A day at the museum
(pics long overdue)





















We loved all the exhibits there. I especially loved the 'garden' made out of paper. Irfan and I coloured some butterflies and pasted them on the colourful paper trees. At another exhibit, we folded origamis and pasted them on the exhibit wall. Irfan especially liked the exhibit with the beautiful lighting effects. The patterns made by the lights will disappear once he walks over them and quickly forms again when he is gone.
SAM is free after 6 and for kids below 6 :)

My poor boy. Temp at 39.2. I can't remember the last time he was this sick. Hopefully it's nothing serious. That's the thing about noisy kids, when they are awfully quiet u get worried sick and can't really get used to the peace and quiet in the house.




Curling up in front of the tv:(
Hope the Bifen works wonders.


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It's late and I cant sleep.
Ive taken medication but my tummy still feels bloated and uncomfortable.
And my whole body is aching. And my head has not stopped spinning. Doc gave me two days mc. Been a while since the last time I had stomach flu and I had forgotten how bad it can be.

It's contagious so Im hoping I didnt spread it to irfan and alisha. As usual, Alisha is super clingy when Im home. And these few days, she's been kicking up a big fuss when she doesnt get her way. She's been throwing things when she gets frustrated and Im not really sure what I should do about it. Irfan was never like this. She's very adamant about getting what she wants and trying to distract her does not help most of the time. She wants what she wants and will remember it till she gets it. By my standards, it's pretty bad for a lil girl to be screaming and hurling things around the room. Im hoping its just a phase coz if it's not, I would have to consider some very drastic measures.

Ive tried ignoring her, Ive tried being firm..but so far it doesnt work. I guess it takes some consistency and hopefully soon enough she will learn thats not the way to show frustration. And irfan has been really sweet all this time. Whenever his sister throws a tantrum, he will try to console her by singing her a song or distracting her and when he does it, it works more often than when we do it. Sometimes I think she listens to her big brother more than she listens to us. And irfan is way more patient towards her than I am. He really does look out for his sister and I find that big brotherly trait extremely cute:)

Yes in terms of speech, memory she's way ahead of her brother when he was this age. At only 14 months, she can string 2-3 words together. She says stuff like, "Ibu in toilet.", " Alisha sit down"" Nenek go home"... but coupled with that is her determined nature and the fact that she knows what she wants makes her a lot more difficult to handle. ANd when she gets angry coz I can't attend to her immediately, she will call me by my name, "Ain!!" (exactly how my mum calls me). She has a favourite book, a favourite CD and if you give her a different one, she will do what she does best; hurl it across the room. Sometimes Im at my wits end handling her especially in public.

But when she wants to behave herself, she's like the sweetest thing, speaking softly, smiles her toothy smile and sits on my lap. And those moment are to be treasured.

So let me see, what else has been happening other than me being sick and alisha throwing tantrums? Hmmm not much I guess, just that I am trying to dig myself out of the deep dark hole called boredom. Im busy, my hands are full and yet Im bored. Does that make sense? It doesnt sound quite right but it happens.

Should I be looking for something exciting or create something exciting?

Bad start. Down with stomach flu. Feels like vomitting and my head is spinning. Painful tummy and feeling very weak. At the doc and number 8 is taking forever!



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Ramadhan, Im so glad you are here.
It's a fresh change and a necessary reminder for me that going through the motion of life is not enough.
It's time to put in our heart and soul in something other than work, work, work.
A time to find peace amidst the chaos of going down a checklist of to-dos.
It's good to know that a month of opportunity presents itself again.
The best part is the quiet night, the wind blowing and the 'melody' playing in the open hall or the quiet of a room.
There can be many people forming rows, but I always feel alone, in a good kinda way.

I hope I will do a better job this year.:)

You've signed for something and then feel like you are trapped forever. It's not that u totally hate it but you need to get your head above water just for a minute to catch a breath of air. You will be back but all you are asking for is a minute, a break from forever.
Forever scares the heck out of me now. No matter how good somethg may seem, forever will forever be tooooooo long and monotonous. It's like living your life in rewind. Repeatg the same joy, mistakes, thoughts and dreams. The same perspective.
Yes it may qualify as irresponsible behaviour and selfishness to steal that breath of fresh air but shouldn't we try to save ourselves when we know we are falling and probably drowning.
And having people hanging all over you just pulls you down. But they'll manage. I'm sure they will if there's no other choice.
Now if only I can brainwash myself to think that all the above are true.


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Bye bye fordie.
So many wonderful memories. U have served us well but alas we have to let u go.
Is it crazy to feel attached to a car?


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Inception was great and I enjoyed every bit of it including the "hanging" ending. I just came to realize that by far I've liked most movies with dicaprio in them ; Romeo Juliet, black diamond, the beach, catch me if u can and so I can probably conclude that he might be one of my fav actors.I say might be because he is a bit too much of a heart throb to qualify as an exceptional actor but in any case his movies are worth watching. Anyway, inception did make my day and for a while made me forget about the tiring week. Our tenth year anni will end this sat at 11pm and mon is a sch day. Everything wasn't easy to pull off but no matter how bad it turned out and will turn out, ultimately it's the perception of how things went. Nothing could be as perfect as the next person wants it to be but heck it's almost over and those who enjoy sitting at the sidelines and commenting should once in a while be invited to step forward and take charge. My blog is a place where my perception speaks and I say everything went well given the fact that pulling off a one week celebration was indeed ambitious on our part. And we are just teachers doing million and one other things beyond our area of expertise so it's pretty magnificient that we could manage events at any scale and plus the musical that will soon wrap up our tenth year anni. It takes a lot of guts to follow through an idea that sometimes seem so difficult to sustain but to me it's never all about the end point but the amount of effort put in should be appreciated too. The sch is indeed lucky to have tchrs who give their best no matter wat of course supplemented by neverwnding complains but rest assured, the work gets done well.
I had fun amidst the craziness and I know the kids did too. Next week normalcy returns! Bleargh.

Baby Girl


Alisha and her favourite bag;) The stylish way to carry it!

Oh yes, she loves her bag!


Abam and alisha

Abam and alisha again. and of course with her pretty bag!

Mak Nenek

Shiny Happy Baby with only 5 sparkly teeth!

Her serious face. Getting spaghetti on her spoon is serious work, okay.

Nur Alisha Zahra @14 months:)

Alisha at 14 months and Irfan at 5

My two kids are fast growing and everyday i look forward to the end of the day to spend time with them.
Alisha is very much a typical girl. I guess having a big brother and spending 24/7 with him doesnt stop her from being a very girly girl. The absence of hair doesnt stop her too. So what is so typically girlish about her?

Well for one, she loves bags. Don't we all? She slips the bag and hangs it on the crook of her arm and with her arm slightly bent, she will walk around the house. When we say ,"Lawa" she will say, "Min, Min" which means cermin and quickly goes off to find a mirror and admire her reflection.

she is also extremely talkative, loves to sing and loves listening to songs on you tube. She picks up songs easily and remembers them by heart. Very typical mak nenek. :) She can count to ten, but i wouldnt say she knows the concept of numbers and quantity, but she just remembers the order, just like how she memorises all her other favourite songs. Alim's parents were quite surprised that she could recite all the numbers in order from one to ten and was totally amused by the way she says the numbers. Sometimes she gets fed up by the repeated requests to count that she straightaway shouts, TEN! and claps her hand.

Oh and now, her obsession is holding on to a book and pretending to read. She can sit in one corner and just pretend to read the book aloud, flips the pages, pretends to read, flips them again and on and on. I dont know how long this interest will last but i sure hope it's a start to a wonderful love for reading.

Been meaning to capture all of these on video but can never remember to do it and to lazy to look for the camera. Must do it one day.

I guess kids her age have fantastic memory and it makes me wonder what else I can pump into that teeny weeny brain of hers. She is so ready to learn that I feel like I should do more to encourage her interest. Im not surprised that kids at the age of 3 can memorise surahs in the quran coz I think if we do spend time reading to them every single day, their powerful memory will just absorb it quickly. It's possible but of course a lot of time needs to be invested and consistency is key.

Irfan adores her sister so much but they do fight most of the time and the house is never peaceful anymore. Alisha is always going "Jangan, Jangan" and pushing her brother away. Irfan of course would continue to irritate her until he ends up getting scolded. When we ask Alisha, "Siapa naughty?", without hesitation she will say, "Abam!" which means Abang, of course.
And why is it that when one of them is holding on to something, the other one will surely want the same thing too? Alisha will be shouting, "I want! I want!" and Irfan will be running away from her. Oh whats new at home. Noise and clutter has been the order of the day!

At only 14 months, Alisha throws very bad tantrums at times. We worry when the supposed terrible two hits because we are wondering how worst can it get from now? When she is unhappy, she will just slams whatever she was holding onto the ground. She throws her body backwards and wail to her hearts content. Try to soothe her by giving her a bottle of milk and she will just throw it on the floor and you have no choice but to bend down and chase after the rolling bottle. Hate it when it happens in public, really make me look silly!

We are getting used to her tantrums because irfan has always been rather easy going and good natured when he was younger.

So thats the story of my two kids for now. :)

Rocking on
13 month old Alisha not to be outdone. observing and copying her bro. Pandai pulak take turns singing into the "mike"! Macam mana mustafa pun boleh termasok? And Alim sleeping through the noise.. Immuned already.

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Crossroads. Where do I go from here?

our bodies have an internal alert system that signals when a change is needed pronto. and the alert system is blaring in me right now.

things are extremely hectic at work and i thought after almost 9 years, i should be getting used to things and not complain. But i guess complaining is a way of coping. honestly, i need to move away from looking into events. I just realized that in one year, I have to look into 4 events and many other things on top of that. Its crazy but what do I know, I have been doing it for 5 years now. And ive had enough and i seriously need to explore other things and develop myself in other areas.

since i will be in here for the long haul, i have to continue let the sparks burn in me, otherwise everyday is a torture. and to keep the sparks burning, i cannot do something forever, i have to keep on challenging myself to try out other things which ive not explored before. and im ready for the change now. I NEED the change now, for the sake of my sanity and to prevent myself from doing something drastic like quitting.

Before the brain cells in me disintegrate further, I need to study...i miss and love doing research and essays and right now, i will do anything to be studying full time. It will also be a good break from work and sometimes a break is necessary to spur us further.

One thing I would probably never do is to study part time. I have always enjoyed studying and will never ever get sick of it. But to work and study at the same time, will probably kill all my interest in studying. I will just see it as a chore, essays which I have to complete and whats the point of studying when there is no joy in it? At least not when you are already 32 and have completed your mandatory primary school, sec school and tertiary education. But most of all, I think I really cant cope. I do admire those mothers especially, who can work, take care of their kids and study part time! How the heck do u guys do it?

And so, this is where i am right now, at 32 where my career is concerned. Almost 10 years, and I need a change. If Im going to stick around for another 30 years, i think its important that i break my journey into parts, take on different tasks, constantly develop myself and try out new things. Otherwise i think i will be unmotivated, complacent and run out of ideas. As it is now, I feel like im just repeating the motion and doing the same old thing, even I myself am sick of it.

And when I say Im ready for a change and take on different tasks, I dont mean Im ready to climb higher, take on more responsibilities..thats not quite my idea of challenging myself and keeping the sparks burning. That will probably kill any spark left in me. hah! Im really not ambitious, no ambitious bone in me at all, seriously.

I dont think all these feelings are coincidental. Sometimes its like an internal system that give you signals which leads you to a place you are supposed to be. For better or for worst, no one would know until you get there. And its actually your own personal view and perspective to judge if its better or worst for you. So i guess we should never regret any decisions we make, and always look on the bright side of things. Always.

So lets see what i will do. My paths have always been charted by something greater than my own indecisive plans. :)

Today I had a date with irfan. Just the two of us. I picked him up after his class and we went to bedok library after that. It's kinda rare that it's the only two of us and I must say I really enjoyed the day with him. Every bit of it. :)
I realized from this photo, he has grown quite a bit, hasnt he? Especially in his jeans, haversack and watch. My lil son looks like a big boy now. Ive always been a lil slow in catching up with reality.






Thank you for the great time today. You don't know how much you have made my day, dear son:)

Kuantan-Cherating-Terengganu Drive
Good old, trusted Fordie managed to bring us all the way up and back. Alhamdullilah considering Fordie has 2 more years before he turns 10.







The rest of the pics..And one of my fav song which accompanied us during our trip..



Now, back to work!

Hanging Out

Happy Birthday !!

Another year has gone by and it's another birthday for my partner in crime!

Happy birthday to the person who has made my world a much better place, who knows me inside out and yet love me regardless.

To the most versatile person I know, who can do anything from cooking, marketing to fixing, troubleshooting and everything else in between. He makes gender roles seem so vague and makes everything look so easy and fuss free.

May he be blessed with good health, tons of patience (very important!heh) and continue to be blessed with amazingly clear insight.

And may happy times linger forever, even when bad times come and go:)

Amin.


Irfan's card for his beloved daddy.


A closer look. By the way, that rectangular thing with a red circle is not a japanese flag. It's a camera hokay! Haha.



His little pressie for his daddy. DIY car with him and alim in it. Takde budget la but still very sweet idea rite. The one in front is his daddy of course, and the one behind is supposed to be him. See how Im not in the picture at all..haiz....ANyway, unfortunately, irfan's 'head' kinda went missing. It must have fallen off somewhere, UHU glue no good la. So it looked like there's only one driver:( Searched high and low for that darn tiny green circle but couldnt find it. Luckily irfan wasnt upset and had a good laugh instead. He cant stop chuckling, saying, "My head dropped off, my head dropped off!"



Dinner @313



Heya, 32 and father of two...who would have known:)

Mother of two needs twice the time

Kids are asleep and my fav song is playing. Typing this on our new toy. I luv it:) i rationalised that i need it coz i need something to motivate me to work from home over the hols. Or at least thats what i tell myself. Yes I have plenty to do although its the holidays but boy am i so glad i can sleep in tomorrow morning and i dont have to be anywhere!! Yeahh!!

Been spending all my time with my kids and I just can never ever get enough of them. Alisha surprises me all the time with the things she already knows at 1 year old. She's quite unbelievable and I honestly didnt know what she is capable of doing if not for the time I have with her now. She is repeating everything we say now and she is just like a tiny sponge that absorbs every lil thing she sees and hears.

The other day, I learnt, to my surprise, that she is able to order some numbers. The other day I was just showing my fingers and going, ONE, and lo and behold she said TWO! I thought i was just hearing things or overestimating my child, coz mothers usually think their kid is the smartest and cutest rite? I mean before I was a mother myself, I used to hear some mothers go on and on about how smart their kids are, how cute they are, and I would listen but can never really understand their excitement. But now that I am a mother myself, I am more understanding of all the gushing mothers do coz I do that too sometimes:)

So anyway, just to make sure I heard her right, I said ONE again. And again she said, TWO. So I continued and said THREE and guess what? She said FOUR! I continued with FIVE, and she just looked at me and kept quiet. I think if she had said SIX, I would have fainted or something! So I continued and said SIX..and she looked up at me and she screamed NINE! and she walked away, obviously bored from all the counting and decided to toddle off somewhere else. Im not sure if I heard her correctly for the last one. Could be 'LINE?FINE?MINE???' Hmm..Maybe I was just imagining things...

Im not sure when she picked this up. She enjoys hearing songs from my iphones and one of the songs she liked is that 1,2,3,4,5, once i caught a fish alive song. So I guess she picked it up from there...Im not really sure.

That made me think a lil you know...if not for the hols, my time spent with them is so limited that I would have missed all these things. Even now, I have no idea where she picked that up which goes to show Im not the one exposing her to all these numbers and im not really making a conscious effort in her development.

To tell the truth, I was more gung ho with irfan. Even when he was very young, I showed him flashcards, read to him every night, played all sort of games with him but I must admit, with alisha Im more laid back. Time is a factor and when I do have extra time, I put in the effort with irfan coz he needs it more now. But little did I know, the lil girl is always there observing every lil thing we do and say.

And its probably a girl thing coz she talks quite a bit. She can repeat anything you say even if she has just heard you once. Unlike Irfan, she loves flashcard. Of coz, im not responsible for the flashcards coz honestly, I myself find flashcards a lil boring. Heh.

Alim's mum bought this whole box for her and does it with her when she comes over. And alisha will sit attentively and listen. The other day, someone asked her, 'Where's your head" and she pointed to her head. Then she kept pointing to my cupboard. At first I didnt know what she was referring to and then realized that the box of flashcards was on the cupboard. And the word 'head' was one of the words in the flashcard which my MIL will run through with her! So when I took it out, she gave her toothy grin and looked through the cards excitedly. Me? I was checking the email, had so much work to complete and there she was all by herself, looking at the flashcards.

Haiz..I need more time with my kids. I really dont want to miss anything.

I'm looking for something
But I'm not sure what it is
There's this nagging voice that keeps ringing in my head
Nothing is out of place
Everything is perfect. As perfect as perfect goes.
But the buts keep coming.
Everyday is becoming more of a dread.
Nights, in anticipation of days, are just depressing.
Days pass in a blur.
Something is missing. I don't know what it is.
It's only at times like this, in the quiet of the night and the kids are fast asleep, that I remember that I'm missing something.
I wonder what is it I'm looking for.


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A year ago

 

"Is this nice ibu?" Irfan choosing clothes for his lil sister. Putting it against his 'lil sister' in my tummy to see how it will look:)


Matching shoes!

 

Preparing for the lil girl's arrival.

A Polka Dot Party!

Just for fun, we decided to go polka dot on that day. So they came with big polka dots and small ones. Those who didnt, had to be creative and stickers came to the rescue. Here are the peektures!











<




A brown bear for the brown bear:)

Can you sense the desperation for hair?!

Happy Birthday, my little girl!:)
You are such a wonder. Sometimes we look at you and still cant believe you are ONE. Love u, alisha.

Happy Birthday little girl:)
The brown bear turns ONE!



More pics and a proper entry later..:)

Beautiful bright morning, great music, Happy healthy kids...what a great start to the day.:)



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Palpitations. Meds too strong? Need to rest and sleep but somehow can't. A lot on my mind and body feels really uncomfortable. Worst flu I had in a long time. I hate antibiotics but my immune system can't do it on its own. Been slacking on the vitamin c.
Neeed some good music now. Probably that cd compilation of old skool local bands will do the trick. Wondering where Alim put it but I suspect he brought it to sch. Darn! That, together with my combi of meds could probably elevate me to a nostalgic high of padres, oddfellows, lilac saints, ordinary people and their likes. Although they do make me feel old. My youth would probably be a lil diff from now and so sitting at the world trade centre listening to these bands play seems like centuries ago. Even world trade centre is now just a mere memory. And the memory of listening to them from a tape on a Walkman at the back of a double decker bus probably seal the deal that my youth WAS a long long time ago. A little like a forgotten dream actually.
Thinking back, it was quite colourful though I must admit most of the time, I never felt like I fitted in.


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At last succumbed to the flu after 2 days of fighting it. Zyrtec didn't work for long and today not in sch. Whole body is aching like crazy and I have this irritating twitch on my eye that won't go away. But I wont complain.


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Everything is going fine and yet nothing feels right....


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Feeling depressed, down, constant lump in my throat. I keep seeing images of the healthy 17 year old boy; a captain, a prefect, an athlete, smiling, happy, his whole life ahead of him. And I just can't bear to see him now. My heart hurts, I don't know much about him but it still hurts. His life has chAnged. I don't know what else to do but pray for a miracle.
Strange how seeing him has affected me. My days have been pretty gloomy eversince and I just can't take my mind off him. I think about him all the time and can't imagine what it's like for people closest to him. Sad sad week:(
And for that person closest to me, I admire you for your strength in going through this extremely trying period for you. How u have handled everything is beyond amazing. Stay strong!

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