost circle seats and there were not many pple up there. so that means we were pretty much alone to shout, scream, karaoke, kiss kiss in the dark. basically watever we want to do lah. n the thing about esplanade concert hall is that no matter where u sit, it always sounds just as good. to my delight, he played a lot of old songs, even Search's Meniti Titian Usang, "Saaambutlah tangan ku kawan, aku takut tenggelaaam.."heh.
n then in the middle of sitting there, listening to M Nasir, WHAM! I felt it. i have almost forgotten how it feels.
his arms (my husband's not M Nasir's laaa) accidentally brushed against mine and i felt strange.
its like the 'first time' tinklling feeling. u noe ure FIRST FEW DATES before u held hands, but want to, the feeling u get when he speaks close to u or when u sit in a movie n ure arms accidentally brushed a lil against each other. ya that feeling. im sure all of u noe wat im talking about. i guess when we r with someone forever and already married, even though u love the person to bits, u dunt get this constant high everyday. the high of a first date is just different, no? i think the combi of M Nasir, the concert hall, the darkness n the comfortable seats helped to kick in the right hormones.
n towards the end of the concert, as if reading my mind, he said to me, "I missed Irfan" i said me too n we just couldnt wait to be home. Then afterwards, it being our anniversary and us trying to be romantic, we decided to take a walk by the river. we tried our best to get in the mood, holding hands n wanting to talk about how we loove each other so. but before we knew it, we were talking endlessly about irfan, his smile and his poo.
n then we looked at each other and we knew, home was where we really wanted to be. there's a lil being there that will give us a better night than a walk down esplanande.
so we went home and spent the nite lying on our stomachs, on our bed, hands cupped under our chins as we gazed at irfan sleeping soundly in his cot.
awww...."look at the tiny face;" he said softly so as not to wake him.
"so peaceful, isnt he cute?" i hushed back.
and so we went on n on like dat till we fell asleep.
so much for a romantic anniversary celebration.
n the next morning, i said, "hey, we forgot to give each other presents"
to which he replied, "There, there's our present rite there.." *points to irfan*
we r obsessed. yes we know. Is this even NORMAL?
N i have a lil worry here. Am i suppose to give him the same present for next year's anniversary too?
*gasps*
we went to a wedding yesterday. saw the bride n groom looking all nice on the dais. looking at them, we couldnt help reminiscing about a year ago when we ourselves were sitting up there, in a state of disbelief that we were indeed MARRIED. the overwhelming sight of our loved ones coming to see no one else but US. the pretty clothes, the never ending smiles, the flashing cameras.
most of all, the anticipation of living our lives together.
after all, that was EXACTLY a year ago.
we turned ONE yesterday.
it wasnt a typically romantic day, but surprisingly we were high over the moon. there was no fancy schmancy dinner, no checking into any hotels, no stamping of passports.
oh, but we did have a gd breakfast though. the man with the culinary skills prepared me these...
well ok, ok, when i said 'prepared', i didnt mean COOK. he basically arranged the utensils and food in a nice presentable way. u noe lah, these people doing food n nutrition. presentation.presentation.presentation,
so with irfan as our witness, we rekindled our vows in between our ever so romantic breakfast; Macdonalds in our own home.
i think he approves huh?
and so the day began.
the day was about this n dat, too lazy to elaborate.
fast forward to the night. we went to M nasir's concert. since we got the tixs only hours before the concert, we got the topmost circle seats and there were not many pple up there. so that means we were pretty much alone to shout, scream, karaoke, kiss kiss in the dark. basically watever we want to do lah. n the thing about esplanade concert hall is that no matter where u sit, it always sounds just as good. to my delight, he played a lot of old songs, even Search's Meniti Titian Usang, "Saaambutlah tangan ku kawan, aku takut tenggelaaam.."heh.
n then in the middle of sitting there, listening to M Nasir, WHAM! I felt it. i have almost forgotten how it feels.
his arms (my husband's not M Nasir's laaa) accidentally brushed against mine and i felt strange.
its like the 'first time' tinklling feeling. u noe ure FIRST FEW DATES before u held hands, but want to, the feeling u get when he speaks close to u or when u sit in a movie n ure arms accidentally brushed a lil against each other. ya that feeling. im sure all of u noe wat im talking about. i guess when we r with someone forever and already married, even though u love the person to bits, u dunt get this constant high everyday. the high of a first date is just different, no? i think the combi of M Nasir, the concert hall, the darkness n the comfortable seats helped to kick in the right hormones.
n towards the end of the concert, as if reading my mind, he said to me, "I missed Irfan" i said me too n we just couldnt wait to be home. Then afterwards, it being our anniversary and us trying to be romantic, we decided to take a walk by the river. we tried our best to get in the mood, holding hands n wanting to talk about how we loove each other so. but before we knew it, we were talking endlessly about irfan, his smile and his poo.
n then we looked at each other and we knew, home was where we really wanted to be. there's a lil being there that will give us a better night than a walk down esplanande.
so we went home and spent the nite lying on our stomachs, on our bed, hands cupped under our chins as we gazed at irfan sleeping soundly in his cot.
awww...."look at the tiny face;" he said softly so as not to wake him.
"so peaceful, isnt he cute?" i hushed back.
and so we went on n on like dat till we fell asleep.
so much for a romantic anniversary celebration.
n the next morning, i said, "hey, we forgot to give each other presents"
to which he replied, "There, there's our present rite there.." *points to irfan*
we r obsessed. yes we know. Is this even NORMAL?
N i have a lil worry here. Am i suppose to give him the same present for next year's anniversary too?
*gasps*
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
A drive to yesterday
irfan has fallen into a nite routine. he sleeps at around 9pm and wakes up at 4 am for his feed. That makes it much easier for us to plan our nites.
so tonite, we left him at home n told my mum just to keep an eye on him since he wouldnt likely wake up. went for supper and a lil drive. remembered our younger days. drove past East Coast and i realized I'vegrown afraid of the dark, dense trees. Wanted to rekindle some old moments but we have a more comfortable place now. Drove past Changi and took some moments to watch planes. i remembered that time one nite when we circled the area plenty of times to catch different planes land and take off. i was never good at recognising them planes. i just like seeing the planes fly low directly above me. reminds me that they r huge and not just mere dots flying across the sky. maybe someday, we will bring irfan there.
the best part is, i had my choice of songs for the nite. after all that white piece of gadget has all the songs we will ever need.i found out some of the songs i used to like, i come to dislike now. i wonder why...
we drove to my new school. its not exactly near but i have a straight bus there. the area is all too familiar. an area i like a lot. remind me of my 'green' days and my stint at AMP. i remembered how i feel during my morning stroll from the bus stop to school, clad in the green pinafore and walkman accompanying me. next year, i will take the same bus i did when i was in sec sch, going through the same route. this time looking at all the students, replicas of how i used to be. but no more walkmans of coz, just IPODs in their hands, with their most expensive bags. i bet they won't be carrying Eastpac or Umbro bags.
i can see that field and the old banyan tree. i wonder if the lil ghostly spirit still lingers around the tree.
so now im tired. but not so sleepy. maybe i'd go disturb irfan for a lil bit and make him take his milk earlier tonite.
or should i disturb his sleeping dad instead?
irfan has fallen into a nite routine. he sleeps at around 9pm and wakes up at 4 am for his feed. That makes it much easier for us to plan our nites.
so tonite, we left him at home n told my mum just to keep an eye on him since he wouldnt likely wake up. went for supper and a lil drive. remembered our younger days. drove past East Coast and i realized I'vegrown afraid of the dark, dense trees. Wanted to rekindle some old moments but we have a more comfortable place now. Drove past Changi and took some moments to watch planes. i remembered that time one nite when we circled the area plenty of times to catch different planes land and take off. i was never good at recognising them planes. i just like seeing the planes fly low directly above me. reminds me that they r huge and not just mere dots flying across the sky. maybe someday, we will bring irfan there.
the best part is, i had my choice of songs for the nite. after all that white piece of gadget has all the songs we will ever need.i found out some of the songs i used to like, i come to dislike now. i wonder why...
we drove to my new school. its not exactly near but i have a straight bus there. the area is all too familiar. an area i like a lot. remind me of my 'green' days and my stint at AMP. i remembered how i feel during my morning stroll from the bus stop to school, clad in the green pinafore and walkman accompanying me. next year, i will take the same bus i did when i was in sec sch, going through the same route. this time looking at all the students, replicas of how i used to be. but no more walkmans of coz, just IPODs in their hands, with their most expensive bags. i bet they won't be carrying Eastpac or Umbro bags.
i can see that field and the old banyan tree. i wonder if the lil ghostly spirit still lingers around the tree.
so now im tired. but not so sleepy. maybe i'd go disturb irfan for a lil bit and make him take his milk earlier tonite.
or should i disturb his sleeping dad instead?
Friday, November 18, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
There's no time like this time.
i finally got to quench my thirst to shop. its been quite a while now. and i was in need of new clothes since my old ones are way too tight now. i was totally dismayed when i tried my fav jeans and it got stuck at my hips and refused to go any further up. i couldnt wear any of my pants except for one. and all my tops makes me look like im wearing a bodysuit which i can't breathe in. Sigh..totally didnt expect this.
so with irfan in tow, we went to town to get me some clothes. we showed irfan the stretch of town where we used to tawaf for as long as i could remember. of course irfan was too preoccupied with his never ending sleep and couldnt care less about our stories.
i must remember that he is only turning 2 mths. now that we have bought him a car seat and his grandparents have given him a stroller, we r so tempted to bring him everywhere we go. now that the husband is having his holidays till january and im still on maternity leave till january, the 3 of us got more than a mth to spend a lot of time together and we are itching to go here and there. besides, i had enough of staying at home for almost a mth due to my confinement.
heh. this writing space had been so much about irfan. pardon me, i spend 24 hours of the day with him. even when i do go out, id bring him along. so there's not much to write about anything else at the moment.
maybe when sch begins next year, id write about the 'excitement' of working in a new environment, new colleagues, new management n the life of a working mother. yikes. for now i just want to enjoy the company of irfan n the husband in a stress free state of mind.
with them around me every day, with nothing to attend to, freedom to go anywhere, no work to do and money coming in, life is good.
even though its only temporary. till work beckons and stress resuscitated.
heck, for now, there is no time like this time. :)
i finally got to quench my thirst to shop. its been quite a while now. and i was in need of new clothes since my old ones are way too tight now. i was totally dismayed when i tried my fav jeans and it got stuck at my hips and refused to go any further up. i couldnt wear any of my pants except for one. and all my tops makes me look like im wearing a bodysuit which i can't breathe in. Sigh..totally didnt expect this.
so with irfan in tow, we went to town to get me some clothes. we showed irfan the stretch of town where we used to tawaf for as long as i could remember. of course irfan was too preoccupied with his never ending sleep and couldnt care less about our stories.
i must remember that he is only turning 2 mths. now that we have bought him a car seat and his grandparents have given him a stroller, we r so tempted to bring him everywhere we go. now that the husband is having his holidays till january and im still on maternity leave till january, the 3 of us got more than a mth to spend a lot of time together and we are itching to go here and there. besides, i had enough of staying at home for almost a mth due to my confinement.
heh. this writing space had been so much about irfan. pardon me, i spend 24 hours of the day with him. even when i do go out, id bring him along. so there's not much to write about anything else at the moment.
maybe when sch begins next year, id write about the 'excitement' of working in a new environment, new colleagues, new management n the life of a working mother. yikes. for now i just want to enjoy the company of irfan n the husband in a stress free state of mind.
with them around me every day, with nothing to attend to, freedom to go anywhere, no work to do and money coming in, life is good.
even though its only temporary. till work beckons and stress resuscitated.
heck, for now, there is no time like this time. :)
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Irfan, if only u knew, how u make me feel...
I can't quite describe the joy he has brought to our lives. Its too great, its beyond my limited vocabulary. So far, nuthing beats this feeling.
All, I can say is, this raya was indeed very special and truly unforgettable.
I once said that I could never have been happier.
But boy, was I wrong.
I can't quite describe the joy he has brought to our lives. Its too great, its beyond my limited vocabulary. So far, nuthing beats this feeling.
All, I can say is, this raya was indeed very special and truly unforgettable.
I once said that I could never have been happier.
But boy, was I wrong.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Betul Ke Ni?
so this year raya, i don't think i can even recognise myself.
WHY?
because...
this year, for the FIRST time we would be celebrating raya
as HUSBAND and WIFE.
this year, for the FIRST time, we would be celebrating raya
in our OWN HOME
and this year for the FIRST time, we would be celebrating raya
with OUR NEWBORN SON
did all these happen within LESS than a year?
all THREE at one go?!!
getting married, a place of our own and a son?!!
i mean it was just last year raya that i was this scrawny lil girl, ikut parents jalan raya, jalan lenggang lenggang kangkong, belum kahwin, takde rumah, and tak terpikir LANGSUNG pun pasal anak! dat was me last raya.. and then this year..
i mean we didnt do it in stages. we didnt take a year to do each. we took a year to do ALL.
didnt think that SOO much can change between last raya and this year.
but all are welcoming changes, no less.
and we are ever thankful for that.
just that im feeling a lil weird.
EVERYTHING is different.
so weird.
so so weird.
so so VERY weird.
so this year raya, i don't think i can even recognise myself.
WHY?
because...
this year, for the FIRST time we would be celebrating raya
as HUSBAND and WIFE.
this year, for the FIRST time, we would be celebrating raya
in our OWN HOME
and this year for the FIRST time, we would be celebrating raya
with OUR NEWBORN SON
did all these happen within LESS than a year?
all THREE at one go?!!
getting married, a place of our own and a son?!!
i mean it was just last year raya that i was this scrawny lil girl, ikut parents jalan raya, jalan lenggang lenggang kangkong, belum kahwin, takde rumah, and tak terpikir LANGSUNG pun pasal anak! dat was me last raya.. and then this year..
i mean we didnt do it in stages. we didnt take a year to do each. we took a year to do ALL.
didnt think that SOO much can change between last raya and this year.
but all are welcoming changes, no less.
and we are ever thankful for that.
just that im feeling a lil weird.
EVERYTHING is different.
so weird.
so so weird.
so so VERY weird.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Father and Son
Eversince, lil Irfan was in my womb, his dad has been talking to him every night. When he arrived into the world, he seem to be able to recognise that voice. Whenever his dad speaks to him, he will look at him and listen attentively.
They have a special bond. And i enjoy watching them.
he wouldn't let his dad's finger go.
sleeping soundly on his dad. sampai mulut ternganga nganga!
he was only 1 week old when this was taken. and he has already taken after his dad's sleeping position.amazing!
Lil irfan in his dad's arms. He loves looking right into the camera. Fascinated by cameras too, aye?
Eversince, lil Irfan was in my womb, his dad has been talking to him every night. When he arrived into the world, he seem to be able to recognise that voice. Whenever his dad speaks to him, he will look at him and listen attentively.
They have a special bond. And i enjoy watching them.
he wouldn't let his dad's finger go.
sleeping soundly on his dad. sampai mulut ternganga nganga!
he was only 1 week old when this was taken. and he has already taken after his dad's sleeping position.amazing!
Lil irfan in his dad's arms. He loves looking right into the camera. Fascinated by cameras too, aye?
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Alhamdulillah,
The little boy has arrived into our arms safely on the 20th September 2005, exactly a week after his mum's birthday.
He didnt give his mum a very hard time, though the pain was something I have never felt before. Nor will i forget it.
I started feeling contractions at 12 am. It was mild, just a lil worst than menstrual cramps. It was more than 20 mins aprt so husband and me strted writing down and timing my contractions.
we didnt sleep the whole nite. By 5.30 am, it was 10 mins aprt so we packed our stuffs and left for the hospital.
By the time we reached, i was 3cm dilated and the doc broke my water bag.
By 7am, i was put in labour ward. I was 4 cm dilated. They started putting a drip and timing my contractions. By then, it was 3 mins aprt. The pain got worst of course, but there was nuthing much to do but bear with it.
They said they dunt think i need epidural coz they saw me smiling and talking but only if they knew how bad it was.
Husband was there all along, feeding me ice and comforting me. I think that played a huge part.
Then, the pain got more intense, and coming close together. I tried the gas and husband put it on me but i didnt like it.
I told husband to ask the nurse how dilated I am coz I have this urgency to push.
So she checked and I was 9CM!!. Finally!!! So she said I could push. By then it was around 12.30pm. Husband and the nurse directed me when to push and told me that they could see his head!!!
Soon doc mariamma mamma came and helped me to push. It seems like the longest time but husband's encouragement and his hand holding up my neck to push really made me strong. He was excitedly telling me how he could see the head and told that it was a bit more.
By 1.11pm, the lil boy was out into the world and all my pain suddenly disappeared.
He is 3.74kg. yes, he is huge.
He was put into my arms and the lil one opened his eyes and looked at me!!! How could we not cry?! The nurse put him on my breast and amazingly he could latch on.
While doc mariamma mamma did my stiches, all husband and me could do was stare at the lil one. And he stared right back at us! I didnt feel a thing when she did the stiches. Soon it was all over and we got into our ward.
I think i had it fairly easy this time. Labour wasnt too long and there was no complications and i could bear the pain. It wasnt because i was strong but it must have been all the never ending doas and constant prayers from my loved ones that did it for me.
And of coz, for the hand that held me throughout labour and the voice that kept encouraging me. My husband has always been and will always be my pillar of strength.
Wow a super long entry. So there it goes...
The story of the birth of Nur Irfan bin Muhd Nur Alim.
The little boy has arrived into our arms safely on the 20th September 2005, exactly a week after his mum's birthday.
He didnt give his mum a very hard time, though the pain was something I have never felt before. Nor will i forget it.
I started feeling contractions at 12 am. It was mild, just a lil worst than menstrual cramps. It was more than 20 mins aprt so husband and me strted writing down and timing my contractions.
we didnt sleep the whole nite. By 5.30 am, it was 10 mins aprt so we packed our stuffs and left for the hospital.
By the time we reached, i was 3cm dilated and the doc broke my water bag.
By 7am, i was put in labour ward. I was 4 cm dilated. They started putting a drip and timing my contractions. By then, it was 3 mins aprt. The pain got worst of course, but there was nuthing much to do but bear with it.
They said they dunt think i need epidural coz they saw me smiling and talking but only if they knew how bad it was.
Husband was there all along, feeding me ice and comforting me. I think that played a huge part.
Then, the pain got more intense, and coming close together. I tried the gas and husband put it on me but i didnt like it.
I told husband to ask the nurse how dilated I am coz I have this urgency to push.
So she checked and I was 9CM!!. Finally!!! So she said I could push. By then it was around 12.30pm. Husband and the nurse directed me when to push and told me that they could see his head!!!
Soon doc mariamma mamma came and helped me to push. It seems like the longest time but husband's encouragement and his hand holding up my neck to push really made me strong. He was excitedly telling me how he could see the head and told that it was a bit more.
By 1.11pm, the lil boy was out into the world and all my pain suddenly disappeared.
He is 3.74kg. yes, he is huge.
He was put into my arms and the lil one opened his eyes and looked at me!!! How could we not cry?! The nurse put him on my breast and amazingly he could latch on.
While doc mariamma mamma did my stiches, all husband and me could do was stare at the lil one. And he stared right back at us! I didnt feel a thing when she did the stiches. Soon it was all over and we got into our ward.
I think i had it fairly easy this time. Labour wasnt too long and there was no complications and i could bear the pain. It wasnt because i was strong but it must have been all the never ending doas and constant prayers from my loved ones that did it for me.
And of coz, for the hand that held me throughout labour and the voice that kept encouraging me. My husband has always been and will always be my pillar of strength.
Wow a super long entry. So there it goes...
The story of the birth of Nur Irfan bin Muhd Nur Alim.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
today is my due date and at 12 am this morning, i had a bloody show. it wasnt once, im still having it once in a while. very diluted blood,pinkish and it means that the mucus plug is out. that's a sign of the first stages of labour. but it doesnt mean im going into labour anytime soon. it might take 24 hours or even a few days. ceh!
i remembered doc mariamma mamma telling me that i dunt have to go to KK if there's blood. she said its perfectly NORMAL (her favourite word) I would only have to go if my contractions are 10 mins apart or my water bag is broken.
sounds easy but, for a first timer like me, identifying contractions itself might be a challenge and sometimes you are not sure if your water bag is broken coz it can varies from trickling to gushing of water. all i noe is i havent felt any pain at all, just very diluted blood that im having. doc mariamma mamma better be rite about not having to go KK.
so looks like the waiting game shall continue....i have 4 more days till they induce me. guess, we'll just have to wait and see.
i remembered doc mariamma mamma telling me that i dunt have to go to KK if there's blood. she said its perfectly NORMAL (her favourite word) I would only have to go if my contractions are 10 mins apart or my water bag is broken.
sounds easy but, for a first timer like me, identifying contractions itself might be a challenge and sometimes you are not sure if your water bag is broken coz it can varies from trickling to gushing of water. all i noe is i havent felt any pain at all, just very diluted blood that im having. doc mariamma mamma better be rite about not having to go KK.
so looks like the waiting game shall continue....i have 4 more days till they induce me. guess, we'll just have to wait and see.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Baby, pls meet me soon.
2 days left to my due date and still no pain at all. Doc mariamma mamma has set me up for an appointment next thursday to be induced if the baby is still not out yet. so im browsing the net rite now, reading up on the various methods of induction.
and here's what i found:
one method requires a tablet called pessaries containing prostaglandin gel to be inserted in the cervix (ouch?). might take a few days to take effect. So i assume there will be a lot of waiting. They might insert the tablet a few times more and see what happens.
another way is they can also break your waters using a hooklike thing (ouch? ouch?) to stimulate contractions. Once the water is broken, it is supposed to cause contractions but there's chances of it not happening too.
And as a last resort they might put u on a syntocinon drip which contains oxytoxin, hormones to stimulate contractions. For this, the info said, when you do get the contractions, the pain can be much much worst than normal contractions and might last longer, depending on how your body reacts. most of the time, an epidural is needed in this case.
And of course, when all else fails, there's the caesearean.
and i heard from a fren that husbands are not allowed to be with you throughout the ordeal above. For me, that will be the worst part ever.
and then of course, the info said there's the 'self-induced' methods like sex, stimulating your nipples, curry and taking long walks. Those sounds better doest it? No harm trying is there? id try anything to get those contractions! so how many days is it to next thursday? Six? Not too far away..eeekks.
Well, guess i wouldnt know what will happen till it does. all i can say is, whatever means and pain i have to go through, i would definitely do it, for the sake of bringing this precious one into the world.
so wish me luck! :)
2 days left to my due date and still no pain at all. Doc mariamma mamma has set me up for an appointment next thursday to be induced if the baby is still not out yet. so im browsing the net rite now, reading up on the various methods of induction.
and here's what i found:
one method requires a tablet called pessaries containing prostaglandin gel to be inserted in the cervix (ouch?). might take a few days to take effect. So i assume there will be a lot of waiting. They might insert the tablet a few times more and see what happens.
another way is they can also break your waters using a hooklike thing (ouch? ouch?) to stimulate contractions. Once the water is broken, it is supposed to cause contractions but there's chances of it not happening too.
And as a last resort they might put u on a syntocinon drip which contains oxytoxin, hormones to stimulate contractions. For this, the info said, when you do get the contractions, the pain can be much much worst than normal contractions and might last longer, depending on how your body reacts. most of the time, an epidural is needed in this case.
And of course, when all else fails, there's the caesearean.
and i heard from a fren that husbands are not allowed to be with you throughout the ordeal above. For me, that will be the worst part ever.
and then of course, the info said there's the 'self-induced' methods like sex, stimulating your nipples, curry and taking long walks. Those sounds better doest it? No harm trying is there? id try anything to get those contractions! so how many days is it to next thursday? Six? Not too far away..eeekks.
Well, guess i wouldnt know what will happen till it does. all i can say is, whatever means and pain i have to go through, i would definitely do it, for the sake of bringing this precious one into the world.
so wish me luck! :)
Thursday, September 15, 2005
the lil babe is still happily inside me now. still deciding on his birthday agaknyer. Looks like he chose not to share the same birthday as me nor with a Britney Speares' s kid. (heard over the radio, he was born yesterday) if he is born near the expected due date, he'd be a virgo, just like me. (poor husband, have to handle 2 headaches now!) and just like his mummy here, agaknya dia pun fickle and always take too long to think. and maybe he also has that late coming trait going on. dat trait he would have inherited from the both of us, so not solely my fault lah.
so, i have a feeling this baby mite just be overdue. doc said if overdue, need to be induced. various ways of doing it, not quite sure how mariamma mamma wants to do it. today, during the appt we will find out. i hvae 3 days before the expected due date. but so far i havent felt any kind of pain at all. except for very very mild cramps, like those i get monthly. but other that dat and the strong wavelike movements of the baby (that always makes me feel like he's dropping out!) i dunt feel any form of contraction at all. Not even Braxton Hicks.
Well at least he didnt choose to come out on my birthday. The husband was keeping his fingers crossed caused he had been busy planning a lil something for me. Actually not a lil something lah, i tot it was a big something. Of course, he did it again. Surprise me with something totally unexpected and made me totally happy. Morning of my birthday, told me to pack my things.
actually sejak sejak dah pregnant, im so lazy to walk around, just want to lepak and lie down in a nice comfy place. and it was a very very hot day that day, 33 C or sumthing so i was hoping he wont take me outdoors or go walking around. My tiny feet just cant take the 15kg weight gain well anymore.
but i was still very, very excited lah, so far he has never let me down in making me happy, so i know this yr would be no diff. he always seems to know what i want and need. sometimes even before i could figure that out myself. and i was right, at the end of the 'surprise', i was all smiles! :)
think i will continue this entry in a while. truth is i forgot how to upload photos here. its been sooo long since i did that. so i better go get it figured first.
till the next entry soon...
so, i have a feeling this baby mite just be overdue. doc said if overdue, need to be induced. various ways of doing it, not quite sure how mariamma mamma wants to do it. today, during the appt we will find out. i hvae 3 days before the expected due date. but so far i havent felt any kind of pain at all. except for very very mild cramps, like those i get monthly. but other that dat and the strong wavelike movements of the baby (that always makes me feel like he's dropping out!) i dunt feel any form of contraction at all. Not even Braxton Hicks.
Well at least he didnt choose to come out on my birthday. The husband was keeping his fingers crossed caused he had been busy planning a lil something for me. Actually not a lil something lah, i tot it was a big something. Of course, he did it again. Surprise me with something totally unexpected and made me totally happy. Morning of my birthday, told me to pack my things.
actually sejak sejak dah pregnant, im so lazy to walk around, just want to lepak and lie down in a nice comfy place. and it was a very very hot day that day, 33 C or sumthing so i was hoping he wont take me outdoors or go walking around. My tiny feet just cant take the 15kg weight gain well anymore.
but i was still very, very excited lah, so far he has never let me down in making me happy, so i know this yr would be no diff. he always seems to know what i want and need. sometimes even before i could figure that out myself. and i was right, at the end of the 'surprise', i was all smiles! :)
think i will continue this entry in a while. truth is i forgot how to upload photos here. its been sooo long since i did that. so i better go get it figured first.
till the next entry soon...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Greetings earthlings, hello humans.
Song of choice: Exit Music for a Film, Radiohead.
There was a time in my life when writing provided ample solace and helped me make sense of the world. I lost that sense of solace because i found something (read: someone) more tangible, a personification of solacity. Here i am now, minus my black books, my notebooks, my scribbles of paper, returning to manifest my inner thoughts in a predominantly conTEXT format, in a land where many know, as the blogGG. It has been a long while since I really sat down and thought long and hard about things and it is now time to embrace introspection rather than retrospection.
Currently i am at a very interesting stage in life. Something peculiar, somewhat familiar. I never thought i would ever reach this stage in life. I can still hear clearly the voice of the teacher teaching the Primary 6 students above about the laws of physics and nature; more than often, daydreaming how interesting it'll be for me to learn P6 science. I can still feel the marvel i had upon seeing my cousin getting ready for school, so proud that he's finally wearing long pants. I dont remember reaching any of these stages in life; all i know is that, i passed them. Right now i embark on my journey into parenthood after twenty seven years of limbo, of wandering, getting tossed about, and finding myself and a wife and soon a kin in the process.
So it is like the whole symphony is buliding up for this one huge excitement. That one note that the whole orchestra is looking forward to, that one note that would bring a BANG in beethoven's symphony no. 9. That is the birth of my child. The rest will be just encores. I never thought i would be at this stage in life. Can somebody tell me if the baby comes with an instructional manual? Maybe raising arizona is a PBL (problem based learning) process. Maybe not so much of a problem as it'll be self fulfilling, but i would rather call it Play-based learning. LEarn on the job, some might say. We will just have to open our presents slowly i guess. I guess the apt song would be "She likes surprises" by soundgarden. And anything in wonderful disguises.
I think that i have lost a side of my life whereby the visual is the most apt form of expression for me. I find myself drawing less, and painting less. I draw more in my head, and thats only half good. Photography still continues to fascinate me but it does not provide sufficiently for expression. I am bad in photographing humans and there is so much i can do when i photograph the tangible. I want to find that side of my life that captures the intangibles, that turns expression into form. I hope to find that again in writing. I want to be able to express the things I cannot say to the unknown faces of people i hear in my head who i shouldnt listen to. Maybe writing isnt such a good idea afterall. At least in here. I am in a place now where finding catharsis and making sense of things is crucial to my sanity and person. The presence of a proper and unbiased confidante who understands the composite, if not complex me does take a substantial load off my chest, without making me feel the threat of intellectual atrophy (read:university)settling in looms large. For that i thank you. I thank Him for this day, twenty seven years ago, solacity was born. Happy Birthday.
Song of choice: Exit Music for a Film, Radiohead.
There was a time in my life when writing provided ample solace and helped me make sense of the world. I lost that sense of solace because i found something (read: someone) more tangible, a personification of solacity. Here i am now, minus my black books, my notebooks, my scribbles of paper, returning to manifest my inner thoughts in a predominantly conTEXT format, in a land where many know, as the blogGG. It has been a long while since I really sat down and thought long and hard about things and it is now time to embrace introspection rather than retrospection.
Currently i am at a very interesting stage in life. Something peculiar, somewhat familiar. I never thought i would ever reach this stage in life. I can still hear clearly the voice of the teacher teaching the Primary 6 students above about the laws of physics and nature; more than often, daydreaming how interesting it'll be for me to learn P6 science. I can still feel the marvel i had upon seeing my cousin getting ready for school, so proud that he's finally wearing long pants. I dont remember reaching any of these stages in life; all i know is that, i passed them. Right now i embark on my journey into parenthood after twenty seven years of limbo, of wandering, getting tossed about, and finding myself and a wife and soon a kin in the process.
So it is like the whole symphony is buliding up for this one huge excitement. That one note that the whole orchestra is looking forward to, that one note that would bring a BANG in beethoven's symphony no. 9. That is the birth of my child. The rest will be just encores. I never thought i would be at this stage in life. Can somebody tell me if the baby comes with an instructional manual? Maybe raising arizona is a PBL (problem based learning) process. Maybe not so much of a problem as it'll be self fulfilling, but i would rather call it Play-based learning. LEarn on the job, some might say. We will just have to open our presents slowly i guess. I guess the apt song would be "She likes surprises" by soundgarden. And anything in wonderful disguises.
I think that i have lost a side of my life whereby the visual is the most apt form of expression for me. I find myself drawing less, and painting less. I draw more in my head, and thats only half good. Photography still continues to fascinate me but it does not provide sufficiently for expression. I am bad in photographing humans and there is so much i can do when i photograph the tangible. I want to find that side of my life that captures the intangibles, that turns expression into form. I hope to find that again in writing. I want to be able to express the things I cannot say to the unknown faces of people i hear in my head who i shouldnt listen to. Maybe writing isnt such a good idea afterall. At least in here. I am in a place now where finding catharsis and making sense of things is crucial to my sanity and person. The presence of a proper and unbiased confidante who understands the composite, if not complex me does take a substantial load off my chest, without making me feel the threat of intellectual atrophy (read:university)settling in looms large. For that i thank you. I thank Him for this day, twenty seven years ago, solacity was born. Happy Birthday.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
the third person
the third person
she opened her eyes and like most days, saw him smiling down at her. dimples greeted her but she wasn't moved today. she's moody again. he wore her 4 watches and laughed. 2 on the right wrist and 2 on the the left. she didn't find it too funny.
she woke up midday and regretted not meeting the morning. it could have been a beautiful morning. she tot to herself; why is she feeling so tired and moody when everything is going well? it has been days. all she wants to do is be in bed the whole day. she wants to think its the changing hormones, perhaps an extra dose of progesterone and oestrogen. and not a reaction to what is coming in the future.
she wants the attention but he is not giving enough to her. maybe it would never be enough to her. maybe its not what she wants after all. she is such a fickle attention seeker these days.
she needs to grow up. she would in a couple of days. she has no choice.
maybe that's the reason.
she opened her eyes and like most days, saw him smiling down at her. dimples greeted her but she wasn't moved today. she's moody again. he wore her 4 watches and laughed. 2 on the right wrist and 2 on the the left. she didn't find it too funny.
she woke up midday and regretted not meeting the morning. it could have been a beautiful morning. she tot to herself; why is she feeling so tired and moody when everything is going well? it has been days. all she wants to do is be in bed the whole day. she wants to think its the changing hormones, perhaps an extra dose of progesterone and oestrogen. and not a reaction to what is coming in the future.
she wants the attention but he is not giving enough to her. maybe it would never be enough to her. maybe its not what she wants after all. she is such a fickle attention seeker these days.
she needs to grow up. she would in a couple of days. she has no choice.
maybe that's the reason.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
all about she
all about she
she woke up feeling fine. the day seems promising. after all its saturday. but she was feeling tired and so her bed became her constant companion for the day.
she got up to do some laundry for the new extension and saw the rain came pouring soon after. as the weather became darker and the day grew older, so did her spirits.
she had a good breakfast but no lunch. he banged the door and she couldn't care less. anyway, there were no more places she really wanted to go. Nothing seems tempting enough to bring a smile on her face. or makes her heart race. Besides, her pockets are empty. nothing seems to be going right. she's looking for the attention that she will never get because someone has been so used to receiving and not giving.
the anger. the anger has been bulding, accumulating and soon to explode. she knows she won't hurt from the blast but someone else would. but not she. not she.
so its night and she's dragging her feet.
suddenly the day is over. and another 'promising day' begins.
she woke up feeling fine. the day seems promising. after all its saturday. but she was feeling tired and so her bed became her constant companion for the day.
she got up to do some laundry for the new extension and saw the rain came pouring soon after. as the weather became darker and the day grew older, so did her spirits.
she had a good breakfast but no lunch. he banged the door and she couldn't care less. anyway, there were no more places she really wanted to go. Nothing seems tempting enough to bring a smile on her face. or makes her heart race. Besides, her pockets are empty. nothing seems to be going right. she's looking for the attention that she will never get because someone has been so used to receiving and not giving.
the anger. the anger has been bulding, accumulating and soon to explode. she knows she won't hurt from the blast but someone else would. but not she. not she.
so its night and she's dragging her feet.
suddenly the day is over. and another 'promising day' begins.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Swollen ankles
Swollen ankles
I can't see my ankles anymore. .I can't recognise my feet when i woke up today, ,very gelembong (been a while since i used this word.heh) , dah macam Professor Klums in Nutty Professor. Think if i poke my feet, it'll burst? Looks like it..
Had craving for crepes with bananas since yesterday. Finally went Marches and had my cravings satisfied. So im happy today.
Feel so fatigued today, nothing great on T.V. Can't sleep, just want to lie down and watch something. Wish Nip Tuck was today, my fav show to date. Oh wait, there's CSI tonite...so not too bad.
Looking forward to Thursday...Teacher's Day holiday!!! I almost forgot the perks of being a teacher until a holiday like this come. Morrow will be a relaxing day in school, just sit back and be entertained...Nice. But been feeling kinda guilty coz i haven't been much of a teacher lately..pple say my health and the baby is more important but looking at my students, im just torn. sigh...
by the way, the dead corpse is till lying quietly in his/her coffin. Its getting too quiet down there..wonder when the musical extravaganza will begin.
I can't see my ankles anymore. .I can't recognise my feet when i woke up today, ,very gelembong (been a while since i used this word.heh) , dah macam Professor Klums in Nutty Professor. Think if i poke my feet, it'll burst? Looks like it..
Had craving for crepes with bananas since yesterday. Finally went Marches and had my cravings satisfied. So im happy today.
Feel so fatigued today, nothing great on T.V. Can't sleep, just want to lie down and watch something. Wish Nip Tuck was today, my fav show to date. Oh wait, there's CSI tonite...so not too bad.
Looking forward to Thursday...Teacher's Day holiday!!! I almost forgot the perks of being a teacher until a holiday like this come. Morrow will be a relaxing day in school, just sit back and be entertained...Nice. But been feeling kinda guilty coz i haven't been much of a teacher lately..pple say my health and the baby is more important but looking at my students, im just torn. sigh...
by the way, the dead corpse is till lying quietly in his/her coffin. Its getting too quiet down there..wonder when the musical extravaganza will begin.
Monday, August 29, 2005
A dead corpse and sleepless nite
A dead corpse and sleepless nite
i had a terrible nite. Didn't sleep a wink and im having the headache today. Think Im down with gastric flu, or is it stomach flu or just plain gastric? I dunno. can never differentiate between all these stomach related terms. But all I know was there was a lot of gas in me and it was poking me sharply throughout the whole nite. At some point i can feel the gas and acid twisting itself in me, like a razor, cutting through your gut. I lost count of how many trips i made to the toilet, vomitting and passing out liquid. Horrible! Could it be food poisoning? I dunno..going to the doc soon. can't stand it anymore.
I hope the baby is not affected by all this. Must be pretty noisy in there, sound of trapped gas in me. He couldn't stop moving the whole nite either.
So Im on medical leave again today. Feels really bad, been taking too many sick leave lately, way too many...sigh...
And by the way, it was kinda a spooky nite, last nite. The thought of sleeping near a dead corpse was not at all nice. Since we moved in, this is the first time a funeral was held at the multi purpose hall in front of my block. The worst part is, from our room, we have a crystal clear view of the coffin. Its half covered, mind you. Lower part of the coffin is covered by wood and the upper part, by transparent glass. But somehow, we can't make out the face from up here, cause of the reflection of the glass cover. Thank God for that! The noise hasn't started yet. Have a feeling, we are gonna have a real kecoh party soon. Well, gotta enjoy the 'perks' of staying on the lower floors.
Ok Im feeling anohter surge of gas forcing its way up. Im all clammy and goose bumps appearing again..think i need the toilet now...so till later...
wish me luck, another nite with a dead corpse tonite. Think the windows of our room would be closed and the curtains would be drawn for a few more nites now!
i had a terrible nite. Didn't sleep a wink and im having the headache today. Think Im down with gastric flu, or is it stomach flu or just plain gastric? I dunno. can never differentiate between all these stomach related terms. But all I know was there was a lot of gas in me and it was poking me sharply throughout the whole nite. At some point i can feel the gas and acid twisting itself in me, like a razor, cutting through your gut. I lost count of how many trips i made to the toilet, vomitting and passing out liquid. Horrible! Could it be food poisoning? I dunno..going to the doc soon. can't stand it anymore.
I hope the baby is not affected by all this. Must be pretty noisy in there, sound of trapped gas in me. He couldn't stop moving the whole nite either.
So Im on medical leave again today. Feels really bad, been taking too many sick leave lately, way too many...sigh...
And by the way, it was kinda a spooky nite, last nite. The thought of sleeping near a dead corpse was not at all nice. Since we moved in, this is the first time a funeral was held at the multi purpose hall in front of my block. The worst part is, from our room, we have a crystal clear view of the coffin. Its half covered, mind you. Lower part of the coffin is covered by wood and the upper part, by transparent glass. But somehow, we can't make out the face from up here, cause of the reflection of the glass cover. Thank God for that! The noise hasn't started yet. Have a feeling, we are gonna have a real kecoh party soon. Well, gotta enjoy the 'perks' of staying on the lower floors.
Ok Im feeling anohter surge of gas forcing its way up. Im all clammy and goose bumps appearing again..think i need the toilet now...so till later...
wish me luck, another nite with a dead corpse tonite. Think the windows of our room would be closed and the curtains would be drawn for a few more nites now!
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Yeayiyaaaaah! we finally got our broadband wireless connection and all our hardware in place at home. The PC and laptop are all here and functioning well rite now. Hahh..the pleasure of clicking away on the comforts of my bed, and many many windows opening up quickly, waiting for me to read em instead of me waiting for them! No more snail crawling connection and attached phone lines. Nice.
Ok, so now with everything in place, lets have a proper update. This writing space here had been abandoned for way too long, actually without me realizing it. Time passed so fast, its just crazy. What?! September coming?!!! Feels like I just saw the double blue line on the pregnancy test kit and now 12kg gain later, im awaiting the arrival of this lil hero. Any moment now.
Scared? U kidding? Me? Im scared of almost everything and anything, be it the wedding day, (and night too lah, hehe) , plane rides, shifiting...basically everything lah. So this is no different, except im just super excited...can never get enuf of those kicks and bumps and humps the lil being is making to my stomach. Im waiting to finally meet him. Just hope he makes a normal, usual entrance, not dramatic like his dad's or any other horror labour stories that i've heard!
my pregnancy hasn't been totally smooth sailing but neither has it beeen terrible either. was hospitalised, took dozens of mcs from werk, had bleeding, spotting...had morning sickness in the first trimester and now with the last trimester, im having the terrible aches. I can't even remember the last time I had a good night sleep without waking up in the middle of nite, having to go to the toilet 2,3 times. Never knew, getting out of bed, bending over and lying on my back can be so painful and achy.
But alhamdullilah, i have no reason to complain. Baby and me is fine so far, and that is all that matters. With my paranoia, i have never even dreamed of coming this far. :) Smiles...
Praying all will be fine. Not evrything is in our hands, is it? Weak, we humans are. That's what im reminded of everytime. Doesn't matter what we want or how much we want it. In the end, its not up to us, nuthing is up to us.
For now, id be holding my breath, waiting for the the story of my life to unfold, hoping, hoping, hoping for smiles and joy. and not forgetting waiting for more sleepless nites, nappy change and engorged, throbbing breasts!
Right now, all that sounds like the best thing to me!
Ok, so now with everything in place, lets have a proper update. This writing space here had been abandoned for way too long, actually without me realizing it. Time passed so fast, its just crazy. What?! September coming?!!! Feels like I just saw the double blue line on the pregnancy test kit and now 12kg gain later, im awaiting the arrival of this lil hero. Any moment now.
Scared? U kidding? Me? Im scared of almost everything and anything, be it the wedding day, (and night too lah, hehe) , plane rides, shifiting...basically everything lah. So this is no different, except im just super excited...can never get enuf of those kicks and bumps and humps the lil being is making to my stomach. Im waiting to finally meet him. Just hope he makes a normal, usual entrance, not dramatic like his dad's or any other horror labour stories that i've heard!
my pregnancy hasn't been totally smooth sailing but neither has it beeen terrible either. was hospitalised, took dozens of mcs from werk, had bleeding, spotting...had morning sickness in the first trimester and now with the last trimester, im having the terrible aches. I can't even remember the last time I had a good night sleep without waking up in the middle of nite, having to go to the toilet 2,3 times. Never knew, getting out of bed, bending over and lying on my back can be so painful and achy.
But alhamdullilah, i have no reason to complain. Baby and me is fine so far, and that is all that matters. With my paranoia, i have never even dreamed of coming this far. :) Smiles...
Praying all will be fine. Not evrything is in our hands, is it? Weak, we humans are. That's what im reminded of everytime. Doesn't matter what we want or how much we want it. In the end, its not up to us, nuthing is up to us.
For now, id be holding my breath, waiting for the the story of my life to unfold, hoping, hoping, hoping for smiles and joy. and not forgetting waiting for more sleepless nites, nappy change and engorged, throbbing breasts!
Right now, all that sounds like the best thing to me!
Thursday, August 11, 2005
IN all whiteness and smallness, i await to be connected
yesterday, we finally signed up for broadband connection for our new home. today, we will be buying a computer and repairing my virus infected laptop.
we have been surviving pathetically without computer and internet connection since we moved. It has been a very painful experience. Really.
come next 2 weeks, our misery would end. i would have internet connection, a new computer, a repaired laptop and a new, compact, white beauty. I forsee my old repaired laptop will soon collect dust as i lay my fingers on the white keys of the new 12 inch white mini mini apple.
yes, we are crazy about anything white and small. step into our home and you will know, all white and small...so here comes the latest addition. we will continue our pursuit for whiteness and smallness till we get sick and tired of it.
So in next 2 weeks, with the technology in place at home, our place would now feel more like a home.
Till then, barulah boleh update panjang panjang lebar from the comforts of the home...
so till later...
yesterday, we finally signed up for broadband connection for our new home. today, we will be buying a computer and repairing my virus infected laptop.
we have been surviving pathetically without computer and internet connection since we moved. It has been a very painful experience. Really.
come next 2 weeks, our misery would end. i would have internet connection, a new computer, a repaired laptop and a new, compact, white beauty. I forsee my old repaired laptop will soon collect dust as i lay my fingers on the white keys of the new 12 inch white mini mini apple.
yes, we are crazy about anything white and small. step into our home and you will know, all white and small...so here comes the latest addition. we will continue our pursuit for whiteness and smallness till we get sick and tired of it.
So in next 2 weeks, with the technology in place at home, our place would now feel more like a home.
Till then, barulah boleh update panjang panjang lebar from the comforts of the home...
so till later...
Monday, May 30, 2005
im now into my 6 mths oredi, and i have gained a total of 10 kg so far! but my arms are still as skinny and aside from my ball of a stomach, i dunno where all the fats have gone to...i dunt think i look that much heavier and my stomach doesnt look so huge either.
the kicks and movements are getting stronger and stronger and more often by the day. especially when hubster puts his hand on him and talks to him.
3 more mths to go and as the days draw near, im having the jitters. i can't wait for the day but when i start reading and thinking about labour, errr....i think i dunt mind waiting...serammmm.
with all these major changes happening in my life all at once, it can get pretty hectic at times. sometimes, the presence of other people make things more complicated and frustrating instead of providing moral support.I can't control what people say or think of me; so nak cakap apa cakaplah, nak pikir apa, pikirlah. Although they might not realize that their words are hurting, ultimately what can i do? Sometimes there's no point talking, best to just get up and go. At the end of the day, only HE knows best and i have HIM to turn to for strength.
With all these major changes happening, im just ever so so so glad and thankful to have a loving and understanding husband by my side.
Knowing that we are always a team makes it a lot easier to face the challenges of the world.
the kicks and movements are getting stronger and stronger and more often by the day. especially when hubster puts his hand on him and talks to him.
3 more mths to go and as the days draw near, im having the jitters. i can't wait for the day but when i start reading and thinking about labour, errr....i think i dunt mind waiting...serammmm.
with all these major changes happening in my life all at once, it can get pretty hectic at times. sometimes, the presence of other people make things more complicated and frustrating instead of providing moral support.I can't control what people say or think of me; so nak cakap apa cakaplah, nak pikir apa, pikirlah. Although they might not realize that their words are hurting, ultimately what can i do? Sometimes there's no point talking, best to just get up and go. At the end of the day, only HE knows best and i have HIM to turn to for strength.
With all these major changes happening, im just ever so so so glad and thankful to have a loving and understanding husband by my side.
Knowing that we are always a team makes it a lot easier to face the challenges of the world.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
The Rain Song- Led Zeppelin
(Page/Plant)
This is the springtime of my loving
the second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing
so little warmth I've felt before.
It isn't hard to feel me glowing
I watched the fire that grew so low.
It is the summer of my smiles
flee from me Keepers of the Gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes.
It is to you I give this tune.
Ain't so hard to recognize
These things are clear to all from
time to time.
Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go.
I cursed the gloom that set upon us...
But I know that I love you so
These are the seasons of emotions
and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion
I see the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient
Upon us all a little rain must fall.
(Page/Plant)
This is the springtime of my loving
the second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing
so little warmth I've felt before.
It isn't hard to feel me glowing
I watched the fire that grew so low.
It is the summer of my smiles
flee from me Keepers of the Gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes.
It is to you I give this tune.
Ain't so hard to recognize
These things are clear to all from
time to time.
Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go.
I cursed the gloom that set upon us...
But I know that I love you so
These are the seasons of emotions
and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion
I see the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient
Upon us all a little rain must fall.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Rules I have to obey till no endT
There are concepts in life that just cannot be changed. Some rules that just have to be obeyed. No excuse. Feelings not counted. Rationale holds no value.
What happens if I try to break the rules? They claim I will go to hell.
I have known this all my life. And yet i still try to go against the currents. Again and again i try to put my points across. What was I thinking? That I can change the world?
In the process, i created chaos. Yes. I'm as stubborn as a mule.
My sister has got it right and I still have not. I dunno when I will. For the sake of the person i care most and the person i will soon meet,
i will try my best.
There are concepts in life that just cannot be changed. Some rules that just have to be obeyed. No excuse. Feelings not counted. Rationale holds no value.
What happens if I try to break the rules? They claim I will go to hell.
I have known this all my life. And yet i still try to go against the currents. Again and again i try to put my points across. What was I thinking? That I can change the world?
In the process, i created chaos. Yes. I'm as stubborn as a mule.
My sister has got it right and I still have not. I dunno when I will. For the sake of the person i care most and the person i will soon meet,
i will try my best.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Uekkkk..Uekkkkk
Uekkkk..Uekkkkk
Being pregos have made me become one lazy person. Yes, I know, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN lazy and no one thought it can get any worst.
But i just found out it can be worst, much, much worst.
All i want to do right now is sleep, lie down and just lepak. I have taken countless MCs coz I really have trouble waking up in the morning. My body feels totally out of sync, and every little thing makes me nauseuas. I wake up and the first thing i want to do is throw up and if im lucky, that will be the ONLY time in the day that i feel sick. But most of the time im not and i will feel worst in the middle of the day or at night again.
I have also vomitted countless times and im sure you know how painful it is on the gut when you vomit.
And then there's my frequent migraine messing with my head again. It has gotten more frequent, like 5 times a mth or so and its really torturing me.
Friends and family have been really sweet with their endless advise, help and patience, especially, especially my partner in crime of coz.
I really envy those who had it easy, no vomitting, nausea, nothing.
Oh well, what to do...macam my mum selalu ckp, "ni smua bahagian bahagian orang"
so how to work like dat? I know my boss is in a difficult situation rite now. Think she's not too happy with my frequent MIA nowadays but at the same time she doesnt want to appear heartless either.
Its quite interestng to see how she handles the situation, though..
But honestly, I have no choice..im trying my best to fight it, coz pple who are closest to me insist its pychological, coz they know how crazy i can get about illnesses and how my phobia can drive me to IMAGINING im unwell when Im actually fine.
But I SWEAR its not pychological this time round. Would a pregnant lady lie to you? *blinks* *blinks*
i just hope what the doc and magazines says is true; you will feel sick only the first 3 mths.
but heck, all that still cant stop me from being all excited and elated thinking about this lil one. and its quite a sight seeing your stomach grow bigger and bigger by the day. quite amazing lah. yep, im quite a jakun when it comes to being pregos.
ok, time for my afternoon nap now. will wake up for magrib and dinner (and another round of vomitting?), squeeze a lil nap again before american idol (maybe forgo american idol?) and then sleep for the night.
ya, that sounds like a plan.
Being pregos have made me become one lazy person. Yes, I know, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN lazy and no one thought it can get any worst.
But i just found out it can be worst, much, much worst.
All i want to do right now is sleep, lie down and just lepak. I have taken countless MCs coz I really have trouble waking up in the morning. My body feels totally out of sync, and every little thing makes me nauseuas. I wake up and the first thing i want to do is throw up and if im lucky, that will be the ONLY time in the day that i feel sick. But most of the time im not and i will feel worst in the middle of the day or at night again.
I have also vomitted countless times and im sure you know how painful it is on the gut when you vomit.
And then there's my frequent migraine messing with my head again. It has gotten more frequent, like 5 times a mth or so and its really torturing me.
Friends and family have been really sweet with their endless advise, help and patience, especially, especially my partner in crime of coz.
I really envy those who had it easy, no vomitting, nausea, nothing.
Oh well, what to do...macam my mum selalu ckp, "ni smua bahagian bahagian orang"
so how to work like dat? I know my boss is in a difficult situation rite now. Think she's not too happy with my frequent MIA nowadays but at the same time she doesnt want to appear heartless either.
Its quite interestng to see how she handles the situation, though..
But honestly, I have no choice..im trying my best to fight it, coz pple who are closest to me insist its pychological, coz they know how crazy i can get about illnesses and how my phobia can drive me to IMAGINING im unwell when Im actually fine.
But I SWEAR its not pychological this time round. Would a pregnant lady lie to you? *blinks* *blinks*
i just hope what the doc and magazines says is true; you will feel sick only the first 3 mths.
but heck, all that still cant stop me from being all excited and elated thinking about this lil one. and its quite a sight seeing your stomach grow bigger and bigger by the day. quite amazing lah. yep, im quite a jakun when it comes to being pregos.
ok, time for my afternoon nap now. will wake up for magrib and dinner (and another round of vomitting?), squeeze a lil nap again before american idol (maybe forgo american idol?) and then sleep for the night.
ya, that sounds like a plan.
Friday, January 28, 2005
A reminder
A reminder to myself
Alhamdullilah we are moving into yet another phase of our life. Life has been moving very fast for me now, eversince i got married. it seems that things are happening one after another and sometimes i just dont have enough time to think.
im afraid. As i have always been. The future is unknown and so many possibilities lie ahead. at the same time, im soooo excited to be entering this extremely new phase. It feels like a dream, like the impossible has happened to me. I want it so badly, that it scares me.
" The world is a bridge.
Pass over it, but build no houses upon it.
He who hopes for a day,
may hope for eternity,
but the world endures but an hour.
Spend it in prayer, for the rest is unseen. "
Let's pray all will go well, and may the best come our way.
Alhamdullilah we are moving into yet another phase of our life. Life has been moving very fast for me now, eversince i got married. it seems that things are happening one after another and sometimes i just dont have enough time to think.
im afraid. As i have always been. The future is unknown and so many possibilities lie ahead. at the same time, im soooo excited to be entering this extremely new phase. It feels like a dream, like the impossible has happened to me. I want it so badly, that it scares me.
" The world is a bridge.
Pass over it, but build no houses upon it.
He who hopes for a day,
may hope for eternity,
but the world endures but an hour.
Spend it in prayer, for the rest is unseen. "
Let's pray all will go well, and may the best come our way.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Holiday
Back on holiday.....fun with velvias.
saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi. saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi. saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi.
btw, somehow, i think we look better from the back..*sniggers*.....
saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi. saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi. saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi.
btw, somehow, i think we look better from the back..*sniggers*.....
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Amateur grown up
The life of an amateur grown-up
Finally, after 7 years or so, Im going back home.
Back to the estate where my silly, adolescent-laden, puberty stricken memories were created.
I know Singapore is a mere dot, so small, and yet I just like being at that part of Singapore so much. I just don't know why.
Im excited to move, have a place to call my own,
especially since the odds were against us and yet we managed to get the flat we wanted.
last nite, as we took a look at the units left, we tot, damn, we r screwed. all the upper floors were taken and the lower floors were not to our liking. then we found one on the fourth floor. Though we wanted higher floors, there was something about that unit which we liked. maybe coz its facing the road we always drive by or maybe coz its connected to the car park. could be the bright lighting too. i duuno, we just liked it for some reason. but given our queue number, logically, we tot we couldn't get it.
but for some reason or another, we DID get it and im so excited to move..
....and yet...
this would also mean im creating a pile of mess. disrupting the calm of familiarity. change can be messy.
Firstly, changing school will not be easy and at this moment, its just something im not ready to do.
i will miss my colleagues.
i have heard so much about how teaching can be quite a bitchy profession. but alhamdullilah, my school has none of that. at least not too much. i don't know what it will be like in a different school.
Secondly, i will miss the noise and clutter of my nieces and newphew as well as having my sister near me. when the occasional cloud hover over my place, i could just drop by hers to take some sunshine with me. so could my parents.
that can't be done anymore.
and thirdly, looking at all the stuffs at my current place, i wonder how im going to pack and transfer all those into a 92sqm area. and how do i tell my dad nicely that the frames on the wall will look weird at our smaller new place? knowing that he has spent quite a lot on that?
i wish i can stop thinking sometime.
but right now, i have to start thinking about ceramic flooring, kitchen cabinets, lightings, blinds, sofa sets, doors and other EXPENSIVE stuffs that supposedly make a house complete.
sigh.....its no fun being a grown-up!
Finally, after 7 years or so, Im going back home.
Back to the estate where my silly, adolescent-laden, puberty stricken memories were created.
I know Singapore is a mere dot, so small, and yet I just like being at that part of Singapore so much. I just don't know why.
Im excited to move, have a place to call my own,
especially since the odds were against us and yet we managed to get the flat we wanted.
last nite, as we took a look at the units left, we tot, damn, we r screwed. all the upper floors were taken and the lower floors were not to our liking. then we found one on the fourth floor. Though we wanted higher floors, there was something about that unit which we liked. maybe coz its facing the road we always drive by or maybe coz its connected to the car park. could be the bright lighting too. i duuno, we just liked it for some reason. but given our queue number, logically, we tot we couldn't get it.
but for some reason or another, we DID get it and im so excited to move..
....and yet...
this would also mean im creating a pile of mess. disrupting the calm of familiarity. change can be messy.
Firstly, changing school will not be easy and at this moment, its just something im not ready to do.
i will miss my colleagues.
i have heard so much about how teaching can be quite a bitchy profession. but alhamdullilah, my school has none of that. at least not too much. i don't know what it will be like in a different school.
Secondly, i will miss the noise and clutter of my nieces and newphew as well as having my sister near me. when the occasional cloud hover over my place, i could just drop by hers to take some sunshine with me. so could my parents.
that can't be done anymore.
and thirdly, looking at all the stuffs at my current place, i wonder how im going to pack and transfer all those into a 92sqm area. and how do i tell my dad nicely that the frames on the wall will look weird at our smaller new place? knowing that he has spent quite a lot on that?
i wish i can stop thinking sometime.
but right now, i have to start thinking about ceramic flooring, kitchen cabinets, lightings, blinds, sofa sets, doors and other EXPENSIVE stuffs that supposedly make a house complete.
sigh.....its no fun being a grown-up!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Designipython
Designipython
We were filling up petrol the other day at a certain Bedok Esso station.
we spotted an anoynymous Chinese young man filling up his petrol too.
Like any normal day.
After the full tank, he walked over to the front, opened his bonnet to check on his mighty engines.....
and UNLIKE any normal day,
he found THIS!!!!
Dont ask me how it got there. None of us has a clue, not even the driver.
The days never fail to surprise me nowadays.
Yep, anything is possible. Be it a python in a bonnet or an island being totally wiped out under water in a matter of hours. We shake our heads in disbelief and ask why and how. perhaps the answers are all beyond our limited comprehension. we can only speculate.
and all the time, we will never know the answers.
perhaps, there isnt any at all.
when it comes to HIS decisions,
there isnt a need to explain.
and yet,
even if we do realize that,
even when we do understand fully that we shall never question what HE has brought upon us, coz HE is indeed All Knowing,
and even when we know very well that everyone has to make the exit some day,
and the mode chosen and written for us.
it still can't ease our pain and the anguish that we feel, everytime someone dies, especially in a big scale tragedy as such.
guess the human is made such,
that knowing and understanding just CANNOT stop or prevent how we feel.
We were filling up petrol the other day at a certain Bedok Esso station.
we spotted an anoynymous Chinese young man filling up his petrol too.
Like any normal day.
After the full tank, he walked over to the front, opened his bonnet to check on his mighty engines.....
and UNLIKE any normal day,
he found THIS!!!!
Dont ask me how it got there. None of us has a clue, not even the driver.
The days never fail to surprise me nowadays.
Yep, anything is possible. Be it a python in a bonnet or an island being totally wiped out under water in a matter of hours. We shake our heads in disbelief and ask why and how. perhaps the answers are all beyond our limited comprehension. we can only speculate.
and all the time, we will never know the answers.
perhaps, there isnt any at all.
when it comes to HIS decisions,
there isnt a need to explain.
and yet,
even if we do realize that,
even when we do understand fully that we shall never question what HE has brought upon us, coz HE is indeed All Knowing,
and even when we know very well that everyone has to make the exit some day,
and the mode chosen and written for us.
it still can't ease our pain and the anguish that we feel, everytime someone dies, especially in a big scale tragedy as such.
guess the human is made such,
that knowing and understanding just CANNOT stop or prevent how we feel.
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