Marital Bliss
It has been exactly a month now since i became his wife. I honestly did enjoy the wedding..in fact i kinda missed being made up, fancifully dressed and fussed over for about 2 days. It was quite a magical feeling, to say the least. So to those who are about to be married, enjoy your planning and the wedding day itself coz there's no other occasion that will come close to that.
My days have just been super ever since. Yes im speaking like a true blue newly wed, all starry in the eye, glowy in the face, none of which tons of SKII miracle water can ever achieve.
And yes, all the things i have envisioned married life to be, are what it is and a lot more. Before i got married, i remembered writing somewhere that im looking forward to waking up in the morning with him by my side instead of having to sms or making that fone call, i looked forward to staying in and watching television together all day and blah blah blah.
All dat, we are doing rite now and it was exactly wat i envisioned it to be. For now, all that is enough to make me extremely happy and content. I still smile to myself when it sometimes suddenly dawned on me that I am indeed married and that basi face i see every morning is indeed MY HUSBAND.
This one month has been nuthing but a loong relaxing holiday for us. We have done nuthing except go places, lepak and watch tv, walked up and down town as many times as we want, waking up late in the afternoon and sleeping all day long. All done legally with that person now called my husband. No more that guilty feeling when spotted by makcik2 in town or anticipating my mum's nagging when i come back late.
A huge relief, indeed.
Of course, this is the honeymoon stage, its only been a month.
There's bound to be misunderstandings along the way and painful adjustments and sacrifices to be made.
In fact, everyday has been a lesson learnt.
Though we have known each other for 6 years, there are still new discoveries which marriage has brought us. Some good and some not pleasant ones. In fact, each argument or rather adjustment, has strengthened my belief that i have made the right choice.
He has earned my utmost respect in everyway, and to me, his strength in character sets an example i will try to emulate. To me, he deserves my standing ovation for being able to tackle my psychotic theories, irritating paranoias and drilling questions.
Even when I cant tackle em.
But i must and i will keep in my mind that the human is indeed weak and has his limitations, no matter how patient one is.
Alhamdullilah, so far, we have taken everything that has comed positively and insyallah, we will continue to do so.
The road is still long for us, and with love and plenty of doas as our fuel, we shall embark on this new journey together.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
Wedding
The almost-final lap
wahhh..been busy, busy, busy!! The last minute preparations are keeping both of us extremely occupied, rushing here and there, making our final purchases, tying up the loose ends and confirming everything. and in the chaos of it all, i must admit Im beginning to feel all excited as i countdown to the big day. Thinking of it sends butterflies in my stomach and i get all smily(?) and delirious. hehhe macam pompuan gilerr. soo excited lahh, me dunno why. I never thought I'd feel this way.
went to our final fit a couple of days back. we had a hilarious time trying out the outfits. At first it was quite weird looking at each other in those "fancy" clothes. But I must say the kakak did a very good job. she could alter the baju till it fit my miniature size.i can't believe it! it was nicely done too! guess the roof of the bridal house must have been shocked looking at us too, coz when we were trying, water started pouring in from the ceiling. The roof was leaking! We clutched our clothes and dashed to safety! Everyone in the shop started taking out buckets after buckets and placing it all around the room. Kecoh kejap!
im just glad all my baju are settled, after much contemplating and changing of minds. choosing baju is NOT easy.especially for fickle pple like us. phewww..
a few days ago, my mum just finished sewing my baju nikah! yeay! i knew she had put in a lot of effort in that, especially since she is still recovering from her arm operation. But still she endured the occasional pain just to see her lil spoilt daughter happy. Seeing the baju nikah will always remind me of that. i hope and pray she will continue to be blessed with good health.
nowadays, we are in the midst of doing what we love; shopping! somehow we feel better that we are now shopping for a purpose. wedding is just the perfect excuse to spend money on that bag, shoes, watch, blink blink, makeup, toiletries, perfume and what not! I just can't wait to use em. hehhe.
everything has just been great, the whole process of planning for the wedding, the choosing, the buying, putting everything together...really, it has been nuthing but FUN. think im gonna miss this when the wedding is over. (but I'd miss the cash spent more!)
ok, gotta go. gotta help my parents write those names on the cards. Our wedding card...hmmm still cant get used to seeing my name on a wedding card.
Guess, Im really getting married, huh?!
Im really glad to be doing all of these with YOU. :)
wahhh..been busy, busy, busy!! The last minute preparations are keeping both of us extremely occupied, rushing here and there, making our final purchases, tying up the loose ends and confirming everything. and in the chaos of it all, i must admit Im beginning to feel all excited as i countdown to the big day. Thinking of it sends butterflies in my stomach and i get all smily(?) and delirious. hehhe macam pompuan gilerr. soo excited lahh, me dunno why. I never thought I'd feel this way.
went to our final fit a couple of days back. we had a hilarious time trying out the outfits. At first it was quite weird looking at each other in those "fancy" clothes. But I must say the kakak did a very good job. she could alter the baju till it fit my miniature size.i can't believe it! it was nicely done too! guess the roof of the bridal house must have been shocked looking at us too, coz when we were trying, water started pouring in from the ceiling. The roof was leaking! We clutched our clothes and dashed to safety! Everyone in the shop started taking out buckets after buckets and placing it all around the room. Kecoh kejap!
im just glad all my baju are settled, after much contemplating and changing of minds. choosing baju is NOT easy.especially for fickle pple like us. phewww..
a few days ago, my mum just finished sewing my baju nikah! yeay! i knew she had put in a lot of effort in that, especially since she is still recovering from her arm operation. But still she endured the occasional pain just to see her lil spoilt daughter happy. Seeing the baju nikah will always remind me of that. i hope and pray she will continue to be blessed with good health.
nowadays, we are in the midst of doing what we love; shopping! somehow we feel better that we are now shopping for a purpose. wedding is just the perfect excuse to spend money on that bag, shoes, watch, blink blink, makeup, toiletries, perfume and what not! I just can't wait to use em. hehhe.
everything has just been great, the whole process of planning for the wedding, the choosing, the buying, putting everything together...really, it has been nuthing but FUN. think im gonna miss this when the wedding is over. (but I'd miss the cash spent more!)
ok, gotta go. gotta help my parents write those names on the cards. Our wedding card...hmmm still cant get used to seeing my name on a wedding card.
Guess, Im really getting married, huh?!
Im really glad to be doing all of these with YOU. :)
Friday, October 15, 2004
Stop hammering my head
Stop hammering my head!!!
It was just terrible. What is?
MIGRAINE!
Today, it decided to pay my puny head a visit. i did not expect it. it came so suddenly. i was happily chatting with aNn and the next minute i know, my field of vision started to break. i lost half of my vision. scary huh? yep that's what happens whenever i get migraine. i would lose half of my vision first. once i regain my vision a terrible headache will come. it feels close to someone stretching ure veins one by one and splitting it into two. i knew its just a matter of minutes before the pounding within the head starts.
luckily i was having my free period but i knew the exam papers had to be bundled by today. so i scrambled downstairs to the office, careful not to fall coz i really could not see clearly by then. somehow i managed to bundle the papers. i knew i had to be quick coz when the pounding comes, id be too weak and sick to do anything and the vomitting will also start. i just hope i didnt make a mistake or worst, leave the confidential exam papers lying around.
after bundling, i managed to force myself to go to my last class of the day. yes, with half good vision only. i was hoping the overwhelming headache will come only after the lesson ends. i gave my pupils their homework of the week and was relieved when the bell rang. end of lesson.
i managed to find my way to the staffroom with half my vision and packed my things. by then the excruciating pounding has already started and was beginning to split my head into two. and then a crazy thing happened! tears started pouring out. i was crying! the pain was just too much for me to handle. and usually when the pounding starts, im already in the comforts of my bed, but for the first time ever, i got migraine in public. thank god my collegaues were great. someone took my last lesson and some started giving me remedies about migraine. aNn, thanks for taking the drink for me!
so i went to the office and told the P and VP im leaving. and tears started pouring out again. they must be quite shocked to see calm, collected me crying like dat. hehee. they APPEARED sympathetic. heck, i really dunt care anymore, i just want to get on my bed and close my eyes.
the taxi came after what seemed like forever. the kind cleaner accompanied me while i waited for the cab and gave me axe oil and plastic to vomit in. Finally the cab came, and in the lift of my block, i finally made use of the plastic bag. i vomitted... eww, i hate to vomit, its painful!
ahh finally, in the comforts of my bed. i tried to sleep but as usual the pain was too great for me to sleep. anyway, im much better now. but still quite groggyyy...
haiyahhh, what a way to start the fasting month. quite sad actually..such a waste...
to those who have experienced the "magic" of migraine before, u probably can understand what i went through. to those who have never got it, count yourself lucky and i pray u will never go through the feeling. coz it really feels like shit!!!!
anyone knows of a tried and tested way of preventing migraine from attacking?
if you do, i promise id be your SLAVE forever.
betol.Tak bedek!
It was just terrible. What is?
MIGRAINE!
Today, it decided to pay my puny head a visit. i did not expect it. it came so suddenly. i was happily chatting with aNn and the next minute i know, my field of vision started to break. i lost half of my vision. scary huh? yep that's what happens whenever i get migraine. i would lose half of my vision first. once i regain my vision a terrible headache will come. it feels close to someone stretching ure veins one by one and splitting it into two. i knew its just a matter of minutes before the pounding within the head starts.
luckily i was having my free period but i knew the exam papers had to be bundled by today. so i scrambled downstairs to the office, careful not to fall coz i really could not see clearly by then. somehow i managed to bundle the papers. i knew i had to be quick coz when the pounding comes, id be too weak and sick to do anything and the vomitting will also start. i just hope i didnt make a mistake or worst, leave the confidential exam papers lying around.
after bundling, i managed to force myself to go to my last class of the day. yes, with half good vision only. i was hoping the overwhelming headache will come only after the lesson ends. i gave my pupils their homework of the week and was relieved when the bell rang. end of lesson.
i managed to find my way to the staffroom with half my vision and packed my things. by then the excruciating pounding has already started and was beginning to split my head into two. and then a crazy thing happened! tears started pouring out. i was crying! the pain was just too much for me to handle. and usually when the pounding starts, im already in the comforts of my bed, but for the first time ever, i got migraine in public. thank god my collegaues were great. someone took my last lesson and some started giving me remedies about migraine. aNn, thanks for taking the drink for me!
so i went to the office and told the P and VP im leaving. and tears started pouring out again. they must be quite shocked to see calm, collected me crying like dat. hehee. they APPEARED sympathetic. heck, i really dunt care anymore, i just want to get on my bed and close my eyes.
the taxi came after what seemed like forever. the kind cleaner accompanied me while i waited for the cab and gave me axe oil and plastic to vomit in. Finally the cab came, and in the lift of my block, i finally made use of the plastic bag. i vomitted... eww, i hate to vomit, its painful!
ahh finally, in the comforts of my bed. i tried to sleep but as usual the pain was too great for me to sleep. anyway, im much better now. but still quite groggyyy...
haiyahhh, what a way to start the fasting month. quite sad actually..such a waste...
to those who have experienced the "magic" of migraine before, u probably can understand what i went through. to those who have never got it, count yourself lucky and i pray u will never go through the feeling. coz it really feels like shit!!!!
anyone knows of a tried and tested way of preventing migraine from attacking?
if you do, i promise id be your SLAVE forever.
betol.Tak bedek!
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Beribu ribu meeting
Beribu ribu meeting
besok ada meeting lagi. this time dengan extended family.
last week baru ada meeting dengan immediate family.
these past few mondays asik ada exco meeting kat skolah.
knapa meeting slalu tak abis cerita?
sebab ada ramai orang smua ada cerita sendiri.
kalau cerita si A tak kena dengan cerita si B, sambung lagi meeting minggu depan.
meeting bukanya ada si A and si B ajer, slalu ada A sampai Z orang.
sebab tu pening kepala. lepas meeting dah penat nak buat apa apa. apa yang dah dimeetingkan tinggal kata kata ajer. smua aksen lupa kena buat kerja. termasuk lah saya.
ok nak siap buat agenda. ah ah dengan family pun kena ada agenda. Kata orang orang besar, kalau takde agenda bukan meeting. itu sembang sembang bebual kosong. orang orang besar kan selalu betul. ah ah lah tu.
besok ada meeting lagi. this time dengan extended family.
last week baru ada meeting dengan immediate family.
these past few mondays asik ada exco meeting kat skolah.
knapa meeting slalu tak abis cerita?
sebab ada ramai orang smua ada cerita sendiri.
kalau cerita si A tak kena dengan cerita si B, sambung lagi meeting minggu depan.
meeting bukanya ada si A and si B ajer, slalu ada A sampai Z orang.
sebab tu pening kepala. lepas meeting dah penat nak buat apa apa. apa yang dah dimeetingkan tinggal kata kata ajer. smua aksen lupa kena buat kerja. termasuk lah saya.
ok nak siap buat agenda. ah ah dengan family pun kena ada agenda. Kata orang orang besar, kalau takde agenda bukan meeting. itu sembang sembang bebual kosong. orang orang besar kan selalu betul. ah ah lah tu.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Silhoutte of a loved one
Silhouette of a soul I love
Found this in my folder. I thought ive put it up before but cant seem to find it now.
once the sun crashes and total darkness sets in,
the silhouettes cease to exist.
loses its shape
and the soul breaks lose.
free to roam.
aren't our bodies mere silhouettes of our souls?
Found this in my folder. I thought ive put it up before but cant seem to find it now.
once the sun crashes and total darkness sets in,
the silhouettes cease to exist.
loses its shape
and the soul breaks lose.
free to roam.
aren't our bodies mere silhouettes of our souls?
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Reflected image
Reflected image
some pple drink and drive.
some others snap photos while driving.
i dunno which is more dangerous.
and there's just something about reflected image that i like.
some pple drink and drive.
some others snap photos while driving.
i dunno which is more dangerous.
and there's just something about reflected image that i like.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Ruins
Ruins
Im tired of seeing my own words. Pictures will take over.
Lanes near FM.
where algae spreads.
Place I stay
where it smells of chicken dung.
Im tired of seeing my own words. Pictures will take over.
Lanes near FM.
where algae spreads.
Place I stay
where it smells of chicken dung.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Sophie, save me
Sophie, save me
I think my vision is starting to cloud.
Im stepping into the adult world where a huge drape falls over my eyes
and i lost sight of the beauty of the little ripple in the sea,
the long trail of ants
and my own reflection in the puddle.
time is no longer a luxury.
the sea is now nuthing but mass of water.
ants and puddles are just quickly stepped over.
sophie, save me, im stuck deep inside the rabbit's fur.
im trying to stay on top coz forgetting this is what i fear.
i look around me and almost everyone is running somewhere. busy, busy, busy.
am i missing something?
i dunno why we are running when it gets us nowhere.
sorry it DOES gets us somewhere.
it gets us further and further away from things that matters most.
is this the price i have to pay to be accepted in this lion(dragon?) city?
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation...
in what order of importance is that, if i may ask?
whose happiness?
whose prosperity?
n we sure have progressed
just take a look at our young,
with their LV bags and Gucci watches,
designer labels stuck at the backs of their revealing tops
who are to say we have not?
there's still hope.
especially with 5 day week soon
at least i have the weekends to look at the trail of ants,
ripples in the sea
and my reflection in the puddle.
more time to climb out of the rabbit's fur.
and maybe i can achieve some happiness, prosperity and progress of my own,
not the least bit in a material way.
hope is indeed a wonderful thing
I think my vision is starting to cloud.
Im stepping into the adult world where a huge drape falls over my eyes
and i lost sight of the beauty of the little ripple in the sea,
the long trail of ants
and my own reflection in the puddle.
time is no longer a luxury.
the sea is now nuthing but mass of water.
ants and puddles are just quickly stepped over.
sophie, save me, im stuck deep inside the rabbit's fur.
im trying to stay on top coz forgetting this is what i fear.
i look around me and almost everyone is running somewhere. busy, busy, busy.
am i missing something?
i dunno why we are running when it gets us nowhere.
sorry it DOES gets us somewhere.
it gets us further and further away from things that matters most.
is this the price i have to pay to be accepted in this lion(dragon?) city?
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation...
in what order of importance is that, if i may ask?
whose happiness?
whose prosperity?
n we sure have progressed
just take a look at our young,
with their LV bags and Gucci watches,
designer labels stuck at the backs of their revealing tops
who are to say we have not?
there's still hope.
especially with 5 day week soon
at least i have the weekends to look at the trail of ants,
ripples in the sea
and my reflection in the puddle.
more time to climb out of the rabbit's fur.
and maybe i can achieve some happiness, prosperity and progress of my own,
not the least bit in a material way.
hope is indeed a wonderful thing
Monday, September 20, 2004
Cakes and Plenty of Love
Cakes and Plenty of Love
thank you all for the wonderful wishes, gifts, cards and doas.
from mango tees, birthday cake, PLENTY of bodyshop products "winks to ann and eTTy", bag, perfumes, flowers, the very useful aussino vouchers....im truly glad and blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful pple. truly am.
some friends come and go, some friends just stay for the longest time...
aida, sri, hilyah, yati u pple can make me laugh like we have never grown up. shared history is a strong super glue dunt u think? it held us together till now. n hopefully, till all my teeth are gone, my bones have shrunk and till my hands have becomed so wrinkled that henna can't even flow on it.(hehhee..im looking at my hennaed hand as im typing rite now, so dats why)
it was really nice meeting u guys on sat.
meanwhile some pics from a week ago...
it started out with this birthday invite by Ah Lim
and then this n dat...
and when nite falls, dinner and the following day, we both totally forgot all about the camera. so no photos there!
Ok, me going to call it a nite for now. adios! :)
thank you all for the wonderful wishes, gifts, cards and doas.
from mango tees, birthday cake, PLENTY of bodyshop products "winks to ann and eTTy", bag, perfumes, flowers, the very useful aussino vouchers....im truly glad and blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful pple. truly am.
some friends come and go, some friends just stay for the longest time...
aida, sri, hilyah, yati u pple can make me laugh like we have never grown up. shared history is a strong super glue dunt u think? it held us together till now. n hopefully, till all my teeth are gone, my bones have shrunk and till my hands have becomed so wrinkled that henna can't even flow on it.(hehhee..im looking at my hennaed hand as im typing rite now, so dats why)
it was really nice meeting u guys on sat.
meanwhile some pics from a week ago...
it started out with this birthday invite by Ah Lim
and then this n dat...
and when nite falls, dinner and the following day, we both totally forgot all about the camera. so no photos there!
Ok, me going to call it a nite for now. adios! :)
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Anniversaries and parties
Anniversaries and parties
this weekend had been about friends and family. we celebrated 3 wedding anniversaries on sat; my parents', sis's and brother's. all in the month of september. for a very long while, ive always thought that mine will also be in september but sadly, that couldnt happen due to time and work constraints.
the ladies with culinary skills in the family (me excluded of coz) cooked a sumptuous meal which they called nasi arab. it was supposed to be beriyani but they changed the name when they tasted it. a few things didnt turn out quite rite i suppose,the rice was too soft and tandoori chicken was tasteless and thanks to mum, we had arca mixed with burnt sugar. but heck, i didnt cook a teeny bit so id rather not have too many comments. anyway, the effort must be applauded.
the nite was later spent with the friends, mine then his. it was our first time at Hideout, guess its quite a nice place to sit around with a group of friends, low light, comfy sofas and nice music. for lazy me, it was nice to just sit back and be entertained by a comical bunch of frens fooling around ;)
and then come Monday, its back to becoming an adult. have to attend many many oh-so-serious courses...think its gonna be another tiring week, holiday or not.
this weekend had been about friends and family. we celebrated 3 wedding anniversaries on sat; my parents', sis's and brother's. all in the month of september. for a very long while, ive always thought that mine will also be in september but sadly, that couldnt happen due to time and work constraints.
the ladies with culinary skills in the family (me excluded of coz) cooked a sumptuous meal which they called nasi arab. it was supposed to be beriyani but they changed the name when they tasted it. a few things didnt turn out quite rite i suppose,the rice was too soft and tandoori chicken was tasteless and thanks to mum, we had arca mixed with burnt sugar. but heck, i didnt cook a teeny bit so id rather not have too many comments. anyway, the effort must be applauded.
the nite was later spent with the friends, mine then his. it was our first time at Hideout, guess its quite a nice place to sit around with a group of friends, low light, comfy sofas and nice music. for lazy me, it was nice to just sit back and be entertained by a comical bunch of frens fooling around ;)
and then come Monday, its back to becoming an adult. have to attend many many oh-so-serious courses...think its gonna be another tiring week, holiday or not.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
WomaD!
WomAd!
It was quite a tiring Saturday. From teachers' day celebrations at a certain beach bar in Sentosa (can't seem to recall the name now), all the way to Fort Canning for Womad. The hot, humid weather didnt help very much.
But WomAd sure didn't dissapoint. Like all the previous years, WomAd can't be any better! :)
Womad always reminds me that that there is a bigger world out there and that diversity extends beyond our four races. its a fresh change from radio friendly music, and the music performed was so strongly intertwined with culture and ethnic influences. they share it with pride. living in this sunny island, makes me myopic sometimes. alot of times. we keep going around in circles..im afraid, i might just go blind.
anywayyyy...(*yawns*) think i'd pretty much be in sleep mode today..so nice to be in the comforts of my bed on a sunday afternoon...:)
It was quite a tiring Saturday. From teachers' day celebrations at a certain beach bar in Sentosa (can't seem to recall the name now), all the way to Fort Canning for Womad. The hot, humid weather didnt help very much.
But WomAd sure didn't dissapoint. Like all the previous years, WomAd can't be any better! :)
Womad always reminds me that that there is a bigger world out there and that diversity extends beyond our four races. its a fresh change from radio friendly music, and the music performed was so strongly intertwined with culture and ethnic influences. they share it with pride. living in this sunny island, makes me myopic sometimes. alot of times. we keep going around in circles..im afraid, i might just go blind.
anywayyyy...(*yawns*) think i'd pretty much be in sleep mode today..so nice to be in the comforts of my bed on a sunday afternoon...:)
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Give me a smile tonite
Give me a smile tonite
Yesterday wasn't that good, it could and should have been better...today, i promise i won't make the same mistakes again. i often forget the soul is sensitive and words do hurt..
sometimes i see extremely clear warning signs...and yet, i remain motionless and continue the route.
the surprise didnt have the opportunity to be discovered. but today, it will materialise..i hope. provided i dont act all selfish like i sometimes (often?) do...
so i shall patiently await dusk..and hope it would be raining smiles when the sun sets.
meanwhile...
Happy 28th
Prayer of the Month: MAy HE gives me strength to be a better person for you, and may HE gives you patience to love me regardless...Insyaallah
Yesterday wasn't that good, it could and should have been better...today, i promise i won't make the same mistakes again. i often forget the soul is sensitive and words do hurt..
sometimes i see extremely clear warning signs...and yet, i remain motionless and continue the route.
the surprise didnt have the opportunity to be discovered. but today, it will materialise..i hope. provided i dont act all selfish like i sometimes (often?) do...
so i shall patiently await dusk..and hope it would be raining smiles when the sun sets.
meanwhile...
Happy 28th
Prayer of the Month: MAy HE gives me strength to be a better person for you, and may HE gives you patience to love me regardless...Insyaallah
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Atop an abandoned building
Atop an abandoned building
(Beware: confusion might arise..mood is volatile)
I think im made up of a million pieces...and all of them don't fit...the confusion i stirred up within myself brings no solace to anyone...where is that ray of hope that indicates the direction i could take in this time of my life. i cant read signs anymore. or maybe my interpretation of the signs itself changes every day.
sometimes i dream of lying atop an abandoned roof of a rundown building, watching the night sky and the bright lights flickering from HDB flats in the heartlands.
a fag in the hand of my companion while his other hand, holding mine.
the skin im wearing as im sitting at the office confuses the inert emotions in me, the one that desires darkness and all things that do not conform. many a time, i see a vision of me pointing a gun in the room whilst they discuss performance and issues after issues. yes, we are merely performing...like a bunch of monkeys. entertaining the very pple sitting in the room who has the power to judge you and reward u accordingly. as they speak,i hear nuthing but see mouths moving and in my head, my gun points in between their heads and 1,2,3, it goes off..one by one around the oval table...i am now one of them and there's no escaping... the gun points to my head.
ask me not, where these visions stem from...coz i see no direction. why do i keep seeing trails of bright lights leading to a dark tunnel of tranquility. its contradictory and i am both.
ok..hold my hand and guide me through. truth is, what i want is not what i should have... throw away the key and let me forget who i really am...coz there's no place for me here...me is not the monkey they want to see..
(Beware: confusion might arise..mood is volatile)
I think im made up of a million pieces...and all of them don't fit...the confusion i stirred up within myself brings no solace to anyone...where is that ray of hope that indicates the direction i could take in this time of my life. i cant read signs anymore. or maybe my interpretation of the signs itself changes every day.
sometimes i dream of lying atop an abandoned roof of a rundown building, watching the night sky and the bright lights flickering from HDB flats in the heartlands.
a fag in the hand of my companion while his other hand, holding mine.
the skin im wearing as im sitting at the office confuses the inert emotions in me, the one that desires darkness and all things that do not conform. many a time, i see a vision of me pointing a gun in the room whilst they discuss performance and issues after issues. yes, we are merely performing...like a bunch of monkeys. entertaining the very pple sitting in the room who has the power to judge you and reward u accordingly. as they speak,i hear nuthing but see mouths moving and in my head, my gun points in between their heads and 1,2,3, it goes off..one by one around the oval table...i am now one of them and there's no escaping... the gun points to my head.
ask me not, where these visions stem from...coz i see no direction. why do i keep seeing trails of bright lights leading to a dark tunnel of tranquility. its contradictory and i am both.
ok..hold my hand and guide me through. truth is, what i want is not what i should have... throw away the key and let me forget who i really am...coz there's no place for me here...me is not the monkey they want to see..
Monday, August 23, 2004
Monday, I have a pimple
Monday, I have a pimple
Where? Where did the weekends go to??? where's my 'friday im in love'??? give me baccckkkkk!!!! blearghhh, its back to Monday, and the cycle shall continue...eeeks.
im so unfocused these days. for some reason, i always catch myself beranganing..and i even have a big, huge, RED pimple on my nose, to prove it. its so huge that i can catch a glimpse of it when i look down. no kiddingg! my colleagues don't say hi to me anymore, they yell "What's that on your nose???!!!!" I might be missing an eye for all u noe, and no one would notice coz they are too busy looking at the pimple on my nose when they speak to me.
i dunt blame them..i think humans have the tendency to ogle at 'things' that are very much STICKING OUT. and in my case, sad to say, its the grandmother of all zits resting so comfortably on my nose that is sticking out...not much else.
why-oh-why must u grow on my nose?! of all places!!! should i put a plaster across my nose..no wayyyyyy...but i noe of someone who did!!...khehekke, its a really funny sight..honestly, im laughing out loud at the staffroom rite now, just recalling that person smiling at me with a plaster across her nose!
ok, before anyone knows im loofing, me better get out of here. till later....still cant stop laughing...hehee
meanwhile, some pics from picnic with da family last saturday...of coz, before the birth of my voluptuous pimple..:)
The birthday gal..she turns 4...
The one who would kill or strip for mee siam putih
From left, the filipino maid, the ah-lian, the anak metropolitan and the self taught guru ngaji.....a lethal combi, u say?
who else, but Ms Ah-In and Mr Ah- Lim.....go ahead, u can puke at this one..:)
Where? Where did the weekends go to??? where's my 'friday im in love'??? give me baccckkkkk!!!! blearghhh, its back to Monday, and the cycle shall continue...eeeks.
im so unfocused these days. for some reason, i always catch myself beranganing..and i even have a big, huge, RED pimple on my nose, to prove it. its so huge that i can catch a glimpse of it when i look down. no kiddingg! my colleagues don't say hi to me anymore, they yell "What's that on your nose???!!!!" I might be missing an eye for all u noe, and no one would notice coz they are too busy looking at the pimple on my nose when they speak to me.
i dunt blame them..i think humans have the tendency to ogle at 'things' that are very much STICKING OUT. and in my case, sad to say, its the grandmother of all zits resting so comfortably on my nose that is sticking out...not much else.
why-oh-why must u grow on my nose?! of all places!!! should i put a plaster across my nose..no wayyyyyy...but i noe of someone who did!!...khehekke, its a really funny sight..honestly, im laughing out loud at the staffroom rite now, just recalling that person smiling at me with a plaster across her nose!
ok, before anyone knows im loofing, me better get out of here. till later....still cant stop laughing...hehee
meanwhile, some pics from picnic with da family last saturday...of coz, before the birth of my voluptuous pimple..:)
The birthday gal..she turns 4...
The one who would kill or strip for mee siam putih
From left, the filipino maid, the ah-lian, the anak metropolitan and the self taught guru ngaji.....a lethal combi, u say?
who else, but Ms Ah-In and Mr Ah- Lim.....go ahead, u can puke at this one..:)
Friday, August 20, 2004
Friday, Im in love..
Friday I'm in love..
im home at record time today. 2.00pm. i think in my years of teaching, this is one of the few times that i escaped out of the gates of hell this early. i was all ready to go for a briefing at IPAM, Civil Service College which was supposed to start at 2.45 pm. so i left school and waited for the cab. then something told me to check the details of the workshop again. yep i was rite, it starts at 2.45pm, EXCEPT, its 2.45pm NEXT FRIDAY!!!!
luckily, i wasnt in the cab yet. and since i was out of school, i figured its HIS way of asking me to rest at home. a well deserving one. hehe...at least dats what i would like to think. so i skipped all the way home, very glad for the mistake ive made and besides, fridays always makes me a lot delirious.
im looking forward to tonite and the rest of the weekend. since my family recruited an events manager a.k.a sister-in-law-who-enjoys-planning-family-gatherings, late last year, our weekends are pretty much occupied nowadays. i think she has one whole year of activities lined up for da family.heh. fine by me. at least my mum gets to go out and meets the rest of my siblings more often. im just glad, when mak is not focusing on me... ;)
but for tonite, its he and I. our usual, typical rendevous shall take place, me thinks....
we are lousy event managers..
so till later....coz Friday, I'm in love... :)
I don't care if Monday's blue,
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too....
Thursday, I don't care about you...
Its Friday Im in love...
Monday, you can fall apart,
Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart,
Thursday doesn't even start,
Its Friday, Im in love...
Saturdayyyy....waitt..
Sunday always comes too late...
Friday..never hesitate
I don't care if Monday's black...
Tuesday, Wednesday, heart attack...
Thursday never looking back...
Its Friday I'm in love.....
Monday, you can hold your head,
Tuesday,Wednesday, stay in bed,
Thursday, watch the walls instead,
Friday, Im in love...
Saturdayyyy....waitt..
Sunday always comes too late...
Friday..never hesitate...
---'Friday Im in Love' by The Cure
im home at record time today. 2.00pm. i think in my years of teaching, this is one of the few times that i escaped out of the gates of hell this early. i was all ready to go for a briefing at IPAM, Civil Service College which was supposed to start at 2.45 pm. so i left school and waited for the cab. then something told me to check the details of the workshop again. yep i was rite, it starts at 2.45pm, EXCEPT, its 2.45pm NEXT FRIDAY!!!!
luckily, i wasnt in the cab yet. and since i was out of school, i figured its HIS way of asking me to rest at home. a well deserving one. hehe...at least dats what i would like to think. so i skipped all the way home, very glad for the mistake ive made and besides, fridays always makes me a lot delirious.
im looking forward to tonite and the rest of the weekend. since my family recruited an events manager a.k.a sister-in-law-who-enjoys-planning-family-gatherings, late last year, our weekends are pretty much occupied nowadays. i think she has one whole year of activities lined up for da family.heh. fine by me. at least my mum gets to go out and meets the rest of my siblings more often. im just glad, when mak is not focusing on me... ;)
but for tonite, its he and I. our usual, typical rendevous shall take place, me thinks....
we are lousy event managers..
so till later....coz Friday, I'm in love... :)
I don't care if Monday's blue,
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too....
Thursday, I don't care about you...
Its Friday Im in love...
Monday, you can fall apart,
Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart,
Thursday doesn't even start,
Its Friday, Im in love...
Saturdayyyy....waitt..
Sunday always comes too late...
Friday..never hesitate
I don't care if Monday's black...
Tuesday, Wednesday, heart attack...
Thursday never looking back...
Its Friday I'm in love.....
Monday, you can hold your head,
Tuesday,Wednesday, stay in bed,
Thursday, watch the walls instead,
Friday, Im in love...
Saturdayyyy....waitt..
Sunday always comes too late...
Friday..never hesitate...
---'Friday Im in Love' by The Cure
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Augustus the Snail
Augustus the Snail
August is crawling....snail pace, tortoise speed...cepatlah sikit.
after 2 police cases, one stroke of the cane, 2 extreme stomach flu attacks,
2 thousand times bed hunting, Danga Bay makan, fireworks-oh-we-are-too-late, fireworks-oh-blocked-by-a-big-tree, Fort Canning with the makciks and minah johor shok sendiri, a long National day holiday, roller coaster rides, over-repeated National songs heard, grandmama's operation, mum's endless physiotherapy, 2 million ticks and crosses written, 2 zillion blogs visited (heh, nak exaggerate ajer, but me thinks quite possible), many many seaweeds swallowed, (tak rugi duduk sebelah anak tauke seeweed! lemau lemau pun masih boleh lantak jugak), tons and tons of hair shed (despite that, my hair still super thick. why ahhh??), approximately 300 pictures taken, over 40 pupils shouted at and can you believe it,
itssssss stillllllll OGGGGGGOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS(Augustlah)!!!!!!!!! WHYYYYY????!!!!!!
n its only august 17, why does this month feel so lonnnnggg and draggy to me? WHYYYY??????!!!!!!!!!
August, you can go now. really.... u can go. goooooooo....make way for september, november and especially december please. october also can go quickly. thank you very much.
August is crawling....snail pace, tortoise speed...cepatlah sikit.
after 2 police cases, one stroke of the cane, 2 extreme stomach flu attacks,
2 thousand times bed hunting, Danga Bay makan, fireworks-oh-we-are-too-late, fireworks-oh-blocked-by-a-big-tree, Fort Canning with the makciks and minah johor shok sendiri, a long National day holiday, roller coaster rides, over-repeated National songs heard, grandmama's operation, mum's endless physiotherapy, 2 million ticks and crosses written, 2 zillion blogs visited (heh, nak exaggerate ajer, but me thinks quite possible), many many seaweeds swallowed, (tak rugi duduk sebelah anak tauke seeweed! lemau lemau pun masih boleh lantak jugak), tons and tons of hair shed (despite that, my hair still super thick. why ahhh??), approximately 300 pictures taken, over 40 pupils shouted at and can you believe it,
itssssss stillllllll OGGGGGGOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS(Augustlah)!!!!!!!!! WHYYYYY????!!!!!!
n its only august 17, why does this month feel so lonnnnggg and draggy to me? WHYYYY??????!!!!!!!!!
August, you can go now. really.... u can go. goooooooo....make way for september, november and especially december please. october also can go quickly. thank you very much.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Project Kahwin Kahwin
Project Kahwin Kahwin
Phase: Research
i woke up this morning, and suddenly i had everything figured out. suddenly i knew, what colour theme i wanted for my dais and the wedding hall decorations. and i also decided on our destination as well as my furniture. and i mean i have really really decided! All in one morning! Like really die die want that colour, that bed and that destination! i dunt hear the so often used word "but" anywhere in my thoughts this morning. aint it a beautiful day? heh.
hmmmpphh, someone must have said a lil prayer for me. guess our indecisiveness had irked that someone so much..heheh.
or maybe, i just cant be bothered to think anymore...yikes!
but to be honest, we enjoyed our so called "research" phase. Its great coz it gives us reason to go here and there and of coz to torment salesmen and women, with all sorts of questions. and u see such a wide array of them. salesmen with one hand, salesmen with speech deficiency, saleswomen who speaks and glances at the mirror to check herself out every 2 minutes she speaks to us (no wonder, she works at furniture store!) , salesmen who are just over zeolous. they talk non stop and give you a thousand reasons why the product is perfect for us. some just follow u around. they just never give up. and when you are not interested, they give u a face. urgghh hate those kind.
after a while, when u walk on the streets, you see more and more familiar faces. then u realize, hey isnt this the salesmen at so and so...who speaks funny OR who stinks,or the nice chap with one hand (this guy was truly nice!)...and blah blah.
singapore ni kan kecik...
and borders is such a great place for research, dunt u think. mags and books everywhere, everything u need to know are on the shelves. we have gone to a thousand islands and continents from borders...truly, it is IDEAS they sell, not books. and the best thing about ideas is, its free, at least at borders. where u get to browse freely, with no one to give u the glare and shoo u away.
and then there's the internet of coz. wat better way to do research than bloghopping! nothing beats it. u get reviews, u get crystal clear pictures, u get lists of recommended bridal house, photography and basically anything kahwin kahwin lah. its real life experiences, so it has a higher reliability rate. :)
well, i never really tot id say this, but i have to admit, preparing for wedding is quite fun actually. no doubt, u have plenty to do, but the process has been interesting and hilarious for us, at least up till now. it sure feels like planning for a mega project, except, for this, you have YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON as your team mate.
it sure makes everything feels less of a hassle and a lot more exciting!
BUT,
given the choice, we wont do this again.
My team mate and I are all ready for another project. *winks*
Another MAYGA one, i might add. khahhhehhah!!
This one no need research one!!
Phase: Research
i woke up this morning, and suddenly i had everything figured out. suddenly i knew, what colour theme i wanted for my dais and the wedding hall decorations. and i also decided on our destination as well as my furniture. and i mean i have really really decided! All in one morning! Like really die die want that colour, that bed and that destination! i dunt hear the so often used word "but" anywhere in my thoughts this morning. aint it a beautiful day? heh.
hmmmpphh, someone must have said a lil prayer for me. guess our indecisiveness had irked that someone so much..heheh.
or maybe, i just cant be bothered to think anymore...yikes!
but to be honest, we enjoyed our so called "research" phase. Its great coz it gives us reason to go here and there and of coz to torment salesmen and women, with all sorts of questions. and u see such a wide array of them. salesmen with one hand, salesmen with speech deficiency, saleswomen who speaks and glances at the mirror to check herself out every 2 minutes she speaks to us (no wonder, she works at furniture store!) , salesmen who are just over zeolous. they talk non stop and give you a thousand reasons why the product is perfect for us. some just follow u around. they just never give up. and when you are not interested, they give u a face. urgghh hate those kind.
after a while, when u walk on the streets, you see more and more familiar faces. then u realize, hey isnt this the salesmen at so and so...who speaks funny OR who stinks,or the nice chap with one hand (this guy was truly nice!)...and blah blah.
singapore ni kan kecik...
and borders is such a great place for research, dunt u think. mags and books everywhere, everything u need to know are on the shelves. we have gone to a thousand islands and continents from borders...truly, it is IDEAS they sell, not books. and the best thing about ideas is, its free, at least at borders. where u get to browse freely, with no one to give u the glare and shoo u away.
and then there's the internet of coz. wat better way to do research than bloghopping! nothing beats it. u get reviews, u get crystal clear pictures, u get lists of recommended bridal house, photography and basically anything kahwin kahwin lah. its real life experiences, so it has a higher reliability rate. :)
well, i never really tot id say this, but i have to admit, preparing for wedding is quite fun actually. no doubt, u have plenty to do, but the process has been interesting and hilarious for us, at least up till now. it sure feels like planning for a mega project, except, for this, you have YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON as your team mate.
it sure makes everything feels less of a hassle and a lot more exciting!
BUT,
given the choice, we wont do this again.
My team mate and I are all ready for another project. *winks*
Another MAYGA one, i might add. khahhhehhah!!
This one no need research one!!
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Niece and Nephews
Niece and Nephews
All 7 of them can be a real pain in the neck when they come over, but sometimes, just sometimes, they can be quite adorable.
This is the latest edition. Feels like biting his chin off!! he has such a peaceful face, dunt u think...
My brother's kids....4 already!! feels like yesterday, he was in NS...haiz...
no relation whatsoever, but here's us, surrounded by yellowness....wish its always dat our smiles are plastered all across our faces....
Have a great day to all!!
All 7 of them can be a real pain in the neck when they come over, but sometimes, just sometimes, they can be quite adorable.
This is the latest edition. Feels like biting his chin off!! he has such a peaceful face, dunt u think...
My brother's kids....4 already!! feels like yesterday, he was in NS...haiz...
no relation whatsoever, but here's us, surrounded by yellowness....wish its always dat our smiles are plastered all across our faces....
Have a great day to all!!
Monday, August 09, 2004
Roller Coaster
Mindless Ramblings of the Emo
Its been a roller coaster ride for the longest time...it hasnt been good but it hasnt been all bad either....maybe this is how it would be like in the days to come..im glad there isnt a crystal ball for me to take a peek of the future, coz then i will never take a step forward.
pple say good things must come to an end. the question is when and how...some things are within our control but the worst of things are those that comes along without u knowing it and worst, beyond ure control. HE gives, and you will have no choice but to take it.
so...while it is within my control, i will try my darnest to minimise the height of the roller coaster ride. i will try not to kill it, before its timely death. it is within my control...for now, at least.
good luck to me...and may He gives us strength to choose wisely.
Its been a roller coaster ride for the longest time...it hasnt been good but it hasnt been all bad either....maybe this is how it would be like in the days to come..im glad there isnt a crystal ball for me to take a peek of the future, coz then i will never take a step forward.
pple say good things must come to an end. the question is when and how...some things are within our control but the worst of things are those that comes along without u knowing it and worst, beyond ure control. HE gives, and you will have no choice but to take it.
so...while it is within my control, i will try my darnest to minimise the height of the roller coaster ride. i will try not to kill it, before its timely death. it is within my control...for now, at least.
good luck to me...and may He gives us strength to choose wisely.
geylang si paku geylang
Geylang si paku geylang
went to muzik festival at fort canning with some frens just now. main highlight for me was M NAsir, of coz. other than that, sad to say, i was not very familiar with the rest of the performers. hmm...i think i should watch more suria lah, kalau kita tak support our local talents, who else rite?
yawnnn...haiz, me so sleepy now. didnt get much sleep last nite either. came back from Danga Bay JB, close to 3am. quite an interesting place. sikit sikit mcm concept esplanade, tapi it also gives u a very Geylangy feeling. pple were sitting by the beach eating and there were rows and rows of pasar malam stalls. Maybe the sea of tudungs around and the numerous Mats jalan sana jalan sini, yang give me the Geylangy feeling. they said its not fully ready yet, so more things in store i suppose. heard about the water sports. hmm, kalau bring boring bleh try.
come to think of it, from my place, me thinks, its nearer to go to Danga Bay than to go to Bedok. ah-ah betul lah tu.
ok me off to bed now.
went to muzik festival at fort canning with some frens just now. main highlight for me was M NAsir, of coz. other than that, sad to say, i was not very familiar with the rest of the performers. hmm...i think i should watch more suria lah, kalau kita tak support our local talents, who else rite?
yawnnn...haiz, me so sleepy now. didnt get much sleep last nite either. came back from Danga Bay JB, close to 3am. quite an interesting place. sikit sikit mcm concept esplanade, tapi it also gives u a very Geylangy feeling. pple were sitting by the beach eating and there were rows and rows of pasar malam stalls. Maybe the sea of tudungs around and the numerous Mats jalan sana jalan sini, yang give me the Geylangy feeling. they said its not fully ready yet, so more things in store i suppose. heard about the water sports. hmm, kalau bring boring bleh try.
come to think of it, from my place, me thinks, its nearer to go to Danga Bay than to go to Bedok. ah-ah betul lah tu.
ok me off to bed now.
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