9th of June; Happy Birthday, partner!

On the 9th of June, was the birthday of a special person, a partner who was destined to walk the rest of my life with me.

He has been there with me, for me, every step of the way, always giving nothing less than his all, the millions of sacrifices he has made for me, the children and my family, living under the same roof as my parents and respecting and appreciating them more than I am capable of sometimes.

I can never thank him enough. I can never match his birthday celebration with the kind of person he is.

My children are lucky to have him as a daddy. And me, I'm just lucky he loves me.

So happy birthday, my dear partner. May Allah bless you with good health always and unwavering patience. May the children inherit your kind, kind heart and selfless nature.

We love you more than you love us.
Always:)

Kids prepared a surprise birthday breakfast in bed for their daddy. Irfan
and Alisha made French toast for him and strawberries with chocolate Hershey's toppings at the side. With a glass of milk and a tray to put everything on, they served their daddy in bed. Sweet!

We decided to stay at rasa sentosa for the night. It has become a favorite staycation whenever I'm pregnant. Realized that we did this for all the 3 kids while I was pregnant. The kids love the pool and the beach! And the birthday boy was given a surprise birthday cake which was on the house. Yeah!

This time, we also brought them to Underwater World and listened to a storytelling session which was happening while they were there followed by a short craftwork.

Enjoy some of the pics, taken from my phone.

Alhamdullilah for these good times. :)

Old and grey.. Will u love me anyway?

Dear Irfan and Alisha,

Everyday I pray that when I am old and grey, I will not be of too much trouble to the both of you.

When it comes to health, I'm sorry but I really don't have any control. I don't know how my old age will be, and if I'll somehow become very ill and if you do decide to take care of me n love me, I will like to apologise in advance for being difficult and being an added responsibility to you.

But if health permits and i still stay relatively healthy and strong when I'm much older, one thing i will make sure is that I am financially independent.

Of course, I can only try and no one knows what the future brings, but I will work my ass of now to make sure I don't have to be financially dependent on the both of you when im old. I think that's what responsible parents should do.

You have your own lives to build, your own challenges and struggles raising a family of your own so I really do not want to add on to your responsibilities.

I know you will be wonderful children who will want to live up to your responsibilities to take care of me when the need arises, and knowing that about the two of you, I hope I will never have to put you in a situation where you will have to take on that responsibility.

I know you will do anything for me, (I hope) but I really don't have the heart to see you struggle (emotionally) because of me.

I will remember not to spend every single cent of my money on the here and now and not think about my old age, or just "tawakkal" that my life will be taken care of. That is indeed irresponsible because ultimately which good child will stand around seeing their parents in difficulty? I'm sure you will try your best to help me but I also know that you will be struggling with your own lives.

I hope I will never have to demand money from you because I know it will sap away every ounce of sincerity you have and makes you re evaluate your noble intentions of making me happy. I hope if you do have spare cash and decide to give me, it's because you love me, you feel good about it and not because you have to.

And I will try my darnest not to demand money from you just because I think you can afford to give them to me.

And more importantly,I will try my best never to think that getting money from u monthly is my RIGHT.

No matter how much you earn.

My dear babies, I don't know how my old age will be.
and that is why I wrote "I will try" instead of "I will". I don't want to be too cocky and say I will NEVER be that kind of parents. Because honestly, The future is not in our hands and circumstances sometimes forces us to do otherwise.

But I pray I won't be of too much trouble to the both of you.

I can't promise but I do what I can now, when I am healthy and strong. I'll save some for my old age, I will try my best. But ultimately HE decides. I dont know how i will feel when im old. I dont know what my thoughts are.

I am not a perfect parent and I learn as I go along. Learning can be a painful process but I try to take it positively (though not always successful) and these uncomfortable experiences help me anticipate what lies ahead and gives me a better idea of how my babies will feel in the future if I behave in a certain way. So yes, although painful, it's not a lost cause.

But Whatever the future holds, my dear babies, I hope you will love me no less when I'm old.

I hope I will never ever make you feel like you are lousy children who can never make their parents happy.

I know how sad that feeling is.
I'm sorry if I do.

Love and kisses,
Your mummy forever

A Pink Party!!

So, a PINK party was inevitable.
You've guessed it. She wanted pink! She wanted princesses!
Ok, so I relented coz it's her birthday afterall and being surrounded by things she love and people she adore would make any birthday celebration a great one.

Other than pink and princesses, there's one other thing Alisha loves. Watching this video over and over again. It's a video on how to make a castle cake! Oh she simply loves it. Watch it!

So we simply put all the things she love in her birthday celebration:)
For someone who loves the video above, what could be more exciting than decorating her very own castle cake for her own birthday, right?!

PINK overdose

Excited to start!

We shall begin! Making our very own castle cake, inspired by Howdini.com. Excited much!

So instead of getting a ready made cake, we thought we would do something different this year.
We ordered a sponge cake and ready made frosting.
We then frosted it ourselves and decorated it, just like her favourite video! Busy at work.

Look at the frosted cake. The video made it look so easy but ours was not so neat. 

Alisha's dream came true when she used the spatula to frost the cake, just like in the video. Haha!

Nenek had to leave for a wedding, so we paused and took a picture with the unfinished cake.

And then the fun continues!
These four CHILDREN very excited hor. Next up; preparing the castle towers!

Frosting the ice cream cone for the castle towers!

Rolling the glitter, just like in the video. 

Full of concentration hor! But tiara must maintain ok.

Muka ada senyum! The princess seems very happy with her castle cake so far!

We can't make it as nice as the experts so we turned it into our own!:)

The castle looked like it could topple anytime, leaning more and more to one side. HAHAHA!

Senget pun sengetlah!

We added wafers, stars and sprinkles. 

The princess and her favourite princess cousin!

We added some cute tiara candles and a few more sweets and TADAA!! Our very own leaning tower castle!!! 

Princess looks very happy ah. Luckily it didn' topple!!

The princess and the smart wizard she hangs out with everyday in her castle.
The wizard has all kinds of trickery under his belt to make her happy;)

The princess and her Royal Family:)

The rest of the princesses wannabe. 

I believe strongly that a pink overdose can make people go crazy.

With the people she love;)

Finally the castle was lighted and we sang her the birthday song!;)

It still didn't topple! Phew!

And lastly, with her dear brother.

Although the party was obviously all girly and pink, he didnt mind one bit helping his sister complete the cake.

We hope you had a blast, little girl.

You'll always be our little princess, no matter how much you have grown.

We love you so much!

Always:)

Fly me there, fly me far

And the holiday begins tomorrow.. I'm itching to go somewhere, far, far away where there's vast greenery, colorful flowers,stretches of emptiness,
calm lakes, beautiful blue skies, even made more beautiful by curvatures of mountains, old, medieval buildings of some sort.

Can you imagine that place like I do?

It always starts with a picture in my head. And I have this picture in my mind. I just got to be there.

But alas, I can't travel. The plane will not have me. My gynae advised against it.

It's like a bad habit or an addiction you can't kick. It feels like a wasted June if I don't use it to go pursue that picture in my head.

But oh well, I don't really have a choice. Upside? I've got to save all that money. :)

And I'm sure the quality time spent with the kids before the new addition will be something I treasure, no matter where we are:)

(trying my best to make myself feel better here, but i must say, it's not working much:(

You put your arms around me, and I'm home

Woohoo! The surprise tickets were really a surprise!!! Thank you Mr ALim! Muaaacks!!!!

Christina Perri, can't wait to see you on the 8th of June!:)

love you more than you love me

Irfan's conversation with his daddy on whatsapp. Alim was telling him about boom netting which he and his students did during the day.

Sweetest last line from Irfan:) Dah macam love birds!

Irfan, dont forget to continue saying all the sweet stuff to your mummy and daddy when we are old, slow, hard of hearing, sensitive and senile k! It will always be music to our ears. Except maybe you'll just have to say it LOUDER then;)

A hug

Feeling angsty, tired and depressed. :( alim is away bringing his students to bintan. I told the kids I missed his daddy.

Immediately, both of them came to me at the same time and gave me a tight big hug! Irfan said,"You have us"

Awwww, sweet. Yes I do, and I'm forever thankful.

What goes around comes around

Maybe it's the hormones but I've been getting easily irritated these days.

There's just some things that I can't stand these days.

These days im so irritated by people whom i think are taking advantage of me. I can seem to be blur, quite easygoing, calm, quiet and don't flare up easily and I hate people who take advantage of that!

I have my own set of beliefs but I'm not the sort who impose my views on others. If I say it once and you don't agree, then I would say "sukati Kau lah". Yes i make a lousy saleswoman. I do.

They might think I don't mind or don't get it, but I do mind and I'm seriously pissed off. I wish I can tell it to their faces but I shall not stoop that low. And I hate getting into an argument. I don't have time for that.

So they might think they've got the better of me. Oh well, I shall let it pass because im not in a position to give them what they deserve. Only HE knows best. So I shall save my time and my breath and let them have what they want. Honestly it's no loss on my part but their gain, if not deserving will be plain toxic!

What goes around comes around, baby!

Birthday high

She's still playing with her balloon at 12 midnight! She has never slept this late. She's still so hyper and jiggling her butt away dancing on the bed with her balloon.

Oh my, she's on a birthday high!

We had a mini celebration just now, a princess cake from swensens and alims parents dropped by. She was über excited and very happy, you should see!

Still on a high now and we've switched off all the lights but we can still hear her voice yakking away! Sleep la, girl.. We give chance k, today is your birthday but hope you can wake up for sch tomorrow!

Omg, shes still yakking... I think I give up. I'm going to bed now.

Happy 3rd Birthday brown bear!!

Happy Birthday to our little brown bear. Your birthday is finally here!!!

May you grow up healthy and happy, and your path be filled with countless blessings, Alisha. You will never know how much your presence has brighten up our lives! We love u to bits, always and forever.

In my arms

3 years ago, today, on the 8th of may, I started feeling strong contractions and we made our way to K.K exactly around this time (it's 9.36pm now).

At 12.15 midnight, after much huffing and puffing, my baby girl was born and I held her in my arms:)

And now, 3 years on, she's lying in my arms, beside me excitedly counting the hours to her birthday!

We love you! Looking forward to sat!!

A fresh new start

I'm in the mood for blue, light green and especially turquoise and white, I have no idea why! I love going into Zara these days because of the white and turquoise collection. I didn't buy any turquoise top though because it's probably not a good time to shop when you are pregnant especially when I am thinking of wearing them post pregnancy. But I lurrvvvve the turquoise soo much!

But I did buy those irresistible turquoise tops and bottoms for Alisha! They are so pretty, I had a hard time choosing and deciding on which one. The Zara at Lane Crawford (is it still called Lane Crawford now?) had a wide collection of kids' clothes that I almost went berserk, and most of them were in turquoise and white!

If I had a baby room, I would probably decorate the whole room in turquoise and white too!!

And so I decided to change my blog layout. For now, Im shelving the black and grey and welcoming in the fresh white and blue! I would love to have turquoise on my blog but I can't really find a matching picture. Hmm, maybe I should have bought a turquoise top, just so I can take a pic and put it up as a banner in my blog. Hah. But that would be too much, wouldnt it?

I'm lurving the fresh look and the calming blue of my layout. But the downside is, everytime I look at it, I'm wishing I'm in Santorini all over again. I've asked my gynae if I could travel in June but she told me, most airlines won't probably let the big whale on board, for fear of drama and by June, I would have crossed that 34 weeks mark. So sad, that would mean, no travelling for us. :(

I probably won't be that big in June and I think I have not gained so much weight. Maybe no one would know I'm into my 3rd trimester and would just let me pass through? You think? There's always hope!

Anyway, have a great off in lieu today, for some of us! Back to work tomorrow! :)

Happy times

No one will love you more than I do.

Atok atok

While waiting for our turn to meet dr georgie. Can you tell that she spends a lot of time hanging out with her Atok?

2 more months to labour!!!! Omg the memories are now coming back and it doesn't matter that this the third; I'm feeling the jitters all the same!!!

Laundry Day

No one escapes housework..
Oh well, except for the pregnant lady of course!:)
Muahahaha!!!!

Oh but fret not, she sent her capable representative to help.
Rajin anak mak...sebiji macam MAK dia!

27 weeks

At 27 weeks! Not much weight gain this time round.
Hello final trimester next week!:)

A Walking Christmas tree

I almost fainted when she fetched me from school adorned in colorful accessories; neck, wrists and gasp* her ankles!!!
My daughter has turned into a Christmas tree. And I, as a parent can't do anything about it. Tsk

Life without a maid

We've just sent the maid back and I'm enjoying the freedom of not having another extra person in the house.
I don't know if we can survive not having a maid, with old folks at home and the 3rd one coming. Not sure too if it's a long term arrangement not to have a maid or just for the time being.
We'll decide soon enough. For now, I'm just taking a short break from all the drama of having a maid.

While I decide if I'm going to have another maid or not, I'm using the time to "upgrade" myself. I've been a lousy mummy, not cooking for my kids often enough and not doing my part to maintain the household. And so I've repented and started on a vow to get more involved. How long this vow will keep me motivated, I seriously do not know. I might just give up halfway.

So in a bid to "upgrade" myself, I've decided to enroll in a cooking class!

My cooking partner and I. This partner very enthu one! Everything oso want to do! Everything oso fun!

Our teacher! He almost killed himself in the process of teaching us!

I should not embarrass myself by telling you what we learnt that day. Let's just say you can find it in Sec 1 or 2 Home Econs textbook. Hah! We got to start somewhere right?!

The best thing about this teacher is, he's super patient and never once put us down for being so silly and  incompetent. And plus, he's not into details or not out to correct us every second or minute, which will definitely turn off beginners like us.

Someday I'll make you proud checher!  And when that day comes, I'll make all those who doubted me eat their words!! Muahhahhah!! (like real, don't know if next week, got cooking class or not)

Ok, im going to bed now. Really drained from 'sticking to the vow'. Turning over a new leaf is a lot of hard work, hor!

Wish me luck in this challenging process of "upgrading" myself. In the meantime, I'm catching some sleep now. Tomorrow is another day. Cannot slack! Gdnite!:)

Mommy.. I want to be a princess..

I wondered if I had wanted to be a princess too when I was her age. I doubt it. I had very little pictures of my childhood so it's hard to tell. From the little I had, there was nothing with me in a princessy ensemble.

I wish she wasn't so fascinated with princesses and everything pink. But she is. Right down to the fact that princesses have their handsome princes by their sides, always. She made irfan become the prince over and over again during their pretend play but all irfan wanted to be was the dolphin from the show, "Princess Island". He hated being prince but kena force by the princess and time and time again, had to give in and be the unwilling prince.

She always wants to be the princess. I suggested why not she becomes the dwarf; they are very cute too or the fairy god mother; they are kind and helpful but she protested with so much gusto, stomping her pretend heels, that with that kind of "spoilt" demeanor, she's probably on her way to becoming a princess after all.

I told her once that princesses don't need princes. Princesses can be independent, and can save themselves without the help of princes on horses. Princes are redundant in stories. All they ever do is dance, ride a horse and plant a few kisses here and there. Totally unimportant. She couldn't understand me.
Of course.

I guess she's just being a typical girl. She will outgrow this, I'm sure. Meanwhile, we'll take these moments and enjoy them to the fullest:) coz one day when she does meet her real prince, we know we'll wish she's this little again.

The toll on the aging body

Getting old. I could really feel the difference between my first pregnancy and my third. Now, my body is aching more, having a terrible backache right now especially when I'm lying down. In fact I feel better standing up and walking about but the moment I lie down, my back hurts. Tried different positions but the ache is still there.
Other than my lower backache, I'm feeling ok. I'm just so glad I'm in the afternoon session coz I can't ever imagine waking up early anymore.
Other than backache, trouble sleeping and waking up, I feel constant strain and muscle pulls around my bump. It can get pretty bad especially when I change position too quickly. I don't remember feeling so much discomfort when I was pregnant with irfan. Or maybe it's just selective memory.
The thing is, I've not even gained much weight and my bump is not even huge at the moment. So I really have no idea why I'm aching so much.
3 more months to go and entering the final semester soon. All the best for me!:)

A wedding

Been a while since I went to a wedding of a really close relative. 

And getting into something I could fit in was quite a problem but with a little bit of covered unzipped parts and loose top, I was comfortable on that day. And I don't look very heavy either, think form the pictures, no one could tell.

International Friendship Day 2012

My adorable kids!:)

And not forgetting these two:)

Irfan's first IFD in TKPS!

Alisha's first IFD in school! The cheongsam someone gave from some time back became very useful today. It fits her perfectly!

It's over!!!!!!!!

Woohoo!!! It's over!!! And life is back to normal. I'm out clean!

I'm dead beat. Totally drained. I came home today and took a nice long bath and it felt like heaven when I tucked into bed. Finally.

Time to fully focus on the tasks at hand this year. And it's already April.. Oh my.. Where did all the months go? In 3 months, inshallah I will pop! In just 3 months?! Am I really ready to be a mummy of 3?

Goodnight. I'm going to have a nice, long, peaceful sleep now. Till later:)

Pray and press on

Next week will be a series of big challenges for me at work. It will be my busiest period yet and I'm feeling the heat. Insyallah he will give me the strength, physically and mentally and let me stay calm and focused.

All I need to do now is ride over the wave. I'm looking forward to better days ahead. Pray that everything will go smoothly and my baby be safe despite the stressful period I'm going through now. After next week, I can safely say both my feet are out and I can finally say I've been set free from the past.

In the meantime, I shall persevere. It's all in the mind, all in the mind. Press on!

INSOMNIA!
Arghhhh!!!

I feel you, son

This is an overdue entry which I found in my draft and I'm publishing it now.

............………

When I was young, I was a pretty sore loser.

I just cannot accept losing in any game. I remembered playing chess with my older brother. I lost. I cried. In between tears, I demanded for a re-match and I lost again. I cried even louder and wailed that I wanted to play again. By then, I was tired, exhausted and in no mood to play but I was just very bad at losing. I won't be satisfied until I win.

Of course, my brother gave chance and let me win. He knew where it was going and more because he'd rather be doing something else then play chess with me for the upteenth time, knowing I can never actually beat him. So he let me win. Yes, just to shut me up.

Today , irfan lost a soccer game. Today, he had to learn to accept defeat, to feel the pain of losing in a real match, where all is fair and the best team wins.

I remembered how I hated defeat.
Suddenly I had no words for him.
My coping mechanism when I was young was to throw a tantrum
and demand a rematch.

Being a sore loser, I really feel for his lost. I don't want to say something cliche like ,"it's ok. Sometimes u win, sometimes u lose,"

It didn't help me when I was young and I doubt it'll make him feel any better.

And so I was lost for words. I'm not quite sure what to say. I just feel so sad and Kesian for him. I knew how much he wanted to win and I knew he must have given his best. He was raring to go and excited to play.

Aside from losing, he was also hit hard on his tummy by a fast ball. He was the goalkeeper for that match. It was a bad hit and he cried.

He reached home crying. He said his tummy hurts but I'm not so sure if it was because of the hit or the lost or both.

As though my loss of words wasnt bad enough, he made me even want to cry along with him when he said in a sad sad voice " what if my friends go home and tell their parents that I was lousy."

Alamak hearing that, I also wanted to cry. I wanted to walk over to the coach and demand a re-match! And while at it, why not I play sekali and try to help him win!

Tsk tsk. I never realized I could feel this way. If I could save my son from any disappointment, I would. If I could protect him from ever thinking he's lousy at anything, I would.

But the time has come when I can't do that anymore.

I don't know why im so drama. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe it is my pregnancy hormones. But I feel sooooo sad and kesian for him.

It's not that this is his first defeat, but I knew how much he wanted to win this game.

Oh my, being a mother is tough! You feel his disappointment and at the same time, u have to rise above it and make him feel better.

Did my mum feel this way too once? It's so difficult to find the right words to your child to make him feel better. Now I think I'm beginning to understand where my mums trademark phrases like, "ni semua bahagian bahagian orang," came from. She was probably merely trying to make me feel better, the best way she knew how! And there I was scoffing away, finding the phrase all too hilarious.

That's that for the rather emo entry. Of course, kids are more resilient than we think. They fall, get up and go. Just got to be there in case things get overboard. Otherwise, it's just part of growing up, I guess. I'm just overeacting. And I probably should get use to feeling this way coz I'm sure my kids will face more up and downs in their lives. N I'm sure I will feel for each and every up and down they go through.

That's part and parcel of motherhood, I suppose.

Update on the P1 boy

So term 2 has begun. And im happy to report that things are more settled with the P1 boy. I'm not a maniac anymore when it comes to spelling and homework.

My saviour was a simple solution. A timetable plastered on the fridge for him to follow was all it took for me to reduce my incessant nagging which I was also getting sick of.

All he had to do was check the clock and follow his timetable. Once in a while I still have to remind him of what needs to be done. But I hope to see less of my intervention next term. A step at a time:)

He doesn't cry anymore when he learns his spelling and my voice has not reached an alarming decibel. It has developed into a routine. Before he learns his spelling, he will ask me to test him to see which words he already knows and which he needs to learn. After which, he will write the words which he needs to learn 5 times. Then I will test him again. So most of the time he will be busy writing and learning on his own while I can shake leg or do my own stuff. He doesn't cry anymore if he gets the word wrong when I test him because by now he knows that getting it wrong only means he has to take more time to memorise the words and he will do better next time. Super improvement!

For me, it's not so much about getting full marks for spelling. My main concern is to get him to be serious and focused on tasks given to him.

Different kids are different. With him, it's quite a feat to get him to be more independent and to be disciplined in getting things done. He will only move when I ask him to. So Im slowly trying to put the responsibility on him. I'm still trying to get him to be more on task and to take the initiative to do things well, on his own accord.

If there's anything I've learnt from my teaching profession, it will be the realization that the correct attitude is key to everything. Sure, kids who are smart with poor attitude sometimes do well in exams, but doing well in exams does not decide your future.

The journey is long and anything can change between your PSLE results and your first job. And then from your first job to your mid adult life. So doing well in exams, while can be important, should not be the main consuming focus for a child.

To be disciplined and to have a driving force to give your best in everything are key two things. It doesn't come naturally to Irfan for now and so I have to play my part to help him develop these values.

I've not reached that stage yet. Im still trying. will work something out and update:)

Honestly, raising a child is a pretty fascinating experience for me. I complain but I love it to bits. It's like a lifelong project. I have no clue what I am doing but I learn along the way, experimenting with different strategies and observing the outcomes.

Someone experienced told me the other day that 2 crucial factors that can help a child develop the right attitude is having good role models and a parent's sincere doa for the child.

I think I might just agree with that. How about you?:)

Day 3 in school update

Day 3. And shes still very enthusiastic about school. Things looking good. Im glad! She came home singing and dancing, and pretending to be a teacher. Hopefully she continues to enjoy school.

PE day today, hence the PE attire and no tudung.....Abang dutifully sending his lil sister to sch everyday.

Baby girl goes to school.

My baby girl starts her first day of sch today.

She has been waiting for this day, very enthusiastic and looking forward to being with friends. I hope the sch meets her expectations because I do know she has this idea of sch as being a very fun place where kids read, write, draw, sing and dance.

Amidst my splitting headache, I sent her and took the van with her just for today. She was so confident of going on her own and insisted that she can go on her own with the driver and her friends. But I must say, I'm the one who was reluctant to let go.

Upon reaching, she waved me goodbye and like a seasoned preschooler, placed her shoes on the rack and followed the teacher. I soon realized I wasn't needed. I wished she had wanted me to stay but she didn't insist at all. She smiled at me and waved and soon turned her attention to her teachers and friends. No one would have known its her first day.

I lingered and saw her sitting with other kids listening to the teachers instructions. I took a peek again later and she was busy arranging her materials. I thought she looked sad but she told my mum( who dropped by and sat with her for a bit) she likes school. I suppose I was the one who was worried.

Im not sure how she is now. She will be back in an hours time and we will soon find out if she looks forward to school tomorrow or she wouldn't want to go back. I had an inkling that she wouldn't cry but she does have strong opinions. Not crying does not mean she likes what she was asked to do in sch. She's pretty good at showing a cool calm exterior in front of people, hiding her true feelings. But I will only know how she truly feels when she gets home later.

Can't wait for her to reach home and tell me all about school! I just hope she's not disappointed as to what the school has got to offer because she was very much looking forward to it.

Will update later!

I miss her:(

Tech talk

You know your kids are from a different era when you hear their conversation going something like this:

(irfan watching alvin and the chipmunks on alims phone and Alisha holding on to my phone at club med cherating recently. We were waiting to check in)

Alisha: I want to watch movie too! But I cannot go you tube!

Irfan: no wi-fi here.

Alisha: no wi-fi, how u go you tube?

Irfan: I already download the movie in the phone.

Alisha: you download at home?

Irfan ignored her and continued watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Alisha: ibu, can download movie for me when we go home?

Ibu:ok

Alisha: I'm playing Barney game now. No need wi-fi. But must wait. It's loading.

It's so easy for kids these days to make sense of words like wi-fi, download, loading... I don't think they know what the words really mean but they seem to know enough to use it properly and seem to grasp its functions without a need for a thorough explanation.

Curious to know, I act blur and ask them what these words mean. They answered in bits and pieces, totally disinterested in my questions and pretty much ignoring me most of the time. Basically here's what I could make out from whatever little they said, "wi-fi" is just something we need to get to you tube or Internet when we are out of the house, "download" means getting the movie or game from somewhere into the phone and "loading" is when u wait for the game or movie to start.

Hmm i must say that's as my much as I probably know too! Anyway, pics and stories of club med coming up soon! Before that I have a paper to set, lessons to plan and I promised the kids Disney on Ice tonight and Barney show tomorrow afternoon! I hv no idea how I'm going to complete so many things with just the weekend left. But of course, this is nothing new. Cramming everything to the very last minute and then complaining about the ton of work has been going on and on like a broken record, so I know I'll survive!

Till later, I'm taking a short nap while waiting for alim to come back from prayers. Yawwwnnnnn....

Meanwhile here's one pic of irfan I took from my phone ( hes in yellow, blue stripes) dancing away at club med. u should really see him go, I'm shocked too. we, the old foggies, could not even move a beat and just plonked ourselves on a comfy sofa, with nice, cool drinks, wondering if we had exposed our little 7 year old to too much fun for one night, an introduction to a lifestyle we will definitely disapprove off when he turns 17.

I would have preferred him dancing to Barney for the rest of his life, but that would be impossible (and weird) of course.

Alisha was a little overwhelmed but mostly, she was sleepy coz it was past her bedtime. She wasn't interested coz it wasn't Barney and she couldn't care less about whatever music that was playing.

Oh by the way, this isn't a bar or anything like that, heh, we can be rather irresponsible parents at times but this time, we didn't smuggle underaged kids to a room full of smoke n loud music. This is just an open area by the pool where they have different kind of activities after dinner every night. There were kids, adults and even nyonyas and apeks moving their bons bons away. And I was just a little surprised that irfan joined in too, with much enthusiasm no less.

Ok more later. Very sleepy!

Short break

Good morning!! It's the march holidays!! Enjoy!:)

Little ones

The little 'kakak' , (as she calls herself now and persistently reminds us to do the same), is pretty psyched about having a little one in the house.

So what has 'kakak' been up to of late? Everyday as I leave for work, she kisses my tummy and says, "Bye Bye adik, kakak is going to miss you!!!!' and plop a kiss on my tummy. The first thing she does when I get home is to kiss my tummy and scream with full dramatic effect, "Baby, you are home! kakak miss you!!"
I have no idea how she will react when the baby really does come out.

Irfan, on the other hand is concerned about anything that could possibly go wrong. He wants to know if I'm ok or if I have any bleeding. He also finds it amusing that he is going to be a big brother to two lil ones. When asked how he feels , he keeps shaking his head, saying, "how am I going to take care of 2 when I can't even handle one?!"
Cracks me up all the time!:)

And so Alisha accompanied me to my scan the other day as alim had to work late. She was wonderful company, stayed by my side and marveling over the screen as we saw the baby's heartbeat, little arms and legs and the lil squiggles which she and I tried to make out. She whispered in my ear what she thought each part was, much to the sonographers amusement too. She mistook the backbone for the baby's set of teeth, well it kinda look closest to a set of teeth! It was just amazing having her beside me, by the bed, holding my hand and looking over the screen with me. it's pretty hard to describe the feeling:) I don't think I can quite forget that day:)

And then came the big reveal. It was pretty obvious actually, I did spot a lil something sticking out quite starkly between the two tiny legs. Yes, it's a boy! Alisha didn't seem to mind at all, surprisingly. Maybe she knows that would mean she doesnt hv to share her title of being daddy's precious lil girl with anyone else.:)

After we left the scanning room, she said to me, "I love the baby boy." I hope she really does:) I'm not sure she knows what to expect having a baby boy or a baby girl in the house and I don't think she has a clue how she will actually feel when there is a younger sibling in the house.

We fetched irfan from sch after that and the moment he entered the car, he screamed, "so Is it a boy or a girl, ?!"
He was excited but said he had actually hoped it was a girl so that Alisha and the baby can play together. "but a boy is ok too! I can pass my toys to him." He said as an afterthought.

The kids are obviously excited which makes me excited too. Alhamdullilah, the detailed scan showed that everything is great so far. I'm praying for everything to be fine coz like I said before, perfection is indeed a miracle, HIS work. The best I can do is eat right and pray for the best.

Oh and guess who else are excited about the whole thing? My 8 year olds in class! They kept asking if I was pregnant and I finally told them just now. And boy were they excited!! They actually clapped their hands, wowed and wahhed and congratulated me! Haha. I was also bombarded with questions of course, "is it a boy or a girl?"what are u going to call him?""when is it coming out?""can u bring him to school one day?" One silly boy asked me," where is the baby now?" For my own amusement, I replied, " he's in the 'beFORE wORLD.'" He looked utterly confused! I chuckled to myself. Haha. Ok, ok, I will go through the meaning of 'pregnant' with him again on mon...obviously when i said I was pregnant, he didn't know what that meant.

and then, during my periods with them later on, I heard someone said, "shh don't make mdm noraini shout, she's pregnant, remember!" well of course they kept quiet but only for a few brief minutes, before they made me shout at them again. Oh well..at least they tried I guess...

Well kids' excitement can rub off on me, I suppose. I'm excited too now and hoping that everything will be fine,Insyallah.

Till later...

Don't ya ya papaya unless you are a real papaya? Are you?;)

Every time I divert, I am truly thankful to have at least one person in my life to resuscitate my senses without flaming me further.

I am truly thankful for him, for being so different from me. The roof of my house did not collapse because he always held things together. Because if it was left to me, everything would have crashed and burned.

He makes everything look so simple. While I...I struggle most of the time to contain my anger and frustrations. I always need an outlet to vent and each time, without fail, he is able to rephrase my thoughts into perspective, calmly, sincerely and full of patience and love.

My cynical mind and stubborn nature makes it very difficult for me to listen to advice most of the time. And yet with him, I have never said, "What do YOU know?!" Because, I know he does know everything that happens in the house but more importantly, he does exactly what he advises me to do. Effortlessly, all the time.

His advise is simple, "Just do your part to the best of your ability and never expect anyone to do theirs."
And I have to say, this is EXACTLY what he does, everyday for all the 8 years we have lived under the same roof. I have never once heard him say, "You should do this or that, or she should have done this or that, it's her job to.., the least she can do is.., how can she do that?! She should have..."
NEver. In fact, those are more of my words contaminating his brain most of the time.

In my stubborn moments, I ask,"Ya, but don't you feel anything? Frustrations, anger ..that you are treated unfairly or made to do things that you don't want to?"

And constantly, he has to remind me that sometimes we just have to put aside our feelings for the sake of important relationships. And family and especially parents are definitely relationships worth sacrificing our feelings for.

Let me tell you this....If it was just anyone saying this, the evil me would probably say, "Pooi, easy to say. You don't act ya ya papaya ahh..as if you so good!"

But with him, I really have no bullets to attack lohh, because, he really does put his feelings aside for the sake of my parents especially. Up to a point that I feel extremely bad and ashamed most of the time.

Time and time I forget what he tells me.
Or maybe I didn't. But it's just a feat too difficult for me.

So I am truly thankful, for the constant reminders from the person closest to me, who knows the climate of the house, who live my life, and yet have a perspective so different from mine. Who knows how I feel and help me not only through his words but his actions. Who always leaves me with no bullets to attack.

May HE gives us strength to be a better person. And to you, may HE grant you boundless patience.:)

Liberated

This week was a great week. I had an exciting time with the kids in class. Well I can't believe it myself but I'm actually looking forward to school and seeing my pupils daily. I didn't expect teaching lower primary to be so much fun, above all else.

This week my class made chocolate fruit rojak for our MLEA. It was not only delicious but we had a wonderful time doing it. The pupils were as excited as I was. This was my first experience and it's a stark contrast from teaching the upper pri.

We then wrote about the experience. It's a fantastic way to teach writing and I so believe in the approach; so meaningful and exciting!

Next week, we are doing the book ,"bubble trouble" and we are making soap bubbles!! Pupils are to shape the bubble blower using wires to any shape they desire. Then, we are going to go outside and blow bubbles. I am looking forward to that:)

I started the year with some apprehensions as I embarked on a couple of new experiences this year, but I am quite glad I've decided to teach p2. I've always believed that both learning and teaching should be fun and meaningful. This year, I finally see that a lot in my teaching.

And I love all the big books we are reading so far. The print, the story and especially the pupils' reactions. The other day, we read The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, one of my fav authors. The pupils loved it and I just could not wait to read it to them.

This year has been a blessing so far. It feels depressing to go through work daily forgetting the meaning and excitement of why you are in the profession in the first place. So this year, I feel liberated from so many things which I was forcing myself to do for the past years.

Its super great to see meaning behind my every actions, to be able to do things which I totally believe in and have strong feelings for:) THAT was what was largely missing for the past years.

So this is what I've learnt:
1) change is a wonderful thing
2) if you think you need change, u definitely need change, pronto!
3) doing what you believe in and have strong feelings for, makes you more hardworking and ALIVE.

Sure, at the end of the day I am still like a dead duck, exhausted like I've just survived a battle. I go home and end up in screensaver mode for a couple of hours.

But a brand new day begins, and I d be looking forward planning all the resources I am going to need for my lessons. I'm even thinking of buying my own lamination machine to laminate all the vocabulary word cards and class decorations. Alim said I'm crazy. Oh and speaking of class deco, my class theme this year is "Theme Park" suggested by one of my pupils and I'm already thinking of so many ways to decorate the class! My group names are Water Slide, Spinning Cups, Battlestar, Galactica and of course, Roller Coaster. These kids are so creative and easily excited. It's definitely rubbing off on me, I think.

So till next time...have a great week ahead, everyone!!!:)

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I wish you never left preschool

Irfan entered primary school this year and that changed my life. I know that sounds a tad too dramatic but it's true.

Let me start with spelling. How hard can spelling be right? Wrong.

I said this to him today as we were walking hand in hand, home from the carpark, " I'm tired of scolding you when we learn spelling."

To which, he replied innocently. "I know. I'm tired of crying when we learn spelling."

I almost lol at that. I guess we've both established the fact that non of us enjoy spelling. At least we could agree to that!

Sure, he got a perfect score for all his spelling so far, but that didn't happen without sheer hard work, tears and scolding.

It's not that he takes a long time to remember. In fact he's pretty quick at memorizing but what irks me is I have to constantly remind him to take out his spelling list, divert his attention from distractions, get him to stay focused, sit down and concentrate.

I don't like the fact that I have to remind him to learn his spelling and nag at him to memorize again when he gets things wrong. This plus the million work stuff I hv to do just makes me super short-fused.

I wonder when will he be disciplined enough to learn spelling on his own. And I can just shake leg like when he was in preschool.

Next up, packing of bags. Today he forgot 3 things which should be brought to sch. Why? Because I wasn't home to remind him as I had to go work early. Honestly, I'm quite tired of reminding him to do this and that, just hearing myself nag makes me sick to my stomach. Last year, I could have spent all these moments playing with him but now, every contact I have with him is mostly school related. I hate that! I miss those "care free" days.

Ok end of complain. I told myself I'm going to try out some strategies to teach him a certain sense of responsibility and self-discipline. It's not easy but if I start now hopefully when he gets to upper pri and his exams start coming, I won't have to nag him to study. Ada hope tak?

So any idea what's the magic formula?

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Can you tell the colour of my heart?

Keeping this lil black heart shiny and dandy has been no easy feat. I've been polishing, although I know u won't believe so.

BUT I'm sure it's not shiny enough for you yet because you are still trying to shove that cleaning rag down my throat, hoping it will reach straight to my heart.

I'm trying not to gag. I'm trying to breathe so that I can get some oxygen and think with a clear head.

But i have this to say. I think I'm giving up now. I am sorry.

I'm really very very very tired from all that polishing.

But what's more tiring is living with the fact that you think I have a heart as black as coal.

To you, I always fall short.

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The first week of school was tiring but exciting!! It's amazing how just doing something different can uplift your level of enthusiasm. It was like a breath of fresh air, seated at a new, extremely clean n tidy table, surrounded by a group of colleagues that shares, gossips and JOKEs! I'm relieved to be out from the sterile environment. Well maybe it wasn't that bad to begin with, but getting to mingle with a different group of people is indeed a welcoming change.

The highlight though, will be starting the year with a whole load of planning, monitoring of dept stuff totally off my chest! I didn't have to start the year, making sure plans are in store. Cracking my brains on how to mobilize my dept. Last year, i knew i was at the deep end, when i realized i wasnt cracking my brains anymore. I was merely going through the motion and i knew that it wasn't a good sign.

I used the time i have now to put a lot of thought into my lessons. Getting to know the 8 year olds were nerve wrecking for me, believe it or not but honestly, there are just too cute to be badly scolded. Each pupil is unique and with a class of only thirty lil people, I plan to get to know them inside out by the end of the year.:) I felt like a beginning teacher, relearning everything again, all excited abt a new beginning.

And then, there's that lil student I call my son. He said the first week has been great for him. Everytime he spots me, he will give me a smile and a lil wave. At first, I used to glare at him but after a while I figured, he will get sick of it at his own accord. No kid can be too happy that his mum is in the same sch for too long, right?!:) He's just excited to be in the same school as me- for now at least.

But honestly, it's not too bad being able to see your son in school, catch glimpses of him eating, playing or just interacting with his peers. But the best thing for me is being able to share the same experiences with him. In a way I'm getting to know my
son better.

And being in the afternoon session also means I get to spend a good amount of time with Alisha n irfan in the morning, at the start of the day when I'm
fresh and energetic.:)

So all in all, things have been great. Looking forward to another day:)




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The teacher and her son-student

Tomorrow, I will start school. In the afternoon session. I seriously don't know what to expect. I am still not asleep yet so I suppose being in the afternoon session is a good thing? I sure hope so.

Downside; there will be no afternoon dates or movie with alim. I will see him at 7 in the morning and then 7 in the evening:( it might be common to most but it will be completely new for us and just the thought if it makes me sad.:(:( boo hoo.

Tomorrow, the boy sleeping in my bed now will be a student in my school. I wonder how that will work out? How does it feel to bring a student home, u think? Honestly, I'm still in two minds abt the idea but a decision has been made and we'll just see if I can be professional abt it. During recess later, will I help my students or my son? Hmm dilemma dilemma.. But I've told irfan, Alim and myself that I will not be his mummy at all when I am in school, which means as much as I want to stand there and take a picture of my firstborn buying food or lining up, I will not.
In school, I shall be a teacher to my students, u think can? Haiz, maybe it's just me, complicating things. But seriously, I shouldn't even take one single photo of my son on his first day of school, u think? Oklah will try to do it discreetly if possible. Of course, the idea of asking him to pose will be out and I definitely can't get him to pose with me and get someone else to take for us!! Haha! That one dah melampau kan! Haiz so tempting.

Alamak, seriously i dunno how to play dual role at the moment. As you can see I'm an excited mummy of a P1 boy but still must maintain cool coz I'm also a teacher in the sch! Haiya!

Hoping for the best! Wish us luck!

Goodnite!!!!:)


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Poor lil girl

Poor girl, been sick for three days. It all started out with endless vomitting, more than 10 times at least. Must be so painful on the gut. It was horrible and painful to even watch.

The next day, fever struck and she has been soo weak eversince. Have not seen her so sickly before.

Fortunately the vomitting has stopped completely and the fever has subsided but she is just so weak.

She started out the day with so much zest today with a "hello eveybody!!!" but barely 20 minutes later, she's slumped on the sofa just looking at irfan and qistina (she's sleeping over) play. If she's standing, she needs to lean. She's constantly in and out of sleep. She wants to join them but always ends up seated looking at them or resting her head on the table. She said she's very tired and we can definitely tell from her eyes.

Today, she spent most of the day sleeping. During her waking hours, her eyes were glazed and sleepy. I worry that she is dehydrated coz she is so lethargic n not eating. But her nappy was quite wet ( we got her to wear diapers again coz she's always in and out of slumber) And we fed her ice and glucose. She did manage to drink about a 180 mls of milk today. Not much but progressing.

Hope she gets better soon and starts playing. I know she wants to badly but her body is just not up to it yet. The doctor said she has stomach flu, I suppose it's a pretty nasty one.

Get well soon, lil girl. We miss u lots!


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