My father

My Father

During our usual maghrib prayers two days ago, as i was standing behind my dad, doing solat jemaah, it suddely dawned on me, how much my beloved dad has aged. I used to look up when i speak to him and somehow, i always have this memory of him as being very tall and much bigger than me. But today as i stood behind him, i realized he is not very much taller, or bigger. His skin has sallowed and as i kissed his hand, i feel his skin as wrinkled as a prune. His gait has becomed slower and more hunched. His head is now full of white hair, along with it, comes a certain kind of mellowness, peace and wisdom about him.

When i was very little, i remember my dad as a very fierce man. He would just need to glare at us, and we are ready to hide in the toilet, sobbing for hours. I remember peering into his room, when my older brothers were punished for doing something wrong. He would sit on the bed with his cane on the right, whilst the accused would sit shaking with fear on the floor below him. The most dreaded scolding will begin followed by the even dreaded swings of the cane. I remember too being repeatedly caned by a metal hanger for being rude. I remember sobbing loudly for his forgiveness. This was my father many, many years back.

As I grew older, i can see he has mellowed so much. Being the youngest, I got away with more things as compared to my sis and brothers. When i reach the age of adolescence and rebellion, my dad has lost much of his strength and energy.

Now, he is 66. He reminds me of my late grandfather. It's strange what age does to people. There's no need to speak so much now, maybe cause everything has been said. He finds great pleasure in his grandchildren and live life simple. There's a certain calmness and satisfaction in him that i can't really describe.

Although its not in our family to express affection openly, we seldom hug, much less kiss, I hope he knows and sees how much he means to me.

I finally see now.
What he used to be, has made me what I am now.
Most if not all of his thoughts, are now, actually mine.
And I thank him for that.