Identity

Identity

By the way, those 2 entries you see below, they aren't mine. dats D speaking. if u see T-shirt designs and loads of cameras, dats D alrite. hmmm..wonder how to sign off using his name.

Anyways, me still in school rite now. busy with keying of results, remarks and analysis of exam papers. basically paper work. waiting for D to save me from these gates of hell. as usual he is late. and as usual i have plenty to do but somehow i always find myself here, in blogger.

im itching to leave this place. lately ive been running away from my responsibilites as well as escaping from people who gave me these responsibilities.

ive been mulling over the desicion for many months now. and i have finally decided. now, its just a matter of finding the most suitable time and the sweetest of words to inform the people concerned. the people who have put me here. why the decision? simple. because i want to live my life. i don't want to spend most of my waking hours working. im missing too many beautiful sceneries and moments which could have been the best days of my life. im not going to spend my life slogging off at work, to meet deadlines and expectations from people up there. i don't want to "decorate" my life with endless meetings where everyone are just sucking balls. i could have been out there making a difference instead of freezing (literally and metaphorically) in that four walls that have witnessed nuthing but a lot of talk that merely dissolves into thin air. I hate all the pretences, sucking up and political mind games.

Believe you me, i have tried. these mnay months i have tried. to put on a mask of seriousness in meetings and earnestness in doing my work. who am i kidding? i can't be comfortable in that skin.

and that is why im going to walk into her office and tell her that i do not want the leadership position im currently holding. i don't see myself being HOD, after that VP and then P. Im not going to grow old, barely recognising my kids and husband and call work my home. that is not going to be my life. It doesnt matter if i have potential. Potential is beginning to sound like a dirty word to me.

i work to sustain my life in this temparory world. to provide for people i love.

And im sticking to my first love, helping the lil ones to make sense of this unfortunate world.

in simple words, i am not ambitious. is there anything wrong in that?