im now into my 6 mths oredi, and i have gained a total of 10 kg so far! but my arms are still as skinny and aside from my ball of a stomach, i dunno where all the fats have gone to...i dunt think i look that much heavier and my stomach doesnt look so huge either.
the kicks and movements are getting stronger and stronger and more often by the day. especially when hubster puts his hand on him and talks to him.
3 more mths to go and as the days draw near, im having the jitters. i can't wait for the day but when i start reading and thinking about labour, errr....i think i dunt mind waiting...serammmm.

with all these major changes happening in my life all at once, it can get pretty hectic at times. sometimes, the presence of other people make things more complicated and frustrating instead of providing moral support.I can't control what people say or think of me; so nak cakap apa cakaplah, nak pikir apa, pikirlah. Although they might not realize that their words are hurting, ultimately what can i do? Sometimes there's no point talking, best to just get up and go. At the end of the day, only HE knows best and i have HIM to turn to for strength.

With all these major changes happening, im just ever so so so glad and thankful to have a loving and understanding husband by my side.
Knowing that we are always a team makes it a lot easier to face the challenges of the world.

The Rain Song- Led Zeppelin
(Page/Plant)

This is the springtime of my loving
the second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing
so little warmth I've felt before.
It isn't hard to feel me glowing
I watched the fire that grew so low.

It is the summer of my smiles
flee from me Keepers of the Gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes.
It is to you I give this tune.
Ain't so hard to recognize
These things are clear to all from
time to time.

Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go.
I cursed the gloom that set upon us...
But I know that I love you so

These are the seasons of emotions
and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion
I see the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient
Upon us all a little rain must fall.

Rules I have to obey till no endT

There are concepts in life that just cannot be changed. Some rules that just have to be obeyed. No excuse. Feelings not counted. Rationale holds no value.

What happens if I try to break the rules? They claim I will go to hell.

I have known this all my life. And yet i still try to go against the currents. Again and again i try to put my points across. What was I thinking? That I can change the world?

In the process, i created chaos. Yes. I'm as stubborn as a mule.

My sister has got it right and I still have not. I dunno when I will. For the sake of the person i care most and the person i will soon meet,
i will try my best.

Uekkkk..Uekkkkk

Uekkkk..Uekkkkk

Being pregos have made me become one lazy person. Yes, I know, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN lazy and no one thought it can get any worst.
But i just found out it can be worst, much, much worst.

All i want to do right now is sleep, lie down and just lepak. I have taken countless MCs coz I really have trouble waking up in the morning. My body feels totally out of sync, and every little thing makes me nauseuas. I wake up and the first thing i want to do is throw up and if im lucky, that will be the ONLY time in the day that i feel sick. But most of the time im not and i will feel worst in the middle of the day or at night again.
I have also vomitted countless times and im sure you know how painful it is on the gut when you vomit.

And then there's my frequent migraine messing with my head again. It has gotten more frequent, like 5 times a mth or so and its really torturing me.

Friends and family have been really sweet with their endless advise, help and patience, especially, especially my partner in crime of coz.

I really envy those who had it easy, no vomitting, nausea, nothing.

Oh well, what to do...macam my mum selalu ckp, "ni smua bahagian bahagian orang"

so how to work like dat? I know my boss is in a difficult situation rite now. Think she's not too happy with my frequent MIA nowadays but at the same time she doesnt want to appear heartless either.
Its quite interestng to see how she handles the situation, though..

But honestly, I have no choice..im trying my best to fight it, coz pple who are closest to me insist its pychological, coz they know how crazy i can get about illnesses and how my phobia can drive me to IMAGINING im unwell when Im actually fine.
But I SWEAR its not pychological this time round. Would a pregnant lady lie to you? *blinks* *blinks*

i just hope what the doc and magazines says is true; you will feel sick only the first 3 mths.

but heck, all that still cant stop me from being all excited and elated thinking about this lil one. and its quite a sight seeing your stomach grow bigger and bigger by the day. quite amazing lah. yep, im quite a jakun when it comes to being pregos.

ok, time for my afternoon nap now. will wake up for magrib and dinner (and another round of vomitting?), squeeze a lil nap again before american idol (maybe forgo american idol?) and then sleep for the night.
ya, that sounds like a plan.

A reminder

A reminder to myself

Alhamdullilah we are moving into yet another phase of our life. Life has been moving very fast for me now, eversince i got married. it seems that things are happening one after another and sometimes i just dont have enough time to think.

im afraid. As i have always been. The future is unknown and so many possibilities lie ahead. at the same time, im soooo excited to be entering this extremely new phase. It feels like a dream, like the impossible has happened to me. I want it so badly, that it scares me.

" The world is a bridge.
Pass over it, but build no houses upon it.
He who hopes for a day,
may hope for eternity,
but the world endures but an hour.
Spend it in prayer, for the rest is unseen. "

Let's pray all will go well, and may the best come our way.

Holiday

Back on holiday.....fun with velvias.



saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi. saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi. saya malas nak keje. saya nak pegi holiday lagi.

btw, somehow, i think we look better from the back..*sniggers*.....

Amateur grown up

The life of an amateur grown-up

Finally, after 7 years or so, Im going back home.

Back to the estate where my silly, adolescent-laden, puberty stricken memories were created.

I know Singapore is a mere dot, so small, and yet I just like being at that part of Singapore so much. I just don't know why.

Im excited to move, have a place to call my own,

especially since the odds were against us and yet we managed to get the flat we wanted.

last nite, as we took a look at the units left, we tot, damn, we r screwed. all the upper floors were taken and the lower floors were not to our liking. then we found one on the fourth floor. Though we wanted higher floors, there was something about that unit which we liked. maybe coz its facing the road we always drive by or maybe coz its connected to the car park. could be the bright lighting too. i duuno, we just liked it for some reason. but given our queue number, logically, we tot we couldn't get it.

but for some reason or another, we DID get it and im so excited to move..

....and yet...

this would also mean im creating a pile of mess. disrupting the calm of familiarity. change can be messy.

Firstly, changing school will not be easy and at this moment, its just something im not ready to do.

i will miss my colleagues.
i have heard so much about how teaching can be quite a bitchy profession. but alhamdullilah, my school has none of that. at least not too much. i don't know what it will be like in a different school.

Secondly, i will miss the noise and clutter of my nieces and newphew as well as having my sister near me. when the occasional cloud hover over my place, i could just drop by hers to take some sunshine with me. so could my parents.

that can't be done anymore.

and thirdly, looking at all the stuffs at my current place, i wonder how im going to pack and transfer all those into a 92sqm area. and how do i tell my dad nicely that the frames on the wall will look weird at our smaller new place? knowing that he has spent quite a lot on that?

i wish i can stop thinking sometime.

but right now, i have to start thinking about ceramic flooring, kitchen cabinets, lightings, blinds, sofa sets, doors and other EXPENSIVE stuffs that supposedly make a house complete.

sigh.....its no fun being a grown-up!

Designipython

Designipython

We were filling up petrol the other day at a certain Bedok Esso station.
we spotted an anoynymous Chinese young man filling up his petrol too.

Like any normal day.

After the full tank, he walked over to the front, opened his bonnet to check on his mighty engines.....

and UNLIKE any normal day,

he found THIS!!!!




Dont ask me how it got there. None of us has a clue, not even the driver.

The days never fail to surprise me nowadays.

Yep, anything is possible. Be it a python in a bonnet or an island being totally wiped out under water in a matter of hours. We shake our heads in disbelief and ask why and how. perhaps the answers are all beyond our limited comprehension. we can only speculate.

and all the time, we will never know the answers.
perhaps, there isnt any at all.
when it comes to HIS decisions,
there isnt a need to explain.

and yet,
even if we do realize that,
even when we do understand fully that we shall never question what HE has brought upon us, coz HE is indeed All Knowing,
and even when we know very well that everyone has to make the exit some day,
and the mode chosen and written for us.
it still can't ease our pain and the anguish that we feel, everytime someone dies, especially in a big scale tragedy as such.

guess the human is made such,
that knowing and understanding just CANNOT stop or prevent how we feel.

Marital bliss

Marital Bliss

It has been exactly a month now since i became his wife. I honestly did enjoy the wedding..in fact i kinda missed being made up, fancifully dressed and fussed over for about 2 days. It was quite a magical feeling, to say the least. So to those who are about to be married, enjoy your planning and the wedding day itself coz there's no other occasion that will come close to that.

My days have just been super ever since. Yes im speaking like a true blue newly wed, all starry in the eye, glowy in the face, none of which tons of SKII miracle water can ever achieve.

And yes, all the things i have envisioned married life to be, are what it is and a lot more. Before i got married, i remembered writing somewhere that im looking forward to waking up in the morning with him by my side instead of having to sms or making that fone call, i looked forward to staying in and watching television together all day and blah blah blah.

All dat, we are doing rite now and it was exactly wat i envisioned it to be. For now, all that is enough to make me extremely happy and content. I still smile to myself when it sometimes suddenly dawned on me that I am indeed married and that basi face i see every morning is indeed MY HUSBAND.

This one month has been nuthing but a loong relaxing holiday for us. We have done nuthing except go places, lepak and watch tv, walked up and down town as many times as we want, waking up late in the afternoon and sleeping all day long. All done legally with that person now called my husband. No more that guilty feeling when spotted by makcik2 in town or anticipating my mum's nagging when i come back late.

A huge relief, indeed.

Of course, this is the honeymoon stage, its only been a month.

There's bound to be misunderstandings along the way and painful adjustments and sacrifices to be made.

In fact, everyday has been a lesson learnt.

Though we have known each other for 6 years, there are still new discoveries which marriage has brought us. Some good and some not pleasant ones. In fact, each argument or rather adjustment, has strengthened my belief that i have made the right choice.

He has earned my utmost respect in everyway, and to me, his strength in character sets an example i will try to emulate. To me, he deserves my standing ovation for being able to tackle my psychotic theories, irritating paranoias and drilling questions.
Even when I cant tackle em.

But i must and i will keep in my mind that the human is indeed weak and has his limitations, no matter how patient one is.

Alhamdullilah, so far, we have taken everything that has comed positively and insyallah, we will continue to do so.

The road is still long for us, and with love and plenty of doas as our fuel, we shall embark on this new journey together.

Wedding

The almost-final lap

wahhh..been busy, busy, busy!! The last minute preparations are keeping both of us extremely occupied, rushing here and there, making our final purchases, tying up the loose ends and confirming everything. and in the chaos of it all, i must admit Im beginning to feel all excited as i countdown to the big day. Thinking of it sends butterflies in my stomach and i get all smily(?) and delirious. hehhe macam pompuan gilerr. soo excited lahh, me dunno why. I never thought I'd feel this way.

went to our final fit a couple of days back. we had a hilarious time trying out the outfits. At first it was quite weird looking at each other in those "fancy" clothes. But I must say the kakak did a very good job. she could alter the baju till it fit my miniature size.i can't believe it! it was nicely done too! guess the roof of the bridal house must have been shocked looking at us too, coz when we were trying, water started pouring in from the ceiling. The roof was leaking! We clutched our clothes and dashed to safety! Everyone in the shop started taking out buckets after buckets and placing it all around the room. Kecoh kejap!

im just glad all my baju are settled, after much contemplating and changing of minds. choosing baju is NOT easy.especially for fickle pple like us. phewww..

a few days ago, my mum just finished sewing my baju nikah! yeay! i knew she had put in a lot of effort in that, especially since she is still recovering from her arm operation. But still she endured the occasional pain just to see her lil spoilt daughter happy. Seeing the baju nikah will always remind me of that. i hope and pray she will continue to be blessed with good health.

nowadays, we are in the midst of doing what we love; shopping! somehow we feel better that we are now shopping for a purpose. wedding is just the perfect excuse to spend money on that bag, shoes, watch, blink blink, makeup, toiletries, perfume and what not! I just can't wait to use em. hehhe.

everything has just been great, the whole process of planning for the wedding, the choosing, the buying, putting everything together...really, it has been nuthing but FUN. think im gonna miss this when the wedding is over. (but I'd miss the cash spent more!)

ok, gotta go. gotta help my parents write those names on the cards. Our wedding card...hmmm still cant get used to seeing my name on a wedding card.
Guess, Im really getting married, huh?!

Im really glad to be doing all of these with YOU. :)

Stop hammering my head

Stop hammering my head!!!

It was just terrible. What is?
MIGRAINE!
Today, it decided to pay my puny head a visit. i did not expect it. it came so suddenly. i was happily chatting with aNn and the next minute i know, my field of vision started to break. i lost half of my vision. scary huh? yep that's what happens whenever i get migraine. i would lose half of my vision first. once i regain my vision a terrible headache will come. it feels close to someone stretching ure veins one by one and splitting it into two. i knew its just a matter of minutes before the pounding within the head starts.

luckily i was having my free period but i knew the exam papers had to be bundled by today. so i scrambled downstairs to the office, careful not to fall coz i really could not see clearly by then. somehow i managed to bundle the papers. i knew i had to be quick coz when the pounding comes, id be too weak and sick to do anything and the vomitting will also start. i just hope i didnt make a mistake or worst, leave the confidential exam papers lying around.

after bundling, i managed to force myself to go to my last class of the day. yes, with half good vision only. i was hoping the overwhelming headache will come only after the lesson ends. i gave my pupils their homework of the week and was relieved when the bell rang. end of lesson.

i managed to find my way to the staffroom with half my vision and packed my things. by then the excruciating pounding has already started and was beginning to split my head into two. and then a crazy thing happened! tears started pouring out. i was crying! the pain was just too much for me to handle. and usually when the pounding starts, im already in the comforts of my bed, but for the first time ever, i got migraine in public. thank god my collegaues were great. someone took my last lesson and some started giving me remedies about migraine. aNn, thanks for taking the drink for me!

so i went to the office and told the P and VP im leaving. and tears started pouring out again. they must be quite shocked to see calm, collected me crying like dat. hehee. they APPEARED sympathetic. heck, i really dunt care anymore, i just want to get on my bed and close my eyes.

the taxi came after what seemed like forever. the kind cleaner accompanied me while i waited for the cab and gave me axe oil and plastic to vomit in. Finally the cab came, and in the lift of my block, i finally made use of the plastic bag. i vomitted... eww, i hate to vomit, its painful!

ahh finally, in the comforts of my bed. i tried to sleep but as usual the pain was too great for me to sleep. anyway, im much better now. but still quite groggyyy...

haiyahhh, what a way to start the fasting month. quite sad actually..such a waste...

to those who have experienced the "magic" of migraine before, u probably can understand what i went through. to those who have never got it, count yourself lucky and i pray u will never go through the feeling. coz it really feels like shit!!!!

anyone knows of a tried and tested way of preventing migraine from attacking?
if you do, i promise id be your SLAVE forever.
betol.Tak bedek!

Beribu ribu meeting

Beribu ribu meeting

besok ada meeting lagi. this time dengan extended family.
last week baru ada meeting dengan immediate family.
these past few mondays asik ada exco meeting kat skolah.

knapa meeting slalu tak abis cerita?
sebab ada ramai orang smua ada cerita sendiri.
kalau cerita si A tak kena dengan cerita si B, sambung lagi meeting minggu depan.
meeting bukanya ada si A and si B ajer, slalu ada A sampai Z orang.

sebab tu pening kepala. lepas meeting dah penat nak buat apa apa. apa yang dah dimeetingkan tinggal kata kata ajer. smua aksen lupa kena buat kerja. termasuk lah saya.

ok nak siap buat agenda. ah ah dengan family pun kena ada agenda. Kata orang orang besar, kalau takde agenda bukan meeting. itu sembang sembang bebual kosong. orang orang besar kan selalu betul. ah ah lah tu.

Silhoutte of a loved one

Silhouette of a soul I love

Found this in my folder. I thought ive put it up before but cant seem to find it now.



once the sun crashes and total darkness sets in,
the silhouettes cease to exist.
loses its shape
and the soul breaks lose.
free to roam.

aren't our bodies mere silhouettes of our souls?

Reflected image

Reflected image

some pple drink and drive.
some others snap photos while driving.
i dunno which is more dangerous.



and there's just something about reflected image that i like.

Ruins

Ruins

Im tired of seeing my own words. Pictures will take over.


Lanes near FM.
where algae spreads.


Place I stay
where it smells of chicken dung.

Sophie, save me

Sophie, save me

I think my vision is starting to cloud.
Im stepping into the adult world where a huge drape falls over my eyes
and i lost sight of the beauty of the little ripple in the sea,
the long trail of ants
and my own reflection in the puddle.
time is no longer a luxury.
the sea is now nuthing but mass of water.
ants and puddles are just quickly stepped over.
sophie, save me, im stuck deep inside the rabbit's fur.
im trying to stay on top coz forgetting this is what i fear.

i look around me and almost everyone is running somewhere. busy, busy, busy.
am i missing something?
i dunno why we are running when it gets us nowhere.
sorry it DOES gets us somewhere.
it gets us further and further away from things that matters most.
is this the price i have to pay to be accepted in this lion(dragon?) city?
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation...
in what order of importance is that, if i may ask?
whose happiness?
whose prosperity?
n we sure have progressed
just take a look at our young,
with their LV bags and Gucci watches,
designer labels stuck at the backs of their revealing tops
who are to say we have not?

there's still hope.
especially with 5 day week soon
at least i have the weekends to look at the trail of ants,
ripples in the sea
and my reflection in the puddle.
more time to climb out of the rabbit's fur.
and maybe i can achieve some happiness, prosperity and progress of my own,
not the least bit in a material way.
hope is indeed a wonderful thing

Cakes and Plenty of Love

Cakes and Plenty of Love

thank you all for the wonderful wishes, gifts, cards and doas.
from mango tees, birthday cake, PLENTY of bodyshop products "winks to ann and eTTy", bag, perfumes, flowers, the very useful aussino vouchers....im truly glad and blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful pple. truly am.

some friends come and go, some friends just stay for the longest time...
aida, sri, hilyah, yati u pple can make me laugh like we have never grown up. shared history is a strong super glue dunt u think? it held us together till now. n hopefully, till all my teeth are gone, my bones have shrunk and till my hands have becomed so wrinkled that henna can't even flow on it.(hehhee..im looking at my hennaed hand as im typing rite now, so dats why)
it was really nice meeting u guys on sat.

meanwhile some pics from a week ago...

it started out with this birthday invite by Ah Lim



and then this n dat...




and when nite falls, dinner and the following day, we both totally forgot all about the camera. so no photos there!

Ok, me going to call it a nite for now. adios! :)

Anniversaries and parties

Anniversaries and parties

this weekend had been about friends and family. we celebrated 3 wedding anniversaries on sat; my parents', sis's and brother's. all in the month of september. for a very long while, ive always thought that mine will also be in september but sadly, that couldnt happen due to time and work constraints.

the ladies with culinary skills in the family (me excluded of coz) cooked a sumptuous meal which they called nasi arab. it was supposed to be beriyani but they changed the name when they tasted it. a few things didnt turn out quite rite i suppose,the rice was too soft and tandoori chicken was tasteless and thanks to mum, we had arca mixed with burnt sugar. but heck, i didnt cook a teeny bit so id rather not have too many comments. anyway, the effort must be applauded.

the nite was later spent with the friends, mine then his. it was our first time at Hideout, guess its quite a nice place to sit around with a group of friends, low light, comfy sofas and nice music. for lazy me, it was nice to just sit back and be entertained by a comical bunch of frens fooling around ;)

and then come Monday, its back to becoming an adult. have to attend many many oh-so-serious courses...think its gonna be another tiring week, holiday or not.

WomaD!

WomAd!

It was quite a tiring Saturday. From teachers' day celebrations at a certain beach bar in Sentosa (can't seem to recall the name now), all the way to Fort Canning for Womad. The hot, humid weather didnt help very much.

But WomAd sure didn't dissapoint. Like all the previous years, WomAd can't be any better! :)



Womad always reminds me that that there is a bigger world out there and that diversity extends beyond our four races. its a fresh change from radio friendly music, and the music performed was so strongly intertwined with culture and ethnic influences. they share it with pride. living in this sunny island, makes me myopic sometimes. alot of times. we keep going around in circles..im afraid, i might just go blind.

anywayyyy...(*yawns*) think i'd pretty much be in sleep mode today..so nice to be in the comforts of my bed on a sunday afternoon...:)

Give me a smile tonite

Give me a smile tonite

Yesterday wasn't that good, it could and should have been better...today, i promise i won't make the same mistakes again. i often forget the soul is sensitive and words do hurt..

sometimes i see extremely clear warning signs...and yet, i remain motionless and continue the route.

the surprise didnt have the opportunity to be discovered. but today, it will materialise..i hope. provided i dont act all selfish like i sometimes (often?) do...

so i shall patiently await dusk..and hope it would be raining smiles when the sun sets.

meanwhile...
Happy 28th
Prayer of the Month: MAy HE gives me strength to be a better person for you, and may HE gives you patience to love me regardless...Insyaallah